let me share on today. had am shift today. was gonna slack with irshad before tht, but i effing woke up at the designated meeting time. i was like HOLY SHIT ! and i rushed like eff.
later on, when i was searching for him, he shocked me like hell sia! i really didnt see him coming. well then we walked to pasir ris park, to slack there before sending me to work.
he kept insisting tht i stay on his right but i kept insisting tht he stays on my right. kept pulling him but kept failing also heh .
when we were slacking at ehub, saw benna and farhan when i was just wondering who's working today, heheheheh. eons later went off to work aft saying bye to z shady.
so today had last briefing with DMs sha and jasleena, cos they are leaving alr. i was assigned entrance today! i've been screwing up at entrance each time i'm there, be it a cover or assignment.
o and we all hafta wear little santa claus hats today. hahahah! all didnt wanna wear sia, should have seen the looks on everyone's faces. cute buncha ppl sia, them EK kids.
well so anyways, talked with sery before opening time. k ah, today not much actually. cause entrance per, alone pulak tu. it's like, cant talk to anyone or run around.
but i had my second test today. the probation one. meaning, imma be changing my uni right aft this! heheheheh.
o and i had break with benna today! baik per, first time spending breakkie with someone sey! i was sitting at the gr office munching on me kitkat chunky caramel while reading, when benna came in and said it was her break.
and then she invited me to accompany her go break :3
well , we talked abt the usual 16-year-old topics. from n level results to boyfriends to looks. and she encouraged me to wear dresses more. auntie jean came and joined us during tht topic, and she encouraged me too. heheheh.
made our way back eons later, and i went back to entrance where yongheng was covering me. o yeah, i forgot to say, some time before my break, jennifer OM called me to her office cause she wanted to 'have a word' with me.
yes, you guess it, it was because of my smile.
she asked me whether i am sad. and then blah3, tralked abt airlines and hotel services. and then suddenly, she asked me: "eindah, what do you wanna be when you grow up?"
i was like, "i wanna be a filmmaker."
and she's like, "ah. videography."
and i'm like, "yes ma'am."
i like what she said aft tht. she was like, "just because you're behind the camera, it doesnt mean you only have to care abt the image of what is in the camera."
and then started talking abt my horoscope. and perfection, individuality and sincerity. i must say, it was a really good talk. it all makes a lot of sense. came out of the ops office a lighter person (?) .
had to make myself think of random funny moments of my life, cause it was the only way i know to make me smile.
k well anyway, when it was nearly 4, the walkie announced: "jin to playguides. those who are not wearing the hat will have to wear santa claus costume. i'll be gg around to check right now." i quickly put on mine and saw tht the rest did too. i laughed sia! i really did !
saw jennifer OM coming outta the ops office, walking towards the slope towards the toilet, where most of the playguides were gathered at. i saw farhan not wearing his hat , and i was like, DIE.
and yeah, a few seconds later, he went to the ops office with a sulk. peeked in thru the little window at the top, and saw farhan putting on a red coat.
straightway dashed into the ops office (aft making sure there aint any new visitors) and stood by the doorway watching. i laughed, which made wani and farhan turn, and they were like, "you dont laugh , later confirm you kene!" heh.
haryani and jinghui came later, tho they aint working today. they stopped by cause it is jas and sha's last day rmb? yeahh, and then aft i clocked out i went to walk around the stations to disturb the pm playguides.
i was given a chocolate! wani gave me half of hers, and then benna gave me one more whole piece, so i gave wani half to be even. and then siying came along, said goodbye to sery who took over me at entrance, before gg to meet siying.
walked to central to take bus to nex. listened to a certain song on repeat to familiarize with it to make tht vid of mine. many eons later, reached .
walked around a lot , we bought sab's pressie, and then went to search for tht bloody shop where i bought the dress, but i couldnt find it. ate long john silva, and yes honey, i got the shrimp.
talked abt colleagues and boyfriends (mine) over the lunchey :3 shall tell you all what i told her. i cried when i told natalee two nights ago.
k , many many many eons later i found the effing shop. didnt buy anything tho, but went the shop opposite and tht was where we tried on these skirts. siying said the one i tried on looked cute, heheheheh.
