16 out of 100.

 my hot pink Ministry of Clothing tee. 

man, it sure was a chilly day. and the night is not any better. hohum. had to sit in the corner of the classroom during recess in a bid for warmth!

so after English i had stayed in the classroom and ended up talking to Ms Adimah again when she came over to wake me up. man i like her more now!

i got back the prep papers that i did manage to take, which are Maths and Physics. i got the same marks for them both.

had spent my last two periods sitting in the canteen finishing up my SS prep before looking for Mrs Sherri at the HOD office to pass it to her.

finished up my English assignment after that til the bell rang and i was literally the first student out the gate!

when i got home, i, well, fell asleep. and now i have a fine of fifteen cents for a book that's gonna be due by the time tomorrow comes.

o! i'd managed to capture the sunset. wanna shee?

 from my bedroom window.

i realise that my tuition seems to be rascist somehow, Malays on one side of the classroom while the Chinese were on the other. what's worse is the fact that other than me there's only one other Malay girl. 

so for the past few weeks Mr Chan had been saying again and again, "why don't any of you have questions for me? wah my students all so good ah?"

and then today, he was telling us how the Maths O Levels would be earlier than the past years this year. some joker was like "why ah?" to which Mr Chan replied, "because they know this year's students all so good one what!"

kay yeah it is an inside joke. but that was funny!

okay i'll tell you my Maths Prep results, ok? t'was 16. 16 out of a 100. thus the title, in case you haven't noticed.

am i bothered by it, you ask? hmm....

and one more thing. was talking with Kak Siti about wedding stuff. and she said i could try draw my ideal dress, and baju kurung design. hmmm....

no? ok gimme a few more days. let me play around with other designs first (; it's been a while since i last drew dresses, so yeah.

2NE1's latest MV.

i forgot to share this with you guys.

Dara's hair looks great!, and so are Park Bom's vocals. and she looked so cute when she placed her cheek to her knee.

i like the situations; the cabins and the lighthouse. has an olden day ring to it, somehow. to me, anyway. right.

just to make things clear, i'm just a listener of 2NE1; and just 2NE1. i don't really like any of those other groups be it girl or boy. 2NE1's unique, and their vocals are worth commending especially in their live sessions. in my opinion there really hadn't been any need for autotune for them.

as for their videos, as i'd mentioned before i like how there're stories to their MVs rather than just random dancing here and then there and then here again, like, you know?

this's so fucking cute. i kept laughing at the little random moments here and there. feels strange watching them talk instead of sing, right?

that aside, what's up with Youtube? why the hell do the videos keep loading all over again just because i hit replay?

okay, i shall blog again when i feel like it.could be tonight, could be tomorrow, could be this Saturday. heh. goudennate for tonight, just in case.

p.s yeah. Dara's hair is awesome. 

p.p.s i hadn't forgotten Trivium or Sum 41 or There For Tomorrow. ok? just taking a break from all that. many of the songs had memories attached to them, so yeah. i'm trying. i've been trying, what do you think i've been doing for the past 5 bloody months?

p.p.p.s woah! just checked my phone and there are, like, 17 new texts!

The Traitor Game.

i don't know why you had to mention my English, actually. it's just my best school subject; is there a problem with that?

so t'is my current book;

it's about this fantasy world, a country, created by these boys named Michael and Francis. the former was the one who really created it, but when the latter got to know about it he contributed to it as well.

it's called Evgard, and from what i understand, this world consists of two opposing races Mereish and Evgarders. the Evgarders have always been bullying the Mereish.

there are different perspectives in this book, the real world with Michael, and the country Evgard with Argeshya, or Argent. Argent is kind of like a mixed blood; he was born Evgard but grew up a Mereish. his mother abandoned him somewhere in the borderline of Skyph and Evgard.

so back in the real world. Michael had problems from his previous school thus had to be transferred, and his mother had invited a new schoolmate of his over to socialise, because she was afraid and concerned about the social life of her precious son.

that was when Francis discovered Michael's world of Evgard, in the form of drawings, including maps, characters and all that. the secret of Evgard became their bond.

as the title suggests, this book plays a lot with loyalties and betrayal, in both the real world and Evgard. when Michael received a note in his locker I KNOW WHERE ARCASTER IS, he got really convinced that Francis had betrayed him by telling somebody about their fantasy world.

many events follow suit threatening the friendship between the two boys, and their humanity. as for Argent, he was caught between the Mereish and Evgarders, unsure of which to betray.

the Evgarder Duke's son, Columen, had won Argent as a slave from his father, and that was when the two boys bonded. this was what made Argent torn between his loyalties for the Mereish and his Evgarder friend.

well it's what i understand, anyway. you should read it! it drowned me. and you know it's a good book when i say that (; but from what i observe it has many elements of religion, that is, well, not mine.

the thing that made me think the most was the Judas floor from the world of Evgard. it's a floor that crumbles when you make one wrong move; the only way of making it across is simply by knowing the right path.

