my last July day.

when you've always been in the darkness, smile once the light shines on you.

was made to write a 750-word essay on the importance of coming to school and detention outside the office today.

wrote an O level standard with a little mix of Solitary Author. wish i could show it to you guys so you would know the importance of school, too!

so who happened to be on suspension as well was none other than Had Rafael. i'd seen him a couple of times during the start of the year; i never really liked the way he looked and acted.

but hey, he was really nice. easy to talk to! within an hour or so, i was already conversing openly with him and not giving one-word answers like i was before.

talked about the randomest of things, til Mr Syafie called for him to sit at the desks [we were on the floor]. so i took a nap.

woke up to totally numb legs so decided to go for a little walk along the corridor and that was when Raf passed me this, suddenly.

i find that funny. but man. "lonely girl"..?

decided to sit at the desks as well cause sitting outside the office doors was tough; it was really chilly! i find it ironic, because i happened to be sitting beneath the fire extinguisher.

so Raf and i continued talking about more of the least important things in our lives til Mr Syafie came out and collected my essay after scolding me for being there. and then he told me to go back to class.

had managed to smuggle my entire backpack into the library today. i dont know why i'm announcing this to you with pride, really.

and then there was triple free period right after lunch before we headed off to assembly. i loved that vid! was keeping a straight face throughout but i had to surrender.

had wanted to go on a photography escapade today with Sya-zam but he was still sick and i was tired anyway, so we didn't. i just hope the scene at the bus stop i told him about wouldn't disappear. it's really a beautiful thing.

hmmm. so it's the last day of the month, i see? have you read this post before? regarding first day of the month stuff. yeah.

that will be it for now. hopefully i would be able to blog something intelligent soon.

webcamwhore.

i have been getting jakon with the webcam once again.

sorry Axes, for the much unneeded overdose. but it was really addictive!!! *sheepish grin*

so yeah, hey. today, i had stayed awake during all lessons! except for the last two free periods which was PC/CME. [i dont like to call it Crest Time] and then we had Chemistry remedial which i hadnt tried to escape from. fowoo!, you must be damn proud of me.

as for tomorrow, i think i would be going to meet up with Syamirul. for his photography assignment. just to accompany him and see how he takes pics, stuff like that. maybe. i'll have to see my energy level.

i havent much to say right now. Natalee is having her Prelim exams, as well as the 4NA/NT students, and it seems like Haikal dood is having his, too. well all the best to all of them. and everyone who's doing their national exams in time to come. rah.

i've been reading back my diaries, comparing those from late 2011 to the most current ones, and i must say; my diary-writing matured a lot in such a short time.

once again i ponder: will there be someone who's privileged enough to be able to read all my diaries? will i be blessed enough to meet someone who's willing to read all my thoughts and past?

____

you treated him like dirt. i regarded him as my world. 

you hadn't need to snatch him from my hands just to toss him back on the floor, they were already weak when they finally managed to grab hold of him. 

now that he's gone, i'm crumbling like hell while you've already gotten yourself a new man. 

i don't get you. i wish we could have a heart to heart talk someday. 

but nah. 

all the best for your prelims and N levels. 

____

ailurophiles. [or maybe just cat-lovers.]

i like people who talk to cats.

and yes, i do so too. all the time. my little brother is embarrassed by this. each time we see a stray cat, i would say things like, "hello! hey why are you here? alone ah? keciannye... kay lah, bye!" and he would mutter under his breath, "stop talking to the cat!"

my aunt talks to her cats. so do my grandmother and uncles. i love the way my Pak Long talks so gently to the cats in secret when he's always easily losing his temper at us humans!

today i saw the auntie at the coffeeshop cleaning the tables, with the fat orange kitty staring up at her from a distance. the auntie saw, and she called out to the kitty, "hello, cat! what's the matter??? have you not eaten?" [in chinese] it was too adorable, i had to smile.

cats do understand us when we talk to them. it's just that they don't bother to respond. cats' ears are powerful, so if a cat is not looking at you when you call, it just means that it's ignoring you.

