2NE1 - Ugly [Live Session]

heidiho my early Axes, come, take a listen at this.

not my type, as you all know, but the fact that it's Live actually softened me a bit. never would have thought that their voices are that good. and i like how not all their MVs are dance videos like other groups.

yes, i guess 2NE1 ain't that bad after all. not like any of their other die-hard fans, just a listener, that's all. done.

am currently writing down my analysis of the dream i had had last night. *sigh* it truly was the saddest dream i had ever had.

really like some crazed one-eyed witch, huh.

*sigh* think i'll crash at Syazana's place tomorrow.

who on earth spilled the fish?

i had the saddest dream ever last night. or more like this morning since i only fell asleep somewhere at 4. i'd written about it in my diary, but it hadn't made me feel any better.

this is Gingy, aka Halia.

Hometown had gone to the door when i was about to leave, and as i was petting him goodbye he started meowing and stood up to place his paws on my stomach.

either he wanted me to bring him out for a walk as well, or he hadn't wanted me to leave. either way it was just too adorable.

although Hometown is white, if i were to have a familiar, i would choose a black cat with green eyes. maybe red or pink if that's possible, although scary.

o! remember the cat from outside the house? the one whose name i couldn't remember. well first of all her name is Belolok, not the boplok crap my memory had came up with.

secondly, i'm gonna call her Loke for short.

thirdly, she had been eating outside earlier when i sent my aunt off to work. was walking back into the house when i tripped over the house stair step or something, and i was sent flying. Loke had gotten so startled that she just ran off to stare at me from the distance.

the funny thing was, when i looked down, all her food had been splattered across the ground, and i'm like, Holy firetruck! who did that?

til now i still have no idea whether it was my foot that had tripped over her bowl, or it was her who clumsily knocked into it when scattering away from me out of shock.what do you think? who on earth spilled the fish? *grins*

so that aside, i was just telling Syamirul last night, about how life is a piece of glass with sharp edges. that we've got to touch it all over even if we know we'll end up bleeding.

well it's what i think, anyway.

will there ever be anyone who would be privileged enough to read all my diaries? no, wait... will i be blessed enough to meet someone like that?

actually yeah. there was the younger twin.

*cough*

i've got nothing smart to say tonight. but i'm still wide awake, as you can see.

so what now?

am currently rocking out to this song. listen to its lyrics, kind of means a lot to me.

one day, i will find my white tadpole all tell him everything about the other tadpoles.
i'd be damned if the white tadpole is apparently splashed with red.

you should listen to this . you know how some songs could bring you to a certain time period of your life? well this brings me to late December, and i must say; it actually reminds me of the black tadpole more than the red.

my childhood friend.

am snacking on a strawberry roll and slurping on chocolate vitasoy to wash it down my throat. *yumyum*

aside from that, it sure is a boring Sunday night. as always, though, isn't it? i must admit, i sure ain't making use of my holidays wisely. i've been reading though; this is my current book.

 a little segment from it catches my attention, as always. you see, the Ghost, which is a high school cheerleader, keeps flickering in and out of existence when she's a ghost.

the Goth tells her to say genuine nice things, as that is the only way for her to be able to stay in solid form (although invisible to all apart from the Goth), otherwise she would disappear forever.

"Yeah, but it's also a basic scientific principle," I pointed out. "Ask any of the science club kids, they'll tell you. While you're here, you're primarily a form of energy. Being positive allows more energy to flow through you, helping you stay here. Negative energy, like when you say all those clever and nasty things about people, drains you, eating away at your ability to be here. In simple terms, it's like a battery. Being nice helps you recharge."

i like that. 

been watching so many 2NE1 videos these days, i suddenly remembered having made a video for one of the members of the clique i had been in, to an SS501 song. i remember being so damn irritated during the process because i had to keep the song in my head for a really long time.

it's too big to be uploaded real quickly, and it doesn't help that i hadn't uploaded it anywhere else apart from my previous Fb account (i'd deactivated it). it had been made in late 2010, so it pretty much consists mostly of the Wrister girl.

that aside, i kind of miss going on shopping trips with friends. or window shopping since i don't really buy anything. the times with members of the clique i had been in, the twins, or the boy himself.

in fact i miss talking with friends. kind of. the fact that i'm admitting this is actually kind of an improvement.

o well. whatever had happened, had happened, and i don't think i'm gonna be doing anything to bring back the joys of company.

least i have my childhood friend who still cares for me. nearly thirteen years since i had known her, yet our friendship is constantly on and off.

was it fate that sent us both into the same class in sec three and then make-up bridging at the end of sec four? whatever it is, i'm glad we still had had the chances of interacting with each other.

she's really the one who can make me laugh so hard, even effortlessly. as i type this all the memories i'd had with her, from make-up bridging period to the time we had gone to bugis together.

