Last Cheering Comp!!

i miss 4/2 2011.
i love 5/1 2012.

had cheering comp today! aft cross country of cos, but tht was boring so i aint gonna go into details abt tht. just tht, i ran with priscilla and farizah, and it was an accomplishment tht we managed to run tht first long stretch without walking!

ok, so went back home, my rest before making my way to sch to practice one last time for the cheering comp. bumped into shushan and amalina when i walked in, so we walked up to class tgt, to find it was empty.

some ppl started coming, and then we all just decided to practice first even tho our main leaders were like, missing. i liked tht circle where we were all reciting and doing the movements, when we were having so much trouble ytd.

this year, jia yao was in, he wasnt so participative last year. and then the rest all came and we had a few more last practices, full of gusto and energy and all tht stuff. i saw zharfan doing the #ahahsiol , damn cute sia. i laughed real loudly at tht .

had the part where we place our palms tgt, before making our way down to the hall with our usual ohhh, oh, oh, ohhh, here comes 5/1, here comes 5/1 cheer.

so yes, started off with the sec 3s followed by the 1s and 2s before coming to the 4s and 5s. we've watched the others rehearse, but i still felt kinda restless during the three 4N classes.

no matter, we all still stood up calmly and prepared, taking our places when 4/8 went up stage, cause we were gonna have our turn aft theirs. everyone adapted our entrance from last year, but we took them by surprise, gg up stage in an entirely different kinda formation. sneaky little douches, we are.

the hall was silent when i went all 5, 6, 7, 8! tht was awesome. and then we all just ran to stage gg all eh eh eh eh eh eh eh eh 5NA1 , and then just doing all the shit tht we did at practice but many eons way better.

i realized the peeps always forget the Thank You part, so i had made it a point to rmb tht the most. and i shouted with all my heart thank you, PRCS! aft the throne line. i dunno, i think i kinda helped a bit. cause i watched the vids and tht part was silent apart from a few voices coming from my area :3

halfway down to backstage, i took out my camera and started recording shit sia, sempat right? we were gg crazy screaming backstage, jia yao was like knn non stop -.-

sat in the hall watching 5/2's cheer, clapping and screaming for them the way they did for us. went back to our places aft they went backstage. the emcee gave them judges (ms delsise, mrs sheri, and mr bernard) time to, well, judge.

according to the english language, the judge judges and the judges judge.
i find tht funny .

k so well anyhoos, camwhored a little, watched some vid tht the sch made for us, and then suddenly, it was time for the results.

i was so excited til i forgot tht the other levels had their top 3 as well. so waited for tht, and then it was finally the time for the announcing of the winners for sec 4/5s.

when the emcee was like, "in third place....." i was like, "notfiveone notfiveone notfiveone....." and when she was like, "fourrrr......." i was like hoo!

and then she's like, "in second place.......... fourtwo!" and we're all like O:

finally she was like, "and finally, it is time for the first place of the sec 4s and 5s.... who do you think it is?" all the sec 4s were like making 5/1 with their fingers, like woah....

and YEAH! we won first place for sec 4/5s! for the second time in a row! everyone was like screaming and jumping abt, including me, and i have proof ! but we'll get to tht later.

so then they announced the other awards before asking for the drumroll before Overall Champion. and once again everyone was like 5/1 5/1 5/1, and HELL YEAH. WE GOT THE PLACE OF OVERALL CHAMPION AGAIN !

did our encore, which was like so many eons more fun than the real thing. holy firetruck, we won overall champion twice in a row! i was damn tired by then and i could only mouth the words. at the end of it all, we invited 5/2 up on stage and we were all jumping around like crazy!

jeremy and hannan were behind me, hannan was like, "what, do what???" then jeremy was like, "i dunno, i just jump jump." damn cute sia! and yes, it was damn fun just jumping around, us remaining 2011 cohort.

when we were dismissed, us 5/1 went to the pond to take photos, and it was raining! damn dramatic. i dont have the class photos with me. but there were plenty! and then we did the putting our hands tgt thing again on the pond board.

dammit, i love all those ppl so much. and those who were with us right there a year ago as well. i love them all, 4/2 2o11 and 5/1 2012. and then all of the sec 5s took photo tgt! tht was bloody awesome. ok, i love 4/3 2011 and 5/2 2012 as well ^_^

and here are just some photos from cheering comp. from my cammie.










went to ehub with asleah, farizah, pearl, priscilla, sabrina and shushan. talked with daniel on the bus, and then we all made our way to mac's to eat. saw 4/4 staring at us, murmuring all, "eh, eh. 5/1, 5/1."

so we ate, and we all laughed a lot. i like the part where i had tartar on my lip and asleah was like, "abeh tu untok aper? sarapan besok pagi?" kurang ajar! hahahah!

i looked at reflection off the glass, which was behind sab, and then i just licked the tartar off my lip. sab was like staring at me do tht and she made this face and looked away. her face looked real bad ! cause she seriously disgusted with mayo and she was like surrounded by tht!

went to carpark to send pearl off cause her mommy was picking her up, and then we all went to the rooftop, as always, to camwhore. i liked it when pris said, "you like self high eh." hahaha!






we were dancing like shit, asleah and pris and sab and shan dancing their korean stuff. farizah and i were doing a horrible job just imitating what they were all doing. i like the lifting up the feet and then touching the ankles part, i kept doing tht sia! damn fun.

first time laughing so much with them.

splitz from the rest, loitered around central area on my own, admiring the board tht i drew on, before reaching home around 9.30.

and here is z video abt 5/1 2012's cheering experience!


i just realized tht when i said to wai kit "all hail 5/1, current and previous." i was referring to him as well. but he didnt even take part in cheering last year lor.

so anyhoos! now tht cheering comp is over, i hope my dear classmates would take their time aft sch to go home and study. i hope they'd all do their best in the o levels and beat the express ppl when collecting results next year.

okay, i love my classmates so much . so very much.

i cant, im sorry.

i cant handle this anymore. i dont have the physical ability. i aint as strong as i think i am. im the weakest person i know. im sorry. i aint strong aft all. i cant be on my own aft all. im sorry, but i really need tht boy. i really need him. please do smth abt it, would you, God ? please ?

there's been a song playing in my head since ytd, but i cant tell whether it's trapt or trivium. ive listened thru all the trapt i have, none of them was the one tht was in my mind. then it must be trivium, but whats the problem now?

tht's right. trivium is tht boy's fave band. i cant bring myself to listen to any of tht. not yet, at least, cause im the strongest person ive ever met. we take it slow. im not saying trapt has no memories of him, tho. cause yeah... there is.

anyway, this was the very last picture i took of E'indah E'esa. 5th of feb 2012.



i think she's a really beautiful person, in her own way. she just never believed it, and only did when tht boy was the one who told her. tht's why when he left, she just decided to abandon her whole self, just believing tht her soul is ugly.

tht was stupid of her.
but it was also stupid of him.

To wake up
Knowing you've got a day
Is a blessing.
Make yourself unwilling
To sleep away
The Pain.
And run
Run
Without mercy
Because you've got
The choice,
And time of day.

hold on tight to the things you're given. because you never know when someone might just come over and snatch it all away from you. tht someone looks like you sometimes. you see yourself coming up to you, and you're thinking you look so beautiful, when you suddenly snatch your things away from you.

it's scary, isnt it ?

i've finally got the guts to be on the comp.

somehow, it's always the most dangerous place. it's where people hurt you, and where you hurt yourselves. it's where you get hurt, basically. you see things tht hurt your feelings, be it enemies tht talk abt you, or exes tht are doing fine without you.

and you see things tht spoil your mind, be it the violence or the pornography. it makes you want to do things tht you shouldnt. on the other hand, it's where you can get inspired. you see things tht others do, the good things, like video diarying or blogging, letting out all your feelings.

but maybe it's not good. you see so many things tht so many people do, tht you just lose the interest in your main talent. you get undecided. spoilt for choice. sometimes, they are the wrong choices.

i'm still getting over the Being Left Behind. he was really the love of my life. why has my emotions towards his leaving not numb? aft all, he's alr left me behind three times. why do i not get used to it ?

currently planning my second MV which is to re:the world calling. the beginning would be easy, i can go on my own filming shit. but towards like near the ending of the 1st minute, i'd need someone to help alr.

well.
i shall get over this, and i will. i will move on. not to other guys, just to the future. if he and i meet again someday, then we are meant to be. he cannot avoid tht. no more excuses.

none for me too . because i am the strongest person i have ever met.
the weakest, but still the strongest.

a new identity.

