driven by the wrong mentality .

i dreamt of him . again. twice, this morning. God.

the first one, he was chasing me on his bike. i think he and asleah were in cahoots, i was walking with her before tht and when i started running away, she had tried to stop me as well.

i was screaming to her, "aku tanak tengok muka dia!" repeatedly, over and over again. she was screaming smth as well, and so was he. i cant rmb what she screamed, but he, he was saying smth like stop, i just want to talk to you!

in the end they had me cornered. he appeared right in front of me, and in reaction i had looked away as fast as i could so as not to meet eyes with him.

i was still screaming, and then asleah, who was behind me, was saying smth which i dont rmb, smth abt telling me to chill.

he grabbed me by my shoulders, and i just screamed all the louder. he kept saying smth, smth abt wanting to check my gastric flu.

"i just want to see how's your gastric!" smth like tht.

his voice was raising and raising, cause i still couldnt stop screaming. he shook my shoulders, and, at one point, when i was suddenly quiet, he had me lied down on this wall.

i was crying, tears were silently gg down the side of my face. he, the love of my life, he placed a hand on my tummy, just like he always used to. he asked me smth like, "is it painful?" i had nodded.

asleah was there, looking at me. next to this wall was a sorta like mirror, and i saw what i was wearing. was wearing my light blue pair of skinnies, with a pair of shoelaces as belt. i saw tht i was wearing my red specs. the Wrister girl.

when i woke up, the first thing i had thought of was the belt, believe it or not. the pair of skinnies which i was wearing, they were my most comfy pair, always had no need for a belt cause they were just right.

but i needed smth to hold them up in tht dream. i guess my dream self must have lost a lot of weight.

and the next thing i thought of was the love of my life.

the other time, i was nearly gg to blackout by the roadside cause of the gastric pain. the doc had told me to avoid milk, but tht day, i stubbornly drank milk tea on one of my stress walks.

there was tht one moment when it felt like someone had kicked me in my stomach, and i couldnt walk anymore. i didnt know who to text to come help me. i happened to be somewhere near his house, and i had texted him.

i told him my gastric area was very painful and i couldnt walk, and i told him where i was. the fool tht i was, i believed he would come. i didnt text anyone else. i just waited for him to appear.

he didnt, of course.

aft i woke up from tht dream, i texted syazie and nic abt it. then i fell back asleep. and guess what, i dreamt of him again .

we were lying down next to each other. staring to the top. at some points it was my living room ceiling, at other times it was the night sky.

like, it would be the ceiling, and then i'd look at his face next to me, and when i look up again it'll be the sky.

i dont rmb much from this dream actually. just tht, we were talking. and there was a notebook. we were taking turns writing in it. and then at one point he had gotten irritated at smth i wrote, just before he gave a sweet little laugh.

i rmb his face when he laughed.

and tht's all for the second D-cube dream.

as for the first, there were actually many other events. well, i should share with you guys, cause they're pretty interesting as well.

i was at an ITE. i heard tht they were running out of students or smth, cause nobody wanted to join ite, smth like tht?

i was roaming around the buildings, and at every level i had written a step to loving art. i rmb, at first floor, i wrote interest. second level, i wrote *snaps fingers* oh yeah, ability. and then i dont rmb.

i wrote those words, big and red, on the walls of every level. o wait, i didnt make it past the third. you see, to write the words, or more like paint, i had to stand on these two poles, where i had balanced a book as a base. if you get what i mean.

i was like painting on the third level, when the book twisted round, making it balanced only on one pole. i was like shit, i remember saying to myself, "oh God, this is the wrong time to be nadhie. wrong time to be nadhie."

i tried to twist the book back around, repeatedly muttering "wrong time to be nadhie, wrong time to be nadhie" . i failed, i lost my footing entirely, and then, i dont rmb what next.

i woke up next to mrs sherri i think. she was having her lesson, and i was waking up at a desk. there was a piece of paper under my cheek, and when i opened it up, it was a sorta like document.

there was smth like, "permission to discharge your student." and there was another handwriting on the form which had scribbled "contact lens", and a few other numbers.

i looked at mrs sherri. she had a really tired look on her face.

a crow came in and went to a desk, picking up a pencil case and starting to fly away again. the whole class started screaming shushan's name, and i saw her rushing to the crow and snatching back her pencil case.

she laughed, and the whole class did as well. someone yelled out, "why the heck does tht always happen to you?!"

another part, i was walking this lane. with my mother. she was telling me smth abt a 15-hour harry potter marathon. she said smth like, "those kind of marathons can really make the dogs of pregnant women die."

she went to the toilet, and i waited outside. we were in a sorta like shopping mall, and i saw a lot of pots and pans. saw my reflection, and i was wearing my white specs. E'indah .

aft tht, tht was when the D-cube part happened.

if you think abt the first one, the whole dream kind of referred to all three girls in my life: me, and the two other creations. and there were many mirror reflections. i think i know what it's tryna say .

as for the gastric part, and the D-cube. idk . but it gives me hope.

and as usual, i am driven by the wrong mentality.
believing so hard tht he's gonna come back.