Michael had thought of it too, he had wondered if there would ever be anyone who happened to cross the floor through the right path by chance. if anyone had crossed it, not fallen through, and never even knew it was a Judas floor.

come to think of it we've all walked across many such floors without knowing of it, haven't we? for example someone who'd once been a hair's breadth away from an accident. looking back, if he or she had been misplaced by just one step to the right... get it?

yeah, so the concept of this floor was pretty cool. and so was the whole book.

i like how Michael could think of a whole new language [or two, since there's Mereish as well as Evgard] for a world that he just fantasised. and there're even swear words! 

so, how was my day, you ask? i spent the whole day sleeping! *look of disbelief*

aww. so cute, right? a white tiger.

i had a really long dream, one that took my dream-self literally for a ride. the road was like a roller coaster track! i see it all right now, but i can't put it in words.

yes, i hadn't gone to school today, because Tuesdays are long and i'd just get myself suspended anyway.

oh, i'd like to share with you guys a blog i just recently found; My Favourite Books which, as the name suggests, shares the author's favourite books. hah, you don't say.

and it's updated on a regular basis, too! don't you just love blogs that are?

transition.

TODAY! so, today.

about 45 minutes later
ok so i kind of backed out my plan.  i was all geared up, with lappy stuffed into my backpack planning to make a trip to the library to blog, but then i got lazy.

so i plopped myself back onto the coffee table in the room, and tadah. here i am.

haven't posted webcamwhore pictures for such a long time!

since i've nothing sensible to say, i'll just share with you my Monday and how it went.

i'd had my hair up from home today, you know! no special reason, really. i just felt like it. [then again that has its special reason, get it?]

alas! [and alack], i got snatched from my exam desk before we even placed our bags at the front of the room. out of the blue suspension; couldn't take my English 2 and Phy/Chem papers.

unfortunately for me as well, i hadn't brought much studying material. only had my notebook of notes, so couldn't do any practise or create new notes. haiya!

so spent nearly the whole time just writing in my diary. and i even managed to camwhore with myself for a while, wanna shee?

turn over a new leaf indeed. pfft.

so i had my Malay O Level oral examination today. t'was fun while waiting for our turns, chatted and laughed a lot with the others.

when it was mine... surprisingly it went alright, if compared to my mid year [or was it prelim] Malay oral. my reading was steady [usually it'd be fast] and my Bahasa Baku was consistent. alas, so was the stupid grin of mine.

i find it somewhat embarrassing that there i was, smiling and grinning away throughout the conversation with freaking hand gestures while the examiners were there just staring at me, still and poker faced with the occasional nod.

so guess what, i actually went over and talked to zee MKI about his n level oral when i saw him at the bus stop. "ni confirm tengah mabok", he must have thought as he stared up at me with raised eyebrows.

i think i kind of splashed some water at him, because i just washed my hands and was like waving them into his face when i was saying hi.

o, speaking of which, earlier on at suspension! syazana called out to me and i was like looking at her while she asked her geography question when it suddenly rained on my arms.

guess what, it turned out some teacher who just walked out of the toilet was jiggling his hands his sides, so the water went all over me! i was so shocked. but yeah, it was funny.

so today aside, tomorrow's my bruh Haikal dood's N Level oral. ALL THE BEST! to him, he's gonna do a great job cause he's a good talker. really, really.

steel-shelled snail? more like a salted slug.

why did you have to say all those? this morning, i was just telling myself with determination that i was really going to move on. was doing a good job so far, too. 

stop sprinkling salt onto the slug.

had started off the day, and this post, excited and happy and all. but both seem to be ending in disaster.

what's in her bag?

dogs are man's best friend, right? [well it's what they say but i am, as you all know, supporter of cats] and then jewelery are woman's best friend.

