It makes me seem like I'm not straight, I know. A Heroine of mine asked if I'm a les, haha, along with so many other assumptions from other people. Just thought I should clear these up, although I'm pretty sure nobody gives a fuck :-)
Yeah, after all my past experiences, it's pretty easy to say I hate guys now. I have a vengeance against the male species, and I mean it. Sure, I may be crushing on a guy, but he's special.... Okay back on track.
Most of the guys I'd 'fallen' for were faggots, and probably still are, we never know. Since I don't know how else to show you why I hate them, I shall just list all the idiots who were part of my life at one point or another, who mistreated me, if that's the right word.
1. There was the douchebag who would put an arm around me, give me little forehead/cheek kisses, all those 'cute' things guys would do to their girlfriends. Except he only treated me as a little sister. An 'adik angkat', if you're more familiar with that.
For most of 2010 he continued doing that, treated me special, talked to me like I was special, shit like that. Until the day we shared our first kiss. I asked him if he would be my boyfriend, and he said he'd think about it. A week later he ignored me completely, and got another girl as his girlfriend. It was only about a year later that he came coming back to me.
2. During that period he was with that girl, I met another guy, of course. We shared a common interest, him with his photography and me with my videography. We got together, but I found out that all along he was never over his ex. [they were together for nearly two years]
He started talking to me about her a lot, telling me it was hard to move on because they were in the same class. And that the whole time he was only seeing me as her because we had a few similarities, like how we collected notebooks. And I remember they had a class outing, and he said to me "I would have kissed her that night if it wasn't for you."
Meh, he broke up with me and got back together with her shortly after if I'm not wrong. Oh, and he was the one who first brought me to second base. And he kept claiming I was the one who stole his happiness.
3. The guy who smothered me with attention and 'love', just to get me to home run, which I'd stupidly allowed out of pure loneliness. I can never get back what he took from me. We were never together.
4. My latest relationship, the son of an uztad, who claimed he was always praying for me on his last sujud, who wanted me so badly to repent, to start praying and to wear tudung. Who always seemed so understanding when I told him I did have the intention, just that I wanted to repent on my own pace.
Also the same guy who judged everyone, looked down on those who weren't as religious as him, who dragged me into the handicap toilet with him on multiple occasions, who slapped me hard across the face when I didn't want to make out with him, who lost interest in me when I didn't let him touch me for a long time.
Okay this one is making me so fucking mad right now. He's probably been telling everyone that I 'cheated on him twice', because that's the exact same phrase he's been saying to me ever since September last year. I'd explain this, but I don't want to turn this post into one dedicated to him. Maybe next time, because I've some other shit to rant about him anyway.
Pretty sure you've heard this already: he broke up with me two days after our anniversary, with the sentence I can never forget: "I just don't love you anymore."
5. Then came my time with the Whatsapp groups society. The first group I was in, and the first guy who approached me: he was tall and handsome, and absolutely charming, and the way he approached me was the best compared to the other guys, who were too direct and quick and shit.
This one asked me out on a date, to which I couldn't make it last minute because I'd misinterpreted my exam schedule. He got sad because he really wanted to see me, so I just told him okay, I'll see you after my exam, no matter how late it is.
He brought me to the basketball court where he played with his friends while I sat at the corner because I really wasn't a sportsperson [not that he invited me to play anyway]. I didn't mind really it was nice watching him in his comfort zone, and I forgot about it all when he gave me a goodbye hug when we parted at the station.
He didn't text me at all that night, which was strange considering the fact that before that, he was always texting me at every chance he got. Even the next morning, I decided to wish him a good morning, to which he just simply ignored. [Last Seen, and because he was talking on the group Whatsapp but not to me]
I don't know, his excuse was that he felt bad for making me wait, but right after that I heard it was because he was already contacting with another girl -.- So I started talking to Guy #6, and this Guy #5 was so mad about that for some reason, and we had a huge fall out because of some tweets. [you all know I rant on Twitter too much]
I went to our Whatsapp group and told everyone "I really wanna love you all because this is my first ever group, but one rotten apple spoils the whole basket."