this is a rebellion against myself. remember Eindah Wrister? she was created when tht boy left me for the 2nd time, in 2010. this girl was meant to be a withdrawn person, a douche who doesnt care what ppl think of her.

he left me again. he left me for the 3rd time, and yes, i decided to be somebody i aint, all over again. who's the She tht i am creating this time, for 2012? she's a bitch. now tht ive got contacts, somehow i feel somewhat more confident abt my looks.

remember the girl who hides her face because she'd rather look at the world than have the world look at her? tht was E'indah E'esa, the girl who had cared what she thought of the world and not vice versa.

im neglecting her again, and this time i shall be Re'ine Nadhie, the bitch who doesnt care what she thinks of the world, but who cares what the world thinks of her.



take it as a show of cowardness if you like, but i think i'm the strongest person i have ever met.

yes, i've changed my blog url again. dont ask me why please, i have my own reasons. but i dont wanna explain, so dont ask me at all, like seriously. favour ok ?

anyhoos, shall make a blogskin tht suits bloggie's new url tmrw. for now, *yawns* i shall go to bed. goodnight my firetrucks. i mean, my axes. o, and i shall also share the story on how the name came up. aahhhh -_____________________- goodnight. love you all.

sushi with z classmates!

heidiho.

it is the second day of the month and i alr feel quite pessimistic.

so today, i happened to have left home a little earlier than usual. ended up taking the bus tht came at 6.25 and when it passed by cc again, i saw two other 358s coming, and i was like wondering why was there an abundance of 358s this morning.

walked with timothy as always, talked abt his stalker . then blah3 arrived in sch. hmm i dont rmb much abt sch today. just tht, i went to art cause everyone was telling me not to run. and guess what? ms chua was absent.

wrote abt the MBWOE during the whole 2 periods. i've got one firetrucking long entry abt her in there now.

english was 2 relief periods where i did the compre tht mr syafie gave us. during recess, i completed the work which i owed cikgu fatimah. had a period of physics aft tht, followed by a development test in humans, which i think i did pretty well.

halfway thru the second page tho, my hand started to get really crampy. there was this little pain between the knuckles of my middle and fore fingers. it hurt so much each time i tried writing, but in the end, i made it.

and then it was mother tongue, and guess what? i had work to hand in! yeah, tht's smth to be proud of. teacha looked real proud you know. and then i did my work, but you know what teacha said? "no, no, this aint what you're supposed to write. this is one level above what we are still doing today."

i can, you know. i'm just a lazy douche who wants to do things her own ways sometimes.

had lunch, where we all slacked in the classroom as always. it was raining and most of us were sleeping. didnt want to sleep, so i got up and went for a walk around the 4th floor, went to toilette and back and then toilette again and back again.

last 2 periods was maths, where i tried to pay attention but i kinda couldnt. i was daydreaming most of the time , or talking to either girls on my sides, which were asleah and siying. when the last period was ending, we all made plans to eat hei sushi tgt.

once the final bell for the day went, we all dashed home, and met back again at dte's hei sushi. guess what? i was the first to arrive! saw jing hui on the way there, he was gg to work.

eons later asleah and pearl came along, and then many many eons later timothy and then some more eons later rayner. so we all went into hei sushi aft looking at the prices thingy outside.

so, yeah. we all ate like we aint gonna be there for tomorrow. took whatever tht looked nice, except the black and red plates, cause we'd have to pay if we took those. whenever we saw smth tht looked nice but it was on one of those coloured plates, we would look so disappointed, haha.

alotta funny shit happened as well. at one point we all suddenly wanted takoyaki , so we stared and stared at the belt for some to come along. many eons later saw a few at the other side of the shop.

guess what tim did, he stood up and dashed all the way there, grabbing two plates of takoyaki and running back to our table. we were all damn happy and started eating those straightway, heh.

we all ate so much! i kept taking the ebi . didnt eat the tails tho, idk why, hmm . and this is how much we all ate, along with some of the pics we randomly took .






so then, paid the bill which was a whopping 114. paid my share of 22 and left the rest to settle among themselves. blah3 many eons later i was walking to ws with asleah, talking abt boys.

o yeah! saw ris nurul and fadzlee. the latter was like, "seindah~" . hehehe. memories.

went to popular cause we both needed to get some stuff. somehow i felt damn incomplete at this point . for some reason ah. i wanted to go to lib but asleah told me NO ): so didnt go. anyhoos, i still have 6 books in my possession, half of which ive not started reading.

laughed a lot with her. she's one of the few who can naturally make me laugh altho without the intention. but the most irritating thing abt these ppl in my life is tht, when i look at them, i would want to laugh alr. for no good reason.

stopped by cotton on, wondering which hoodie to get for shady, before gg to withdraw money (asleah) while i went to topped up her ez link card. then many eons later, i am home.

i am home.

nobody's home. i think if i threw a party for a whole day in this house, nobody in the family would have known.

so. i wonder where's irshad.

sometimes i miss the 2009 times. or the 2010 days before he kissed me on the forehead. the best friend times. sometimes. not all the time. i'm pleased with whatever i have.

currently listening to some Nine Days. the little area between the knuckles of my middle and forefingers still hurt, even when im typing. shall ask asleah to massage during class tmrw.

O SHIT ! i just realized tht ive not paid irshad his $45. holy firetruck! is tht why he seems angry with me!?!?

if you meant me to stand here just to watch you suffer, then be assured i shall let you down.

first day of the month!

why is my bf's ex still talking abt my bf ? stop it lah sia.

heidiho my firetrucks, i am home. shall we talk abt today now? i've alr promised my diary tht i would blog the details of all the shit tht's happened today. but let's not get to tht, take it slow alright?

it's february! guess what, if you look at the archives at the side, there's a February 2012 right at the bottom now :3 i texted some awesome ppl, gg all happy happy. and guess what?! was putting on my shoes when my father popped outta nowhere and placed 4 bucks on the dining table. my sch allowance!

dumped the notes into my box, since i've alr taken out a few coins from my savings for the day, and stepped out of the house feeling a little light (?) .

alighted at central to meet with timothy who was at shop and save. walked to sch as always, talked abt his stalker. and then he talked abt the book he got ytd, the one abt the abused girl. hell yeah, an abused girl.

when we got to class, started reading "going"2 . to tell you the truth, it's not to my liking so far. o well. and then we had writing, which is one of my most fave periods to be honest.

some eons later when the 8 o clock bell rang, we all went to toilette to change, and guess what? i had my fringe clipped up thru out p.e. today ^_^ watched the guys play sepak takraw, damn funny shit.

at one point it came flying straight at us, i managed to duck and it bounced off the wall and hit siying's shoulder i think.

aft p.e it was humans, where we were supposed to have a development test. when mrs sherri was like, "does anyone want to postpone this test?" i saw daniel tersengih-sengih to himself, and i was like, "daniel." and then he was like "....!!!"

mrs sherri was like, "daniel? you want to postpone the test?" and then turned out zharfan wanted to as well, and then teacha was like, "can you guys gimme a valid reason?" and then daniel was like, "cause we just finished playing p.e. and we are very tired."

so yeah, now the test is tmrw. did pair work instead. which was pretty boring, i dislike pair work. and group work. well actually depends on who the ppl are la .

aft tht was recess. lingered in the classroom for a little while, and then syazana was like, "eh y u no wish me happy birthday!?" i thought i did, but then it was just a dream.

had my fringe clipped up thru recess too! had elective aft tht, but i didnt want to go to the art room cause i thought ms chua didnt want to see my face for being a horrible student. followed asleah to f&n instead, aft saying bye to farizah, pearl and siying (which felt downright weird) .

nobody was at the home econs room, so we were lingering around like lost souls. walked up and down the random blocks, me wanting to avoid walking anywhere tht could be seen by ms chua. (i know the views from the art room ok)

in the end, found the rest of the f&n peeps in the comp lab 4. waited outside while asleah asked ms siti if i could linger around with them for the 2 periods. then ms siti came out and was like, "yes you may, but you better not disturb my students." ^_^

i didnt ok? i was a very good girl, doing my self studying. revised some ss. when the period was ending, received a text from syazana and she said tht mr singh was looking for me.

when i got back to 5/1 classroom, everyone was kecoh abt how mr singh was looking for me. along came the art students, and farizah said smth abt mr syafie calling my parents. and then someone said tht someone said tht i played truancy. i forgot both the someones.

sat at my desk, and then timothy asked me to close the back door for him, so i did. mrs woo happened to pass by, and when she saw me she retraced her steps and told me to come out for awhile, so i was like, o shit. luckily my fringe was up.

