my talk with Ms Adimah.

i had a talk with ms adimah yesterday. she had been invigilator for my maths prep exam, half of which i had slept through.

she told me some of her life stories again, some stuff that she hadn't shared the other day. seems like she really wants me to move on. her problems are a million more than mine, of course.

she told me to stop writing diaries, because it is what makes me reminisce and all that. well yeah, she's right. but... to not write out my feelings about him, it's just difficult, you know?
then again, if i don't stop, it'll just be much more painful in the future, right?

"it's just four months, four more months. i think it's already even lesser than that in fact," said ms adimah. "you've already gone through four and a half years of secondary school, why let your efforts go to waste in the last few months?"

she also told me to try and squeeze back into the clique, because being alone in school is what makes me not participate in all the stuff. it's what made school suck.

"you gotta think positive!" she announced.

"the thing is, even when i do think positive, it's for things like believing he'll come back and shit like that," i said softly.

"you see! you're believing in the wrong things!" she snapped.

her most sticky line was "...all because of a little seventeen year old ASS who didn't return you your love." she's right, it's not worth it isn't it?

well. it's difficult. it's been five bloody months! but i'm still here, while he's like, a little dot over the horizon.

one other thing our talk which'd also been on my mind; "and how is he doing?" she had asked. i had frowned and snapped, "of course he's doing fine! he's happy, of course he is," to which she had answered softly, "o really? how would you know?"

when i don't answer, she added, "you never know. is he really happy on the inside?"

hohum.