went pasir ris park with my khairul today! it was pretty last min cos i was sooo bored at home and he found an excuse to go out, so we went~ met at bus stop aft orange bus stop, but he forgot and alighted at the wrong stop, so met in the middle.

walked back to the bus stop i was at, waiting for 403. while waiting, talked a lot random and when it finally arrived, we alighted at the end and walked to the breakwaters (i think) . as always, talked and laughed abt many random stuff.

crap. my fingers. my fingers hurt. ok, i shall blog later, rest first can? fingers. pain .



i was tilting my head, staring at this pic when i paused the vid. he's shoo cute !

this man named khairul irfan

we all have a lot of secrets. i know i do.

ever since i met this someone, these secrets have slowly been revealed. i find myself opening up a lot more, and i even told him a big secret of mine tht nobody has ever known. and i changed too. i changed a lot for him, in a positive way.

a year ago, i withdrew myself from everyone around me, but my meeting with the man named khairul irfan melted the sheet of ice tht was engulfing me. he thawed the ice cube tht i was and found me, cold and shivering.

slowly, he warmed me up. i'm a flame now, warm and steady. i entered his life, his presence, his accompany, his arms, his embrace. and i've never regretted any of tht. i changed a lot for this man named khairul irfan. i've never changed for anyone. and i thought i would never.

he softened me. i used to keep everything to myself, under the glare tht i gave anyone who lay their eyes on me. yet, he strengthened me, this man named khairul irfan.

i've had another love before him. but, it's different this time. i'm not just Saying this. i really really mean it. there's smth abt this man named khairul irfan tht makes me very very very sure tht i am truly and sincerely in love with him.

this man named khairul irfan. sigh. every time he gets mad at me, i would always hurt somewhere, be it the head or backbone or stomach. but most of all it hurts in the heart of course.

i love him a lot.
i hope he's not doing anything stupid right now...

it's been a year.

a year ago, i allowed smth to happen cos of my stupidity, my ignorance. my desire. my foolishness, and my lack of thinking before i did it. it's too late isnt it? it happened. i had those feelings. and i wasted precious months crying over smth which was not meant to be.

well guess what? this year, i've got khairul irfan. and there's nth more i can wish for. 13th oct 2010 can go to hell. i'm in 2011 now.

your hand is my hot chocolate ^^

long day today! although i aint even halfway thru.

woke up at 10 sia, which was the time tht khai told me to meet him. at first i was like, oh its ten. i went back to sleep, only gg into a shock a few seconds later. teros jumped out of bed and ran to grab my clothes and into the toilet, haha.

kay, last night's dream was awesome! was abt sch though, ive been dreaming abt sch a lot these days ever since my last day in the building on thursday. i rmb it being cca day cos i saw uniformed groups lined up by the parade square.

i recall seeing mr syafie , i rmb talking to him tgt with asleah, and they were like joking away when i decided to go to our old humans room, to "see who is occupying it this year" . i saw some random bespectacled kid coming out of the room.

hafiz came along, and we tagged team battle against the kids in the room, haha! in the end we won the fight and we managed to get tht classr back. and all was like normal, geog lessons in the humans room on the first floor.

i forgot what we did inside eh , but i see it. i recall the tables all joined as one long table in the middle of the room and we were all gathered around it laughing . yes it was ms poh!

hm. then what? oh yeah, and then i was standing by the spiral staircase between the classr blocks near the toilet again. some sec one or sec two boy was talking to me abt the UGs horse race. smth like tht .

and then, someone whom i cant recognize, told me tht none of the npcc representatives showed up. and tht no signs of npcc ppl anywhere in the sch. tht was when i had this inkling to represent npcc! hahaha.

yeah this part was fun. there was a stable behind the humans room. and i was thinking of which horse to ride. i rmb thinking to myself, "oh choose the one who is of same height or taller." and then i went to this beautiful horse the colour of midnight. and it was majestic, absolute beautiful thing. like a rapidash!

then i rode her down to the ish. damn awesome sia the feeling! ok, im very excited. hehehe! i rmb steering her over past the dnt rooms. wow. serious shit, tht feeling was damn bloody awesome.

k, im done abt my dreams. currently at mac with my khairul baby. he's feeding me fries, heheh. his hand was warm, that was my hot chocolate on this rainy day. ^^ hi khairul, i love you!
hi Eindah!! i love you too!!!