and it's true: a cat knows how you feel. it just doesn't care.

there was this once, when i was walking past the newsstand at EM in the morning. Kuskus and the black kitty came running out of there with really scared faces, and the newsstand lady calling out to them, laughing, "hey, cat! come back here, cat!" and they really did [reluctantly though].

i guess it's trust?

in any case, i really do love the very few people who talk to cats. who confide in them. it's just beautiful.

purr and the world purrs with you. hiss and you hiss alone. 
____

and this is beautiful too. i saw it on 9gag. i think it means that every little thing in your life has its good side to it. if you're blind, at least you are alive. and then it also shows how you can have everything when you have nothing, that's how she can conjure up a whole world in her darkness.

in my humble opinion anyway.

the crazier the dream, the more real its meaning.

i'd gone to Tampines yesterday, T1 and TM. i ended up getting myself a few skirts at Cotton On; they were going for 2 for $30 (;

and damn! i'd gotten the wrong size earsticks. guess i'll have to make another trip soon.

so Urban Write is having a scrapbook promotion, where there are discounts given to the scrapbook paper and all those materials. it makes me wanna try scrapbooking! but what do i put in?

anyway, i might want to get more clothings soon. before the skirts yesterday, the last time i bought a tee or something was... i can't even remember! have always been spending my moolah on notebooks, stationery and food.

well now that it's the fasting month, i'd been able to save lots of money, which is why i dared go on a shopping spree yesterday.

plus, i'd been studying the whole of yesterday morning so i felt like it was a somewhat reward for myself. [though i don't think i really deserved that]

and as for today, i am going out with my parents and lil bro. i know i just recently made them mad, but, well, air dicencang tiada diputus, right?

and i'd dreamt of the blue tadpole again. hehe.

that was after i got up for sahur. before, which was before 4 am, i had a stranger one; i was on a computer chair, you know the office type with wheels, in the middle of a multi-storey carpark spinning myself round and around on it.

i was crazy! and to make it more insane, i was screaming out Payphone while i spun round and round.

and yes, it was crazy!, but i do believe there is a hidden meaning, maybe more than one, in it. i'll figure it out.

you're the one who's left behind.

have you noticed how the people who caused the problem wouldnt be the one to solve it? like how the firemen have to put out the fire that you caused.

like how the person who broke your heart wouldnt be the one to help you through the rough after-effects.

like how you're the one who caused your mom's migraine but she's giving you the cold shoulder so she asks your brother to massage her head instead.

done.

my only motivation.

like how everything beautiful has a sadist side to it, every sadism has a beauty to it.

just like how Anne Frank (put aside the fraudulence) lived in such beauty in the annexe despite the violence going on outside and around her.

in the midst of this nightmare, i see a beautiful dream whereby i walk along the halls of Singapore Poly, fringe up and surrounded by wonderful new friends.

i see the younger twin asking around, a year from now, asking of my whereabouts. i see that look of remorse and pride on his face when someone tells him, "Creative Writing in TV and New Media at SP."

i believe that this is the only thing which might be able to push me to study hard.

truth is, there is something else that i'd rather push me, but i should believe otherwise.

Voyages Extraordinaires.

been getting fascinated with Jules Verne.

if you don't know him, here's a modern reference: Journey to the Center of the Earth, the movie that was released in 2008.

that movie directed by Eric Brevig is not a direct adaptation of the book by Jules Verne; it's like a sort of 'sequel'. the main character, Trevor is given a box of his missing brother's stuff when his sister-in-law and nephew came over, one of them the book The Journey to the Center by Verne.

he opens the book and sees some notes in there before he believes that his brother was a Vernian; people who believe reality in Verne's writings.

so Trevor's nephew Sean was supposed to stay over at his house, and they ended up going to find their brother/father, by making their way to a crater that is believed to bring them to the core of the Earth.

that's the movie. i've got hold of the book by Jules Verne, and i emphasise that the classic by Verne has got nothing to do with the movie aside the feature of the book in it.

