this picture was taken from the suite at MBS. cool right!
heidiho!
i am at home now. i'm damn exhausted. shall just summarize my day. went on the singapore flyer today, here are some pics. i just love the structure of the flyer, was taking pics of tht away instead of the view itself.
aft sg flyer, we slacked at the little coffeeshop for awhile. i like the theme, it's like the olden days, you know, stalls by the roadside.
and the peanuts stall! damn classic. been eons since i last ate peanuts. in the little paper cone thingy. and then we splitz into vehicles again and made our way to vivocity.
in pak long's van, kak siti and i were playing Draw Something when at one point he suddenly braked and kak siti was sent flying! her shades disappeared sia! damn tht was funny sia.
so yeah, at vivo, i bought a pocket mirror and small post its at daiso. always $2. then while waiting for my aunt to be done searching for her stuff, i went downstairs to mini toons and got myself candy first.
then we all made our way to the chicken rice shop to eat, and damn. i love rice.
and then blah3, we are all z homie.
i'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired. in more ways than one .
so what have i done for this morning you ask? walked around the level on my own while waiting for the rest to siap, and then we all went to the shopping centre which is like joined to the hotel, to eat. ate rice, o wonderful rice.
the shopping centre is really useless to ppl like me, btw. and there was this one lane which had nothing but jewelers. damn. if only there's a lane which has notebookers. tht'll be my paradise.
o, o! imagine this. a 24 hours library, conjoined with a cafe and a little notebook shoppe. with new unique designs every week. in pasir ris. holy firetruck! i'd be the happiest girl in the world.
i wanna ask you smth. bila mau buat video!!!!!!!!!!
had a chat with kak siti earlier in the morn, and she told me on the wedding day, i'd have to put my hair back. dammit! yes i'd expected it, but i still feel kinda woaaahhh.
and then my granny was like, "nanti kebetulan ada lelaki minat e'indah!" and i'm more like WOOOAAAHHH . hati e'indah dah dengan orang lain, nek.
heheheh, tht woman. the second most beautiful woman in the world. she really knows how to make me feel good abt myself. i'm the third most beautiful woman in the world then!
was texting nic this morning. and we were saying abt how humans can really do anything they want. just tht, they need the will, the effort, time, support, skills.
i've got all of tht, except the effort, dont you think so? and even if i do have the abundance of it, i'm totally spending it all on the wrong things.
i'm buried too far down to feel the warmth from the sun again, so for now, i will lay face first in the sand, with the wreckage from ships tht had lost their way. Dive Right In, Story of the Year.
gaaaaaahhhhhhhhh why am i always the one waiting kbye.
a very good morning to you all my axes! aku belum mandi. tapi dah gosok gigi !
as you can see i've been camwhoring with myself a lot. why? 1. i am a jakonist. 2. i was bored. 3. bloggie is the only place in the whole world where i can put pics of myself without being judged. (tht is so the wrong word) 4. because i am the boss of Me, Myself and I PTE LTD.
i am early dont you think? tht's cause i slept early last night. tht's me, first to sleep first to awake. and at other times, last to sleep first to awake.
yeahh, now tht you mentioned it i guess i'm pretty much of an early riser. my usual wake up time is like 7, altho i usually dread waking up at 5.30 on the mornings of sch days.
here are some pics i took this morning. lovely isnt it? the joys of waking up in the morning.
trapt has this 9-mins song called New Beginning and i like the little interlude thingy tht they ended it off with. the gates creaking and all tht. it plays a part in the meaning of the song. to me ah.
so anyhoos, i wonder what's the plan for today. i'd like to go on a solitary escapade. o wait, tht aint the problem. the problem is, what do i wear today???? dress or skirt? both choices doesnt seem appealing to me right now. and it had seemed like such a good idea two nights ago. dammit.
look at those two nerds. the wimpiest nerds in the whole world.
awww i've always thought this song was cute. My Friends Over You, New Found Glory. but it doesnt represent my life right now. more like Douchebag Over Clique.
anyways, you know how some ppl, or maybe all of us, i dunno. the more we sleep, the more tired we are when we awake. the least we sleep, the least tired. i notice tht about myself, and it kinda means a lot more than you think.
okay, actually this was just supposed to be a quick update. but guess what, the time now is 8.21 and everyone else is still awake apart from my granny.
i wonder where i got this early riser gene from. both my parents love to sleep in whenever they have no work in the morning. my granny? hehe, most prob. tht'll be awesome.
