Hey guys.
I had first day at work on Thursday. I had difficulties deciding what to wear because Shushan mentioned "formal/casual/idk" and her senior who talked to me on the phone mentioned "dress". Yup. I was fucked.
But I'm bold, so I just threw on my usual tshirt and cardigan, at least with black skinnies that are not too casual. I think? [idk what's the difference between casual and formal] And I was late. Hey don't look at me like that! It's my first time going to Giant from my current home okay?
I thought I was doing retail, but actually it's all paperwork!!! Don't get me wrong; the exclamation marks are out of excitement!!! I've never done an office job before. And thus far my tasks have been simple; just photocopying and filing and stapling, you know.
And the big empty desk that I have all to myself... Oh how I wish I could bring along all my books and stationery from home and customise this empty desk to my liking!!! How I miss having my own desk.
I've spent afterwork hours with Shushan for the last two days. I've always loved hotdogs, and I can't get enough of Ikea's. Damn. We tried on heels at Payless, and how I love the wedges with the laces and the collar shit! I want them! ...They're 49.90. *sniff* They really suit me though!
Well anyway, it's been 4 days since 'Aamir left for Bali. He's only been texting me at night, how saddening. It feels like he won't be coming here on this blog [although he has wifi in his hotel room] and I don't think he comes here unless I told him I blogged, so I'm gonna rant a bit right now. I hope the girls read this before he does.
Do me a favour and imagine.
Alright. You have a crush on someone. You like to look at his face because it's so handsome and pleasant and shit. Apparently it's been more than four months; you see the tweet that goes "Studies have proven that a crush can last only up to four months. If it's longer than that, you're in love." You retweet it in a quote, and you add; "This is for you. I hope you see this" because you do think you are in love.
And then you meet someone else. He's not only handsome, but he's also amazing and interesting and just... Different. You have a crush on him too. Oh, you're the kind that have a few crushes and eyecandies at once. Because no harm, right?
But surprise surprise!!!! This crush has a crush on you too. You two get together. You're so happy everyday and you like him more and more everyday, and he opens up to you more and more too.
Are you really over that other crush? Once upon a time you drew his name onto a blackboard with chalk, in beautiful fonts, and the picture you took of it is still your Whatsapp background image. Your new boyfriend sees it and asks you who is that? You say, an old crush, and you immediately remove it.
What do you think your boyfriend will think? The fact that you are already with him, and yet your wallpaper is of some other guy. It may be just a name, but that name will be forever stuck in his head.
You talk to your new guy about this past crush, telling him how you treated him like a prince but he never once wanted you. And then, one day, this past crush of yours suddenly post a picture on Instagram; the picture of his name; the name which you drew. Again, you talk to your new boyfriend about it, and you can't help feeling excited. Why are you even excited??? Are your feelings for him really gone?
What do you think your boyfriend will think? The fact that the picture was from a long time ago, but your previous crush posted it now? Is he like trying to hint on something? It's never a nice feeling to know if your current girlfriend's ex crush is starting to notice her right? You'd think she could go back to him, or spark the flame for him, anytime.
You and your current boyfriend still get along though. Until your ex crush created a Twitter account... He never had one. And you immediately follow him and immediately tweeted to him; "Waaaaah got Twitter already sey!" Additional info: you seldom tweet about other things. You seldom tweet about what's happening, and you are rarely on Twitter.
What do you think your boyfriend will think? The fact that you seldom tweet... And you seldom tweet to your boyfriend as well, but you tweet to other guys? Won't he feel ashamed, because he is always tweeting about what a wonderful person you are, yet you never say the same about him on social websites. Won't he feel sad if people look at this couple and think, hey, the girl doesn't seem really that interested in her own boyfriend.... It's nothing to do with ego. He just doesn't want other guys to think they've got a chance with his girl.
Well, one day, your boyfriend happened to be using your phone, and he's in your Instagram account. He sees that other guy on your timeline, and he goes into his profile and unfollows him. No, he wouldn't want you to be liking other guys' pictures won't he? Especially one whom you always said was handsome and had good looks. And is your old crush.
And then, another one day, he happened to go into your following list on Instagram, and he saw that you were following this old crush again.
What do you fucking think your boyfriend will think? The fact that you realised you weren't following your crush, means you actually went into his profile, maybe because you fucking WANT to look at his photos again! And, this old crush's Instagram account is private; the fact that you wanted him to accept your request, shows how much you really want to!
And you know what? Your old crush is a fucking popular kid on Instagram, always getting tens of likes on his selfies or whatever, and has so little following, but you happen to be on the list of people that he followed. And he fucking likes your selfies too! What do you think your boyfriend will feel???? He will think your fucking ex crush is trying to hit on you now, and if you're not gonna step up and show the world that you are fucking attached and have no intention of breaking up, your ex crush and other fucking idiotic guys are gonna try to hit on you, dammit!
I hope you know where I am going. It's been nearly 9 months since 'Aamir and I got together. It's also been 9 months since I first saw that name. I first saw that fucking name on the day after we got together. I can never get it out of my head. Even about a month into our relationship, he still dared to tell me that he still had feelings for her, even if a little bit BLAHBLAHBULLSHIT.
I also can't help thinking that he probably thinks she is prettier than me. No, actually, I think he does think so. And her face looks kinda like Nora Danish. I get it now. No wonder Nora Danish is his fucking celebrity crush. Yeah, with all these little things, you can gather them into something big and make more sense out of the pieces.
And the reason why I wrote this in a different perspective is just to let you imagine if you were in my fucking place right now.
I don't know her, but I don't like her, and I don't like you looking or talking to her, or mentioning her name, or following her on any website. No. Just no.
Done ranting. Let's now put a smile on my face and welcome the prince with hearts and stars and open arms when he gets back. :-) I love you so much baby :-)
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