He privately texted me, to which he was like, "We weren't even dating, so why have feelings for me?" and I was like Whuuut!? Which part of one rotten fucking apple spoils the whole basket [aka you, bitch] sounds like hey handsome, I like you!?!?!?
I really wanted to leave but I also wanted to stay because I liked the admin and most of the other people in the group. I talked to the admin about it, and she told me that yeh, that fag is damn egoistic, but he's actually damn nice on the inside and I could try saying sorry.
So I did, I carefully put out my words, and I said it so nicely that "Hey, I just wanna say sorry for whatever anger I caused you, I just hope we could go back to normal friends because we're in the same group after all, and because I really want our Admin to be happy." shit like that.
What was his response? Nope, not an "It's okay, I'm sorry too." or "Okay, you're forgiven (:". NOPE.
"Ok can"
Literally just a fucking "Ok can". NO FUCKING FULL STOP AT ALL TOO, HOW RUDE IS THAT.
Like fuck that shit, I left the group right after.
Pretty sure you've heard this already: he broke up with me two days after our anniversary, with the sentence I can never forget: "I just don't love you anymore."
5. Then came my time with the Whatsapp groups society. The first group I was in, and the first guy who approached me: he was tall and handsome, and absolutely charming, and the way he approached me was the best compared to the other guys, who were too direct and quick and shit.
This one asked me out on a date, to which I couldn't make it last minute because I'd misinterpreted my exam schedule. He got sad because he really wanted to see me, so I just told him okay, I'll see you after my exam, no matter how late it is.
He brought me to the basketball court where he played with his friends while I sat at the corner because I really wasn't a sportsperson [not that he invited me to play anyway]. I didn't mind really it was nice watching him in his comfort zone, and I forgot about it all when he gave me a goodbye hug when we parted at the station.
He didn't text me at all that night, which was strange considering the fact that before that, he was always texting me at every chance he got. Even the next morning, I decided to wish him a good morning, to which he just simply ignored. [Last Seen, and because he was talking on the group Whatsapp but not to me]
I don't know, his excuse was that he felt bad for making me wait, but right after that I heard it was because he was already contacting with another girl -.- So I started talking to Guy #6, and this Guy #5 was so mad about that for some reason, and we had a huge fall out because of some tweets. [you all know I rant on Twitter too much]
I went to our Whatsapp group and told everyone "I really wanna love you all because this is my first ever group, but one rotten apple spoils the whole basket."
He privately texted me, to which he was like, "We weren't even dating, so why have feelings for me?" and I was like Whuuut!? Which part of one rotten fucking apple spoils the whole basket [aka you, bitch] sounds like hey handsome, I like you!?!?!?
I really wanted to leave but I also wanted to stay because I liked the admin and most of the other people in the group. I talked to the admin about it, and she told me that yeh, that fag is damn egoistic, but he's actually damn nice on the inside and I could try saying sorry.
So I did, I carefully put out my words, and I said it so nicely that "Hey, I just wanna say sorry for whatever anger I caused you, I just hope we could go back to normal friends because we're in the same group after all, and because I really want our Admin to be happy." shit like that.
What was his response? Nope, not an "It's okay, I'm sorry too." or "Okay, you're forgiven (:". NOPE.
"Ok can"
Literally just a fucking "Ok can". NO FUCKING FULL STOP AT ALL TOO, HOW RUDE IS THAT.
Like fuck that shit, I left the group right after.
6. The last guy I was supposedly in love with. He shared common interests with me, the most special one being his liking for writing. We talked for weeks and he was being so sweet to me and shit, but all along he actually had a girlfriend. One that's been going on for about two years too.
I had to do a bit of stalking before I found out. His name was on her bio, so I asked him if he was attached. He still denied it, before he did eventually tell the truth.
This one is the epitome of a dickhead. The first time we met each other, he was already holding my hand and shit. And when he told me to "Close your eyes and imagine a zombie apocalypse...", he waited until I did, before he leant in and kissed me. He kissed me.
When I found out he had a girlfriend I kept telling him he had to tell her about me but I was so damn taken in with his sweet words to me that I continued seeing him even afterwards.