Oo i hear kakak siti ! and nazriq just poked his head into the wardrobe gg all "hey queeeeen of nerds." okkkiiiieee i shall turn off z comp right now. shall blog whenever i have the slightest sign of a chance. heh.
heidiho! guess where i am right now. i'm at z excellente hotel suite!
holy shit, do you know tht i'm like on the 52nd floor right now? the view is fantastic, we've got the city view suite. and by we, here are the people with me right now:
my granny, my aunt, pak ngah, pak long, kak siti, naqib, nazriq and me!
holy firetruck, uploading of photos seems to be really really quick up here. okay, guess what. imma now upload all the photos tht i've taken thus far. but only from my red cammie cause i havent transferred pics from my yashica.
so anyhoos, kak siti gave me a little envelope earlier with "i may have found my man, but i still need my girls", and guess what?
i'm gonna be a bridesmaid.
holy firetruck right!? i'm kinda scared actually. must i wear a dress? okie, dumb question. i'm gonna be a bridesmaid for my cousin's wedding!!!!!
idk if those exclamation marks represent excitement ororororor idek whats the word for it. but it's still making me jumpy, either way.
so yeah .
i bought a notebook at the little souvenir shop on the sky garden placey at the top of this whole MBS. its cover is a beautiful picture of the MBS towers with the boat thingy at the top, i'm so damn happy.
so yeah, thus far we've walked around, with me gallivanting off on my own as always along the little swimming pool lane.
and wow, the swimming pool is amazing. not tht im gonna be swimming actually, dont really feel like it. it's like, there's just this glass tht's separating your body from falling off the whole roof. okay nvm idk how to explain it.
sooooo. i brought my black polka dot dress. along with my chequered skirt and stockings. and a pair of shoes other than my nikes. God. idek if i might have to wear any of tht. i only brought one pair of skinnies which is the one im wearing now.
i admit, sometimes i really do things without thinking ahead.
o and i forgot to mention, i forgot to bring my toothbrush. notebooks i rmb, but the more important stuff, i no think of. i truly am the M-cube.
and now i'm thirsty like hell because i just ate chocolate.
i've been like kinda fasting the past sch week, only eating at, like, eons aft sch. been sleeping during recess ah, which is dumb actually, cause it only made me all the more hungrier when i awake.
so what am i doing now, you ask? currently sitting at the dressing table in the walk-in cupboard, hiding from the world. haha chey.
naz is on pak ngah's ipad in the living/bedroom , kak siti and granny are outside looking for smth, and the rest had taken a walk downstairs and around .
dont worry , i shall go on my own later. tht'll be more fun. hehe. and maybe get myself a toothbrush from some convenience store before my mom finds out i forgot despite her insistent reminders.
okaaayyy i shall turn off my comp now and unpack or smth.
my mom noticed, tht whenever we are at hotel or whatever, i would find some cosy corner and dump all my stuff there to indicate tht the spot would be mine for the rest of our stay.
she was like, "dia gitu ah, cari satu tempat, letak barang... itulah tempat dia, takda orang boleh sentuh."
douchebag's trail of gasoline leads back to him, so i'm sure the fire will get to him someday. and since he's the source, he's sure to be abundant of the gasoline.
you get what im tryna say.
so anyhoos, i'm still so damn sick and tired of sch. of everything .
azreenie's right. "hidup susah, tapi mati pun tanak." sigh.
imma be gg somewhere this weekend, maybe a solitary escapade to the city area. staying over at MBS , thanks to kak siti. heh.