Verne never regarded his writings as science-fiction although his books seem to be under that genre. he wrote many books about journeys and all that, a collection called Extraordinaires Voyages, something like that, or Extraordinary Journeys.

there was Twenty Thousand Leagues Under The Sea, The Mysterious Island, Around the World in Eighty Days, just to name a few of his other works.

he had a fascination with ships since young. he went to study law or something, like his father, although his interests were in writing. he's written plays too!, and although he was French (born in Nantes), none of his protagonists were ever French.

Jules Gabriel Verne, 1828-1905.

sorry, just a few of the facts i read about him. all these are from memory so i can't really put in much. there was an introduction that shares his story and stuff like that. 


yeah, that's all i have to say now. don't really feel like talking about my life here anymore, for now anyway. i will be back regarding that shit soon. 

if i were a cat...

if i were a cat, i would have shiny black fur.
no need to worry about not having nice hair like her.
if i were a cat, i would have eyes as red as strawberries.
no need to worry about contact lens in the mornings.

if i were a cat, i would think of only food.
no need to worry if i was bad or good.
if i were a cat, i would stretch my paws.
no need to worry about my flaws.

if i were a cat, i would chase after the birds.
no need to worry about getting hurt.
if i were a cat, i would hunt for mice.
no need to worry about the house's shortage of rice.

if i were a cat, i would keep happily meowing.
no need to worry about being attention-seeking.
if i were a cat, i would grin at the leashed dogs.
no need to worry about what not to expose on my blog.

if i were a cat, i would all day munch on fish.
no need to worry about a shooting star wish.
if i were a cat, i would hide from the chaos all around.
no need to worry about never being found.

if i were a cat, i would walk with my tail held high.
no need to worry about having lost the love of my life. 
if i were a cat, i would be o so proud of being me.
no need to worry about being victim of abuse and society.

____

(c) Solitary Author @ 109blackaxes.blogspot.com

hari ini aku buka seorang...

am using nazriq's lappy now. chey cool sey. really! a little too wiry though.

just a quick update. am going to Tampines now, to take my many tasks at hand. books, ear sticks, pens.

and great!, am gonna be breaking fast alone today. simply because my brothers dont want to do so with me. simple, yet extreme.

okay. will linger around the house now before gathering the energy to leave for Tamp.

Terrified - Story of the Year

beautiful music, beautiful video, beautiful story, beautiful lyrics. a beautiful song.

again.

i had these wonderful best friends
whom i left, whom i left.
because i had this amazing boyfriend
who left, who left.

i had all the motivation
to study, to study.
now my only solution
is to sleep at every opportunity.

with neither wind nor rain
i cry, i cry.
ah, here i go again
blurry eyes, blurry eyes.

for the cause of this plight
he is named, he is named. 
for the whole miserable life
God is blamed, God is blamed.

forever hoping to be brought away
far from here, far from here.
the end of every sorrowful day
is far from near, far from near.

my brain said i was over him
it lied, it lied.
my heart kept yearning for him
so it died, so it died.

and it brought me with it.
again.
til the next time we meet.
again.

VIBRAVA!

got called out by none other than Mr Syafie after morning assembly, and he told me a few things that sort of made my eyes tear. the rest of the day, i was really sad, and by the time it was the second last period, another piece of shit hit me suddenly, and BAM. tears.

on the way back to my house i caught sight of this orange spotted tiger moth crawling across the floor. it somehow looked injured because it seemed to have difficulties flying. i got afraid if it would get stepped on so without thinking twice i brought it with me.

he's beautiful! but he was really unable to fly. his wings would vibrate likea Vibrava [Flygon's pre-evolution form, if you would] but he wouldn't be able to take off.

