EW24/NS1

Disclaimer: please read this series of posts starting from EW29, then backwards.

We both know the way things ended and began again here.

We both know the tears staining your uniform and the arm shoving me off and the grudges that came after. We both know the first hug after six months and the shy hands grasping for each other and the hope that broke barely a day later.

But we forgot everything else. Waiting outside the fitting room for you to try on shirts; hurrying me when I took my time looking at books; sitting next to each other on the high stools of McDonald's. You ignored them, which made it easy for you to leave; I ignored them, which made it hard for me to forgive.

I was anxious the day I met you again, to the point of having my stomach churn. I'm not sure if you remember, but I didn't have much appetite and I told you there was something twisting in my tummy. You asked if it was my period, so naturally, as if we were still together. It just made me more nervous.

You bought a box of kuey teow and we sat beneath the tracks, right in the middle of the stairs where everyone else was walking. I wish the restart was that easy, but a flower so tiny managed to come in between, convincing you that you weren't ready to be with me again.

Almost every one of your birthdays was spent here. 2013, when I sneaked up on you walking with your friends and yelled Surprise! even though it was clear you already expected me. 2015, when you comforted me beneath the tracks, held me close while I cried to the point of having to remove my contacts because they got so dirty. 2016, when I finally smiled after sulking for an hour and you said When I get back, we'll kiss okay?

It's another one of those places where ghosts are abundant, both bitter and sweet. They're wretched phantoms when I'm alone, but coming here with you, they're just memories to recall.

Remember when we ate Wendy's here? Their beef chili was so good.

Remember when you sent me off to 160 and waved at me through the window?

Remember when you waited here with your long skirt? You looked so beautiful.

Jurong East, home to memories so easily forgotten when the anger clouds over. It's so easy to travel back to the day we met again, to pretend I am sitting, waiting for you. The fabric of your polo tee beneath my arms and your cologne wafting into my nose. We should have just stayed there. Maybe our life together would have been different.