i slept during recess today, with my freaking contacts sekali. i kinda jerked awake, like seriously jerked til i was sitting up, and then across the block, some sec 3 or 4 dude was like smirking at my direction, bloody hell.
i wonder what i was dreaming of.
somehow feel so distant from my classmates now. farhan popped by earlier during maths, but like, i have no reaction at all. aaahhhhh why am i distancing myself from others?
forgive the urgency, but hurry up and wave, cause my heart is starting to separate.
nowadays my mom's moodswing been getting really weirder and weirder. i dont know what to say alr. just tht, i must have gotten this weird moodswing gene from her. kill me alr.
hmm, i am sleepy .
i miss P.E. on friday afternoons. i miss P.E. on friday afternoons with 4/2. i miss 4/2 2011. i miss 2011.
ahhhhh kill me alr sch sucks aaaahhhhhhh i am so bored. o yeah! was walking at dte earlier, and syazie and i spotted deekosh. holy shit sia. i was like gg all jakonist mode. he's tall sia!
anyhoos. i am bored.
careful child, light the fuse but get away, cause happiness throws a shower of sparks. happiness, damn near, destroys you and breaks your faith to pieces on the floor. it has a violent roar.
it's like the old man told me: "look for it, but you'll never find it all. let it go; live your life then leave it, and one day, you'll wake up to see the happiness... is home." Happiness, The Fray .
i've got cuts on my calf, or whatever the back of your legs are called. mysterious cuts, and i hate the fact tht sweat keeps gg in, it hurts.
GAH I AM SO BORED I HATE SCH , SCH SUCKS.
mr syafie had bumped into one of my post its which i had written: "i give up. i hate sch." he gave me a look, took out his pen and wrote, "QUIT THEN." with this little angry face.
blasting some imogen heap now. reminds me of muzzy, somehow. wonder what happened to him.
okokokokok . i am damn tired. have yet to pack my bag for tmrw. but o well, let's go to sleep now. soooooooo tired, had a little escapade with the most awesome childhood friend in the world.
first things first, i'd told nicholas the truth, tht i was the one who wanted to leave clique, not tht i was abandoned by them.
even if i had told him the opposite, why would he go and tell jia yao they all? he's got no business doing tht, and i wouldnt have asked him to tell them anything also per.
i had another adventure today, with the discipline commitee. had texted syazana during recess, and apparently it had came an hour later, when mr syafie happened to be looking at her phone.
and then was passing notes in class when mrs sherri happened to see. so in the end, i just went on another trouble adventure, this time with my childhood friend .
went to maths late, and then aft sch went to search for mr syafie, who brought in syazie eons later and then we were like in a face-off.
i find tht part kinda cool. he was like sitting at the end of the table in the conference room, while syazie and i stood at the other, leaning against the wall with tht dont care attitude. and then we were just staring at the opposition.
never would have thought there'd be a day where i'd stand next to my distant childhood friend in the office for smth bad.
is there a freaking ant nest under my keyboard or smth? why the hell are ants running non stop across my screen .
so now i'm like neglecting my whole trivium playlist, just cause it's the D-cube's fave band. all the awesome metal locked up aft it took me so long to copy them from another person's box. kinda miss listening to A Grey So Dark .
eh otakao la, im not even done sharing with ya my little adventure today.
so anyways, there in the little stand-off, my phone right there on the desk. and then mrs sherri came along and asked for my hols hw, and i'm like dang, im not done with them.
got lectured some more, by both of them, before they made me stay back to complete my assignments in exchange for my phone.
syazie was alr supposed to stay back, so i stayed back with her. and once again, we were back like at make up bridging.
many stuff happened again, as always. the funny, the serious, the whuuuuut? and etc etc. was singing a random sum 41 at one point, and it surprised me tht syazie could guess the title!
and guess what? now we have a secret with 4 other random ppl. syazie so excited! o and the syakir zainol so cute sia.
at 6, syazie's mommy came along and we all went to eat at dte. many of the things which her mommy had said made sense.
gah. i told you school sucks. feel like taking private Os or not taking at all.
