I now know where i stand.

i'm always lonely.

i don't have friends to lunch with in poly; my secondary school friends are always on the other side of Singapore; i don't have siblings to laugh with anymore; i don't have a mother to go shopping with.

if you realise, the things i used to do with them everyday can now only be done with you. because; how many times have i emphasised; i only have you.

i also stopped writing in my diary because i always talked to you instead.

when i'm angry, or upset, at the slightest things, the only place i want to be is with you. you know, you may be irritating as fuck sometimes but the bottom line was that you never failed to make me happy again.

whenever i had problems, be it in school or in my head, the first person i'd run to was you. if the problem was about you, i'd either keep it to myself, or, yes, talk to you about it. because you're my only solace. when i'm having a bad day, i'd want to meet you, because i know it was the only way to make me feel better.

on the other hand... when you have something on your mind, you'd rather not tell me. you'd be angry, or moody, or upset all of a sudden, and you will never tell me why. maybe you see me differently than how i see you. maybe you don't find me to be a source of comfort like how i see you. this hurts me deeply.

i wish i can be there for you like how you were always for me. i don't know what's the problem with you today, and i was a second away from being angry at your silence, but i've been biting my lip, holding my thumb back from my phone keypad.

you once told me, that when you lose interest in someone, the first thing you'd ask from them is space. this is  what you've just asked from me. you've no idea how afraid i am to lose you, because really. i only have you.

i still wish you'd tell me what's the problem today. you taught me to put myself in other people's shoes; here i am, obeying your statement, trying my best not to piss you off any further. and, if i were in your shoes, i'd want to run to me, and tell me what's wrong.

and what about you as well? put yourself in my shoes? i'm lonely. i wish you'd talk to me. if you were in my shoes, wouldnt you want to be there for you and listen to you? that's what you once said; that you're my boyfriend, and you deserve to know when there's something wrong.

i don't know where i stand with you sometimes. you have so many friends, so many people whom you call 'best friends'. of course you wouldnt talk to me. but i still wish you would.

give you all the space you need then. now i know where i fucking stand.

trying so hard not to cry right now. how i feel the strong urge to just leave you today. but we all know that at the end of every other day, i'd always run back to you no matter what. but please stop taking my loneliness for granted.