hmmm but then again so are shoes. and handbags. hmmm. in any case, i am here to blog about something totally random and nothing to do with how i've been doing these days; the bags that i carry.

i don't usually carry bags, but i do have a supply of that. they all serve a different purpose, and this is a quick guide of knowing what i'm carrying and where i'm going, just by looking at the bag i am using.

 backpack.

the one with my beautiful name [missing its apostrophe though] pinned onto the brand's logo.t'was a birthday [15th] present from a friend of mine called Yue Ting.

what's inside? usually books; plural. library books and TYS. the small compartment usually consists of tissue packets, pens [lots] and compact mirror.
when's it used? school, study sessions, tuition. most of the time, really.

shoulder bag.

bought nearly two years ago, when the bag shop called Eight Percent, was it? well, when that shop was still existent at Ws.

what's inside? one book, and my diary/pen. phone would be chucked into the small compartment if i even feel like bringing it.
when's it used? when i'm just making one simple trip to the library, usually Pasir Ris'. only when i'm too lazy to hold those two items in my hands.

purse.

bought it about two years ago too. the little shop at Century Square, the lane by Coffee Bean. sometimes comes with a strap [a white one which i attach to it so i can sling it over my shoulder].

what's inside? some money, ezlink card, a rubber band, clips, and my phone. basically like a sub wallet. usually accompanied by red camera.
when's it used? when i'm dressing up, like in a skirt and stockings, and have no pockets to stuff my necessities in.

this bulky bag which specific name i am unsure of. duffel? 

bought early this year to reward myself. reward about what? the reason remains a mystery.... initially used just for school.

what's inside? laptop, clothes, two cameras, a white tiger, many wires, toilet stuff, a book.
when's it used? when i am going out of the country, or sleeping over somewhere else.

what's that? what about when i'm not carrying any bags? pockets, baby. usually when i'm not carrying anything, my pockets are just stuffed with my wallet [fact: i have matching wallets with zee Nicholas buddy *grins*] , ezlink and phone. occasionally a pen.

and there you have it! you just survived reading a guide on things that will prove useless in your daily life.

#20PeopleImHappyIMet [edited!]

Natalee mentioned me *blush* so, i shall bring forth now this trend from twitter! because i feel like it. maybe not 20 though, since i kind of lack the social bonds to summon enough for this post.

01. Mayang cousie!

02. Aidil cousie XD

 03. Asleah Bby. 

 04. Si Ying Cowberry. 

 05. Shu Shan Jie. 

 06. Pearl bestie. 

07. Sabrina Dota. 

08. Priscilla pretty lady.

09. Farizah Fari-fari. 

10. Syazana Small Monster!

11. Nicholas Jude! 

[sorry no picture of just me and him!]

12. Natalee the chaotix!

13. Haikal dood! 

[no picture of him too, so sorry. unless i rip, but i'm lazy.]

14. 'Irfan noorhalim. 

[a very old picture. i have one from 2009 too, but that's an eyesore.]

15. Muzzy Malek.
[no picture of him too, but he's on the list alright.]


16. Azreenie!

17. Timothy.
[yes, no picture of him, too. maybe there is in my 2011 archives but i'm still lazy.]

18. 4/2 2011!
[i can put in a group, right? still considered people, right?]

19. the younger twin.
guessed it, didn't you? [it still pains me to write his name, admittedly.]

last but not least.......

20. you! 
[bonus if you are already on the list! *grins*]

lalala, blahblahblah. always got him one. always.

my Saturday, 7th of July blahblahblah.

heidiho. ohidieh. hmmmm. what have i been up to for the day, eh?

had woken up early to hit the books, at the library. i didnt know Bedok's opens at 10! yes, it does. by the time i reached, it was just a quarter past but all the tables by the windows had already gotten occupied.

found a place by the large table again, the other end this time; the seat by the wall. and boy do i regret it immediately. it was so bloody cold!

i'd started shivering like mad by the time it was noon. even the time spent in the toilet couldn't make up for the warmth i was desperate for.

eventually i'd gone on a walk outside. needed to eat something anyway, since i'd left on an empty stomach. went to ntuc [where it was also bloody cold!]  to get myself a pair of Twix. two for $2.70!

walked all the way to the cheers at Bedok Pt to get milk tea. when i walked in the woman at the counter was like, "good afternoon!"