Syazana came along and we decided to watch Aku Tak Bodoh. [a Malay adaptation of Jack Neo's I Not Stupid] i like the "Telur busuk!" part!

she went off halfway so i continued watching on my own, but i just had to stop watching too because i couldn't stand what came after the scene where Sudin's father saw him being beaten up by the guys who chased after him and Roy for robbing the old lady.

the lovely childhood buddy.

o, what? the fate of that little tiger moth? well... do you want the good news or the bad news first? ok, good news, the vibrava was able to fly after fluttering his wings non-stop. bad news, just a few centimetres of flying and he dropped again.

what's worse was the fact that he dropped in the pile of curtains that had been tossed aside for washing. so i couldn't search for him; it would be like searching for a needle in a haystack. so i got sad again. he's probably dead by now.

man. i miss Pokemon. have i told you i love the Hoenn region the most? yeah, i love the Hoenn region the most. and, this critter's evolved form [Flygon] was one of my favourite Pokemons, one of the 6 that i would always bring around with me.

look at that mysterious wart on my chin. 

i've got three nasty pimples around my mouth, two above and one below. they're so frustrating! they're painful and that's what saddens me.

you know how ants "greet" each other when they cross paths? no matter how many times they walk toward each other, or no matter who the ant is. shouldn't humans be more like that?

the faithful horse.

once upon a time there was this little girl who pretended to be a princess by kidnapping the real princess and stealing her identity to take her place.

the king knew there was an imposter among them, and so he asked, " if there ever be one among us, in what way shall we punish an imposter, dear princess?"

the girl answered, "we shall roll her around in a barrel full of nails!", so the king replied, "and that shall be your very fate, you imposter!"

and so it was.

____

a hunter is out on his horse when he bumped into a firebird feather, so he picked it up and said to his horse, "i shall bring this to the king so he would give me a handsome reward in return!"

the horse replied, "don't do that sire, for you would bring nothing but trouble upon yourself." but the hunter didn't heed its words, and went ahead to the castle where the king lived.

"what a beautiful firebird feather!" the king exclaimed. "if you can bring me its feather, you should be able to bring me the actual bird. bring me the actual bird!, and i will reward you. if not, my sword will cut off your head."

the hunter told the horse this mission of his, to which it answered, "i told you there would be trouble if you took that feather to the castle. well, hop on me now sire, and i will bring you to capture the firebird."

the horse and the hunter managed to capture the firebird through a series of clever traps, and proceeded to bring it to the castle.

"what a beautiful firebird!" the king exclaimed. "if you can bring me the firebird, you should be able to bring me a beautiful princess to take care of it. bring me the princess!, and i will reward you. if not, my sword will cut off your head."

the hunter told the horse this next mission of his, to which it answered, "i told you there would be trouble if you took that feather to the castle. well, hope on me now sire, and i will bring you to capture the princess."

the horse and the hunter travelled many countries to where the princess was swimming, and managed to put her into slumber through a few rounds of drinks before travelling through countries back to the castle.

"what a beautiful princess!" the king exclaimed. "you shall marry me!"

the princess scowled and said, "i will not marry you unless i have my dress, which is buried under a rock many countries away!"

the king turned to the hunter and said, "if you can bring me the princess, you can bring me her dress. bring me her dress!, and i will reward you. if not, my sword will cut off your head."

the hunter told the horse this next mission of his, to which it answered, "i told you there would be trouble if you took that feather to the castle. well hop on me now sire, and i will bring you to retrieve the dress."

the horse and the hunter travelled many countries back to where they had taken the princess from, and searched for the rock in which her dress was buried under. when they retrieved it, they travelled many countries back to the castle.

"you have your dress, now marry me!" the king exclaimed to the princess. the princess was unhappy at her fate, and she blamed the hunter for having brought her there. "i want this hunter to be thrown into a pot of boiling water!" she exclaimed.

the king commanded to his men, "prepare a pot of boiling water, and i want the hunter to be thrown in! if not, my sword will cut off his head."

sad, the hunter knew he was unable to do anything. he requested for the king to allow him to speak with his horse first.

the hunter told his horse of his fate, to which it answered, "i told you there would be trouble if you took that feather to the castle. well there is nothing else for you to do sire, but jump into that pot."

before the men proceeded to throw the hunter in, he said, "no. allow me to jump in on my own!" to which he did.

but nothing happened. he didn't die. instead, he came out looking a lot more handsome and stronger than before.

the king exclaimed, "o! if that is what the pot of boiling water does to you, i shall jump in as well!" so he did.

but he didn't become any handsome or stronger. instead, he got boiled to death.

and so the hunter was made the new king, and he married the princess, and they lived happily ever after with the faithful horse in tow.