and i'm smiling on my own.

i like the fact that even after making me laugh so hard, she's still able to look away and continue doing what she was doing with an innocent expression, leaving me next to her laughing to myself like some maniac.

i like how we could look at each other and just laugh without saying anything, despite the emotionless expression which we had had before.

i like how she gets irritated with me but she still loves me very much. *grins*

most of all, i love how i would be lying down in a pathetic little ball on the floor of her house late at night and she would be there, just listening to all my whines. i like how she would scream at me to knock some sense into me after i'd be done crying. she listens first.

i like the weird nicknames she gives me, like Big Monster and Mory (short for moron, apparently).

she's my Small Monster. *grins*

well. the time now is 11:20 PM. am currently chatting with Syamirul while listening to some *cough* twentyone.

i'll blog again if i'm unable to sleep.

"but bro, lampposts ARE bright."

 who says you can only eat porridge when you're sick?

had there been a storm this morning, in the wee hours? i remember waking up to a loud bang, coming from my bedroom door slamming shut or something. after that, i hadn't been able to sleep because of the wind howling.

and a howl it had been! you should have heard it. it was amazing and beautiful in its own way, but no doubt it did scare me. if i hadn't known winds could howl i would have thought supernatural.

had finished Happyface this morning. the book actually contains drawings as well, that's why i had been able to complete it pretty quickly. try reading it, it's a really fun book and it had made me giggle to myself numerously.

am currently watching Aliens in the Attic and it's making me laugh on my own too, still. one part baffled me, somewhere during the final battle part. Tom had called Sparks by its actual name, and i'm like, i thought the kids didn't know its real name?

anyway, i've always wondered which body part of mine do i like best. in the past, many people have admired my height (i'm 171 cm tall) and my eyelashes (they say mine are long), and i do appreciate all my features but i'm not that proud, if you get what i mean.

for all i observe, many people love their eyes. their own, and people of the opposite gender. if i like mine, it's probably not because of the way people look into them, but because of the way i look out of them.

meaning to say i like my eyes because of the way i look at the world. as syamirul would always say; you are weird in a unique way.

nobody is gonna be looking into my eyes for a while now, especially my right one which seems to be off-limits.

i once declared to the foster brother that i wanted to be a lamppost when i grow up. he said lampposts are only needed in the night, and that in the daytime, nobody would notice them. "why would you want to be somebody like that?", he had asked.

it was a good question, but the answer doesn't come as simply. i think lampposts are lucky to be alone in the daytime when everything is fine.

as night falls, they get more scared and start to cry, but at least the moths would keep them company. you know how some moths fly around the lights sometimes?

i still like lampposts though, although he had told me not to be one. he said it's because i have a bright future, which, believe it or not i had responded with a; "well... lampposts are bright." i really ruined the moment.

i'm kind of unoccupied right now, i think i'll continue with my book. it's currently The Ghost and The Goth, about the high school cheerleader who dies and ends up a ghost whom only the weird socially outcast kid can see. unsurprisingly and unfortunately, it is in american english.

currently having a Capsizing the Sea/In Waves marathon. 

a little souvenir to the hotel from me. was just doodling and then i decided to leave bloggie's address, for some reason. i guess it's a sort of ad or something. think i'll collaborate with my aunt to make tees advertising 109blackaxes. *laughs*

meeting the red tadpole again.

one thing i like about non-English songs is that, even though i haven't the slightest clue what the lyrics are, there are still appropriate emotions delivered.

this ain't half bad, you know. i find CL really pretty, and both the videography and storyline are just beautiful. 

*ahem* i barely listen to kpop or stuff like that. this is just an occasional, uhm, release of the inner Nadhie.

what are the biggest lies in the whole world? 

"believe it or not i'm not gonna leave you anymore." 

"i'll take care of you til you find the right guy." 

biggest lies ever. 

imagine this: a girl. two guy friends. three years.

they're the only guys she ever allowed herself to interact with and trust. time and time again they betray her but she still forgives them and trust them whenever they cross paths with her.

she still gets stabbed in the back at the most critical point of her life, but she still misses them and would like to share secrets with them once again.

is she a stupid person?

i don't think she is not. you see, she doesn't allow herself to be easy with all guys, you know. meaning to say she doesnt just give out her trust like that. it's just those two.

it's like this; she chooses to trust only them, or nobody at all. is that stupid?

ugh, i don't know how to put it in words properly. i don't think you guys get it. o well.
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the pink frog jumps from one lily pad to another, lost in her own little world. ironically, this causes her to travel unknowingly to an unfamiliar spot of the lake she lives in.

she never realizes that she's lost, for when she looks up, who was there but none other than the red frog; she focuses her all on him, forgetting her surroundings.

