Haunt.

If i were a ghost, i'd haunt my hometown the way its ghosts did me.

I'd haunt my school and see what my previous teachers have to say about me, and see whether they have stories about my wasting of efforts to share to their current O Level classes.

I'd haunt the places where i shared memories with people whom i meant a lot to, and see whether they frequent the spot in remembrance of my friendship with them.

I'd haunt the boy i had clung on to for years to watch how his life goes on without me, and see whether he really does never think about me at all anymore.

I'd haunt the cousin who was there for me for the first 17 years of my life and watch her getting on with her life, with her schoolwork, and see whether she's ever talked to anyone about missing me, or asked anyone of my whereabouts.

I'd haunt the girl whom i promised a friendship forever with but whom i left, and see whether she really does hate me like she seems to.

I'd haunt the boys whose photos i keep in my diary, and see whether they still chuckle while playing the ps3 without me there watching.

I'd haunt the man and the woman who contributed to my birth, and who initiated my longing for death. I'd see whether they can live without their only daughter at home, whether they would realise how beautiful she really is after all these years of calling her ugly.

And i'd see if any of them regret, having not done anything despite my cries for help.

Now as long as i'm alive, all these memories will reside in me, and even my present with the people who loves and cares for me so much is a scar of the past.

If it hadn't been for my ugly past, i wouldnt have had any misery to be saved from, and i wouldn't be here where i am now.

As much as i doubt God, i know He always has reasons for doing whatever He does. I'm happy being where i am now; i just await the time when i wouldnt need to remember anything that i was long saved from.