i would have greeted her back with equal cheerfulness if it wasn't for my fully occupied mouth. by the time i was going to pay for my milk tea, i still hadn't swallowed my chocolate [i had stuffed the whole bar into my mouth before walking in--don't ask] so i was forced to talk to her through a stuffed mouth.

i saw her glancing at my mouth when i spoke with this look of disbelief that lasted for a second before she smiled at me again. how humiliating!

back at the library, i knew the guy who had been seated next to me was cold as well. he adapted my idea of a little walk i think, because by the time i packed up and was prepared to leave, he was still missing from his place at the large table. hehe.

o btw! i had done a lot of maths. thankfully my trigonometry is still stable, as well as circle properties [i bravely say that these are my strongest topics], though i can't say the same for my similarity and congruency stuff.

i left the library at 2, borrowing these two books about cats, one on history and the other on facts. i kind of laughed at some of the facts from the latter. "Cats want everything in the world to smell like they do, and they spend their lives trying to accomplish that feat." *laughs*

so i walked to the bus stop outside the MRT interchange and took 31. gotta tell you, i really love walking in the neighbourhood area of bedok. so many reasons why.

dropped right at the end which is Tampines where i got myself a packet of black ear sticks. i'd wanted some number earstuds but the nice salesboy told me they only had alphabets, alas.

went to popular next where i got two new diary pens, and each time i walked past Artbox i had to resist the temptation to walk in because i knew i would never leave empty handed. needed to save the moolah!

back at Pasir Ris, had gone to NGC to look for number earstuds, but again, the salesboy said they only had alphabets. damn!

around late evening, had gone to Cik Adik's house to see my newly arrived little cousin Nur Asyura.

she kept smiling through her sleep!!! it was beyond adorable. i must admit that i get along better with cats than kids but newborn babies are always worth my attention as well.

o, funny things. Kak Shasha was like saying to Cik Adik something about Aidil and syarahan. i like the way Cik Adik turned to me and said, "Aidil pergi syarahan...?"

so. there's Compass, Anchor, River, Fern. what other Vales are there??? the Sengkang area sure is interesting.

me for today.

my talk with Ms Adimah.

i had a talk with ms adimah yesterday. she had been invigilator for my maths prep exam, half of which i had slept through.

she told me some of her life stories again, some stuff that she hadn't shared the other day. seems like she really wants me to move on. her problems are a million more than mine, of course.

she told me to stop writing diaries, because it is what makes me reminisce and all that. well yeah, she's right. but... to not write out my feelings about him, it's just difficult, you know?
then again, if i don't stop, it'll just be much more painful in the future, right?

"it's just four months, four more months. i think it's already even lesser than that in fact," said ms adimah. "you've already gone through four and a half years of secondary school, why let your efforts go to waste in the last few months?"

she also told me to try and squeeze back into the clique, because being alone in school is what makes me not participate in all the stuff. it's what made school suck.

"you gotta think positive!" she announced.

"the thing is, even when i do think positive, it's for things like believing he'll come back and shit like that," i said softly.

"you see! you're believing in the wrong things!" she snapped.

her most sticky line was "...all because of a little seventeen year old ASS who didn't return you your love." she's right, it's not worth it isn't it?

well. it's difficult. it's been five bloody months! but i'm still here, while he's like, a little dot over the horizon.

one other thing our talk which'd also been on my mind; "and how is he doing?" she had asked. i had frowned and snapped, "of course he's doing fine! he's happy, of course he is," to which she had answered softly, "o really? how would you know?"

when i don't answer, she added, "you never know. is he really happy on the inside?"

hohum.

what if i were to tell you...

so i had a minute/minute [get it?] memory loss upon waking up a few minutes ago. i couldn't remember what day or year it was, and i could've sworn i was back in those days where i had everything. everyone.

then my memories started to hit me again, and so here i am, miserable little asshole as ever.

what if all these were a dream, though? what if, one day, i were to fall off a carpark rooftop only to wake up to find myself back in 2010? what if i'm at my sec 3 mid year exams right now, dreaming through my english paper 1?

what if i woke up and was able to tell my clique, "hey i had a dream where i left you guys over something stupid. and then i started getting myself into a lot of trouble all the time,"?

what if i woke up and was able to tell syazana, "hey i had a dream where we got closer over make-up bridging and we spent a lot of time together when i left my clique and you were the most awesome childhood friend ever,"?