decided to get it, and then she decided to get a top tht she tried on too. the best thing was , the salesgirl told us tht there'd be a discount for purchase of any 2 items in da store :3 happily bought our stuff, and happily walked outta the store !
ok ah , the skirt is cute. omg i bought a skirt. the one i wore on my bday was smth my mommy bought for me a long long time ago. bloody hell, this feebas is gonna be able to evolve into a milotic soon. i hope .
well yadda yadda blah, made my way to guillemard, and did i tell you i walked around with tht bloody heavy bag of mine? cause sleeping over tonight. shitzels, my shoulder is breaking. yes, the effing right one.
as promised, here is what i told siying just now, and what i told natalee crying.
my previous relationship.
i met him not even half a year aft i told myself to withdraw from the ppl around me. he opened me up, and i did like him. i really did like him. i got into a relationship with him, because i was sure of myself, i was sure tht i totally liked him and him alone.
you know what, not even ten days aft we got into our relationship, he was alr getting upset with me. we fought abt a blog post of mine. cause he freaking misunderstood what i really meant to say, and he got upset abt it.
actually to put it simply, he got upset with my opinion.
yes truth be told, he always did. whenever i am upset with him and i share the problem, he starts throwing a tantrum at me. eventually i just didnt bother giving tht shit anymore, so i stopped telling him anything abt him tht bothers me.
he had his own arguments. i was tired. but i hung on, cause i didnt want to run back to the past. i focused on the future. cause i really thought i had one with him. i kept hoping. i am one who really believes so much in hope.
but it really all was for nought. he controlled me. he told me not to go for walks at night. i was fine with tht, because i understand tht he's afraid if i, being a female bump into unnecessary trouble or what. so i didnt. and he didnt allow me play ps3 which i also understood because it was n level period.
but then one day, he told me not to go for walks at all . tht sucked. tht really sucked. i mean, walking is like my way of relieving stress. and he was always giving me stress, and it was bloody n level period ffs. of cos i'd be fucking stressed .
i fucking needed a walk, but he told me not to. we'd have a convo like this:
me: gg out for a walk now!
he: alone?
me: yupp!
he: ok. take care.
me: ok!
he: actually i dont like you walking alone.
me: oh dont worry, ill take care of myself.
he: so u still gg?
me: yupp!
he: oh. ok .
and then hebe like talking in tht irritating tantrum tone . and then one day he just told me tht i aint allowed to go for walks alone, or at night, or to sch. i was like what if i get stressed? he was like, you stay home and write in ur diary.
honestly it didnt help when he tags along on my walks. and he also didnt like me walking in the rain at all. even when im like walking to the bus stop in the morn and it suddenly started pouring (so it aint my fault) , he'd be like yelling at me, saying things like why the fuck are you so dumb to walk in the rain when you know you're alr unwell.
he forbade me from making contact with irshad. when shad came over for raya, he got so damn angry when he found out. we got into an argument which sent phones flying against the wall, and botha us nearly got knocked down by car .
he didnt like me gg out with natalee, just cause his classmates have got smth against her. tht was firetrucking stoopit. he also got damn angry at me when i went ahead with the plan to study with her even aft he told me not to.
the last straw has got to be when he told me to quit my job .
first: he was the one who allowed me to apply. second: he was the one who persuaded me to go for orientation. i liked the job alr . and he told me to quit in mid nov cause he said i wouldnt be able to cope with studies and work .
his expectations were high, tht is all i can say. he said i treated him like shit. thts because i was trying not to. people become more clumsy when they try to be careful. just by saying tht, he made me feel like shit.
well , i do declare tht i didnt love him enough to try again. i was brainless . i stupidly went along with all his fucking high expectations , his orders .
i was never meant to be with him. but it did lead me to my current relationship, the true love of my life. it feels like ive never met him before. i look at his face and i dont feel for all those times ive had with him.
my being with irshad has burnt the book of memories with khairul.
but guess what?
i still got butterflies whenever i see the boy in sch despite walking and smiling right next to the boyfriend. in other words... when i was with khairul , i never forgot irshad.
tht is the irrevocable truth.
i lied khai . i lied to you. i am not gg to say sorry. because i will not apologize to you for having feelings.
not anymore.
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