I guess I'll write one of my alcoholic days each week. Although I can't deny that yes, I've been drinking everyday and yes, I've gone through all kinds of chaos each time. But I'll write about one, because I've nothing else to blog about. My life is empty.
Anyway, here are my Alcohol Adventures, version Monday 20.1.
I came class for freaking Shan, who didn't even turn up. Because he is a betrayer! We ended class about an hour earlier, to see him waiting at the lobby of the first floor checking us all out.
We made our way to his turf, Holland Village, talking about how fucked up my life had been. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this but Shan's also a budding writer, and we talked about the books we wanted to write in the future.
I bought churros, which he didn't really like because they were sweet, and when his friend finally came we made our way to get us some drinks. It was my first time drinking with others, because most of the time it was just a solitary affair.
Drinking with Shan took a lot of trust, as well as drinking with me did for him. I guess you could call it a bonding session. Har. I met a new friend though, but I didn't catch his name apart from the first four letters, Kish. They got beer I think, while I just got my usual 8.4 and Q, which are my current favourite brands.
I've never been to Holland Village before! As much as I didn't want to, [because I was supposed to be angry at the world, har] I couldn't help getting excited having my feet stepping on new land. Now I can colour in one more yellow circle in my MRT map!
So, back to serious business, the three of us found somewhere to sit and just, well, quenched our thirsts. Somehow the main topic fell on me, and I ended up telling my recent story. About my heartbreak and confusion and wanting to rebel and change from who I was supposed to be, just to hide my pain. Sigh.
Of course, after one bottle I was already tipsy as fuck, and the world was already starting to spin. Shan and Kish kept telling me about how I can find someone else, how someone else would accept me, and how he'd be a million times more perfect than my most recent heartbreak.
As everyone knows I'm a stubborn piece of fuck, so I did all I could do disagree and go against his words, tossing arguments to prove otherwise. I got lectured like fuck in return, until I just gave up and flopped to one side.
And then Shan started getting all emotional lecture on me, telling me that I can't be this way forever and that I just have to have faith that things will get better and that the faggot ain't everything, blablabla until I finally allowed to let a few tears slip, as angry as I'd wanted to remain.
They just had one can each, and their tolerance is definitely way higher than mine so I was pretty much wasted already compared to them. They asked me to join them in soccer, and as much as I wanted to, I couldn't help remembering memories associated with soccer.
What's more, I could barely walk straight, what with the alcohol and tears and overwhelming emotion. The strongest presence that was holding me back was myself I suppose, because I just told myself that I don't want to walk!, and just like that I flopped onto whatever wall was nearby.
In the end, my good friend Shan had to carry me. I remember because I was protesting so bad, practically screaming for him to put me down, Put me down you bitch, I can walk straight! but he had me quiet with a simple Shut up. And it didn't seem like he was putting me down anytime anyway.
He did put me down eventually, but I thought that was a great mistake because I remember straightway crashing to the ground and just staying there, curled in a ball, praying for the faggot to come pick me up. Thinking back, that was embarrassing as hell because we were drinking in a part of the housing estate so people would naturally be everywhere.
Still stubborn as hell. Still believing that things will go back to normal, the way it was in 2013, with the same guy, not better, not with another person. Still got lectured like crazy, still stubborn like crazy.
And in the end, I discovered something which made all of Shan's efforts go to waste. If you knew about it you probably wouldn't blame me but it's okay, I shall shoulder all the burden instead, whatever. I got so angry at him, telling him he'd made me feel more like shit instead of better.
I didn't even want to look at him, I didn't even say bye when my bus came. I was sobering up, but I was so angry, so upset, I didn't know where home was, the emotions were so fucking overwhelming it was all I could do not to cry.
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