____

this second story had been taken from A Waste Of Good Paper. i thought it was really good. as for the shorter story at the top there, from what i understand it's a grimm version of a fairytale? somewhat like that?

well then. there is school tomorrow. hohum.

New York, 1925; a traffic policeman stopped traffic just so a mother cat could safely get her kittens across the busy road.

lethargy.

R A H ! i am tired. exhausted. lethargic. beyond lethargic!

o well. patience, right?

had been thinking of making a trip to T1 today, to get some stuff from Urban Write or Smiggle. but i changed my mind because as you can tell, i am very tired. and i hadn't done much for the day, too!

i cleaned out the fridge earlier, and i found lots of unidentified stuff which descriptions you wouldn't want to know. hoo! the inside of the fridge looks a lot better now.

okay. i'm seriously very tired. then again who isn't? i know you are, too, for your very own reasons if not because you are fasting.

i don't mind the heat. the sun shines on me but it's my tiredness that's eating into me. gah.

will blog again later tonight, most probably around 11.

dreams. [those of the night]

i am still up and awake, as you can see.

am doing a little bit of geography, and was doing a good job but now i'm stuck at the much-dreaded 8m question. what are the advantages of controlled logging? in what way is this method sustainable? anybody?

o! i have remembered last night's dream. there was a huge library! and i got locked in overnight. isn't that wonderful? bliss!

it somehow reminds me of a dream i had once, many years ago. i was in a huge bookstore, [a bookstore, not a library. don't ask me how but i can tell the difference easily, somehow] with this really sullen face.

along came a butterfly, and that was when i had this wide grin on my face. i started chasing it throughout the bookstore, the grin insistent on my once-broody face.

that was one of my favourite dreams, really. i can never forget that one, although i still haven't figured out its meaning.

another one of my favourite dreams was the one on a train station platform. an MRT station, if you would; one of the underground stations. but which exact station i could never remember.

in this dream, i was seated, watching the trains come and go, the people board and alight. i was probably waiting for someone or something, but whoever or whatever it was didn't come or happen.

i had this dream many years ago.

a memory from late 2011; had sat at Pasir Ris' MRT station for hours, waiting for none other than zee MKI once. it wasn't an appointment, nothing of the sort. i knew he wouldn't be coming but i still sat there awaiting the dude's appearance.

i'd had many strange dreams all my life. all written down on the morning i awaken from them. call me crazy, but each time i read back those entries many years later, i would currently be in a similar predicament of that in the dream, if you get what i mean.

yupp. call me crazy. insane, if you would. but this insanity is what keeps me sane.

i told you, i have my own beliefs.

the day's littlest things.

two years ago, someone told me, that the first buka should always be in the company of your family.

from the diary of August, 2010.

he smiled as he told me how his parents always made the effort to be home on time just for that. how i envied him then, i remember.

this year, although my father was absent due to work, i managed to eat together at the dining table with the whole family; my mother and both my brothers. Alhamdullilah. (;

although what i'd heard last night in the kitchen still swirls around in my head. 