Oo listening to some dubstep from august 2009. this morning on the bus i sat next to this douche who was blasting dubstep on his headphones. it does not sound as enjoyable from the outside.
i have nothing else to say now. which is a lie, because we all have something to tell at every second of our life. we just got no one, and no reason to share it even when there's someone. there's tht little fear .
hmm, i have yet to find tht special moment for my last baby tooth to finally come out. been digging at it so much tht the tip of my tongue is almost numb alr.
holy shit, been charging my cammie batteries when this little cackle started sounding, and now there's this really odd burning smell.
speaking of burning, ive started reading Right Behind You, a book abt this boy who set fire to another kid. tht incident caused him to have to start a brand new identity in a brand new country with a brand new name. and a brand new stepmom .
and guess what, now playing is Red Hot Christmas. i wanna burn, burn, burn, so light me up. hahahah. so ironic .
........so ........ unoccupied........... seriously, bila mau buat video?
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
gastric pain has been getting more and more irritating .
i didnt know there's such thing as stomach cancer. i thought it stopped at stomach ulcer. or are they the same? damn i dunno.
anyhoos, my regular flu is gone! hmm what else do i hafta update you on?
met up with natalee today. she was bored in class and randomly texted me and then i was like, sch sucks. then we decided to meet up and share everything.
and share we did.
reaching for smth tht's alr gone.
how coincidence, the song im listening to used to remind me of 'Irfan. apparently it still does.
ive finished Kill You Last. i guessed it right this time! i guessed the murderer. the previous books had all been damn tricky .
gah. i am bored.
ghosts. of him. and her. of you. and i . ok, i shall shut up now and go to sleep.
so here i am . and there you are. and where is he?
nazriq made a facebook account! and his profile pic is like the same as mine -_-
so i just told 'Irfan noorhalim tht we needa talk. surprisingly he agreed right away. i have a lot to tell him, glad he's, like, willing to listen.
was walking around in sch when manfred called out to ask why i aint with the usual. he asked whether i got kicked out, and i was like no, it's not them it's me i'm the one with the prob. and he's like okay, take care.
gonna hang out with them soon, to explain some shit.
i'm the Cat in the Pine Tree. i'm the strongest girl in the world.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
i'm gg to push the blame on someone now.
this is all irshad's fault.
he made me like him. made me fall in love with him again and again, came back each time. promised me many things.
made me believe he really loved me. he pressed the button.
and he left. he jaywalked.
when i needed him more than anything or anyone else in the world. just as the red man turned green.
and i crumble, pulling everything and everyone else around me. and a dozen cars
but we all blamed the whole world. wait
except for him. for an invisible man
to walk
across.
this is all his fault. tht boy caused all this. the most handsome boy i've ever met. the most heartless man in the world.
it's all his fault. all the drivers should get out of the cars and chase aft tht man.
and kill him .
kill... irshad. kill Irshad. kill Muhammad Irshad B Noorhalim .
it's all .... his ... fault.
i know it's not, but it makes me feel better.
heidiho.
i am at war.
i am fighting for my solace. my happiness. and i'm fighting with myself, to be someone worthy of the comfort and the love tht i seek from tht certain source.
my foolheartedness won't get me very far, but my determination will.
i am a moron, but i have faith and hope.
i am on a journey .
chey, macam trailer gitu eh.
when are we gonna make the next MV.... ohh.... AVSSSes are holding me back .
this. this song .
anyway, i have got tugasan cuti sekolah mac to do now. cikgu fatimah kata, "kalau awak tak buat, awak jangan masuk ke kelas saya hingga ibu bapa awak datang jumpa saya!"
so today, suddenly had a lot of ppl texting me during class. it was just aft lunch and my sentbox for the day had alr reached, like, 80.
well then.
i dont rmb any dreams right now. i notice tht i seem to always forget my dreams on sch days. i'd be like o i rmb last night's dream, and then i'd get up of bed and be like dadadoo and a few mins later, my whole memory would be wiped out.
and then sometime later in the day i would be getting very strong but brief signals. yes, strong but brief signals.
started on Kill You Last today! guess what, the notebook which i had been listing the books i've been reading has been filled up by one whole page alr, heh.
first period was p.e., i almost died running. the side of my body suddenly ached at one point, i have no idea why cause i never had tht pain while i was running before. it ached like hell sia!
next was chemy, i failed the freaking test and i aint surprised, truth be told.