she asked me where i went, so i told her i was with the fnn peeps. she was like, "why did you go there when you are from art? you made all of us so worried, i thought you had blacked out somewhere or smth. please don't do tht again."

i told her abt how i was afraid ms chua didnt want to see my face.
she gave me this =.= look and was like, "i'll talk to you again. go back to class now."

went back to my seat where timothy and syazana asked what mrs woo said and then along came pearl who was like telling me all the shit tht ms chua said and then siying came and kept saying i die then asleah was like saying she gave ms siti the wrong info, saying i had 'no elective' and THE CLASSROOM WAS DAMN BLOODY KECOH ABT THE WHOLE ORDEAL SIA!

had chemistry aft tht.

and then maths.

then we were all dismissed.

took bus with asleah and timothy, where they both disturbed me when i was standing in the middle of them. as always. love them both tho. awesome ppl. around 3 smth, went back to ws to meet with asleah and pearl cause we were gonna have lunchey with siying.

took the train to changi city point , cause they were planning on eating manhattan fish market. their good olde workplace. felt so damn lost when they were all hugging and there i was tryna smile at their colleagues but none of them even bothered to look at me.

was abt to go off, when i saw tht my girls were alr ushered to a table, like finally. looked at the menus, ordered, and then our food arrived, then decided to get desert. the whole time, they all kept talking to their colleagues/bosses who just had to linger around the table. the fuck people, i'm tryna eat here.

aft desert, they were still talking so thought i'd go to toilette for awhile. when i got back, i saw tht they were all sitting with their colleagues. i didnt want to join them, cause i'd look like such a thick skinned douche. so thought i'd let them bond awhile.

went outside to soak in some heat while waiting for them. texted asleah to tell me when they were gonna pay the bill. eons later , no text. siying came along and told me no, the bill still hasnt been paid, so i passed her 10 bucks.

when she went off, i decided to go off as well. so i did, texted siying first. and then made my way back to pasir ris on my own. went to get a hair cut. you guys wouldnt see a difference but my fringe is kinda away from eyes now.

aft i get contacts, i wanna cut some hairstyle which-idk-the-name-but-i-know-how-it-looks-like. mmhmm.

when i got home, nobody was home. everyone was at their priorities, cept my mom who was out at USS with her colleagues.

i tried to braid my hair earlier. to the side. hmm, it wasnt tht bad. the way it looked, i mean.

currently making some weird piccie thingy to put at the top of my bloggie, just a messy collage. yeah, imma changing my skin soon too, i think. or maybe i shall just edit the colours. yeahh . thank you for reading this, my firetrucks. love you all. ^_^

holy shit, i miss him.

heidiho firetrucks. i have some shit to say.

1. yes, i am indeed gonna drop art. ms chua encourages it, in fact.

2. i am gonna pick myself up.

mmm. from tmrw onwards, i shall be back to the way i were, gg all "ahahahaha!" and ^_^ and :D and all tht shit. and all smiles and all tht crap. you shall hear my annoying voice and see my bloody face every 10 seconds of your life.

okay, we shall start tmrw. so, for now i shall still talk in this bloody monotone. thank you for listening, i shall do my stuff now, like looking thru my notebooks. goodbye, my firetrucks. love you.

i was found by ppl i didnt want to be found by.

i'm home.

was forced to go to sch again today. altho i'm sick. yeah, bloody hell, i'm sick . with fever, for fuck sake.

aft sch, went to watch i not naughty with the girls today, except for siying who couldnt make it. i'm kind of too tired to blog the details, so, here are just some pics. went to rooftop to camwhore.









have i told you tht the chain i put my ring on broke? yeah, it broke on my way to work. the chain is shorter now, and i cant sling it around my neck anymore. i have to take it apart and put it back tgt again, if u get what i mean.

so let's update you on my life. nth much, really. just tht i feel disconnected with the ppl from pasir ris/tampines, somehow. like... hm, i dont know how to explain it. but in other words, i only feel comfortable with the ppl/cats at guilley and my EK colleagues now.

it's like, when i'm around my family, or the 7 girls, or the juniors at sch, or the ppl i see everyday around the neighbourhood. i feel like ... i'm in a different region. like a whole island totally.

when im at guilley, everyone tells me stories. abt the cats, or abt their past, sch days, or abt what's their plans for the day. my aunt, my granny, my uncles. they all tell me things. they acknowledge my presence.

the cats run to me when i enter the house, they follow me everywhere when i'm walking around. zorro and hometown come to me when i'm sulking on the bed, and zorro curls up between my legs and butt to sleep with me .

at EK , they tell me things too. they update me on things at work, they talk abt their sch and other colleagues, ask me what i ate for break. we talk, we laugh when another colleague gets scolded, we disturb each other. we regard each other's presence.

....do you know what it feels like to have your whole family know smth tht only you didnt? don't you feel damn left out, and feel like you dont belong? like they all dont regard you as their family? dont you know how much it hurts?

yeah, it hurts. it really does.

dont you wonder why they all come searching for you everytime you run away? but when you're back in the house, they just dump you in your room, and they forget why they even bothered to drag you back home.

naz is always on the ps3 or downstairs playing with his friends.
naqib is always out with his bloody girlfriend, which i decide tht i will still hate forever.
mom is always focusing on her two sons.
dad is always too busy at work.

they all have smth more important than me. so yeah, i have someone more important than them too, which is my grandmother. if they all can have their priorities, why cant i ?

if only my room is a box tht i can magically transport. or if only i'm an architect , i'll build a house for the ppl at guilley to move into. just so you know, the living conditions at guilley is not close to as luxurious as pasir ris. just so you know .

but i'm still way happier there. why? cause of the ppl/cats.

enough abt homes. what abt sch you ask? i can always wake up early in the morning to go sch, no big deal abt tht. just take 7 to bedok, and take 17. no sweat. waking up early in the morning is a pleasantry.

and speaking of sch, i'm thinking of dropping art. idk, i just dont feel tht interested anymore. the drawing and painting and shading, all just seem too troublesome alr. i dont like topics. i'd rather draw smth out of whatever shit tht's in my head .

i cant stand drawing out all the boards shit. i cant be bothered to think of explorations of ideas and the manipulation is just too damn frustrating. artist influences arent necessary, i'd rather draw whatever style i want. i'm damn sick and tired of having cambridge ppl judge my art.

yeah, i wanna drop art. shall talk to ms chua abt it tmrw. (but i kinda fear natalee following me drop out of o level art. i hope she doesnt follow in the wrong footsteps.)

i've got a new diary, completed the light saber notebook last night. and ive started on a new book too, finished reading "the mark" . started on "going going" this morn during reading.

o, and i didnt want to come sch today cause i woke up feeling damn hot. but what do you expect? i was forced again, cause "this year you are doing ur o levels with your cousin. you cant afford to lose out to their family" .

tapi asal aku je? my bro is also taking psle with another cousin what. why me? in fact, why so competitive? why must compare your own child to another's? when she gave birth to me, did she look at other ppl's newborn and compare with me? tht doesnt make sense, so why compare?

i have always loved my family. all 4 of them, no matter how they treat me like shit sometimes. but i'm tired. i'm damn tired.

tryna be to my parents' expectations cause im their only 'hope' in studies. (my lil bro has been failing his exams pretty badly, and he's only in p6), taking care of my bros when my parents aint home.

and i have to work to have money cause i still aint getting allowance for sch. (tho my mom gave me 15 this morn to take a cab to sch)

but, o well.
i'm still very, very fortunate. and i'm still very, very grateful for this life. still wanna be me, no matter what. know what's my name? Nur E'indah Nadhirah . mmhmm. hahahahahah k .

the road froze over on my way back home.

nobody can find me here .

hey. as you can see, i am on the internet. where am i, you ask? i'm somewhere where nobody can find me. nobody. no-body.

shall i share with you ytd as well , or just share z today? okay, both days it is.

i didnt go to sch ytd, cause i woke up feeling downright pathetic, physically and emotionally. stayed in bed the whole morning and afternoon, til abt 2 i think, when i got out of bed to shower and to meet with siying and timothy.

brought some extra stuff, cause the plan was to go to work at 6, and then head to guilley aftwards. for a sleepover.

met with those 2 awesome ppl at mini toons, and they both got a bunch of sweets/marshmallows. both of them hurriedly offered me some of their candy, and when i had siying's in my mouth, tim offered me his, and i was like, wait. and then he gave me this sad face.

made our way to long john silver to have lunchey, where i didnt eat much. i just bought dessert and beverage, and then siying gave me 2 of her shrimp, the darling. and some fries, which i gladly took.