his body was a shade of alizarin crimson, yet he glowed with a bright red from his tadpole days. she thought he was the most handsome frog in the entire lake.

the pink frog's own body is still the shade of carmine which the black tadpole had left her in when they were swimming among the dark recesses of the lake a long time ago.

the red tadpole hadn't been around to witness her in her carmine; only her pink and magenta days did he swim with her. now, as a frog, he doesn't seem to recognize her. he stares at her, absorbing the carmine of the pink frog's body.

she pretends not to recognize him, and feigns a meeting with a stranger. her carmine glows with all the light that the pink tadpole she once was hadn't been able to shine in, further baffling the red frog to believe that he hadn't met her before.

the pink frog gives him one last look before jumping to the next lily pad, further and further from the red frog. she recalls what the black tadpole had told her then; .....someday, you will meet a tadpole, who would be able to make this piece glow brighter than possible for such a tiny fragment...

as if on cue, the gem in the pink frog's chest starts to glow. its brightness isn't that remarkable, but she looks down at it with happiness in her eyes.
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it's better to never have had it.

heidiho, i am back in singapore as you can see. (no actually you can't.)

both my brothers have came down with fever, the older one since the days before the trip, and the younger just after the trip. i wonder what's up. and really, stop looking at me like that. it's got nothing to do with me. in fact, i'm unwell myself.

been a little blue since last night's dinner, as i'd told you; a sudden gastric attack which silenced me for the rest of the meal. i'm a little better in terms of tummy now, but my head is starting to throb. and don't forget the same ole emotional issues.

i'd completed The Double Shadow and am halfway through Happyface now; had gone to the library just a while ago. The Double Shadow was marvelous, you should give it a try. it's set in the 1930s to '40s as i'd told you, so don't read it if you've no interest in such settings.

something at the end of the book truly fascinated me; each time Ezra thought of Amaryllis, he would take a match from his box of matchsticks and light one up. and that is metaphorically.

he had one last match left, and was so afraid to light it, until one day many years later he eventually had the courage to do so; and he met someone else with violet eyes and jet-black locks, like the Amaryllis whom he had been forced to leave behind.

it's truly beautiful, in my opinion. don't you just love the matchsticks/hope metaphor?

ah. have i told you; there'd been a time when i woke up from sleep, looking forward to a brand new day only to realize that a sleeve of foster brother's hoodie was wrapped around my neck.

as if it had been trying to strangle me to death...

i'm not gonna exaggerate to the point of saying that the foster brother is out to kill me.

if memory serves me right, that night i had dreamt of the douchebag. *gasps* don't tell me they're acquaintances in some way, and that they are in cahoots to get rid of me?

nah, i told you i wouldn't exaggerate. kind of cool, though.

so i just cooked myself a bowl of noodles. i'd dropped a little pinch of the raw noodle, if you get what i mean, and without thinking i actually threw it into the bin. a little voice had said, that even if i were to throw it into the pot, i wouldnt be able to find it in the bowl later on. if you get what i mean?

well, it let me to start thinking about this; would you rather not be cooked and be thrown away, or be cooked but not eaten at all?

if you're meant to do something, would you do it even if it doesn't help you earn a living? would you continue doing something you love out of passion, or would you rather force yourself to do something you dislike, just to be able to earn money?

i think it's also the same as this; "is it better to have had a good thing and lost it, or never to have had it?" a line from Our Mutual Friend, Charles Dickens.

in my opinion i think the latter is better. at least there's still the hope of having it in time to come, whatever 'it' is in your case. if you've had it and lost it, you'll just think negative like many humans do, and you might lose faith in hope; something which i'm against.

in my humble opinion anyway.

O! i've really pushed myself today. i kept forcing myself to eat despite having lack the appetite or the wellness. *groans*

 i miss the windowsill back at The Zon already.

master of lip-sync.

i'm so tired. every little thing is pissing me off right now.

i'd gotten a sudden gastric attack when i was having my dinner earlier; had immediately lost my appetite and refused to open my mouth, be it to consume food or release words.

am currently sulking away in my corner of the hotel room, listening to old Japanese songs.

at times like these, i would need arms in terms of comfort and weapon. someone to hold me while i cry, and something to shoot with as a release of my anger.

i don't think i've got anything important to tell you guys today. just some personal stuff, which would be boring.

this song ain't that bad, although it's far from my type of music. the videography was nice at the beginning.

in fact,... i just listened to some other songs and 2NE1 ain't that bad, truth be told.

wow, really... i don't have any smart thing to say now.

have you heard of the Woolly Bear Caterpillar? personally, i think it's really beautiful. i heard, that this species take 14 years to change into a moth. before that, it will keep eating and eating in order to quickly cocoon.

there was a documentary on it but i'd missed it, unfortunately. but no matter, i'm fascinated by caterpillars in general. and butterflies, of course. i love the way caterpillars work so hard to be their adult form, their way of immaturity.