.....burazi heru. i dont wanna blog abt my sch days anymore. one, because the last time i did this, i was a happy E'indah who was with the love of her life. two, because sch just sucks.
yeah , sch sucks. the only reason i go is because i dont wanna fight with anyone. (and by anyone i am specifically referring to these someones, this woman and this man.)
i've been losing focus, indeed i am. i'm damn tired. have lost my source of solace.
tadi recess sempat tidor sekejap . gerek sey, sedaaaap .
i hate how i wanna type rice on my phone and out comes shad instead, what's more in capital letters. bloody hell. here i am wanting to tell natalee "i love rice!" and out comes "i love SHAD!"
God. kill me alr. i dont need to be reminded of the source of my pain.
chey.
anyways, i just told natalee abt my dropping art. she's uber shocked, and now i'm like i'm sorry i didnt tell you earlier, i didnt want you to follow in the wrong footsteps.
i have got lots of explaining to do.
and yeah, i love rice.
am damn restless. if only i'd lived in the 1980s or maybe somewhere before tht instead, and be living in a kampong and running around with neighbours. wow, gerek la itu macam. no screwed up societies.
what century are we in right now? 20th or 21st? in any case the time we are living in now is fucked. damn fucked. owning iphone at age 9, watching porn at age 10, giving virginity at age 12, getting married at 15, killing someone at age 16.... bloody hell .
ah, holy shit. this topic is bringing me back to the conversation i was having with the D-cube back aft grad night.
aaaaaannnd lo and behold, i am now suddenly an angry girl . bloody hell .
what's so bloody abt hell ? fire doesnt make humans bleed, right?? just burns or some other shit, right?
i wanna borrow the second emily the strange book. saw it at tamp lib.
and i want a pair of fingerless leather gloves. wrister girl had wanted to get those for her god-brother's 16th birthday, and E'indah had wanted to get those for the love of her life's 17th.
nadhie wanna get those for herself cause she wants to grip handlebars without having to hurt her hands.
nadhie wanna get those for the body she's borrowing.
imagine if the twins' house was on fire and i happened to be on my stress walks nearby. everyone who lives there is out alr, except for the youngest son.
imagine, me running into the heat cause i wanna save the douchebag. and then when i managed to get him and am running out with him over my shoulders, the fire melts my contacts .
chey. eh but i can really carry him ok .
o, and then my contacts melt. then when he's outside with his family and still alive, there i am with my palms over my eyes.
"call the ambulance! call the ambulance! she's gg blind! e'indah!!!!! beeeeeee!!!"
1. she got what she wanted, to go blind. so she doesnt have to see ghosts anymore. 2. she saved the love of her life's life.
okaaaay i really should be a writer when i grow up.
you know how some ppl make use of their heartbreaks to write hit songs? maybe i should do the same, but in the form of a book. hell yeah , let's write a book abt the D-cube.
no names mentioned of course. should make it super anonymous. maybe even say it's fiction. and then at the beginning the preface would be some shit like, "only the truth and lies were used in making this book".
the Wrister girl doesnt know shut up. cause she keeps quiet on her own accord without anyone telling her to.
E'indah doesnt know how to shut up. cause she's very annoying and loves to irritate others and make others laugh.