timothy bought many 'potatoes', and then he asked me to try the potato salad, which was what i did. i was like, "tastes like pineapple." siying took a look and what i took, and she was like, "yeah, it is pineapple."

while eating, laughed a lot too. talked abt sch (for them) and then we decided to go to the library. i was hopping up the stairs and then timothy was like, "why are you rushing??" and then siying was like, "because she likes libraries." smth like tht, somehow i found tht sweet.

my shoes were damn squeaky, annoyingly. siying and timothy kept staring at my nikes and gg all, "annoying." (siying) and ".....nice squeaky shoes." (timothy)

in the end, i borrowed another book. i really cannot leave a library without borrowing at least one book sia, serious. is tht a good or a bad habit? you decide.

i borrowed an elly griffiths! the sequel to the janus stone, which was the sequel to the crossing places, which is titled "the house at sea's end" . hehe!

made our way to bus interchange, where we took 3 and then we all just slacked on the bus. siying alighted first, at her house, and then i alighted at dte, where i made my way to work. saw fatin and haryani, who waved at me and i was like squinting and then i was like o hey!

rushed to work. and i got BP, which aint half bad la. some eons later shahrul came along and we had this convo:

him: eindah~ asal tadi kau dtg lambat?
me: o, sekolah.
him: bedek ah! aku nampak kau kat whitesands sey!
me: oops.
him: hahahahaha! nak tipu tak agak-agak sey!
me: (x

yeah, i did see him too, along with hanah, but they didnt seem to have seen me so thats what i presumed.

nth much happened, except tht i was damn bored out of my wits. first of all, i had my diary but my pen ran out of ink! (tht's like the worst disaster ever) secondly, i placed my phone in the gr office so i could neither text nor tweet. and there were so little ppl, in terms of customers and the colleagues.

i wrote this poem. see if you can depict its meaning or not, or, its place.

she kicks her feet off the sand
gets her whole weight in the air
the chains creak
she stays put despite feeling weak

her toes pointing to the direction
where freedom and suicide come in union
she ignores the temptation
by continuing to stay in motion.

dadadoo, ended shift at 10. chit chatted at the ops office for awhile before making my way to gr office where i talked with mazni and then i made my way to ntuc to buy stuff. got milk tea and chocolate. (guess what chocolate? nope, not kbw. surprising right?)

took 17 all the way to the end, before taking 7 , cause i was gg guilley. reached there around 11.30 smth, where not only my granny greeted me, but zorro, hometown, katie, and tilda. all of them crowded by the door.

blah3, fell asleep only at 12.30 cause granny insisted tht i eat first before gg to shower and then to sleep. damn difficult to sleep with all the bells ringing in my ears. but then again, tht's just what i love abt guilley: the pleasant noise.

every little sound is just... so very precious.

let's move on to today.

woke up at 745, and then went to shower. when i was inside the toilette i realised tht i forgot to take along my underwear so i wanted to go get them. when i opened the door, zorro, tanda and halia were all crowded right outside, staring up at me.

they were all blocking my way and when i tried to walk, they all dashed in fronta me, so it was like i had them as my bodyguards, and while they walked in fronta me, all of them looked behind at me, if you get what i mean. alamak, damn irritating you know!

left guilley around 8.10 to head to work. took 7 to bedok, where i took 17. halfway thru the trip i realized i was gonna be late, but i managed to reach on time, just a little aft the briefing started. i got BOC.

talked with bennicker a lot today, his station was MP which was right next to mine. he aint half bad, he's a cool dude too.

yong heng was the mid shift, along with this new dude whom ive never seen before named sebastien. he covered me for me to go breakkie, where i went to get myself some twix and lingered at e hub entrance to soak in the heat.

when i got back to EK, i was walking into the gr office when i saw this dude whom ive never seen before. a party co i think, or a gro. heard him asking "siaper tu?", and then the gro whose name idk looked at me and was like, "o, she's a playguide." and the dude kept looking at me. his face so the chinese.

back at BOC, i was sitting on the stairs by my station and reading The Mark, (the book tht im currently reading, ive finished Fade) when suddenly one of the BOC balls hit me on the head.

turned, there was nobody there and i started to get pretty freaked. and then i saw yong heng walking sneakily away from my direction.

ran towards him, and when he saw me he started running too, and then bennicker was like, "eh woah! chill man, dont fight!" and then, hayati walkied, "hayati to playguides, PLEASE STOP PLAYING. the whole world can see you not dg your job." =_____=

the whole morning til my break aye, believe it or not, not a single kid came into my station. seriously! and then i managed to slack at MP with yong heng and bennicker. they saw the pic of irshad and i in my diary and asked to take a look .

heard yong heng saying to bennicker, "eh, eh, ta de nan pengyou not bad eh. *points to irshad's face* hen cute hor?" hahahahah, i find tht damn cute.

got so damn bored. o, o, this was damn funny.

hayati: yong heng , can check out the mound?
yong heng: huh, which mum?
hayati: the MOUND !! why would i ask you to check out mums for me?

omg tht was so funny sia. then eons later i was searching for yong heng.

me: bennicker, where's yong heng?
bennicker: o, he went to search for the mum.
me: oy serious la!
him: why??? you also want search for mum ah?

i find tht funny sia, serious. the way he said it. haha, he also one gerek dude la he. found yong heng at BP , and when he saw me he started running again, went thru the cave to corner him and then he was like T__________T

syafiq anuar was one of the pm shifters! been eons since i last saw him. waved like mad and then he also waved like mad and was like, "oy! dah lamer tak nampak!?"

saw tht he had a bowl cut. hahaha, cause, he's still in sec sch per. during the hols his hair was super long. pointed at his hair and laughed, and then i was like, "what happened to your hair?" and then he was like =______________= . HAHAHAHA.

bennicker and i , every few mins we would look at each other over the distance and signal the number of mins we had til dismissal, cause he was also am shift. when it was 4, we dashed to BP to say bye to yong heng before making another mad dash to the ops office to clock out.

of course, the time on the clock out machine was still 15:58 , so we all just slacked around first. when it was finally 16:00, shot my hand to take my check-out card but hanah beat me to it again, dammit!

she laughed and bennicker and i were like =__________= and then we all clocked out and went to the gr office, where i sat and chatted with fadzli (party co) before texting irshad. and yeah, he couldnt make it, aft all.

bennicker saw me with muka gembeng . he had this wide-eyed look on his face, and when i caught him staring, he looked all the more surprised and tried to look away, but i smiled and waved and he was like, "oh, bye."

there's a reason why i'm pissed.
there's a reason why i wanted to see him badly.
most of all, there's a reason why i came to guilley. only fools would believe me if i said there was no reason.

so here i am, somewhere where nobody could find me.
nobody.

just souls.
the right kind.

dammit. this sucks. i feel like i shouldnt have told anyone abt the MBWOE aft all.

if i were to be MIA, remember this :

heidiho, firetrucks. wee oo wee oo wee oo. holy firetrucks! you may now kiss the bride.

as you can see, i'm drunk.

how was my day you ask? come, let us share with you the day coded 26012012. i woke up to the alarm and kept snoozing til 525, where the little voice in my head told me to get up. i refused, of course. and then i said, "5 more minutes please."

set 1 last alarm for 530 and went back to sleep, tht little voice saying, annoyed, "you better get up at 530 sharp." and i'm like "okaaaaiiiii bosss." and, 5 mins felt like 5 seconds. unfortunately.

so i got up, grabbed my towel and uni and underwear and headed to the toilette, and at this point of time the dream tht i was having wouldnt stop playing in my mind. (tho i alr cant rmb anything abt last night's dream right now)

anyhoos, i took the bus today. timothy didnt text me, strangely, so i didnt know whether he was coming along with me or not. sat by z posb machines, spamming him texts but no answer, so i eventually went on ahead.

when i got near the side gate, i picked up my speed. honestly, i didnt want to see irshad. at all. i have a very cheem reason for tht.

had reading at the parade sq today, where i started on "fade", the sequel to "Wake". was so excited! read on, and then aft reading period, the class splitz to go for their respective elective classrooms.

i went to class first cause my art stuffs was beneath my desk. i got scolded by miss chua, because i've been slacking. she said my current work is affirmatively an E8 standard. die sia.

had english aft tht, back at z 5/1 classroom, where ms adimah was waiting. we were all like dadadoo and then suddenly she started screaming and pointing to the door. turned out to be a lizard and she was like, "cicak! CICAK !!"

during recess, went to gym with siying. talked to her a lot, and then i pointed out the places where irshad would be if he was still in prcs.