We don't talk anymore and he's left Heroine, but what makes him a bigger jerk was the fact that this one time, I think his girlfriend dumped him for a while, and he straightway came running to me. Texted me asking me to meet him and shit, telling me he'd came to my school and was sitting at my hideout, hoping I would have gone there. Tried to use his sweet words on me again, ugh.
They're fine together again, and he isn't texting me anymore, which is a good thing really, but just makes me think of him as the typical guy who straightway looks for a substitute once he doesn't have anyone. Jeez. I'm good friends with the girlfriend now, sorry if you're reading this my gurl.
7. A Heroine of mine introduced me to a classmate of his, who also had a blog. I followed this guy on Twitter, he followed back and a few days later mentioned to me, "Hey, nice blog you have there. Keep it up :)" which made me so happy because he's so handsome and cute lah. [and also taller than me]
Well, a friendship did form between us, but it didn't go very far. We talked everyday, he was randomly mentioning to me on Twitter like he wanted to show people I was that special to him, and always giving me good morning and goodnight texts, always called me sweetie which I oh so liked.
But then school started, and I could see he was kind of well losing interest? He didn't wish me good morning anymore, and his replies to my random mentions were uninterested. Til eventually he just stopped texting, and then I saw that he unfollowed me on Twitter.
Mm, I never did found out much about that guy. Thought we could have had something special because he was really a nice person, haha. This encounter just led to me thinking that guys never know what they want, and that once you show interest in him, he'd avoid you. Just like girls.
8. And then of course there's the older brother. The number 1 dickhead in the world. You know how they say oooohhhh, I want a son first and then a daughter so my son could beat the shit out of anyone who breaks my daughter's heart. In this family, not at all.
More like the son beats the shit out ofanyone who breaks the daughter's heart. Just my luck that the one person who probably has the power to make me not hate guys, is also a jerk.
7. A Heroine of mine introduced me to a classmate of his, who also had a blog. I followed this guy on Twitter, he followed back and a few days later mentioned to me, "Hey, nice blog you have there. Keep it up :)" which made me so happy because he's so handsome and cute lah. [and also taller than me]
Well, a friendship did form between us, but it didn't go very far. We talked everyday, he was randomly mentioning to me on Twitter like he wanted to show people I was that special to him, and always giving me good morning and goodnight texts, always called me sweetie which I oh so liked.
But then school started, and I could see he was kind of well losing interest? He didn't wish me good morning anymore, and his replies to my random mentions were uninterested. Til eventually he just stopped texting, and then I saw that he unfollowed me on Twitter.
Mm, I never did found out much about that guy. Thought we could have had something special because he was really a nice person, haha. This encounter just led to me thinking that guys never know what they want, and that once you show interest in him, he'd avoid you. Just like girls.
8. And then of course there's the older brother. The number 1 dickhead in the world. You know how they say oooohhhh, I want a son first and then a daughter so my son could beat the shit out of anyone who breaks my daughter's heart. In this family, not at all.
More like the son beats the shit out of
____
All these dickheads guys have had their own blog posts, where I'd ranted out my story with them, if you've read them during the time they were written, or if you'd dug out my past haha.
Before you say it, yes, I know not all guys are like that. There are the few who have been so kind and nice to me, who have noticed me in this mess and taken an interest in me of all people, and whom I have hurt instead of the other way around.
Honourable mentions, like NJ, who was the one who lifted me up during my bad break-up of 2012. Who taught me how to cycle and was constantly there for me, until I pushed him away like heck on his 18th birthday. Haven't heard from him since.
Like D, who watched me drink and tumble everywhere and slide my face down the wall, and brought me all the way to school in that state and waited for me to end counselling just to buy me milo and made sure I was okay.
Like Z, who liked me for my differences, like my love for books, and who wanted to start reading again because of me. Whom I hurt, because I chose to fall for the dickhead who was cheating on his girlfriend, instead of him.
Like A, whom I've heard negative things about but who has proved me wrong with his everyday company, his constant positivity and how he can tolerate my bullshit.
Like Y, who'd probably suffer the consequences of being friends with me, but continues to hang out with me and exchange problems with me, because "Just let them say what they want to, you're still my friend no matter what."