Nadhie doesnt know when to shut up. cause she's noisy one sec, quiet the next.
i think .
so nicholas and i have been really close lately. now tht you mentioned it, how did we get so close suddenly? the other time i saw him in january, we were like dadadoo and hey wazzap man. now we're like bro sis i'll take care of ya. aww.
you know aye, ytd, i noticed tht two ppl i see everyday were not at their usual spots.
before my mia week aft the cheering comp, i always see this mcrider sleeping on the couch at the cc, and this man who would read newspaper at the corner table on the outside of mac.
i see them everyday. i had wanted to blog abt them, but then some D-cube left me behind and made me so damn unbothered to even turn on my comp.
so anyway, i see these two ppl everyday when i'm walking to the bus stop in the morning. at the usual spot. i had wanted to blog abt whether they notice me like how i notice them.
right now, i can only blog abt how i noticed them not there. both of them . two mornings in a row alr. it seems strange, for some reason, altho they are just strangers.
o well. they'll be back in their usual spots by tmrw morn, i hope.
i no longer see the kid who reminds me of jeremy, i saw him everyday at the bus stop last time. i thought he was younger than me til my first day of sec 3, when i saw him again and he was wearing long pants alr. so i was like, o okay he's like, the same age as me.
and i guess he was from the express stream since i no longer see him .
so here i am uploading another AVSSS and i'm like WOAH! the rate is faaaast. it's been only, like, 10 mins? and 41% has alr been uploaded.
holy firetruck, it's fast. this is amazing.
so. when am i gonna film shit for re:the world calling, you ask? maybe aft i have gotten over my fear. or maybe aft i revert back to normal and those ghosts of mine dont exist anymore. or maybe if he comes back .
and now i am listening to a song called Blu by the one and only There For Tomorrow, the only song in the world which can make you think of your previous boyfriend and the love of your life at the same time when you're finally with the latter.
you should listen to it, maika's voice is amazing, o bloody hell .
i felt a hand warming deeper under. it always makes me wonder was it you? i met somebody else. oh, the pressure i fell under. it felt an awful lot like it was you. was it you who caught my attention? was it you who showed your face anywhere but here?
it means a lot. i kinda deciphered its meaning some time ago, when D-cube and i havent been tgt for even a month yet.
oh, the pressure i am under.
i think i know why the uploading speed is alluring today! maybe cause im not in the usual place tht i sit at whenever i'm on the comp. i think so .
i'm scaling half the ocean, burying your name, but i find the seas are frozen, aft coming all this way.
ya lor, douchebag.
just like how you pressed the button and then jaywalked and made all the cars stop even when there aint anyone crossing alr.
fourteen years of sorrow. he gave one to two of bliss. left her in the narrow, aft giving one last kiss.
and more than a year ago it had been sixteen months of sorrow. she got three to four of bliss. he left her in the narrow aft sharing their first kiss.
yeah, bloody hell. yeah, D-cube.
holy firetruck, this is one long post. isnt it? started blogging two hours ago, and have been just, writing and writing and writing. and, uhm, typing. yeah , typing.
what ya gonna do when the whiskey aint workin no more, huh? huh huh huh? Hinder asked.
o gosh i am so bored....
where had i been a year ago?
20th march 2011.... hmm... o i rmb, went to shushan's house. was supposed to meet muzzy malek aft tht but i got lazy. 19th march, went to art science musuem with the art peeps. 18th march, idr.
17th, went to sch to do art. 16th, too. with pearl . 15th, went to bedok with mom and naz to meet grandpa for his 80th birthday.
so this thing with dates. it's kinda cool really, but the thing is, now every little number you see will remind you tht, all you had are all gone now.
i also dont rmb how i had gotten to like the number 109. smth to do with ryan i think. ryan teow. had thought of this number eons before i met the D-cube.
holy shit, cepatnyer. the viddie has been uploaded yaw.
there we go, enjoy. i'm too lazy to explain what it means, but you should get the idea of it roughly.the first segment's the memories of E'indah. and the god-bro.
and then we move on to the wrister girl's , all tht she went thru and put up with when she was with the mki.
i love the pic at 2:46 . hahahahhaha , so sexy.
damn. i am bored.
october 2010. E'indah transforming into the wrister girl alr.
tht douchebag was selling his little sister to buy a girlfriend with the money .
