i've been trying to sleep since eleven thirty, but i've spent the past two hours thinking of you, and it's keeping me awake.

school starts in less than six hours later, and i'm afraid. i fear seeing you. i'm scared. i don't want to hurt you the way i did in those dreams. all tht blood everywhere as you bled, the non-stop flowing of my tears, the screams i couldn't stop, the blows you were dealt with over and over.

or maybe what scares me is the fact tht you can do worse to me. after all, you taught me everything tht i know. so no matter what i use, whether my fists or a metal plank , i know you will still win over me. i just Aint thinking straight these days.

i can't stop thinking of the impossible. i keep making up futures which i know are non-existent and will always be. i keep thinking tht we are meant to be, i keep wondering how it'd be like to sleep with you, and i keep telling people tht you'd come back . i can't stop persuading people tht you did love me, tht you do love me. i must have been out of my mind.

but still... i believe in hope. hope takes things slowly. so does fate.

one year after another, we keep falling out but our relationship becomes better when we pull back together. in 2009, we were best friends, but you left me before the year even ended. in 2010 you came back before it was even half the year. and you got me to be your sister. don't you get what i mean?

i'm not trying to say anything, it's what i think and what i can make out. it's fate. why must you of all people started liking my best friend of all people, at the same time when she became closer to me again of all people? don't you see? this is fate's doing.

it's my first time thinking about fate. i've never experienced such coincidences before... but these are just my thoughts. you dont have to think the same... just My opinion...