i know tht during recess he would be by the MT classrooms on the third floor, forearms on the railings and looking at the ish area. and then during lunch, he would be walking around the area, and then sometimes he would sit by the lane connecting the art room to the labs.

yes, i do take note of his whereabouts, cause aft all, i did have a crush on him all along. *blush*

had one period of physics aft tht, and tht was when i remembered tht we had extra class for physics aft sch. i completely forgot all abt it !

during humans, gave presentation with daniel and pearl. tht was loads of fun, admittedly. rmb the times when daniel and i were like super close friends in sec 1? haha.

had 1 more period of MT, where i paid attention, before having our lunch period. i stayed in class to read, with jonathan lingering around with the tube of silver wrap. and then out of the blue, syazana came bursting into the room screaming!

we seem to have this picnic-in-the-classroom thing during lunch every thursday.

syazana kept calling me Big Monster! hehe. i kinda like tht. shall start calling her Small Monster from now on. this closeness with her, it makes me really happy. cause she's, aft all, my childhood friend.

we rarely talked all these years, but ever since make up bridging, when we shared stories from our current grown up life, it just seems so.... hmm idk, like wow. the last time we ever talked as much was probably abt some lame shit abt some hmmm idk. but you get what i mean, i hope.

i was reading my Fade when she plopped herself right next to me and wouldnt stop annoying me. then she said smth which i forgot and then i was like, "omg, i hate you!"

she straightway was like, "how can you say tht eindah? you shouldnt lie to me you know, what if aft you say tht i run out and someone happened to be playing with the projector thingy and then i got knocked by it and then i fainted and died and the last thing you said to me was you hate me, how would you feel eindah? dont lie to me ok eindah, i love you too ok eindah."

halfway thru i was laughing like fuck alr.

we had maths aft tht, where i obediently did my matrices, all alone on my desk. when mr low went off at 3.15 , waited for a few mins for mr collins to come pulak, so i did a little of reading first. and during the physics remedial, i did my work like a good girl too.

overall, i was a very good girl today. mommy would be so proud of me.

went home and rested for awhile, before making my way out again at 6 smth to meet with asleah bby. she's been absent the past few days, cause she took advantage of her 2days mc , i hear.

i have asleah's chemy test with me, and i was texting her to remind me to pass it to her later on. and then she asked me whether she passed or not. well, she didnt, and i didnt know what to say man. in the end i was like, "i'll keep it a surprise (:" (a smiley face for the positive atmosphere)

went to the lib cause we both had books to return. and omg, i borrowed two more. i'm alr finishing Fade soon btw. so now, i have like 5 lib books in my possession. i just love to read. *blush*

bought mac's and when we reached the bus interchange, both our buses came. she dashed for her 359 aft exchanging goodbyes, and then i saw tht two of my buses came. in the end decided to take 58.

when walking thru z EM, i saw jenny but some dude was giving her food. so i just went home. when walking by z lift landing at 605, one lift was at the 13th floor, and the other one opened just as i walked right past it. most of the time always like tht. macam cool .

and anyhoos , here we are right now.

finances are improving. tummy aches are still constant tho, but i've alr mastered the art of keeping my face straight thru the pain, and i've even learnt to control my hands from automatically gg to my tummy when the pain comes.

i'm getting mighty pissed/upset over the slightest things these days. i dont think it's my TOTM tho. mm. see, there's tht feeling again, of wanting to overturn this whole table and smashing my comp to pieces. i dont even know whats wrong.

im trying to keep from doing tht by occupying myself with z typing. help me, someone. anyone.

the place where she's been with both her best friend and her boyfriend.

do you guys read my titles?

hey firetrucks, i'm doing maths now.

this morn, i woke up to the really strong vibration of my phone right underneath my cheek. siying was calling me, at 3 am in the morning. i rejected and texted her gg all "what do you want?" and when i waited eons, awake in bed, getting no reply, i got pissed.

eventually i fell asleep. and then i got up and got ready for sch and then i was leaving me home at 620. i saw kittens! three of them! the little white feline tht wanted to follow me home the other day gave birth! ^_^

they all poked their heads out of the drains to stare at me, the sweet little darlings. wanted to pet their mother but she was surrounded by them and i didnt want to scare them off so i just let them be and made my way to sch.

yupp, i walked from home today. when was the last time i did tht? o yeah, 8th nov. tht was with irshad :3 but the last time i was on my own? idr.

met timothy at central and then we walked to sch tgt and then halfway he got despo for the toilette. o yeah! and we bumped into hafiz! he asked me abt art stuff. hmm. i miss having him around .

first period was PE, which was fun! not cause i played tho, i didnt. cause i talked with syazana the whole of the 2 periods. she made me laugh as always, i just love the way she malas to layan me! very funny, somehow. she got irritated tho.

aft tht it was humans, and we all got into our groups. i was with pearl and daniel, and then priscilla's group was giving presentation. we're seriously not used to hearing jia ni's voice sia, and when she spoke, i had this itch to laugh.

i stared at daniel cause somehow i knew he confirm wanna laugh too. turned to look at him, and i was right, he was tryna hold in his laughter. and then i snorted and then he looked at me and smirked and then we ended up laughing.

during recess, it was the 5 of us again, like last week. farizah, pearl, sabrina, siying and i . i cant rmb what happened to the rest.

the 5 of us smuggled food to the gym area , and then halfway thru our enjoyment of the meal, farizah said mr singh was by the third floor mother tongue rooms. we all panicked like shit and started tossing the food/drink stuff into our bags!

i happened to be reading, and when everyone was like so nervous while mr singh was walking past the toilets by the labs, i sempat munch on my pao between the pages of incredibly alice xD

had elective aft tht, and then pearl siying and i went to change. i was casually walking to the toilette swinging my uniform when i heard an effing stampede behind me. somehow it scared me and it made me run like shit for the toilet !

back in art period, everyone was like dadadoo when ms chua suddenly shouted from the printer, "EEEW! WHOSE CHEWING GUM!?!?!?" i thought she meant the real deal and i was getting mighty shocked, but it was just the pictures tht i printed out last week and forgot to take from the printer.

i got bored. i didnt do my work, and instead, i drew this:



i screwed up the T cause it's like supposed to be as long as the M's tail. but i forgot :B and i screwed the logo thingy at the top too. hey, i was bored.

had chemy aft tht, and mrs ang was like lecturing us cause more than half the class failed the test she gave us last week. i was like hoooboyyy..... and guess what? when i got back my test, i got 13 out of 20 :3 i was one of the few to have passed it. but still, i musnt compare my own results with others, so, it is still not very good.

during maths, i silently sat alone doing my own work. hmmm, among the new topics, i like matrices the most. and among all the maths topics, i think i do like it the most too. as well as graphs. i'm still proud of the graphs class test in 2010 where i got the highest in class ^_^

and then the sch bell rang and mr low dismissed us, but for some reason all the 5/1 ppl were still lingering in the classroom, so siying and i did too, by default. and then we left some eons later, along with timothy. then went home on the same bus as tim.

while waiting for the bus, i saw irshad running for the 17 opposite. when he was on the bus alr, i saw him staring right at me, and i waved. but he didnt see tht, i guess.

when i got home, i saw tht naz was sleeping. threw pillows at him and jumped on the freaking bed just to wake him up, and in the end he did so i was like, "HEY LET'S GO! CEPAT MANDI!" cause we had planned to go lunchey and then lib tgt.

and then he was like, "can my friend follow?" i said no, of course. he's always playing the effing ps3 with them, why must i allow his friends to follow when we once in a while go out just the 2 of us?

he kept asking and gg all "alar, boleh ah". til i got so pissed and i was like "NO!" then he started throwing tht fuck tantrum. i went to shower and then i got ready and all tht, and when we were at the doorstep putting on our shoes, i tried to disturb him like i always do.

but for some reason he was damn fucking pissed just cause his friend couldnt follow, and i seriously tried to be as patient as i could. i really did. i almost went all violent on him. almost.

things got better over lunch. and then we made our way to popular cause he had stuff to buy. saw pearl, priscilla and shushan. exchanged greetings, and then at popular, i saw the syirah insyirah and natasha natty.

the former saw me first, and then she called out to her friend and then said smth, and then she looked at me semacam. i disliked tht look of hers sia. the way she looked at me. in fact, i dislike the way some juniors look at me sometimes. like, the fuck, i'm a fucking sec 5. look at me with respect.

slacked at lib aft tht, and then saw some other crestians. some dudes from 4/1 if i aint wrong. read more of incredibly alice while my bro did his english hw, occasionally asking me to check and all tht.

