#20FactsAboutMe

since i am still far from slumber, i shall bring forth a trend from Twitter; #20FactsAboutMe. simple ones.

let's go aztecs let's go let's go!

01. i hate it when people call me photographer. because i am not. 

02. i like the colour pink, but because i'm almost always seen in black, people think that's my favourite colour.

03. my all-time favourite band is still Story of the Year.

04. i can't stand neatness to an extreme. i can be organised but put me into a room full of neatly arranged books, i'd probably start messing them up deliberately, especially if they all look similar. 

05. i'm always being told to smile more.

06. i used to watch a lot of anime, my favourite being Jigoku Shoujo.

07. i can be sexually vulgar whenever i want to. i entertain guys when they're being sick because i am sick in the mind too. 

08. i hadn't been working at EK for a while now (been about 4 months) because the last time i worked, i screwed up really bad and daren't show my face there since.

09. i collect notebooks as a hobby; writing in them is my passion.

10. i have a habit of not washing lent hoodies unless i was told by the lender to do so. 

11. i love to irritate the hell out of people but i get irritated easily. 

12. my w o r s t game addiction -- worse than my obsession with Alice:Madness Returns, Brave Story:New Traveler and Pokemon Ruby -- has got to be Final Fantasy Tactics on GBA. 

13. i really love the sun. 

14. i've been with the moniker 109 for more than three years already; way longer than any other nickies i'd had eg Aisara (2008-early 2009).

15. i like to think that i am inspiration for people who try to imitate me ie copycats. (and i get that a lot)

16. i used to write songs a lot, along with the choruses and bridge. only a few of them had had a proper tune and all. 

17. i've never done much to my hair other than a simple cut. i don't style it, i've never permed or rebonded, and i don't plan on dyeing or doing that chalking shit. 

18. i like my teeth despite their lack of straightness.

19. my birthday is in september. but dont wish me this year because i'm planning to spend my 17th alone.

20. i still think he's the best boy ever, in terms of best friend, brother, and boyfriend.

there we go. what are twenty facts about you?

lost in my own beliefs.

if i have a cat, i wouldn't name it after the douchebag lest i get a strong urge to abuse it.

his name is Hometown! my pak long says he's "Kucing Yang Paling Baik Dalam Dunia"; the most well-behaved cat in the world.

wanna see the most hardworking kitty in the world?

this the youngest of the bunch at Guilley. Dot, aka tanda. he pushes people away but in actual fact he just wants attention. likea Solitary Author.

my aunt shared me this video about a human frog baby, whereby it doesn't have the top of its skull, so its eyes protrude at the top of its head. therefore the name human frog. 

for some reason my nose kept itching earlier. i think it must be the environment; after all, six cats in a house...

so two days ago, on the Saturday. was chatting with them cousins Mayang and Ruzaidil when Maya told us about how a loud noise would be heard somewhere in August; this would cause about two third of the world's population to be wiped out.

she said that our Prophet was the one to have said that. thus... yeah, we were all scared.

to tell you the truth i am not a very religious person. yes, i do thank my God when i am grateful for something and i seek help from Him when i feel troubled. but no, i don't think i am considered religious. just being honest.

it's like i have my own religion. my own literary religious beliefs, stuff like the ones i've been sharing with you, like how dreams always have lessons etched in them, how life is like thisthisthis and thatthatthat. get it?

which reminds me; you know the feeling of recognising something that you're actually seeing for the first time? i kind of believe that it is something to do with your dreams. *grins*

i read this line in a book that i just completed reading today; "when there's a death, boundaries walk". up til now i've no idea what it means. what does it?

it was from "A Beautiful Place For A Murder", Berlie Doherty. it never explained the meaning. the narrator's mother had said it, and when he asked what it was supposed to mean, she told him to "think about it". what do you think?

well i think i'm gonna end my post here. hope i can crash at Syazana's place tomorrow.

yesterday.

kept laughing while taking that last shot!!! that's why i had to close my eyes, i couldn't stand it.

flying coins, notebooks out of cat-hair and a can of roaches.

oohhhhh it is soooo zee painful...... it is sooooo zee very painful......

heidiho. ohidieh. have got a bit of a wham in my tummy. sure, i should have gotten used to it by now, but tonight, the agony is twicefold!!!

well anyway, guess what? today, i had gotten up as early as 7. back to normal again! been waking up at three in the afternoon way too much.

made my way to Mayang's place where Charlie was waiting, quietly outside; well til i called out to her anyway. she started meowing away, and even when i ignored her she started scratching at my legs, insistently calling out to me.

we had taken the bus to Bedok after getting tea (lychee for cousie and you guessed it, milk for me) and potato chips to munch on through out the journey (maya).