Like R, who got attracted to me of all people, because of my flaws, and who tried so hard to let me know he was there, realising my worth and existence. Who is still trying, despite knowing how head over heels I am over somebody else.
And also L, who is the most special of them all. The brightest star in the sky.
My point of this post is.... I forgot. I think I ended up making this post look like a dedication to all guys of the world, holy shit. I actually hate them, trust me, I really do. In fact, if you're one of the guys on my Honourable Mentions, I just wanna let you know that I hate you because I see an inner dickhead in your heart. [ugh, you should know I still appreciate you]
My point is actually, I wanna be a feminist. My experiences with guys are plenty enough for me to realise that they're assholes, and not only towards me but towards other girls as well. We girls don't need them. I am getting tired of those quotes on Twitter that make it seem like all girls are dependent on guys. We aren't!
If anything, they're the ones who need us. I swear to Arceus, we girls are so damn powerful on our own, and it's the existence of men that bring us down. I don't even know why they are considered the 'superiority' gender when they're weak as heck, and stupid as heck.
I don't know, I just... I wish we'd rise over the male species. I wish we'd continue getting the respect that we deserve, goddammit. I wish we'd stop looking down on ourselves just because a guy rejected us, or broke up with us, or made sexist jokes about us.
Because from what I see, we girls have so much more potential in us than idiot guys. If only we'd see it and realise that Hey, we can balance ourselves on tiny high heels. Of course we can stand on our own on other circumstances.
Okay, I'm not yet a feminist. I'm not even sure if that's the right word for what I wanna stand up for, so I'll do a bit more research before doing this again. This is a pretty long post, I don't even know if anyone's read it up to this point. *smiles awkwardly*
Before you say it, yes, I know not all guys are like that. There are the few who have been so kind and nice to me, who have noticed me in this mess and taken an interest in me of all people, and whom I have hurt instead of the other way around.
Honourable mentions, like NJ, who was the one who lifted me up during my bad break-up of 2012. Who taught me how to cycle and was constantly there for me, until I pushed him away like heck on his 18th birthday. Haven't heard from him since.
Like D, who watched me drink and tumble everywhere and slide my face down the wall, and brought me all the way to school in that state and waited for me to end counselling just to buy me milo and made sure I was okay.
Like Z, who liked me for my differences, like my love for books, and who wanted to start reading again because of me. Whom I hurt, because I chose to fall for the dickhead who was cheating on his girlfriend, instead of him.
Like A, whom I've heard negative things about but who has proved me wrong with his everyday company, his constant positivity and how he can tolerate my bullshit.
Like Y, who'd probably suffer the consequences of being friends with me, but continues to hang out with me and exchange problems with me, because "Just let them say what they want to, you're still my friend no matter what."
Like R, who got attracted to me of all people, because of my flaws, and who tried so hard to let me know he was there, realising my worth and existence. Who is still trying, despite knowing how head over heels I am over somebody else.
And also L, who is the most special of them all. The brightest star in the sky.
____
My point is actually, I wanna be a feminist. My experiences with guys are plenty enough for me to realise that they're assholes, and not only towards me but towards other girls as well. We girls don't need them. I am getting tired of those quotes on Twitter that make it seem like all girls are dependent on guys. We aren't!
If anything, they're the ones who need us. I swear to Arceus, we girls are so damn powerful on our own, and it's the existence of men that bring us down. I don't even know why they are considered the 'superiority' gender when they're weak as heck, and stupid as heck.
I don't know, I just... I wish we'd rise over the male species. I wish we'd continue getting the respect that we deserve, goddammit. I wish we'd stop looking down on ourselves just because a guy rejected us, or broke up with us, or made sexist jokes about us.
Because from what I see, we girls have so much more potential in us than idiot guys. If only we'd see it and realise that Hey, we can balance ourselves on tiny high heels. Of course we can stand on our own on other circumstances.
Okay, I'm not yet a feminist. I'm not even sure if that's the right word for what I wanna stand up for, so I'll do a bit more research before doing this again. This is a pretty long post, I don't even know if anyone's read it up to this point. *smiles awkwardly*
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