what if i woke up and was able to tell the boy from 2/2, "hey i had a dream where we became god-siblings and eventually a couple when you confessed to me and we fought a lot and you sure were a mofo possessive boyfriend,"?

what if i woke up and was able to announce to my classmates, "hey i had a dream where we won the cheering comp twice in a row and i was the videographer through-out the year, always capturing the moments for you guys to watch over and over again,"?

what if i woke up and was able to tell the younger twin, "hey i had a dream where we got closer as god-siblings and shared our first kiss a few months later, and you left me when i asked you to be my baby after that and got yourself another girl as your girlfriend, leaving me shattered. i got myself a boyfriend after that but it ended up in disaster and i came running back to you and this time you accepted and boy was i so god-damn happy, but we ended up kissing and doing lots of shit together and one day you left me again, suddenly,"?

would any of them have believed me, i wonder? back in 2010, if i were to say all these, it would have made me look stupid, and crazy.

but here we are in 2012. and look.

the cat who refused to be left behind.

earlier on when i was walking back to my house from the bus stop, i heard a little meow coming from this schoolgirl who had been walking in front of me.

there was a kitty at her feet! it was so attached to the girl, and i watched it refusing to allow the girl to walk away. so i called out to it; it obediently came running to me, meowing away.

alas and alack, it totally refused to let me walk away!

as much as i really love cats, i couldn't have just stayed there forever petting it, right? i had to go. but it didn't allow me. well, until another passer by called out to it.

see that viscous chain? understand what the cat is going through?

well, i just came to share with you guys this story. i'm really not feeling well, i'd like to go rest right now please. just in case i get forced to go to school tomorrow. again.

outside: "Yes Sir." inside: "Shut up."

heidiho. ohidieh.

hadn't went to school today. yes, am getting a zero for my English paper 1 due to my lack of MC to excuse my absence. no popular voucher for me this time. hohum.

what was i up to yesterday, you ask? i am obliged to share.

had gotten snatched from my Social Studies Prep Exam! as an alternative, i studied the subject back at my suspension desk, and study i did...

although at one point i started spacing out and along came Mrs Sherri. she called out to me so i looked at her and she was saying how she'll get a copy of the exam for me to take as a practice, when she paused and snapped, "E'indah pin up your fringe, E'indah!"

i hadn't even realised that i was looking at her through my overgrown bangs!; usually when i see her i would be like, trying to hide my fringe. *grins sheepishly*

Ms Adimah talked to me a lot yesterday, sharing with me stories of her school life cos she saw me drawing out i hate school, and was like, "and how on earth is this studying, may i ask?"

Cikgu Ridzuan talked to me a lot too. he said he had never had any trouble with me before, why on earth was i being like this during the last few months of secondary school of all times? true, that. but i dont know. 

thought of asking ms adimah to eat with me when it was my recess, but she had class so i went on alone. [fact: students on suspension have recess during the period after everyone else's because Mr Syafie doesn't want us to "join the school population for recess".]

i did fell asleep too, but most of the time i did just SS, SS, SS. [despite having been snatched from its exam paper earlier]

when it was all said and done, i dashed back home and went out again to zee wonderful Bedok library. i arrived at the scene of two adults having an argument, which, contrastingly to the silence of the library, was pretty loud.

from what i heard, the man got pissed at the woman who unplugged his charger from the socket, causing his data to be lost because he was running it on electricity or something. i dont know. i was tryna read, actually. just eavesdropped.

some eons later, met with Mom to eat prata before making our way to my aunt's place. aahhh how i love Dot [Tanda] ! he's always hissing at us humans but he's so quiet when i timbang him.

and here's a picture of Zorro.

yeah, the hero. he's getting skinnier by the weeks though, worryingly.

yesterday aside, had spent my day at home sleeping and catching up on rest. haven't been feeling too good lately, to tell you the truth.

i think 2NE1 sounds way better in Japanese. just my opinion.




and i really think this video was adorable. see that kitty? the grey one. i think Dara is a cat person!

something valuable that cikgu ridzuan taught me; the only way to shut them up is by letting them shut you up.

if a teacher gives you work to do, don't be irritating and refuse to do it. don't give all kinds of excuses on why you don't want to do it. instead, you should just obey in order to make them stop nagging at you.

well yeah, it means a lot. and not in terms of schoolwork too. in terms of your blessings, the only way to make God stop taking things from you is by taking the things He gave you and holding on tight to them whether or not you like them.

right?