Day One of Filming

...was a success! although yes it rained, we still managed to film certain stuff from the beginning of my imagination, hehe. im sooo grateful to the girls cos they were willing to be my models.

met up with siying at bk, waited for asleah for eons cos she was taking her own sweet time, and then she came and we all bought our food. just Nice it was our recess time, aka the time tht i can eat alr .

blah3, when we were done, we went to romantic place, asleah with her umbrella and siying and i with hoodsup! hahaha. k this is a short update, i shall continue later. nak edit videos. hehe. excited!

my family's full names.

hm, this is difficult, cos u seem to know everything abt me. and like i said, i find it difficult to say things abt myself, ppl either ask or observe. but i shall try . oh he just Gave me smth to tell. my family's full names !

my father: Md E'esa Bin Nordin
my mommy: Nor Azlina Bte Md Arif
my older bro: Muhammad Naqib E'zuwan Bin Md E'esa
my younger bruh: Muhammad Nazriq E'irfan Bin Md E'esa

k dah. what else? hm.......... did you know tht i was last in class in sec 1 and 2? k nvm this is more towards my past. i think this is all for today, khai just Told me to sleep -_-

busy, busy! so many things to do, so little seconds on the clock. deadline for project SFS is on friday!! friday ! ah! got so pissed this morning cos of the weather. yes, i disliked the weather, but i still appreciate it.

tmrw, it better not rain tmrw! i sooo need to do this ok. ive been wanting to do this for an extremely long time, too long! i needa focus. *determined face*

so right now, all i can do is listen to its song on repeat, and tryta imagine first. which... is smth tht i alr have been doing since i first heard this song. oh well! familiarize.

i've been looking at some 2010 photos. i really miss the times when all eight of us were like camwhoring in the classrooms during recess and all tht. damn. effing miss the girls. this the first pic we all ever took tgt as a whole, and with no extras (eg phyllis and qianying)



and all the outings with any of the girls, cos tht time i didnt have any preferences for anyone. and the birthday bash for siying, and when we played water and picnicked at prp, and played by the beach. and went to pearl's house to watch movie aft monopoly.



and the best was megamind! we all planned tht tgt. like shit pulak tu. we worked hard, and then we played hard ^^ i still rmb how excited we were over Movie Day! and i rmb tht i even announced it during flag raising haha. and, it was my first day with new specs!





oh yeah..... cliquey movie day was awesome.






i better plan another outing before it becomes a year since all 8 of us went out tgt. yes, it's all up to me now!

this is in response to khairul's blog post.

i've told you many times, i wont leave you. i've still got one more year in this sch, you can have ur eye on me, and aft my O's, ill take care of myself. i wont go anywhere. you'll say tht it's what i say now, but ive told u many many times tht i wont leave you for anyone else.

cos, there's really this smth abt you, tht makes me very very sure tht i wanna be with you for the rest of my life. ive said it a lot of times, and im very sure of it. very, very sure. you changed me, i discovered many things tht i never knew i was, i became someone tht i should have been a long time ago. and i am not just Saying this.

k, this is all tht i will say now. if ive got anything else, they would all be in diary. the little red notebook tht one of my best friends got for my 16th bday~

for a second there, you sounded like you were defending your ex. and it saddens me. it really, really saddens me.

Last Day of 4/2 ):

hello! ytd was last day with 4/2. boohoo. as in normal sch day. next week are n levels' remaining papers. sigh ! i am freaking out sia. damn stress.

ytd was damn touching. ive got footage, but i have yet to edit. because i have no time, cant afford to lose anymore seconds. i'm allowing the clock tick in my face..
pictures from ytd !









and i got suspended from class ytd. siying told me everyone asked abt me, like sho shweet!

then during self study, everyone was camwhoring but i was at my desk with one black face. manfred came to me and was like,"eh last day of sch eh. can dont be so sad or not? be happy eh, smile eh. and stop being so bloody stubborn can or not? oy smile lah, go there join them take picture." sho shweet, hehe!

timothy injured his foot and couldnt walk, and nicholas piggybacked him , damn bloody shweet sia. felt as if the whole sch was ours, cos it was damn empty and our class was the only used one at the second level. so yeahh.

aft p.e, we all camwhored like shit, only left the sch at like one hour aft the final bell rang. damn bloody shweet. i'm gonna miss them all like fuck.

we shall let the vid do the rest of the talking, here u go !

some random quiz !

the person i like and why i like them.
khairul irfan. why? hm i dont want to make this post panjang lebar (; but i like cos i love!

a famous person i’ve been compared to.
this bitch named eindah wrister.

