Officially giving up?

had gone to the much dreaded PRP today, and did some soul-searching. and i've decided; i give up.

like, really.

so i sent out texts to everyone telling them all the best for their Ns [Natalee and Haikal dood] and Os [everyone else], and to get a good course; achieve what i'm giving up.

but damn. they all misunderstood the real intention of that text, i guess? everyone ended up cheering me on instead, encouraging me and stuff.

so i fucking cried, and now i'm more confused than ever.

one part of me is sure, very sure, that i really want to give up. the other part of me is determined to try again, til i achieve that dream of going to SP [though this second part of me wasn't very strong today].

i dont know man. this is tough.

i guess i'm sooo heavy that i don't have enough strength to push myself, is that it? *sighs*