*grins*

i told you i love the 1930s/1940s!

bitch you ain't got shit on me. bitch you ain't got shit on me. bitch you ain't got shit on me. [it's stuck in my head]

heidiho. ohidieh. so today, i had woken up at 10, so i decided to make my way to the library to do a little of studying. only brought chemistry despite having social studies prep tomorrow.

had gone to Bedok, because i was hoping to get one of the tables by the window where there would be abundant sunshine. well unfortunately for me there weren't even any tables that were unoccupied, so i sat reading for awhile first.

eons later Syazana came, so we made our way to the Mr Teh Tarik behind the library to have a quick lunch. couldnt help laughing at the story of the fall at the Waterworks slide!

when we got back to the library, we found two seats next to each other by the large table, so we decided to sit there. i found the diary of Anne Frank! finally. borrowed that and the book about the little kitty named Cleo.

i found a book of weird facts and lists of weird things and kept sharing some of them with Syaz. i was complaining about how Singapore hadn't been featured in any of the lists, until finally it did.... on the last page. o wells.

bibliophile: one who collects books.
bibliophobia: a fear of books. 

"Hotel India"! no what that means? no it is not an inside joke! it's something that probably half the world knows. *laughs*

Syaz had to go at one point, so i stayed and continued with a little of chemistry. around 6.30 went and met with my grandfather and mom. i liked how i made a horrible joke about the latter and my grandfather really chuckled at it! love the way he laughs. *grins*

ok. so tomorrow is the start of my preparatory examinations. to tell you the truth i really don't want to do my exams. really!

ok i don't really care about that, so look;

isn't she pretty? she died when she was fifteen, i think? well, barely sixteen. i wish my writing would gain recognition after i die, too.

well once i am done with these two books, i shall hunt for books regarding the story of James Francis Ryan.  i was so moved by Saving Private Ryan. i told you i love the 1930's/1940's. truly, truly beautiful times. the fact that these books are non-fiction just add to the wonderfulness!

a soldier is still a somebody.

had spent my morning watching this amazing movie called Saving Private Ryan. it's about these four brothers who had gone to war, three of whom died in combat. eight men were sent to look for the last one and bring him back home.

it's based on a true story, actually. watched the special features that consisted the makings of the movie and all that, and they told another story about a Sullivan family.

five Sullivans had been sent to war and they all died on a ship that had sank. it was so tragic that since then, there was a rule whereby siblings cannot be on the same unit. something like that.

the movie also got me thinking of another thing.

when men are at war, they leave behind their wives and children. in their uniforms they are nothing but soldiers. when they kill, all they are thinking about is their loved ones back home.

but hey. the enemies have their own families too.

that's when i realise that soldiers at war are just the most amazing people ever. they are abundant of strength and courage. aren't they?

soldiers are brothers, sons, fathers, husbands. on the battlefield, they have to think of their own to have the strength to fight, yet they can't think of the fact that the enemies are just the same, lest they start thinking of showing mercy and that.

aside from that, the making of the movie was amazing. Steven Spielberg is cool, alright!

ok then. i am going to do a little bit of studying right now. have i shown you these?

they're highlighters! adorable, aren't they? they were gifts. i told you, i'm mad for stationery and reading material. i will feel naked without any in zee poly life!

speaking of poly, i feel so appreciative for all the little newsletters they'd sent me through the mail. so far i'd gotten RP, TP, and NP. i'd like one from SP because there's a course in there that i'd really, really like to go!

alrighty. goudenbaye mo Axis (;

it's drizzling!

initials of a past crush.

initials of a past crush. 

this was all the way back in early 2009. before i'd even met douchebag. in fact, my interaction with this RT dude had been what led to my meeting with him.

those were the days. but yes, all the memories are gone, along with the friendship and the innocence.

i was always getting disturbed by them 2/1 [2009] guys! the chinese guys especially. they made fun of my running, that i remember so very clearly.

and the name "emokia". gosh! i was so annoyed by that then. but i sorta miss it now. o well. like i said, the memories and friendship are all gone already.

anyway, i hadn't gone out today. though i should really make my way to the library because there's a book due. i got lazy. have got a new notebook as my diary btw!

gosh, i apologise if my post is kind of boring today. like i said, i was lazy today. i can't remember any of my dreams, too.

on school days, my remembering my dream hardly last til the end of morning assembly. if i dadadoo for even a second, all traces of it would be gone and sometimes it'd take a few days for it to come back if not hours.

over the hols though, each time i wake up and lie in bed, trying to remember, the first thing this voice in my head would ask me is this; "was he there?"

o well.

had drawn this last night, along with another memory of the boy, but i won't show that one to you guys.

the memory of 10th November, 2010. 

the back view because the original photo was already front view. i've no idea what made me want to draw this suddenly, when obviously no one would really appreciate it. well not that the boy would appreciate my drawings of him too of course.

want to hear something i'd heard once?