and then blah3, i was standing between bookshelves on my own and wondering what on earth to borrow. i had two more books at home which i forgot to bring to return. but thankfully the library is doubling your loan quota!, so we could borrow up to "12 to 32 items" .

i ended up borrowing 3 books, the first is the sequel to "Wake", second abt this girl who can predict a person's death, and third abt disappearing significance, from what i can tell from the summary.

omg! so damn excited to start reading on them. okay, okay, aft i finish my hw, i promise!

so well anyways, yeah. tht's how my day went today. how was yours? i know irshad has had his first day of cca, and then siying and timothy went to have lunch/dinner to celebrate their 1st month which was on saturday the 21st. hm, yeah... everyone's busy. as always .

i shall get cracking too. i'm doing maths! :3

woah! guess what? it didnt take me an hour to complete this post. i always take more than. hehe.

i can't fit in anybody's arms.

something's wrong with me. i'm not getting along with me. my eyes pasted on the ceiling; i cant get my mind to stop working.

naz said he would watch a dvd with me . but he's on the ps3 with naqib right now.

tht's so unfair.

hm. it's okay. i can always watch dvd alone. as always. haix. anyhoos, how was my day you ask? it was pretty boring... i didnt go out, altho i was damn restless staying at home. have i told you tht tummy aches are still constant? yes, they are.

and with my time of the month here, the monthly cramps and the 2-week tummy ache is the worst combo ever. it had been awhile since tummy ache hit a scale of even 6.5, but it hit 8 ytd afternoon. somehow i feel like im referring to earthquake magnitudes here.

i dont have much to say here. most of my thoughts right now are just my personal feelings. which im quite sure none of you wanna read abt, cause, they're just my whines and complains.

okay, tht doesnt matter. i found my A4 sketchbook today, along with some of the poems i wrote during those times, which was the year 2010. found some which i wrote in a desperate attempt to call out to someone, regarding the thing abt the MBWOE . hmm .

we're in 2012 now. january is ending soon alr. feels quite fast, and yet, it's so slow. mm... one of the poems is abt tht : time.

time is waiting in the dark
observing what may be called art
time is sitting by the hourglass
watching the sand fall as the seconds slowly pass

time is racing against the clock
deafened by the crow's caw
time is slowly forgetting names
dust gathering in photo frames

time is not awaiting the future
looking at the clock thru the mirror
time is the waves never reaching your feet
not knowing the definition of speed

time is staring at the one you love
counting the infinity stars above
time is finding tears in a smile
a centimetre becoming a mile

time is the definition of suddenly
compared with the meaning of immediately
time is avoiding the speeding cars
only God knowing the due dates for these scars

time is your enemy suddenly loving you
a newborn taking decades just To turn two
time is the cracks in a mural
awaiting the guests at my funeral.

this was written in may 2010. i still rmb, i completed it when i was in detention with irshad. hmm, yeah... remember tht?

there's sch tmrw. i feel like walking to sch from home instead of from central like always. the very first time i walked to sch all the way from home was on the 16th of july, 2010, if i aint wrong. smth made me upset, but i cant rmb what.

o yeah! cause the previous day, irshad was like angry with me over smth tht made him upset. but i dont rmb what. but i rmb him saying smth like tht. ok, you get what i mean, i think?

hmmm...... what have we got to say today......?

like i said, most of the things i would like to say out are all just whines. stuff tht you wouldnt like to read abt, cause it'll ruin your mood. it'll make ppl think i'm an attention seeker, i guess. yeah.... an attention seeker.

sorry, i aint used to it. no matter what, writing is still my passion. not blogging. they're two entirely different things. quoted off my diary from september last year:

i realised tht writing is still my forte. not blogging. it may seem the same but it's not.

whats the difference between blogging and writing? it's only one reason, a very simple one yet extreme. writing is on paper, while blogging is on the comp.

on the comp, the font is fixed. your handwriting is the same, unless you change your font. on paper, your handwriting is constantly changing. it changes based on your feelings... if your handwriting's neat, you're in a comfy mood/feeling fresh. if you're angry, the writing is so deep tht it seeps thru to the other page. and if you're sad, the writing seems calm, slow. sometimes a spot of smudged ink gives a hint tht you've been crying.

my point is, writing shows your feelings more than typing. and tht is why i prefer spiral notebooks to computer notebooks.

another difference between these two is tht , when i blog, i blog for people. my diary is more for personal shit. no audience. when im blogging i am aware tht it is for somebody.

solitude is always accompanied by misery. tht's why i'd rather be with somebody than be all alone. i'm like tht. no, everyone's like tht. it's difficult to cry when you're with people. but once you shut tht bedroom door behind you, and you're all alone, the thoughts just keep coming, and the tears just keep flowing.

like i said..... we're all alone. we've always been all alone, all of us. when we're happy, it's because we made ourselves feel tht. when we're sad, or angry, it's because we allowed the negativity to get to us. everything tht we feel is all caused by us. we allowed those feelings in.

we shouldnt blame others for our sadness too. if the Love of your Life leaves you, you only have yourself to blame if you feel the impact. you have the choice to get up and move on, but you chose to stay on the ground, staring at the spot where he disappeared at. yeah, it's your fault. not his.

yeah... in this world, it's all abt you. nobody else. you.

just, you.

this song is for you all :3

yupp, it's for all of you.

my beloved parents .

heidiho my firetrucks. hmm.... what shall we talk abt today? my day was ordinary , i just went for a little walk in the late afternoon, aft i had a nap from noon to 4 smth. i'm bored.

my desk is in a mess! i like it this way. did a little bit of cleaning up ytd, and i really disliked the neatness, to put it gently. they say virgos are neat freaks. i'm not. so what does tht prove? tht horoscopes are bullshit.

and they also say virgos are perfectionists. i dont regard myself as one. or not i would have become lady-like many eons ago. i think.

anyhoos, i am bored. hehe, currently chatting with z awesome best friend on fb chat. she's still in msia and she sez she misses me like shit ^_^ cant wait to see her, i miss her a lot too. i thought she said she'd only be gone for the saturday, but why isnt she back yet? -.-

fuckyeahnotebooks!

what did i dream abt during my nap earlier you ask? hmm.... tak ingat pulak.... just now i remembered sia. then i forgot. i do remember, but i forgot. okay, i am bored.

o yeah! when i woke up, my mom came to my room and told me tht the neighbour gave bro and i 22 bucks each. i was half asleep and accidentally took the money with my left hand. when i did, i opened my eyes wide and was like, "O SHIT! WRONG HAND!"

i must have shocked the shit out of my mom cause she was like frantically waving her hands in the air and looking at me, then to her hands, and then to me again. and then she was like, =______________________________= HAHAHAHAHA, her reaction was priceless!

so yeah! my finances are improving :3 first of all, i needa pay for tys , 6 bucks for chemy and 7 each for phy and maths. and then i needa pay irshad back his 45, and then imma treat siying sarpino's.

hmm. i miss them.

what's my plans for tmrw you ask? hm. im not so sure either! :D

my dad is outside nagging at naz to clean up the mess he made in the living room. dad's a libra, while mom's a virgo like me. mom doesnt seem to care abt neatness either, she's always telling us to fold our own clothes cause she cant be bothered =_=

mom once told me tht dad lied to his colleagues abt their age differences. the truth is mom is older than dad by two weeks. apparently dad's real embarrassed abt tht, so he told his colleagues tht he's older than her by two years.

they met at his current workplace, where she used to work. which is cisco, in case you're wondering. mom said tht when they first met, he was a real clumsy dude and bumped into her a lot of times. mom just maki him each time sia =_=

it took mom a really long time to conceive my older bro, and she and dad were so damn worried when she still wasnt pregnant by the first wedding anniversary. and then some time later, when she found out she was pregnant, my mom screamed like shit at the clinic !

yeah, im just sharing with ya some of the stories she told me tht night/morning before 1st day of sch, when we both couldnt sleep.

oh yeah! i still rmb, tht time on hari raya haji if i aint wrong. we bumped into my mom's ex boyfriend . he has his own family alr, and they all looked so damn stuck up. we all stared at each other, and then my dad got so damn pissed aft tht xD

he was like, "eh, jantan tu. matair lamer kau." and then my mom was like -________-

am i boring you? i hope not. okay, let's include you guys in the topic. what do my parents think of my regular readers :D

first, maya cousie! hmmm. mom rarely talks abt her nowadays, actually. just tht occasionally asks abt how she's doing and all tht. tht day, when o level results were released, mom kept asking me what are her results.

i told her tht cousie didnt reply me, and then mom, believe it or not, had this genuinely worried look on her face the whole time.

up next, siying. mom likes her a lot, and treats her like her own daughter. among the whole clique, mom likes her the most followed by asleah. she's always asking me, at the end of every year, whether they got promoted with me or not, and whether we are still in the same class or not.

whenever siying pops by for a visit, mom would always poke her nose into my bedroom and ask siying if she needs anything and all the usual chatter. and if siying leaves without saying goodbye, my mom would be so damn upset.

and dad's always calling siying to ask abt my whereabouts. siying was the one who told him when i was on the suicide rampage , and ever since then he's like trusting her to keep an eye on me =_=

and then there's irshad. we bumped into mom on the bus on jalan raya 2010 2nd day. remember that? i showed the twins to mom and told her the one in silver is my very good friend. then mom was like, "oh, purposely wear matching ah? (;" and i was like =___= (i was wearing silver too)

when shad came over last year, i kinda noticed mom looking at him a lot, for some reason. when they were all gone she was like, "tht one just now the irshad eh? the kembar right? so very the chinese face." and i was like wow you remember him O.O

shad doesnt have a very good history with dad though.