_____

this morning, someone texted me saying i'm beautiful. it's been a while since i'd been reminded of that. we all know how beautiful we are as an individual, whether you are a girl or a boy. we just need someone to remind us every once in a while, right?

and then i learnt a few more cat sayings, too! these are my favourites:

rats don't dance in a cat's doorway don't push your luck. 
putting the cat among the pigeons to stir trouble.
a burnt cat will be scared of even a cold stove somewhat the same as once bitten, twice shy.

i feel a little unwell yet again. i guess i won't have anything else to share with you guys tonight.

goudennate.

wardrobe story #1. [the dress]

she would like to dress herself up and be called beautiful; but to her it is an impossible feat that she can just smile at when dreaming about.

the cat is out of the bag... literally.

the harder you run, the harder it is to catch. it's none other than your breath, of course.

 i've no idea why, but i find this somehow linked to the story of the goose that laid golden eggs. have you heard that one?

a farmer had this ordinary goose that unusually laid eggs that are golden. each time it laid, the farmer would take the eggs to sell and made lots of money.

one day he grew impatient and decided to cut the goose up, thinking that there are a million golden eggs inside it. but nope; the goose died, of course. thus no more selling golden eggs for the farmer.

moral of the story? there are plenty of lessons embossed into this story. so up to you to decide what it is for you. (;

so tomorrow is the first day of our fasting month this year, the beautiful month of Ramadhan.

so there's this room at Bedok lib that's filled to the brim with Malay books. i'd like to go in there someday to read up on Ramadhan. yes, i am not knowledgeable even in my own religion, i admit.

isn't that beautiful?

they say if there's a moth that refuses to leave your home, you're going to be visited by a guest from faraway very soon.

o and this moth has been in that exact same spot since, like, 7 in the evening.

so i started reminiscing the fasting month last year, and those were really the days. this was the first day!


i was sniggering away at many of the segments. such wonderful memories. *grins* having been in 4/2 2011 was really a blessing; the best moments of my life.

okay, i miss them. and although i have most of them with me this year in 5/1, i still wish we could reenact those pre-N Levels crap that we indulged ourselves in despite the national exams coming up. awesome times, even awesome people.

 

this was what brought us together. (; 

if there would ever be a time when we gathered and talked about our early sec 4 life, that would be fun wouldn't it? the confessions of one hating the other to the core, another having had a crush on one other.

reminiscing the times prior to the acknowledgement is the best part of the relationship. i guess.

classmates aside, i've been getting more and more fascinated with cats; there are so many things about felines that i have never known about! i read that cats have a one-of-a-kind print on each of their noses to distinguish their uniqueness; just like how humans have fingerprints.

and did you know how the saying "cat out of the bag" [to reveal a secret] came about?

well, in the early centuries, when people shop in markets, a piglet would be considered a valuable purchase for the housewives. when cheating customers, vendors would place the "piglet" in a bag that is sealed, and squealing would be heard from the wriggling bag.

once the housewives get home and open the bag, it would be revealed that they had been cheated when a cat comes out of the bag.

get it? i find that somewhat adorable! and it's cool how sayings and proverbs have stories behind them.

there's something else i'd like to share with you: a saying that goes; "all cats love fish but fear to wet their paws." wanting something that is of value but unwilling to take the risk to obtain it. how true for us humans too, right?

p.s the moth is still there.

silly schoolgirl crush.

when t'was the last time we had crushes? when t'was the last time i had a crush? one that was silly and fully like a schoolgirl's. right. little bandaged boy next door. three years ago. right.

i must say i really miss the feeling of having a crush. it was a wonderful innocence. despite all of mine gone many eons ago, i feel like a blissful little girl right now, just by thinking of this boy.

the boy who isn't The Boy.

okay. i admit it. i do like you.

but yes. i am also afraid.

fraudulence. [and my disappointment about it]

i nearly missed the bus this morning because i was busy staring at this guy's tshirt at the bus stop. the back had been printed some qualities in this medieval times-like language. pretty cool.

so yes. had abandoned Anne Frank:The Diary Of A Young Girl, because i'd gotten upset of its lack of authenticity last night. i'd like to believe that the diary is genuine; but there are many evidence that proves otherwise. sigh.

images courtesy of snippits-and-slappits.blogspot.com 

i've been through many things like this: waiting so long to find something only to have my heart broken by its untruthfulness. o well. i guess t'is life.

i still dream of having my writing gain recognition after i die, though.

peek a boo.

spent double free period with the childhood buddy talking about the randomest things ever, as always. "No Ma'am. Alpezz." that was so stupid, bloody hell. *laughs*

had this strange Forces class test during Physics. it was really a surprise! first of all because i was untold, of course; secondly due to the fact that Mr Collins hadn't gone through that topic with me. o well. it's my fault for missing class of course. so i just gave the test a shot. 

an impromptu poem i made up during lunch:

Tadpoles!, pink and blue. 
Hello there, how are you? 
Last night, you were in my dreams; 
While i'd been on your mind, it seems. 