"be like water; able to go through hands, able to hold up a ship." [i kind of forgot the person who quoted this. started with a P, i think?]

don't you think that's beautiful?

damn i feel like some asam laksa flavoured maggi right now.

before i go, i'd like to share my current book. it's in american english but it's okay. and it'd had a pretty good start.

i'll share with ya more when i progress with reading the story.

and there's a song called Bad Apple too. hm.

no, not to my liking, but i'll share with you guys. the shadow art is amazing.there's another version with the colour and everything but yeah, that was horrible.

Suspension.

had this song stuck in my head the past few days. esp the "i hate you; go go away" part!

phew! guessed what!? i just survived one week in school. *takes a deep breath* although yeah, i hadn't been in the classroom most of the week due to class suspension. the last time i had been in my 5/1 was thursday morning before the 8 AM bell rang.

what are some of the funny stuff that happened, you ask? hmm. this is tough. i'd laughed a lot over many things during suspension and i was always excited to share with you guys. but as always, now that i'm here i can't remember most of them.

let's start with yesterday, since i'd alr blogged about wednesday.

so, yesterday. t'is what i remember; the broken chair bit. some sec 2 had fallen off his chair and its back legs had flown all the way to the whiteboard!

us who had been at suspension were all looking at the boy and the girl who went to our principal about the broken chair, craning our necks to see what was going on. i like how we all went into panic mode when she turned and looked at us.

ok, and then today. funnies and bizarros.

1. my left contact had dropped off cos i rubbed my eye too hard. on the bus! i looked so idiotic trying to put it back in.

2. principal had came over and told me to remove my extra earstud. i told her i couldn't, because i'd been trying to get it out for days already but it wouldn't budge. well it was the truth anw. and then she told me it's ok, she'll let it go this time. aww.

3. idk what exactly happened but this whole group of sec 3s were like gathered by the hod office and drew some stuff onto bryan kok (one of the suspended ppl)'s paper or smth. when he came back he repeatedly shouted, "who draw one? who draw one!?!?" he got so pissed! when he went again the whole group there started laughing and mimicking his "who draw one"; damn irritating! but funny, of course. i did laugh.

and many others la, actually! 'you had to be there'.

here are a few drawings that i'd done during suspension. yeeeaaa i did study too.

i like this one, it's adorable (; but there's still something flawed about it...(at a horror movie btw)

most of all, i slept.

was waiting for the bus when i heard the much missed "indahnya Al-Quran~" you're right! t'was farhan! along with faiz tarmizi!

the latter came and sat next to me and we talked a bit. he told me not to be crap because it is my Os this year aft all. grab the opportunity since you have it!

but well. what can i say? to be honest i don't really feel any pressure. ytd, mrs sherri had came to talk to me and when i told her just a few of my thoughts, she looked shocked and was like, "e'indah don't make me smack your head ah!"

that aside. had gone cycling with syazana last night. or more like she cycled since i was just standing on the back of the bike. t'was fun though! i couldn't stop laughing! and then i tried to cycle with her at the back; it proved a bad idea when i kept sidetracking into kerbs and vehicles.

well then, that'd be it. for now. will be back. heh.

"who draw one!?"

interaction with z fellow schmates.

o heidiho. i hadn't been updating as much now, haven't i? thank you for noticing my absence!

had gotten suspended from class today. believe it or not i only got pissed at the fact that the teacha had to come look for me when i was busy doing my critical writing.

suspension was fun though! the whole lot of us were there seated by the general office, and each time a teacher passes by we would be like, "cause we never go june structured and no mc, no letter. all of us!" it was so rehearsed!

a silverfish, was that it? well one had came over towards where i was sitting (we were all on the floor). it crawled to zahara 4/1 who was like next to me.

guess what she'd done; she used a ruler and just piak-ed the lil critter away. it was sent flying! i couldn't help it i practically LOL-ed. i had never thought of doing what she did with a ruler!

