My best friend.

i'm sorry for being an asshole.

i'm sorry for forcing you to take care and concern for me. i'm sorry for dragging you into my life. i'm sorry for pulling you into my mess and smearing my bullshit all over your face.

i'm sorry for annoying you. i'm sorry for trying to make you happy all the time. i'm sorry for making you buy me milk teas and sandwiches whenever i'm saving money.

i'm sorry for going to you whenever i feel alone. i'm sorry for getting upset when you cant meet me or when you have other friends to see. i'm sorry for being moody whenever you said you wanted to go home after school.

i'm sorry for being difficult to cheer up. i'm sorry for giving you one word replies or a mere nod whenever you saw how quiet i was and asked if i was okay.

i'm sorry for making you come to school 3 hours earlier to teach me. i'm sorry for asking you questions about what we learnt the week before.

i'm sorry for being insensitive when i speak. i'm sorry for saying things that hurt you instead of make you laugh. i'm sorry for making fun of you for every move you made or every word you said.

i'm sorry to have made you my best friend of all the people in the classroom. i'm sorry for taking too much care for you. i'm sorry for never being a good listener, i'm sorry for forcing you to quit smoking when you never had the intention.

because i am no one.

i am no one to you.

____

but you are someone.

you are someone to me.

thank you for being patient with me when i am being an asshole.

thank you for taking care and concern for me on your own accord. thank you for coming into my life. thank you for staying with me when i was messed up and for putting up with my bullshit with a smile on your face.

thank you for entertaining me when i was being annoying. thank you for smiling, even if it was just a bit, when i was trying to make you happy. thank you for spending your money to buy me milk teas and sandwiches.

thank you for welcoming me with open arms whenever i needed someone. thank you for trying to cheer me up over the phone instead when you cant meet me. thank you for giving a goodbye hug as an apology whenever you wanted to go home straight after school.

thank you for still continuing to try to cheer me up even when i was super upset. thank you for asking again and again if i was okay, because at least it showed that you noticed.

thank you for being willing to wake up early to meet me in school and spend the time teaching me. thank you for stopping your game just to answer a question of mine, about something i should have known a week before.

thank you for keeping quiet when i say insensitive things to you, or when i make you sad instead of happy. thank you for making sarcastic comments that make me laugh about the things i say about you.

thank you for calling me your best friend back. thank you for letting me care for you. thank you for listening to me when i needed you. thank you for making me happy for that brief period of time when you controlled yourself from picking up the habit again.

thank you for letting me be someone to you, right to the point where our friendship was over.

it was a great three months. but i messed up. i really liked you a lot and you were the best best friend i ever had. but i guess the tighter i hold something, the sweatier my palms get; you slip away faster as long as i am closer to you.