HAH, I LOVE MY PARENTS ^_^
they both contributed to my life. so now, i shall return the favour and contribute to theirs. i shall be the most awesome daughter in the whole world and make them so fucking proud of me!

i want her, the most Beautiful Woman on Earth, to look at me, and cry. and say how happy she is to have given birth to ME instead of any of the other girls out there. someday. she'll do tht, someday. (':




mom goes first, cause she's older than dad xD

hmmmmm. if there's more stuff abt them, i shall let you know xD hahahah, ok, i shall blog when i have more shit to talk abt. i changed my fb pic , to one which is so not me.

thank you for gg thru this post with me, my dear firetrucks ! love you all. and siying, i miss you you bloody bitch. come back soon T.T and irshad, get well soon. ^_^

an assurance .

heidiho! hmm, last night, went to a family gathering at cik ani's. as always, there was lots of funny shit cause of the aunts and uncles and cousins. and there was also maya cousie :3 most of the time were like slacking with emi, aidil, and anaqin. tht part was funny xD

look at this. from "Wake" .



anyhoos, it is a beautiful monday morning and as you can see, there is no sch today :3 my sleep was good, altho i kept waking up at random times. and each time i checked my phone, there would be new texts.

first there was pearl asking me abt hw. next, there was yongheng asking me abt shifts. and then there was sab wishing me happy chinese new year (which i dont like cause i dont celebrate...) and then there was shad greeting a good morning.

so what are my plans for today you ask? first things first, i shall get all my homework done by today. i'm left with a little of geog, and malay. the whole of malay . yeah =.=

and then aft this, i'll go re-do the collage in my wardrobe! what collage you ask? come, i show you what is inside of my cupboard. this is an april pic btw, if i aint wrong.



hahaha. cool kan? i got bored.

it's falling apart alr, considerably. so i shall re-do it later. oh! or maybe i should only re-do it aft i print photos . hmmm, yeah ..... as you can see in the pic, all them photos are childhood stuff :3

ok. i shall blog again later. see you! o and this morning came with good news. xD so damn happy.

another unusual sunday morning.

had breakkie with my parents and naz today, at the dining table. as always, naqib wasnt with us. but we all still had an awesome family time.

my mom was on the phone and then my dad bent down next to the radio to adjust some stuff. when my mom hung up, she didnt see my dad crouched down right in front of her and she was like, "eh, bapak kau maner!? tadi kater nak makan samer-samer!?"

my bro and i laughed like shit sia! and then my dad just stood up and gave my mom the =____________= face.

we were eating and talking and everyone was like dadadoo when suddenly the radio made one really loud BOM sound. both my parents jumped sia! and they both melata (idk how spell) !! holy shit, i laughed like shit sia, good thing i wasnt drinking anything !

i went to take a bottle of orange juice from the fridge, and i was abt to drink it when i saw the expiry date was on the 21st. i said to my bro, "shit... expire on the 21st......" i stared at him in horror and then i was like staring at the expiry date.

then i was like, "eh? eh today still january la." and then i casually sipped the orange juice, cause the expiry date is the 21st feb. my bro gave me one hell of an annoyed face and then he started laughing xD

mommy was telling us stories abt her workplace, as always. halfway thru my bro left the dining table, and then when my mom was sipping her coffee, my dad left too. my mom straightway was like, "hey, come back here! aku belum habis cerita!"

my dad was like -.-.-.-.-.- "eh, paksa sey!" hahhahhaha so he obediently sat down and my mom continued her story again. and guess what? her story today was kinda cool. wanna hear it?

okay, so she was like randomly asking her colleague named dina if she wanted to trade places at work. mom was doing ticketing while dina was doing gate, which she apparently hates doing, but my mom likes.

but then my mom remembered tht she cant do gate, cause she cant go in the place without her pass, which would only be ready the following week. so they were like, ok nvm , looks like we cant trade places aft all.

everyone was like dadadoo, when mom heard from other colleagues tht dina screwed up big-time at the gate. rumours were flying tht dina had to be dismissed over tht mistake, and what's more it was the third time she did smth wrong.

mom said tht dina was crying over her dismissal. mom did a little of thinking and then she told me, "if i had been able to trade places with her, i would have done so. none of tht would have happened, and dina wouldn't have been dismissed."

get it ? meaning to say, there was an intuition tht smth was gonna go wrong, thts why my mom randomly asked dina if they could trade places.

anyhoos, how was my morning you ask? i spent the morning sitting in bed, reading "Wake" . i've finished reading it, such an incredible book! i saw its sequel in the lib as well, shall borrow tht soon.

was eating chocolate, when i saw a few drops of blood on the choc. straightway dashed to the toilette to take a look in the mirror, and i thought it was my loose tooth but guess what? it was my taring. the vampire tooth. it was bleeding like hell non-stop... i do not know why.

kalaulah darah tu dtg dari tempat lain .
if u get what i mean.

hmm. so. there's no sch tmrw and the day aft. i have done most of my homework. i'm still unstable emotionally, tho the physical unstability is alr an accustomisation. [sorry for the cheem english]

i shall go read the other book tht i borrowed now, titled "incredibly alice". hmmmm. hopefully it's as enjoyable as "Wake".

i wonder where is z shady boy. and the siying girl. i miss them both. i cried last night, i missed them so much. haix.



awwww.....
yeah, i just realized i dont have a proper picture of the 3 of us.

somehow, i feel like i have your attention only when i'm sick .
haix.

if tht's the case, i wouldn't mind being sick all year round every year, just so i would have you guys' attention .

[yeah fuckers, i'm still a girl no matter what. a young girl with a dad who works all the time and a mom who pays more attention to her brothers , of course i'm a fucking attention seeker sometimes]

seperation .

okay, good. i have settled my broadband. now all tht's left is to pay for tys and irshad's money.

been reading irshad's texts from nov last year. somehow, we're so distant nowadays. and we've gone further apart ever since sch started for him. i dont know what to feel towards tht. i understand the situation. but it still saddens me .

the book i am reading . this girl, she'll get pulled into other ppl's dreams if they sleep near her, whether or not she's awake. she's now telling her boy tht they can't sleep tgt , or she'll always be interfering with his nightmares. tht's just sad.

and fruits basket, remember fruits basket? they'll all turn into animals when hugged by ppl of the opposite genders. it'll take them a long time to find someone who accepts them for who they are, and it's just sad, that they cant even find solace in a simple embrace...

it's like being with the one you love, but separated by a glass wall. just imagine tht. you can see each other, but it's just... not the same. you guys can't hold each other, or kiss, or touch his/her face. and if he/she cries, you can't hold him/her and say tht everything's alright.

because it's not.

and even if you put your palm against his/hers, the glass wall is... cold. there's no sign of warmth, and it just makes you cry a lot more harder doesnt it ?

i feel tht way now. there's smth missing . so very missing, but i have no idea what is it. once again, i'm having tht feeling of being afraid to be near the person i love. and yet, i so desire to be next to him right now.

what is this madness? i do not understand it. i am not used to it. i have never in my life felt an unidentified feeling as strong as this . is this what it really feels like to be 'in love' ?

first day of work for 2012 !

so i hear z MKI and his gf have been saying things like "we were in love all along, just separated for 5 months or so." ? so what, am i like the bad guy now?

the time now is 6.36 and i am currently listening to z "ice box" cover by there for tomorrow. i'm so cold, i'm so cold, i'm so cold indeed. anyhoos, let me share with ya my day today .

