sigh. i miss irshad.
this feeling always comes unexpectedly. i've missed him a lot. i missed him when he was my best friend, i missed him when he was my brother, i missed him whenever he aint with me, i missed him when he was with his ex, i missed him when i was with my ex, i missed him when he's mine, and i miss him.
of course, i have to be grateful. they say the kind of 'miss' tht hurts the most is if he's right there but he can't be yours anymore. but truth be told, to me, the 'miss' tht hurts the most is the coincidence type.
for example, ytd. when i was at work, irshad was watching movie. idk at where la, but if let's say he was at the cinema above my workplace all along, tht'd be damn sad. cause we were nearby, but we still didnt get to see each other.
another example is trains. you sat there waiting, for hours, just waiting for tht special someone to turn up. you sit by the clock, staring at it occasionally, just waiting. when you finally decided to get on the train, sighing, hauling all your stuff bcos you're gonna be staying someplace faraway,... there he/she comes, just as the door closes.
i am speaking from experience.
those kinda coincidences hurt a lot, esp if you wont see each other again aft tht. tht's the kind of 'miss' tht is most painful.
the time now is 0604.
i wanna slack with them twins someday. like last time. feels so long ago. and ive not talked with 'irfan for quite some time alr, feel like wanna catch up or smth. truth be told, during the trip to penin, if he was there i bet he'd talk to me while shad and muzzy were talking.
well. i am bored right now. idk what are my plans for today and tmrw. ive got the weekend off before working for two days straight, mid and then am. when we were writing the scedule request, i actually requested for three days straight but i only got 2. o well.
listening to more than alive right now, im always dancing to myself whenever this song is on. it suits as bg song for a viary episode tht involves playing in the rain, idk why. in my opinion la. thts why i wanna play in the rain asap, just so i could use this song.
as silly as it sounds, it's still smth tht i wanna do.
ive always had weird ambitions la eh. once, i wanted to RD in the hallway with the other 4/2 ppl on the last day of sch (for us) , hiding our faces and then just disappearing. but then some goody two shoes ex boyfriend of mine said things like dont be stupid la, dont embarrass me, later ppl will ask me why you like tht, go concentrate on studies la you all and all tht crap, which just spoilt the bloody mood.
i bet z classmates would have enjoyed it if tht plan went on procedure. o well.
i was deprived of a lot when i was in the previous relationship. i feel a lot like a cat who's out of the cage right now. i do have an owner, a sweet boy who loves me very much, but i still have freedom to run around the house, or outside, and to play with the things tht i find.
in the previous relationship, i was in the cage. the door was open but the boy lingers outside, making sure i stay inside. he only looks in and pets me occasionally, petting and talking to me. if i go deeper into the cage, he panics and pulls me out so tht he can see me clearly.
yes, it really felt like tht...
but it's ok now right...? the boy i have now is the sweetest most kindest person i will ever be with right? in fact, he'll be who i'll be with for the rest of my life right?
i hope so.
No comments:
Post a Comment