I seem to speak more when i am writing. Or typing, whatever. I do talk, but i never speak up; especially in reality. Tell me who isnt like that? Not many people. I'm sure you tend to speak better on twitter than during your oral exams.
I guess i was never good with expressing my feelings in the presence of people. It's like i'm afraid i twist my words too much and people end up getting the wrong idea. And when they do, i tend to not correct them.
People assumed. Maybe because i said it wrongly. Maybe i let them exaggerate and never bothered to correct them. Maybe i was scared that if i did, they would think i'm lying or something. Because i was never good at talking. I would stammer and be suspected for lying.
I'm not sure. I don't know why i feel more guilty when all the more i was innocent. Sometimes it feels like i AM guilty of smth, but my "child-like" side is scared of punishment and doesnt want to be caught. Or maybe i'm just scared of being accused any way, and being left behind yet again.
I'm not sure if any of you get what i mean. But this are some of my thoughts right now.
Right now, the thing which is confusing me is my feelings for the moon. I care for him, i really do. In fact i dare say i care for him more than for anyone in the world. I want to look after him, to have him trust me with his own thoughts and feelings.
Because he always listens to me. He may not give thoughtful answers or even give me any reply, but he listens. He has never once told me to Shut Up when i was babbling away. And he never once interrupted me when i was talking.
He's always been the moon because of the way he tends to shy away during the daytime. He's also like an Umbreon; you have to have high friendship with him during the night to obtain him. I noticed that he always seemed happier and less tense in the nighttime.
I've watched tears roll down his eyes once. I thought that was really brave of him; to cry in front of me. That was the most he had ever spoken to me. His tears spoke for him. And it was also what made me care for him so much.
It was a crescent moon that night. This i remember because when we were walking, he paused to look up so i did too, and that was when i saw it.
He may have an affinity with the moon. But that's because it is what feeds his sadness.
Idk. I find all this easier to write out than to say to him. I doubt he even reads my blog though.
He's just so mysterious. Sometimes i thought that i know him well because of the years we've known each other. But thinking back, i know nothing about him. He's... Different.
What's more, i'd only seen him under the daylight all these years. The sun never had any effect on his emotions...
.....hmmm. I'm not sure if he'll read this, really i'm not. But if he does, this blog post is not enough to know my feelings for him. If only he could read my diary and know my more intimate thoughts about him..
Well. The sun is coming up soon, i think. I have to go. But really.. I appreciate this moon so much more than you think.
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