something's wrong with me. i'm not getting along with me. my eyes pasted on the ceiling; i cant get my mind to stop working.
naz said he would watch a dvd with me . but he's on the ps3 with naqib right now.
tht's so unfair.
hm. it's okay. i can always watch dvd alone. as always. haix. anyhoos, how was my day you ask? it was pretty boring... i didnt go out, altho i was damn restless staying at home. have i told you tht tummy aches are still constant? yes, they are.
and with my time of the month here, the monthly cramps and the 2-week tummy ache is the worst combo ever. it had been awhile since tummy ache hit a scale of even 6.5, but it hit 8 ytd afternoon. somehow i feel like im referring to earthquake magnitudes here.
i dont have much to say here. most of my thoughts right now are just my personal feelings. which im quite sure none of you wanna read abt, cause, they're just my whines and complains.
okay, tht doesnt matter. i found my A4 sketchbook today, along with some of the poems i wrote during those times, which was the year 2010. found some which i wrote in a desperate attempt to call out to someone, regarding the thing abt the MBWOE . hmm .
we're in 2012 now. january is ending soon alr. feels quite fast, and yet, it's so slow. mm... one of the poems is abt tht : time.
time is waiting in the dark
observing what may be called art
time is sitting by the hourglass
watching the sand fall as the seconds slowly pass
time is racing against the clock
deafened by the crow's caw
time is slowly forgetting names
dust gathering in photo frames
time is not awaiting the future
looking at the clock thru the mirror
time is the waves never reaching your feet
not knowing the definition of speed
time is staring at the one you love
counting the infinity stars above
time is finding tears in a smile
a centimetre becoming a mile
time is the definition of suddenly
compared with the meaning of immediately
time is avoiding the speeding cars
only God knowing the due dates for these scars
time is your enemy suddenly loving you
a newborn taking decades just To turn two
time is the cracks in a mural
awaiting the guests at my funeral.
this was written in may 2010. i still rmb, i completed it when i was in detention with irshad. hmm, yeah... remember tht?
there's sch tmrw. i feel like walking to sch from home instead of from central like always. the very first time i walked to sch all the way from home was on the 16th of july, 2010, if i aint wrong. smth made me upset, but i cant rmb what.
o yeah! cause the previous day, irshad was like angry with me over smth tht made him upset. but i dont rmb what. but i rmb him saying smth like tht. ok, you get what i mean, i think?
hmmm...... what have we got to say today......?
like i said, most of the things i would like to say out are all just whines. stuff tht you wouldnt like to read abt, cause it'll ruin your mood. it'll make ppl think i'm an attention seeker, i guess. yeah.... an attention seeker.
sorry, i aint used to it. no matter what, writing is still my passion. not blogging. they're two entirely different things. quoted off my diary from september last year:
i realised tht writing is still my forte. not blogging. it may seem the same but it's not.
whats the difference between blogging and writing? it's only one reason, a very simple one yet extreme. writing is on paper, while blogging is on the comp.
on the comp, the font is fixed. your handwriting is the same, unless you change your font. on paper, your handwriting is constantly changing. it changes based on your feelings... if your handwriting's neat, you're in a comfy mood/feeling fresh. if you're angry, the writing is so deep tht it seeps thru to the other page. and if you're sad, the writing seems calm, slow. sometimes a spot of smudged ink gives a hint tht you've been crying.
my point is, writing shows your feelings more than typing. and tht is why i prefer spiral notebooks to computer notebooks.
another difference between these two is tht , when i blog, i blog for people. my diary is more for personal shit. no audience. when im blogging i am aware tht it is for somebody.
solitude is always accompanied by misery. tht's why i'd rather be with somebody than be all alone. i'm like tht. no, everyone's like tht. it's difficult to cry when you're with people. but once you shut tht bedroom door behind you, and you're all alone, the thoughts just keep coming, and the tears just keep flowing.
like i said..... we're all alone. we've always been all alone, all of us. when we're happy, it's because we made ourselves feel tht. when we're sad, or angry, it's because we allowed the negativity to get to us. everything tht we feel is all caused by us. we allowed those feelings in.
we shouldnt blame others for our sadness too. if the Love of your Life leaves you, you only have yourself to blame if you feel the impact. you have the choice to get up and move on, but you chose to stay on the ground, staring at the spot where he disappeared at. yeah, it's your fault. not his.
yeah... in this world, it's all abt you. nobody else. you.
just, you.
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