woke up around 7 plus i think? lazed in bed for awhile before finally getting up some eons later to get ready for work. was replacing bennicker, cause he couldnt make it last min, i think. glad i jumped in at the opportunity, really need the moolah .

reported for work just in time, thought i would be early. today there was aqilah (havent seen her in a while) , wadi (new guy) and me (le awesome douche) as playguides. yes, there was a shortage of staff, because this other new dude named jarod didnt turn up, apparently.

good thing for me, i got BP so i didnt have to juggle the three stations i.e. MP , AH, and BOC . tht would have been damn tiring, i'm alr drained of all my strength.

hmm what next? there wasnt any funny stuff, really. cause i was like alone, not much ppl to disturb sia. /: BUT I WS FREEZING MY BUTT OFF THE WHOLE TIME!!

during my break, i sat huddled in the corner with my legs tucked under the table, eating cookies. started reading my newly borrowed book titled Wake, and when i got back to work i truly regretted tht because i should have went out of ehub to suck in the heat instead.

well , but i survived. yong heng was doing AH, he was mid shift , and occasionally he came over to talk to me when he had nth else to do. when i told him i was cold he was like, "oh yeah! just now i was like thinking eh why she never wear her black and white the striped jacket?"

i was like, "i returned it alr. was my bf's." and then he was like, "haiyo. so wasted. tht thing alr become ur trademark here leh." hah.

when my shift was near ending, hanah came over to me and was like asking me to tie for her scorpion. and then we chit chatted a while, and we were both uber shocked to know tht we were the same age! and she's a sec 5 too :3

talked, and laughed, and then it became 4.02 so i made my way to ops office to clock out. and guess what? ive gotten my pay!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes, both of them. the one for 22nd dec, and for 26th/27th dec. hehehehe! happy like monkey .

hm what next? made my way to central, to hunt for chemicals. just nice, it rained when i got back to the bus stop . it rained uber heavily too! there were so many puddles sey!

when i got back at the elias cc , i was like getting pissed at my bro cause he wouldnt fetch me with a brolly. i had food thts why i didnt want to walk in the rain . in the end, i was forced to sumbat my food into my bag .

fortunately enough for me, i managed to find a route tht had shelter, from the cc all the way to my house :3 yeah! wasnt tht drenched as i thought i would be. was freezing like hell tho. (altho tht does not make any sense)

so yeah, reached home and straightway consumed my chemicals along with grape juice.

hm, apart from tht, i have got things to settle now, financially. first things first, to pay for tys tht teachas have ordered for us. $20 in total, for 3 subjects. and then there's broadband, which is also 20 bucks. and then there's the money shady lent me for the week, which is $45.

still hafta get some other sch stuff too . hooboy. when will this all end? and when will i get my sch allowance again? /:

wanna know smth ? i feel so damn lucky. altho i'm having several types of difficulties right now, i feel truly, truly blessed. for everything, everything in my life, even the bad things. i'm so damn grateful to be me .

continue being a douche and you'll see why your mother always just wants to beat the crap out of you.

unstability .

okay, i am home now my dear firetrucks. let us share today now shall we?

HOLY FIRETRUCK, HOLD ON! my brothers helping me kill the lizard in my room. hahaha. here i am staring with my mouth open. jap jap .

kay i am back . wor kelakar per. okay, where was i ? yeahh, today.

in the morn, walked to sch with timothy. saw nicholas jude at spc, joined him and then we all walked tgt, talking and catching up on each other's lives. when tim and i got in the sch gate, i had this feeling, idk what intuition shit, and then i turned around.

guess who i saw? yes, the most handsome boy in the world. the colour in my black and white. the Love of my Life. somehow, he happened to turn around slowly too , and laid his eyes exactly on me. tht was a really pretty moment ((x

got so damn happy. and then tim was like holding thumbs up cause i was so damn happy. and then, i tripped him on the way to the classroom. he fell for it, (get it?) and then i was like laughing my heart out.

he was like =____= his face was like, he must have thought i would have been better off an emo bitch. hehehe.

SIYING BOUGHT ME MATHS TB !!!!!! T.T cause i lost mine. she was there when i was so damn upset and searching the whole classroom for it. she told me she'd get me one, but i was like NO. but i guess she can be pretty stubborn when she wants to, too .

i didnt want to tell irshad abt my maths tb cause i was afraid he'd buy. in the end, siying still got it for me. thank you so much ! and then she was like, "now tht ive gotten you your maths tb, you better get your A2 for maths ok?" T______________T

had test during chemy, on metals. good thing i still rmb some of the stuff from last year, so i could do it pretty well. did my best. had maths, where i did my work cause i had a tb :3 and then it was english, slacked with siying, timothy and jiayao.

during recess, i was like walking around the canteen aimlessly. and then i saw asleah and timothy so i joined them in the queue. and then fedex gf was in front of us -.-

somehow, i found tht an awkward moment. she's my ex's gf, and just a few months ago she was my bf's ex. hmmm . a complicated relationship between us, and yet we have never talked to each other before. tht's why ive never mentioned her name, cause i have no rights to say it.

WAHLAU MY FOOD 1.80 SIA . i knew it. shouldnt have bought from tht stall, always end up so expensive. dammit la, i'm just gonna starve myself, and sleep during my break tmrw at work.

during mother tongue, i did my work. hey now tht i think abt it, i think i was being an extremely good girl at sch today. i suspect it has smth to do with seeing tht boy in the morning ^_^

when the 12.20 bell rang, everyone teros kecoh!!! cause today we were dismissed earlier, heheh. waited at canteen with asleah and sab , for the chinese girls. but apparently they all went on ahead without us, so the three of us just went home too .

walked sab to her place, halfway thru i started talking abt jubo when sab was like, "jubo tu aper?" xD splitz at her house lift before making my way to central bus stop to take bus from there.

good thing i did, cause at the next stop, a drizzle of loyang students boarded. the stop aft tht, a flood of greenviews. and then, the next two stops, a whole tsunami of prcs -.-

slacked at home awhile, only naqib was home. and then around like idk-what-time, decided to go for a walk. was barely getting emotional when my mom texted asking me to go airport meet her. so i made my way to bus stop with 53.

i missed the bus, and guess what? the next one only came like 35 minutes later. idk why. halfway thru the waiting, the rain got heavier and heavier, and it got horrible. good thing i was wearing hoodie. i appreciate the rain. but it does not mean i like it .

o and when the 89 came, a girl in prcs uniform suddenly came at me and hugged the shit out of me!! guess who it was, it was my dear childhood friend .

i was like, "oy you skip school !?!?" syazana was like, "NO! i went to take my english homework!" and she was with her boyfriend. somehow it felt nice to be meeting a childhood friend's boyfriend.

when i arrived at terminal 1, i was alr freezing my ass off so i sat outside to warm up a bit. my mom came eons later to fetch me, and then we made our way in, and to take the skytrain to T2 cause i wanted to eat .

we ate swensen's, where i got the chicken baked rice . usually i'd get the fish , but, just thought i'd try new things. since the things i like somehow taste horrible, i'll take the chance to try things i usually dont eat. take advantage of your misery .

and yes, as you can see, my appetite has gotten better. i even asked for ice-cream, tho i didnt finish tht, which is a rarity ...

1 NEW MESSAGE!
....oh it's not z shady boy. *shoulders slumped*

took train back to pasir ris, where mommy and i splitz cause i wanted to go to the library but she was lazy to follow me. so i went on ahead, felt kinda sad at this point of time.

borrowed this book abt a girl who's always gg into other ppl's dreams. interesting aye? to me. as you all know i take my dreams very very seriously, tho idk why . borrowed two books, tht one and another one which is a teen romance. yeah , ive been reading tht a lot alr.

went to popular to buy a B2P for my diary. mom gave me money to get her a calculator, but there wasnt the one tht she wanted so i was like wondering what to do with her money. thought i'd use it to get me a little smth for sch . but i didnt.

still wondering when i'll get my allowance again. hmm .

blah3, i am z homie.

somehow, i feel really angry whenever i think abt the times tht irshad left me aft we shared first kiss. i dont know why. i think it's got smth to do with what i went thru when i was with khairul , i think?

i have been very unstable these days in more ways than 1. financially, emotionally, physically. and yeah, i dont even know why . it's ok though, this life is a blessing. a hexed blessing. a blessed hex .

remember how the dentist always tells us to continue brushing our teeth even when our gums start bleeding? yeah, life is like tht. just suck the blood, cause blood tastes good :B