both my brothers have came down with fever, the older one since the days before the trip, and the younger just after the trip. i wonder what's up. and really, stop looking at me like that. it's got nothing to do with me. in fact, i'm unwell myself.
been a little blue since last night's dinner, as i'd told you; a sudden gastric attack which silenced me for the rest of the meal. i'm a little better in terms of tummy now, but my head is starting to throb. and don't forget the same ole emotional issues.
i'd completed The Double Shadow and am halfway through Happyface now; had gone to the library just a while ago. The Double Shadow was marvelous, you should give it a try. it's set in the 1930s to '40s as i'd told you, so don't read it if you've no interest in such settings.
something at the end of the book truly fascinated me; each time Ezra thought of Amaryllis, he would take a match from his box of matchsticks and light one up. and that is metaphorically.
he had one last match left, and was so afraid to light it, until one day many years later he eventually had the courage to do so; and he met someone else with violet eyes and jet-black locks, like the Amaryllis whom he had been forced to leave behind.
it's truly beautiful, in my opinion. don't you just love the matchsticks/hope metaphor?
ah. have i told you; there'd been a time when i woke up from sleep, looking forward to a brand new day only to realize that a sleeve of foster brother's hoodie was wrapped around my neck.
as if it had been trying to strangle me to death...
i'm not gonna exaggerate to the point of saying that the foster brother is out to kill me.
if memory serves me right, that night i had dreamt of the douchebag. *gasps* don't tell me they're acquaintances in some way, and that they are in cahoots to get rid of me?
nah, i told you i wouldn't exaggerate. kind of cool, though.
so i just cooked myself a bowl of noodles. i'd dropped a little pinch of the raw noodle, if you get what i mean, and without thinking i actually threw it into the bin. a little voice had said, that even if i were to throw it into the pot, i wouldnt be able to find it in the bowl later on. if you get what i mean?
well, it let me to start thinking about this; would you rather not be cooked and be thrown away, or be cooked but not eaten at all?
if you're meant to do something, would you do it even if it doesn't help you earn a living? would you continue doing something you love out of passion, or would you rather force yourself to do something you dislike, just to be able to earn money?
i think it's also the same as this; "is it better to have had a good thing and lost it, or never to have had it?" a line from Our Mutual Friend, Charles Dickens.
in my opinion i think the latter is better. at least there's still the hope of having it in time to come, whatever 'it' is in your case. if you've had it and lost it, you'll just think negative like many humans do, and you might lose faith in hope; something which i'm against.
in my humble opinion anyway.
O! i've really pushed myself today. i kept forcing myself to eat despite having lack the appetite or the wellness. *groans*
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