Luke

This special friend, whom I'd met about a year ago now. At that time, I'd only heard of him, stories and tales of the chaos they got themselves into, silly shit that they did which made me laugh, made me want to meet him.

Before I met him I was judging him, I'd thought he was the kind who's open, noisy as hell at first meeting, shit like that. But when we met, he was so shy and awkward, even with a mutual companion between us. I could see him shivering, though at that time I thought it was just the cold.

He was cute too, with his little fang at the side of his mouth when he smiled. Together with his best friend, they were super annoying, and I remember how they purposely held hands to spite me, and how I tried so hard to come between them.

The first time we talked, without having the faggot as our mutual friend, was in April, two days before my first day of school. At that time the two of them were having their bitch fight, quite a horrible one I must say, and I was caught in between.

This one time, I tried to get them to eat pizza with me, without knowing that the other was gonna be present. The faggot came, but his best friend realised my trick, and refused to come because he was there. I was such a failure.

I should have tried harder to patch them up, and I did, but I thought it was a good time to learn more about him. At that time I hadn't had my own best friend, and I was really jealous of their close friendship. I guess that's how my own friendship with this special friend evolved.

Just a few days of conversation and he was already picking on me the way a best friend would. I felt bad that I was stealing someone's best friend when I was supposed to patch them up, but up til now I've no regrets. Because he is an amazing person.

I'd always known about how he really liked all things Science. I tried to make our conversations revolve around such topics, asked him some questions to get him talking. It was a great way to get him talking, and I really liked listening to him go on about what he really liked.

Time passed and our conversations became more random and sillier, talking about all kinds of shit, especially when his best friend was neglecting me. It was nice talking to this friend, and listening to him; I really appreciated how we talked about anything without being afraid of getting judged of the other. And he did tell me he was grateful for the fact that I didn't judge him for anything he said.

September came. His best friend and I had our first breakup, which he had been involved in. Maybe we had gotten a little too much closer than we were supposed to.

Things between the faggot and I were fine again, and I was just randomly playing with his phone when I saw his best friend's texts to him. He mentioned how I was an annoying little prick and that he was thankful that "at least now I don't have to layan that girl anymore".

That really hurt me, I couldn't hide that. All along, I really thought he liked talking to me, that he was grateful to have me because no one else ever listened to him. He really said that, and I really thought that, but I guess I was wrong. I was so angry and from then on I called him nothing but a hypocrite.

One day in October he sent me a long text, explaining that he'd only been saying mean stuff about me so that the faggot wouldn't get the wrong idea about us. Kind of protecting our friendship. I tried to shun it and call it an excuse and remain angry at him, but a larger part of me decided to take it, forgive him, and revert our friendship back to before. Just not closer than the faggot would've liked.

We seldom hung out, but this friend and I developed a real special friendship there. I liked to think the three of us as a happy family, the faggot being the husband and this special friend as our son. Because that's how he was like; I liked how he would always whine to me, or tell me about his fears, or get angry at me when I was having pizza and he was not. He was like a spoilt brat, but a really loveable one. Like how your own son or daughter would be to you.

I was constantly asking him more and more questions about Science, and he was also one of the first few people I'd told I wanted to be an engineer. He talked to me about anything Science, from stars to pumping of blood to some carbon monoxide shit. Because I asked.

And the time this friend and I went town together, as a replacement for the faggot who backed out last minute. How we hunted for the perfect pair of shoes for him, because he had mentioned wanting new shoes, for such a long time, and I was so hell bent on getting those for him.

Once, he mentioned that I was closer to him than his own best friend was, and that I knew him better than he did. I felt terrible for that, I was betraying the faggot, I was making his best friend betray him; but it was nice to know that I meant something to someone.

Every time I had problems with the faggot, I'd try talking to this friend first, because he was after all the one who knows him the best. Sure, most of the time when I'm being sad to him, his response would be annoying, the jokes coming at the absolutely wrong timing.

I'm not sure when he said this, but I remember so fucking clearly how he once said: "If he ever left you, for real, without ever coming back, I promise I'll be the first person to lend you a shoulder to cry on."

I'm not sure if he remembers this, or was it really said in this one simple sentence, maybe it was lines exchanged between us, but hey guess what. He kept the promise. He kept it, he listened to me whine last Monday, he stroked my hair and held me while I cried, he struggled bringing me back to the MRT station while I was tipsy as hell.

That's why, along with this incident, you keeping your promise, I believe you're a good guy. You were an awesome good friend to me, and I know for a fact that you're gonna go further than your best friend, despite having the least experience in love among your group of friends.

I can tell, that when you find someone, you're gonna be a fucking prince who treats her like she's the only person in your eyes. I may not know you before, I may not know you like how your other classmates do, but fuck it I know a good guy when I see one. I'd like to believe that whatever you've told me, your fears and your dreams, are true and sincere, and you mean every fucking thing you've ever said to me, and for that,... I really believe you're gonna be awesome in love someday.

Honestly, a part of me wishes that I can be that girl. It's a tiny crush that I've gotten since that night with you, after my break-up. When I realised how pretty your brown eyes were, and that little fang at the side of your mouth when it's open ajar. You're really handsome you know that, and you're such a loveable character on the inside too. As much as I wish it'd be me, I hope you find someone soon. Someone who loves you as much as you love her, like how you told me you'd wanted.

You don't have to return me the money for your shoes. You deserve to keep the money more than I do, and just take it as a thank you from me. Because, well, thank you. For being a really good friend, for being there when I needed cheering up, for being annoying and making me angry, for being my only hope in moving on.

P.s. a side note: the thing in September makes me realise that he may or may not still be a hypocrite, he may be still bad-mouthing me to the faggot and their other classmates, I don't know, but I'd like to believe not.