Pride without an audience

It's raining non-stop and it intensifies my misery. The people around me are expressionless, as if the presence of rain is nothing to them. Maybe they are used to it, learnt to live alongside the sky's tears.

I also seem to be the only one getting bothered by the cold, decked out in my thickest cardigan and a beanie, while everyone else has sleeves rolled up and hair tied in ponytails.

Someone has an umbrella propped up above me, protecting me from the rain. I can't see who this person is because everytime I try to see, I am pushed on the shoulder to face forward.

I try again to see who this stranger is, and this time he or she doesn't make me look forward anymore. Instead, he simply takes away the umbrella and walks away. He shields himself from my view with his umbrella, and I don't chase him. I've pushed away the one act of kindness in this dampness.

I continue walking in the rain, everyone else around me still with their emotionless faces, dripping wet with raindrops or silent tears, I do not know.

My sneaker splashes against a puddle. I look down and kick the water around with the foot of my sneaker, and continue on ahead.

Another puddle, and this time the water reaches my ankle. My sneakers and socks are uncomfortably soaked, so I remove them. I continue on ahead, barefoot.

The rain keeps coming, until water is to my knees.

I look around to see everyone with the same expressionless faces. I hide in the water and remove my jeans. I keep walking, the dirt of the rainwater tickling my exposed thighs.

The rainwater now covers me to my neck. I remove my cardigan and t-shirt, and I am completely naked, only the dirt and grime of the rainwater covering me.

I am below the surface now. The water pushes me forward, and I allow it, letting myself float wherever it wants to take me.

Everyone else continues walking even underwater. I am the only one floating, and I am not even ashamed of having every inch of my skin exposed like this.

Because nobody is watching.

Here I am, getting along with my fear, and nobody is watching. I am the only one floating while everyone continues walking with vacant eyes.

____

I wake up to the pitter-patter of the rain against the window.