animals are sometimes a lot more inhumane than us humans, you know. in my opinion. have you ever met a cat who is in love? not being with another just to mate, but for the sake of true affection.

i think it's beautiful. you can sense the feelings you know, if you happen to cross a pair of felines in love. it's rare, but it's not impossible.

i keep peeing because the hotel room is just too bloody cold !

i am zee Master of Lip-Sync.
(actually i did sing a bit, but it was horrible.)

am currently eating cup noodles whilst flipping through the malaysian version of Seventeen. they made a mistake with the colour codes! triple 0 triple 0 is black; not white, and triple f triple f is white; not black.

hey ....... i like Discovery Channel .

at zee Starbucks.

 this reminds me of a cobra.

heidiho my Axes. i am still here at The Zon; had just gotten back from a shopping trip at zee Angsana. bought myself a long-sleeved striped tee and a transformers notebook with the fifty ringgit my aunt gave me.

still have got some money left-over, which i've no idea what to do with.

well here i am, just slacking by the windowsill. i've made the spot my territory; wanna see?

i think i'll make my way to Starbucks soon. or now? alright, be right back. i make a quick move.
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heidiho again! am at the mentioned cafe now. *grins*

i got myself a banana chocolate chip muffin, yumyum.

i think malaysian cab drivers are very friendly and interesting, you know. they've got many stories, and their knowledge on singapore history is fair too, surprisingly. it's just damn sweet.

and earlier on, on the trip back to the hotel, i'd noticed a crow flying alongside the cab, and that was when i thought; if it's easy for birds to flap their wings to fly, why is it so difficult for us humans to use our legs to run?

look, the birds don't tire out of flying. but humans, (namely me) get exhausted after a short run. and not only physically, but metaphorically too.

i guess it's because i specialise in the use of my hands? although i love being outdoors, i'm not athletic in any way. at most is, i'd go for little strolls. did you know?

what's the aim of this topic? hmm... yes, i'd said it before, if my words don't make sense, move away from the surface and look deeper.

i think i shall go walk around now. around the little shopping mall attached to the hotel. i feel like getting myself some white roses. *grins*

shall update again later.

A Grey So Dark boredom video.

yes, i am still drowned in boredom. eh but hey! i ain't the only one awake. pretty much the whole hotel is still far from slumber; even 'partying' doesn't even begin to cover the energy here.

lip-syncing-with-random-hand-gestures is a lot more fun than 'singing'.
I AM BORED BORED BORED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

a little boredom video.

i'm bored, okay?

and sorry for the weird movements in my mouth at some points. i was using my tongue to dig at my loose tooth. kept looking up cause i was afraid my lil bro or granny would catch me in the act.

didn't sing at all, was just lip-syncing. *laughs*

was shaking my tooth .

bored bored bored !!!! i think i'll be recording many little boredom videos through-out the night. i can't sleep. *look of remorse*

updates from The Zon!

am currently at the Zon.

the first thing i'd done upon stepping into the room was to dash to the windowsill. my dear old windowsill!!! was snapping pictures away when the Little Devil snapped a little picture of me.

the last time i'd put up at the hotel here was two years ago.

a little glimpse of the hotel's "inner circle". that's what i call it anyway, cause the little area is just so cozy.

a few webcamwhore moments;

and now here i am by the windowsill with my little Courage.

i'd gotten more mocha-flavoured milo!!! hooray!

The Double Shadow is just so great thus far. a little conversation from it which caught my attention:

'Oh, Mother,' she said, wrapping her arms about her, 'what are we going to do?'
'What we always do,' said Nancy.
'What's that?' sniffed Olive.
'Survive.' 

isn't that what we've always been doing? it's true, don't you think? all that we do are survival instincts. even our studying play a part in our future.

as i'd said before, every little thing you do in your life is a part of one long journey. making a choice does not end the decision. you've still got to do what you must to fulfill what you've chosen; even so, once all that is done, it just means it is the time for you to make a new decision. get it?

so all your actions play a very important part in your whole life. every mistake is thought to make you stronger, every success is thought to make you hungry for more life. 

hohum. nobody's been texting me. i only spent 15 bucks of my prepaid in a span of two weeks! o and how i'd like to borrow some comic books from here on. i've been reading books for too long; needa get my hands on some Marvel soon. *grins*

i'm addicted to The La's version of There She Goes. and look! this song is so beautiful. listen to its lyrics.

it's so beautiful.

okay, i'm going to change my bloggie a little bit now. after this i'll be continuing with The Double Shadow! will blog at any chance i get. might be hanging out at the Starbucks tomorrow morning.

o and just so you know, i'm actually using my own broadband thingy. the Zon is actually still under Singapore's line. pretty convenient, isn't it?