5 things that irritate me about the same sex/opposite sex.
hm dont really have any. i appreciate the way God created us.

the best thing that has happened to me this week.
the fact tht i have woken up to a brand new day for 7 mornings.

weird things i do when i’m alone.
dance randomly to songs tht is either playing or stuck in my head. k actually a lot, esp when im like alone at home. hehe.

how i’d spend ten thousand bucks.
i'd buy all the videography equipment, and the rest most probs on food.

things i like and things i don’t like about the way i look.
i like everything. i dislike nothing.

my last night out in detail.
i shall do this later.

something that makes me sad when i think about it.
the fact tht i cause ppl problems all the time.

something i’ve lied about.
i have never lied in my entire life before.
:p

would i rather be stranded on a desert island with someone i love for ten years or someone i hate for a month? explain why.
someone i hate for a month. because, we shall take tht chance to bond with each other, get to know each other better, and eventually we will love each other. instead of being with someone i love for ten years, cos who knows what might happen?

something i’m currently worrying about.
khai leaving me.

something i do without realising.
upset people/make them angry.

lyrics that apply to my current situation/mood.
Third Eye Blind's "Semi-Charmed Life" !

something i regret.
having called my bf an asshole.

post a picture of myself.
*shall post later*

my longest relationship and who it was with.
from june 2011 to current, khairul irfan.

post a bit of my last IM convo.
*shall post later*

5 things i want to change.
nothing. i dont want anything to change.

someone i’d like to be for a day and why.
i'd be the love of my life, and think the way he thinks.

5 things within touching distance.
asleah's wallet. the mouse. my sch bag. the sch printer. the comp lab door.

story of my first kiss.
the first one with MKI , was at cc before my maths tuition. he had my hoodie wrapped across his eyes, so hot!

an indigo feline?

i hope he tells me everything. i'm alr upset tht all along he had been sleeping with smth she gave him , but i let go of tht. i wasnt happy with the fact tht he refuses to throw them away bcos they are memories, but i let go of tht.

well anywayys ...
i'm desperate for so many things tht i'm deprived of ! T.T oh except food, yes food. kk, let's do a little bit more researching for art before hunting down for chemicals.

jenny always makes my day aft a long day at sch, hehe. when khai doesnt send me home ah, cos when he does then we usually dont walk by jenny's spot. jenny is a cat at elias btw. up to now i still have no idea what color she is, but i like to say tht she's purple.



imagine tht! a purple cat. beautiful isnt it ?

September ppl !

hello! i am studying now. but will do a very quick update before gg back to my physics.

ytd had bday celebration with father's side relatives at cik o's house . as in, a void deck near his house. dress code was casual , so i wore my usual tee+hoodie+skinnies combi , but this time with me nike shoes .

my dad told me to wear them cos my cousins hasnt seen me in those before , and tht he wants me to show off on this occasion. yes, tht shows how not-rich we really are, if u were to compare my father's family with his siblings.

well anyways . upon reaching, salam everyone, then my dad and i straightway went to rivervale mall to use the toilet. he told me stories as always, which proves his blurblock-ness. at the end of it, i was like, "oh nowanda i so blurblock, cos i follow you."

then we reached the toilets, the female and male were like next to each other. we were both like, "eh yours is tht one! dont go wrong way ah! cos u blurblock." hahahaha. k u dont get it. but i was laughing to myself in the cubicle haha . i love my father sia.

when we got back, everyone had started eating so we joined. i ate a lot, and then i ate desserts too. hehe.

okokok, let's just Summarize a little. laughed at my uncles and aunts a lot, with all my cousies, and camwhored a lot too . every family gathering is always damn chaotic, cos my dad has like 12 siblings. so it's fun!

k here are some random camwhore pics...







went off somewhere to camwhore with maya, so many failed jumpshots.
kk, seriously gotta go back to summarizing.
in short, i had a lot of fun with my relatives. they were also celebrating my birthday, as belated. ^^

btw! imma be posting on 19th sept. so look down to check if there's any edits to my 19th sept post. imma go back to my studying now. 3rd oct - physics/chemistry. 4th oct - maths p1/art. 6th oct - maths p2/geog. wish me all the best. imma put in a million efforts for the ppl around me.



i let it all out to khairul last night. i'm so glad i did. i feel so much better now, i dont feel affected by the past anymore. thank you khairul. thank you for listening to me. i love you so much .

