currently at library. got damn sad with the fact tht mommy called me stupid even aft helping her with her fb stuff. there's more, but i dont wanna go into details. yet.

well anyway. walked here, dropped off The Black Cat, came in and turned on lappy to blog a bit. i really wanna tell my shady everything. but i cant seem to find the right time. he's someone tht i really wanna tell EVERYTHING. even the problems tht i have with him, if any.

in my previous relationship , tht person will always go into a tantrum whenever i confide in him a problem tht i had with him. thts why i dont bother to tell him anymore shit, cos when he's unhappy, he vents in on the world.

so anyway. i know it's bad, but ive been comparing irshad to khairul. and i know its horrible, but ive been blaming irshad for all the suffering i went thru under the 'care' of khairul. i kept repeating in my head, over and over tht it's irshad's fault, it's irshad's fault.

i know. im a monster.

so well anywayys. my eyes are actually real sleepy now. im cold, despite being in my shady's hoodie. oh yes! ive not blogged abt last night's dream. ok, since ive nth else to talk abt for now, lets go!

hmmm , as always i dont rmb positions.

it was grad nite! i rmb everyone was in their fancy get up and all. and i was wearing a dress. i recall gg to sit on this stair step. them twins suddenly came, irshad sat on my right and 'irfan on my left.

idk what happened, but there was smth abt dragons. (once upon a time, in 2009, i had a dream abt a pair of dragon twins)

suddenly a big fat orange cat came outta nowhere. he got onto my lap, and i got into a shock but then i just patted it uh. and then irshad placed another orange kitty onto my lap, announcing; "here! this is __!" (i cant rmb what he said)

another part, was at work. at idk what station, this station doesnt exist in real life at EK. but i was there with syahirah and danish of EK, and surprise, irshad. he was wearing EK uniform :3

weeeell. there was one part where he and i got real close and was like talking to each other in really soft voices, almost seductive. i rmb saying, "are you sure we can do this with kids present?" like WOW, i wonder what we were doing :3

hm then what? oh yes, fruits basket. "i know ive placed yuki on the cover before, but he changed the most thru out the story, i just HAD to put his changed self onto the cover." -natsuki takaya. k, i know most of you wont get it. but it means a lot.

hmmmmnnnnmn what next? i only rmb these uh.

ok, me hungry. but still wondering if i should borrow a book or not. hmm. and what should i eat? decisions, decisions. we make them every day.

will blog abt my 'very very very cheem reason for changing Wrister back to E'esa' once i get home. fowoo, we really blogged a lot these days didnt we? shall get gg now, wanna go hunt for chemicals.