White caps, and black hoodies. 

and then i'm stuck there. couldn't find any relevant words that rhyme.

o! i'd forgotten to announce to you guys; i hadn't gotten suspended today. *grins*

okay then, i wanna continue my reading now. my aim is to complete A Waste Of Good Paper by tonight. and sadly, yes; the story is sort of proving its title's point. hohum. 

unleashed a confession; discovered a fraud. #BadLuckEindah

when i receive a text and i see your name, my heart skips a beat. i do not control this little gesture on my heart's part.

i think you are cute. my own emerges when i'm thinking of your smile because describing the little bubbly feeling when seeing it is indescribable in words. the way you laugh, snicker or display your euphoria; it makes me smile.

your originality is just so adorable. the things that make you you are unexpectedly to my liking. when we first started talking and all, i honestly thought you were just another one of 'those' guys. but having had the honour of knowing you better, i think you're different in many ways.

even though i've admitted that i do like you, i'm still shaky from the whole ordeal of my past; i do not trust myself to like you as much as i don't trust you enough to risk my heart to like.

i'm sorry, you. i'm sorry, me.

let's just see how things turn out, then.

 messy eyebrows.

heidiho my Axes. my day was nothing much, just a lot of texting here and there, one right after the other. focussed on Maths today, as well as Anne Frank.

when her name is Anne Frank, is it really frank, or just her language for 'honest'? after all, it's not like the language she used was English, right? [the language her family spoke was German.]

i'm not done with reading her diary yet, but i shall talk about it with you guys now.

of course, the book that i'd borrowed from the library is not the original version of her diary; it has been edited. things like her thoughts towards the people who were hiding with her [in respect for the dead], her puberty stuff and what not, and of course, length.

the important things to be left behind are the historical events and Anne's thoughts about those. you see, initially she had written that diary for herself; when the radio broadcasted a request for letters and diaries regarding the war to be made public, she started editing her diary to make it ready for showing.

that's according to the introduction, of course.

so the main intention of publishing this girl's diary was to share with the future generations about the times of the wars back then. how Anne lived in beauty despite being surrounded by death and violence, on the outside.

that is just so beautiful, ain't it (':

Anne and her family.

[L-R] Margot, Otto, Anne, Edith.

NO! i just found this. is this true!? NO WAY! NO! NO!

okay. i am going to do more research soon. impossible that it's fake. impossible!

reflection.

why do people resort to the most dumbest things ever as a way of coping with heartbreak?

in my opinion, it's probably to create more and more problems so that the person who left them would be the last thing on their minds.

why is it so easy to distract oneself with the wrong things? why is it so hard to bury oneself in schoolbooks instead as a response to getting dumped?

think about it. i shall, too.

doing some self-reflecting here. heh.

p.s i love morning writing periods, you know? both the critical and spontaneous. i sayang my writing books like my own diaries, did you know that? now you do!

a cute boy, an adorable kitty, and the best childhood buddy.

sympathy: pity on somebody.
empathy: putting yourself in somebody's shoes.

t'is what i learnt at morning assembly today, although i hadn't applied the empathy bit during the first two periods [chemistry]. sorry Mrs Ang.

during the first few minutes of the third period [free] i decided to make my way to suspension. along the way, Mrs Sherri followed by Ms Delsise asked me how long i'd be there.

