dreams, pens, and boys.

am currently writing in my diary.

had had very strange dreams once again, so i'm writing about them now. i had woken up from it a little shaky and fucked up, i must say.

i hadn't gone out today, despite having put on my contacts and skinnies. 1. i was unsure of which library to go. 2. i'm actually a little unwell.

yeah, not that i'm blaming anything, but it was probably because of the dream(s) i'd had. they're always causing me to be sick, attitudous (the word i'd invented, if you remember), or emotional the entire day.

then again, sometimes my dreams can make me happy through out the day too.

in fact, i think my dreams are the determination to my mood for the day. even when i can't remember the dreams, the emotions are there.

so when i'm happy, it means i'd gotten a real sweet dream. when i'm being a bitch, probably because i'd had a dream that irritated me. *grins*

well it's what i'd like to think anyway. people like me take their dreams far too seriously.

you know, we should look at the relationship between pens and notebooks as a good example. you see, never in my entire 8 years of diary-writing had i witnessed a pen that remains by the side of one entire notebook.

after all, the pen ink runs out. it never lasts through-out the entire notebook.

well, i think life is like that. the love runs out, but the years go on. you go on. there are abundant pens in the world that you can use to continue writing in your notebook.

take it that you are a notebook, and that pens are the people in your life. they come and go. but do your pages burn automatically when the pen ink runs out?

it's what i'd like to think anyway.

having a Capsizing the Sea/In Waves marathon right now, with chocolate-flavoured soya bean down my throat. had read a little bit of The Vanishing Game earlier, but, well. the dream had distracted me, really.

you know how high schools in America have got those types thing? like the popular kids, the nerds and the goths and all those kind of stuff?

just imagine if those kind of stuff are applied to singapore's school society. kind of strange, isn't it? i wonder what i would be. certainly neither a popular kid nor a nerd. i think i'd most probably just be the social outcast. and to clarify, i ain't an emo.

all that aside, i don't know what else to share with you guys.

o, yes. what on earth is "irsurrection" ? that word had appeared in my dream last night/this morning. doesn't seem like such a word truly exists. curious little thing, though, isn't it?

last night, two people had came to me to talk. and, well... i miss the feeling of having a crush indeed.

i'm still being stubborn, you know. still not gonna let myself interact with boys to find any that are worth risking a crush.

i find all boys are cowards who don't dare try melting the ice that's wrapped around my heart. que sera sera! if that's the way they are, i shall remain this way then.

in fact, i'd told myself not to divide people by gender already. to me, humans are humans. meaning to say, any guy friend who dares come closer than usual will only be friend-zoned.

not that i have many guy friends though. nor does anyone want to risk having a crush on me, i bet. *grins*

hmm... it sure is a boring sunday evening.

have i told you i'd gone to Bugis with Syazana on thursday? that was where i'd bought the bronze necklace, and it was only for 5 bucks! plus the little notebook too. she introduced me this lovely stationery shop that i nearly went nuts in.

she'd made me laugh like hell as always, on the trip and on the train back home.

but. i am never ever gonna ask anybody out anymore. not even my cousin. i don't want to initiate interaction with humans anymore. ever.

still a boring Sunday evening.

will blog again tonight, most probably. it's only the third day of june but this is already the fifth post for the month. and i haven't eaten. in fact the chocolate soya bean was my first consumption of the day.

how long more will this go on? at this rate my gastric flu would never disappear completely.