syaiful fahmy (i think that's how his name is spelt); he sat next to syazana who was next to me. and bloody hell! these two were a lethal combo man. i really couldn't stop laughing because of them!

we all laughed a lot together but i don't remember most of them. even if i did, it would still be those 'you had to be there' moments. the best was their reactions when i snapped my diary shut and all my library receipts were sent flying into their faces.

holy shit, that was bloody awesome! i couldn't help laughing.

and then we were all dismissed right after the ringing of the recess bell.

spent my last two periods in the canteen with Syazana, since they were free. we were laughing away when mrs sherri shouted across the canteen at us, "OY! buat kerja!"

i hopped onto the benches when i came back from the toilet and yelled into syazie's face a HEIDIHO! when she snapped at me "eeew you just spit on my face!"

ok so in the end we stayed in the canteen slacking til about 5? with fazerah occasionally popping by and talking about random stuffs.

got forced to pull back my fringe and smile. "smile". 

ladi dadi,i went to pierce my ear again after splitzing with syaz and faz.

 1. because i want to put 109 on my ear. 2. because the gun is cool!

i really appreciate the fact that the old man who does the piercing says, "very nice!" after he finishes shooting my ear.

maths tuition was funny today. i like the way mr chan was scolding us, telling us how we are so damn slacky compared to his other classes.

i think i kind of interacted with many people of my school today. for some reason, i feel somewhat proud of that. i smiled at someone from 4/1 when i saw her outside sch, i accepted candy from an express girl, i complimented a girl from 3/1, and the list goes on.

it may seem nothing much but having done those little gestures makes me so happy.

those who dare come near will be abducted!

okay, goodbye my dear Axes. i wanna draw some more stuff. i do have a reason for starting to draw again so suddenly, you know. *grins*

first day of the second semester of my fifth year in sec school.

the perks
1. had been walking around the general office area with mr syafie by the tower and a loose fringe dangling over my eyes; hadn't got caught.
2. not many people had talked to me today.  
3. bought a new notebook to add to my collection of them quote notebooks.
4. hadn't seen douchebaggots.

the urrghs
1. had slept in class more than half the day.
2. had been called out for skipping out on june structured with neither mc nor letter.
3. had been told by childhood friend to "fuck off" when brought her requested peach tea.
4. when not sleeping; kept looking out the window at direction of douchebaggot's house.
5. stomach gotten full of air; stomach couldn't stop churning.
6. school just sucks full time.
7. today's date has a significance to it. 
8. huh. hadn't seen douchebaggots.

do the math, and thus; my day was awful. goodbye.

p.s. have i told you i hate school? well i hate school. and its contents. i shall screw the building upside down on my birthday.

p.p.s you suck.

p.p.p.s i love you my Axes.

bye. byebyebyebyebye. yeah, bye. hohum. hohummmmmiiiee. hohum. goodbye. nah really, you suck. 

alas, how stupid of her!

God ain't gonna make the people whom you love love you back if you ain't gonna love the people who love you. 

a portal is in front of me now. it's been opened since i stepped into this weird place. it's always been open, even when i had power all along to close it. i chose not to close it, because i thought i'd come back and go through it again, to return where i came from.

this place where i had came from; it was where i had been before i met anyone of them. all i was, was a girl in secondary school, who dislikes studying like a regular 13-year-old student but still going on strong for the sake of her future.

the portal was opened when the little boy next door with the bandage made his appearance. this girl jumped in, and before she knew it, three years had been gone just like that. all had been stripped of her; happiness, innocence, her soul.

now she has the chance to jump back into this portal, to go back to normal.

but nope.

she chooses to remain in the world she had jumped in; she had chosen to continue searching for the boy who had came into the portal with her. she doesn't want to leave him behind. she wants to leave the strange place together with the one who had gone in with her.

alas, how stupid she was! this boy had already jumped back through the open portal a long, long time ago. he had his own power to open his own portal, to return to his former life, to before he had even met her. how stupid this girl is!

she doesn't know all that, of course. nobody is around to tell her. she believes with all her heart that the boy is still somewhere, lost in this strange dimension, and she's determined to find him. she firmly believes that he is waiting for her to save him.

how stupid of her...

my stomach churns and i exhale.

i look at the portal one last time, before turning my back against it.  i know it will take a long time to find it again, but...


but.