"til i give a letter that excuses my absence," i answered. "i don't even know if it's still for the June Structured or not."

i have absolutely no idea why, but each time Mdm Kamisah walked by, i'd get this urge to talk to her. it feels like there's something i have to ask her. we've always been exchanging smiles when we pass, but never a word. very mysterious indeed.

talked with the Mr Khai during lunch, along with Syazana. 1. he's actually pretty funny. 2. he has really good advice on tackling source-based and essay questions.

he quoted Albert Einstein; "whatever you need to memorise is not worth knowing." it's kind of true to a certain extent, isn't it!

slacked with the childhood buddy at the library while waiting for our LC time, chatting about the least important things in our lives, from white alligators to floating stones to curses. basically stories that we heard, like myths and fables.

LC was alright albeit for the fact that i had been super sleepy the whole day.

so Syaz went over to this friend of hers who was one of the private candidates, and i was pretty amused with the way he hadn't given her eye contact at all.

she explained to me his personality; his reason for behaving like that. and personally i thought it was super cute! i thought he is cute. (;

made our way to central , on the way meeting a cat that really reminded me of Cleo! Helen Brown gave such detailed descriptions of the little black kitty in the book. *grins*

while this black kitty who was playing with a feather reminded me of Cleo, she reminded Syaz of another cat named Neng.

i love the way she kept close to the ground, eyes on the feather which i swished across the floor to attract her attention, before wriggling her raised butt as her trademark ambush move. it was just too beyond adorable!

we decided to combine the names of the kitties which she reminded us of, and thus; Neo.

ate the usual nasi ayam, talking and laughing. i really kept getting panicky each time she laughed, because the last time we ate there, she nearly fell back because of the little step that's directly behind the foot of the stool she was sitting on.

walked back home while sharing more stories, from those of life to those of the past. occasionally rubbing arms in a desperate attempt for heat; it was actually really chilly.

you should try going for a walk around late evening times, like half past 6 to 7pm. it's actually real nice.

dropped by Syaz's place to get books, my long-lost Stolen [she had borrowed that one from me two years ago] and A Waste Of Good Paper. i hope the story doesn't further prove the point of the title.

spent the time at my house afterwards, just sharing more and more stories about the most randomest people you could ever name.

well then. right now, am texting three people at once. Syazana on farts, Nicholas on alarms, and Syamirul on soccer boots.

windowsills and wardrobes.

so i decided to play around with my cammies today.

photoshoot on the windowsill

and then the self photoshoot in my wardrobe!

this one's in colour because the greyscale wouldn't make the orange stand out.

they all have their own stories behind the shot. see if you can make it out (; 

i must say i really had a lot of fun shooting these wardrobe pictures! and yes, i am sitting inside my closet. and yes, they are pasted top to bottom with notes, tests and worksheets from my sec 3 life, as well as photos from my childhood.

maybe i'll share with ya the stories tomorrow! goudennate, for now.

excerpts.

i'd gotten myself suspended again today. but i'm not sure why. i don't think it's even for the June Structured Programme anymore. ok, i just know it's for truancy, but for what [which, rather] i'd skipped, i'm honestly unsure.

just some snapshots of the diary entries i'd come up with. [had to sit on the floor under the fire extinguisher, by the way. i like heat; i do not like to sit beneath erasers of the fire element.]

in written order.

assembly was super silent! maybe because the rest of the school population was in the hall while i was stretched out by the office, legs under the chair and diary under my chin.

when there were finally signs of human presence, the first acknowledge of my visibility was Mrs Sherri's "E'indah!! you missed the show!"

i was so sad while watching some schoolmates taking pictures at the pond, in the traditional costumes. and then when Cikgu Fatimah walked by, she poked how i missed the show because of suspension. haiya.

she's right but i was so sad ):

anyway, i did a lot of geography today, you know. *grins* there weren't many cases today so i haven't got distracted much, though the cold was getting to me [it was pretty much too airy for me out there!].

alright. i'll blog again soon. am texting with none other than Syamirul aka Syazim right now. he's doing shooting!

p.s some quotes from Cleo that i thought i should share with you guys.

i'm still feeling somewhat melancholy about the book. you should read it if you haven't!