i really really need him right now. vomitted, and all the while i just Wanted him by my side. idk why but my stomach was the one who got upset aft khairul went offline. now it's torturing me, i'm so in pain, but i cant do anything abt it.

it's just Nausea i think. i hope tht's it . and i hope it'll be gone very very soon.

he better not have left home. if he did, i'm gg to hunt him down and this time i'm gg to make use of the prey tht i just Caught.

my 16th birthday! *editted*

i have promised khairul to blog abt today. but idk whether he wants in details or what , so imma just Put it on hold til tmrw.

today was awesome :D
--------------
k hi, yes i have editted. i shall pretend tht i am typing this on 19th sept.
aft sch, went sab's house cos she wanted to pass me bday pressie. had a lot of stuffs to carry, took bus with my khairul.

hm first went to eat domino with siying. asleah and shushan came as a surprise! so shweet sey, i nearly wanted to cry.



and then khairul came along, and he smelt good sia. ran for the 358, tht was funny! and he was carrying a can of coke! went to ehub to watch johnny english :D in the midst , khai got thirsty, passed him the coke and i was so damn scared to watch him open it sey!

aft movie went to the carpark rooftop to take a few photos . khai is so damn bloody handsome sia...




bought cup walker while waiting for khai to come out from toilet, was struggling to take out my wallet cos my stockings didnt hsve pockets and i was carrying lots of stuffs =.=

went prp, sat on his hoodie, i felt really bad abt tht. i was really fine with sitting on the grass but khai persisted. chatted abt random stuffs , and did a lot of stuffs (;

wrote "i love u" in the sand again. for khairul. at night, we played on the sand and he lifted me up and swung me around. tht was fun sia! and yes we kissed in the darkness as well ^^ by the waves. aaahh~

around 9 plus went out of the park. hahaha. i love my 16th bday so much. :D

appreciation.

the floor is a beautiful thing.

aha! made u look. made u look and made u think abt its beauty.

the pieces of the floor are beautifully pieced together arent they? even if ur floor aint tiles, it still is a work of art isnt it? you sit , lie down, step on the floor. the floor is always there to give you support. if it isnt there, you'll fall below.

it's a work of art, and a pillar of support. yet why isnt it appreciated? you step on it every day, you stamp ur feet when you're angry, you jump on it when you're happy. the least u could do is lie down on it from time to time and stare at the light together with it.

yeah thts right. the light. the floor looks at the light everyday, tht is where it gets its hope from. we've got the sun, but some ppl dont appreciate tht either.

if u listen very carefully, the floor has a heartbeat. i know the one tht i heard was mine, but i pretend tht it's the floor. its heartbeat is steady. it assures me tht the floor is fine. it saddens me if i get reminded tht the floor actually has no heartbeat...

so, every now and then, lie down on the floor, on your stomach, and just Listen. the floor would be very happy to have you looking at its source of hope tgt with it, bcos im sure tht u seldom look at ur ceiling light as well, right?

when u lie down at first, it's cold, yes. but when u get up, feel the area where u lied down on. it's warm.
and the floor is contented.

from time to time, do things tht show ppl/pets/objects tht u appreciate them. just Imagine how life would be like without them at all. and appreciate the fact tht others appreciate u as well.

appreciation is just Important to let others know u regard their presence and are glad tht they are there.

i love his eyes.

hello . asleah and siying had gone home ages ago. we slept at 5 aft rounds and rounds of DW7, only to wake up at 530 cos we wanted to go to mac's. i was talking in the dark with siying without even realizing. it felt so much like a dream!

smth happened to khai. i can tell . but he's not telling me and im wondering why.

SLEEPOVER .

hello ! asleah and siying are over at my house right now. yes, they're sleeping over. fun sey! first time had a friend over for sleepover. friends.

so far we've chatted, talked abt boys, camwhored, laughed and played ps3 :D oh and studying of course. right now si ying is asleep and i am accompanying asleah to the toilet. supposedly gg to mac's at 530, but ive not slept yet.

i love these two so much sia. seriously. glad tht they were able to come over to spend time with me. ohh asleah is done!

well anyways, today had p.e. which was fun as always. i recorded as usual , but this time i joined halfway. i had a lot of fun sia defending, haha.

kk nak sleep. shall update u more on my life very very soon. hahah nights :DDDD
yes im having a lot of fun, but i still miss my khairul .