Monday, March 19, 2012
on second thought, i think im too lazy to talk right now.
got a text from cousie at 2 am this morning. i think she uses the comp aft everyone in her house goes into slumber or smth, for all i've noticed. always texting me at odd hours abt stuff she read from bloggie.
anyhoos, she hasnt given up on me aft all.
shall share with ya my today once i get home.
p.s i think i've found a word to represent Goodbye like how Heidiho is my hello. idk, i might wanna rethink it and consider other options first.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
maybe it's not really leave.
maybe it's just solitary escapade. you know, like, i wanna be alone for awhile.
i think i know what the dream was tryna say, the part where i was falling off the pole.
"wrong time to be nadhie", because it was the time where i needed help, but nadhie had chosen not to have any friends.
and the fact tht i was helping to paint the ite. if i dont pick myself up now, i'm really gg to screw up my o levels. altho it's been eons since education had been the last thing on my mind.
and if i dont start gg out to film more shit, i'm just gg to remain an AVSSSer for the rest of my life.
o how i love walking, i think i wanna go to the zoo again someday, on my own. a solitary escapade. how i wish i have enough stamina to walk the country someday.
i lack backbone. in more ways than one.
hmmm, as you can see i dont have much to say right now.
i forgot to mention, during the dream i had last night/this morning, the first dream i had abt D-cube. when i was running away from him, i was really running.
like, ive never ran like tht before. i didnt stop, and i was fast. i rmb him shouting behind me, "wow, you're running really fast! wait, i just wanna talk to you!"
and the classroom scene, there was another part where we were asked to take out our holiday homework. and then the teacha said, "if those who were supposed to pass the absentees didnt pass, please pass them now."
and then everyone was chucking pieces of worksheets in my face. damn, i loved tht part. damn cute.
yes, bits and pieces will always come one by one when trying to rmb dreams.
i have got medicine for "gastric discomfort/distension" . think i shall bring it to sch tmrw.
sabrina tagged us in a clique photo from 2010. it hurts to know tht she still has hope for me, when i've alr made up my mind to leave them. part of me wants to stay with them, but then again, who is this 'me' ?
can i ask you smth ?
why are people so heartless?
isit cause they lost it? their heart, i mean. tht's why they're heartless, i guess. maybe.
i hate the fact tht here i am ruining my own life when there he is, gg on with his, so damn unaware of the pain he caused me. God. kill him alr .
then again, he's still the most handsome boy i've ever met.
i dreamt of him . again. twice, this morning. God.
the first one, he was chasing me on his bike. i think he and asleah were in cahoots, i was walking with her before tht and when i started running away, she had tried to stop me as well.
i was screaming to her, "aku tanak tengok muka dia!" repeatedly, over and over again. she was screaming smth as well, and so was he. i cant rmb what she screamed, but he, he was saying smth like stop, i just want to talk to you!
in the end they had me cornered. he appeared right in front of me, and in reaction i had looked away as fast as i could so as not to meet eyes with him.
i was still screaming, and then asleah, who was behind me, was saying smth which i dont rmb, smth abt telling me to chill.
he grabbed me by my shoulders, and i just screamed all the louder. he kept saying smth, smth abt wanting to check my gastric flu.
"i just want to see how's your gastric!" smth like tht.
his voice was raising and raising, cause i still couldnt stop screaming. he shook my shoulders, and, at one point, when i was suddenly quiet, he had me lied down on this wall.
i was crying, tears were silently gg down the side of my face. he, the love of my life, he placed a hand on my tummy, just like he always used to. he asked me smth like, "is it painful?" i had nodded.
asleah was there, looking at me. next to this wall was a sorta like mirror, and i saw what i was wearing. was wearing my light blue pair of skinnies, with a pair of shoelaces as belt. i saw tht i was wearing my red specs. the Wrister girl.
when i woke up, the first thing i had thought of was the belt, believe it or not. the pair of skinnies which i was wearing, they were my most comfy pair, always had no need for a belt cause they were just right.
but i needed smth to hold them up in tht dream. i guess my dream self must have lost a lot of weight.
and the next thing i thought of was the love of my life.
