this is not an excuse, but i'd had an emotionally rough day. i don't want to be here. and then i see my Doodle tweeting things like i'm sick of being alone, i'm sick of this loneliness. all that shit.
when the truth is; he has plenty of friends. he's one of the few best friends i'd had, one of the few i could trust. [i rarely talk about him on my blog, i know.]
but because he has many other friends, we don't hang out much. and it doesn't help that he lives in the Sengkang/Punggol/whatever area.
i don't know, but i missed this very good friend of mine. and now he's really gone.
everyday i am alone, but today i was lonely. today i wasn't alone, but it was a lonely day.
nobody hears me anymore. if nobody hears me talk, why would they listen to me speak? i feel so invisible. so invisible, that, when i sit and cry at the side of the streets, nobody notices.
this is the dream i had this morning: i had trouble speaking. this time, something was on my throat instead of my chest. i couldn't talk. when i tried to get someone to help, nobody was there.
when i did manage to talk, it was not my voice. it was a deep and unrecognisable sound, and i could barely make out what i was saying.
i struggled with my throat for a while more until some green globs came out of my mouth.
this dream is easy to analyse. that when i do speak, it's not something that i really want to say. and the more i try to talk, the more difficulty i have. and that whatever words that come out from my mouth is unpleasant and not worth hearing.
everyone may seem quiet on the outside, but their head is banging with thousands and thousands of words that they can't say.
it's so loud inside my head with words that i can't say. nobody hears me when i talk, so who would listen when i speak?
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