the other time, i was nearly gg to blackout by the roadside cause of the gastric pain. the doc had told me to avoid milk, but tht day, i stubbornly drank milk tea on one of my stress walks.
there was tht one moment when it felt like someone had kicked me in my stomach, and i couldnt walk anymore. i didnt know who to text to come help me. i happened to be somewhere near his house, and i had texted him.
i told him my gastric area was very painful and i couldnt walk, and i told him where i was. the fool tht i was, i believed he would come. i didnt text anyone else. i just waited for him to appear.
he didnt, of course.
aft i woke up from tht dream, i texted syazie and nic abt it. then i fell back asleep. and guess what, i dreamt of him again .
we were lying down next to each other. staring to the top. at some points it was my living room ceiling, at other times it was the night sky.
like, it would be the ceiling, and then i'd look at his face next to me, and when i look up again it'll be the sky.
i dont rmb much from this dream actually. just tht, we were talking. and there was a notebook. we were taking turns writing in it. and then at one point he had gotten irritated at smth i wrote, just before he gave a sweet little laugh.
i rmb his face when he laughed.
and tht's all for the second D-cube dream.
as for the first, there were actually many other events. well, i should share with you guys, cause they're pretty interesting as well.
i was at an ITE. i heard tht they were running out of students or smth, cause nobody wanted to join ite, smth like tht?
i was roaming around the buildings, and at every level i had written a step to loving art. i rmb, at first floor, i wrote interest. second level, i wrote *snaps fingers* oh yeah, ability. and then i dont rmb.
i wrote those words, big and red, on the walls of every level. o wait, i didnt make it past the third. you see, to write the words, or more like paint, i had to stand on these two poles, where i had balanced a book as a base. if you get what i mean.
i was like painting on the third level, when the book twisted round, making it balanced only on one pole. i was like shit, i remember saying to myself, "oh God, this is the wrong time to be nadhie. wrong time to be nadhie."
i tried to twist the book back around, repeatedly muttering "wrong time to be nadhie, wrong time to be nadhie" . i failed, i lost my footing entirely, and then, i dont rmb what next.
i woke up next to mrs sherri i think. she was having her lesson, and i was waking up at a desk. there was a piece of paper under my cheek, and when i opened it up, it was a sorta like document.
there was smth like, "permission to discharge your student." and there was another handwriting on the form which had scribbled "contact lens", and a few other numbers.
i looked at mrs sherri. she had a really tired look on her face.
a crow came in and went to a desk, picking up a pencil case and starting to fly away again. the whole class started screaming shushan's name, and i saw her rushing to the crow and snatching back her pencil case.
she laughed, and the whole class did as well. someone yelled out, "why the heck does tht always happen to you?!"
another part, i was walking this lane. with my mother. she was telling me smth abt a 15-hour harry potter marathon. she said smth like, "those kind of marathons can really make the dogs of pregnant women die."
she went to the toilet, and i waited outside. we were in a sorta like shopping mall, and i saw a lot of pots and pans. saw my reflection, and i was wearing my white specs. E'indah .
aft tht, tht was when the D-cube part happened.
if you think abt the first one, the whole dream kind of referred to all three girls in my life: me, and the two other creations. and there were many mirror reflections. i think i know what it's tryna say .
as for the gastric part, and the D-cube. idk . but it gives me hope.
and as usual, i am driven by the wrong mentality.
believing so hard tht he's gonna come back.
when was the last time i went there? hmm you're right, i cant rmb.
so anyways. went with my family, all 4 of them . i dont usually go into details when sharing family outings, so. here are just some pics.
i bought the prettiest white tiger there ever is in the whole world! when i saw her, i knew i wanted her. her name is Courage.
apart from tht, i discovered several bruises on both my legs just a few mins ago. i have no idea where they had came from, but most probs from my little adventure ytd.
a 'click' could be the start to something new, or an end to something. there's the phrase where two ppl 'click', meaning to say they got along shortly aft they met.
it's also the sound made when closing smth, and knowing it's properly shut. like a van door. or a box. maybe tht's how the word 'clique' came from.