we had breakkie at Mac, where the first thing we noticed upon opening the doors was a group of Malay dudes who were gesturing to one another to look at us. could they have been more obvious?

i don't really give a hoot but maya kept pointing out her being pissed off at them til i eventually got yeah, pissed off with 'em too. i just wanted to eat in peace man.

we were walking towards bedok point's stationery shop when out of the blue the both of us had an urge to go to the toilette. so that was what we did; well after walking to and fro and into staircase lobbies while looking for the toilette that is.

we both took ages! i guess there must be something in our genes that make us ache in our tummies if we eat in the morning.

made our way to the library where we spent eons doing our own work; me on a little bit of science and cousie on her laptop. she's a poly student, you know! *proud-of-cousin face*

of course we had camwhored when we got restless.

there's still plenty more in cousie's lappy because we webcamwhored too. i hope she uploads those, i wanna see them. *grins*

there had been many funny stuff as well, but even if i bother sharing, you wouldn't get it because yeah, you know what they say; "man you had to be there."

took a short break by going down to the Mr Teh Tarik where we ate nasi ayam *yumyum* the guy who served us was friendly, and he was grinning away behind the counter the whole time!

went and got milk tea for cousie and i, where the cashier tossed my change into the air before catching the coins and passing them to me. i was like "WOAH! thank you!"

guess what? right after that hearty meal, both of us had another strong urge to go to the toilette so once that was what we did. it got delayed though, because cousie wanted to buy FRIES to eat in the library.

we kept trying to avoid the security of the library, for no good reason! it's like playing a game with him that he's not aware of.

i had done some chemistry before grabbing random pieces of reading material, from an Avengers comic book to a how-to on making crafts out of cat-hair. including notebooks!!! out of cat-hair!!! man the library sure is resourceful!

watched this video about a house fully infested with cockroaches and black widow spiders because the woman was too darn lazy or something to clean up the house.

and there had been a can filled to the brim with roaches!!!

that was amazing, really. i must say i was more fascinated than disgusted, though my goosebumps were literally standing.

made our way back sometime in the night. by then the neighbourhood was swarming with people! splitz real quickly though.

walked to the mrt station on my own, and that was when my tummy started hurting real bad. i'd lost count of the times i'd gone to the toilette today. kept getting nauseous.

well that's all really. i've nothing smart to say today. hohum. it's Father's Day! wanna see a picture of mine?

although yes, i am still not deserving of the name E'indah E'esa.

a fair test.

heidiho! ohidieh!

hmm i had just gotten back from a family gathering (paternal).

suddenly, i have no mood to blog.

i am going through it all over again!!! back in the days of 2010, that we are. i saw this once on Fb: life is like pokemon; we go through everything again and again, just different people and different places.

well it's true. but this is too similar. way, way too similar. and i am going through shit with the younger twin, all over again, but just with another person. the end results would still be the same, wouldn't it?

it's like having the same nightmare, over and over again. or like deja vu of a nightmare, over and over again.

this song describes me.

but not fully.

you know how in primary school they ask us questions in science on whether or not the experiment is fair? stuff like the number of plants must be equal, or the size of the beaker must be the same, like that? whereby the only thing that can be different is what makes this experiment better than that. you get what i mean???

well i guess life is also like that. all them guys would get tossed to me, but what i want to know is which one really likes me or loves me or whatever crap.

so yeah, the only thing that is different in all these experiments is the amount of lurve they have for me. get it??? *look of frustration*

i told you already, i don't have mood to blog. that's why my language is all over the place right now. maybe i should just hit the sacks right now. ugh.

i really hope nothing goes wrong with tomorrow.

quick! update!

holy smithereens! good morning my Axes! am making a mad rush right now because Mayang cousie and her parents are gonna come anytime soon to fetch my brother and i to our relative's house.

there is a birthday celebration today for one of my cousins . *grins*

ok, just a very very quick update. shall post a real post later tonight. goudenbaye!

just off the showers (;

what have i been up to?

i am an expert in acids and bases!

not yet for salts, though, unfortunately. wanna take a look at my study area?

it's a little coffee table at the foot of my bed!

hmm... so today i had went for a little stroll around elias mall in my bermudas. was having lunch with my bro but he took off real quickly afterwards to play basketball with his friends.

well, it was a really nice feeling to be walking around the neighbourhood in something which ain't my skinnies and nikes.

hadn't gone too far today, i just stayed at zee house apart from that walk. did a bit of reading and studying.

o! have i told you about how i am not an arts person, or music person, or sports person, or whatever 'genre' thingy? remember me saying that i am more of a literature person?

well yeah, the fact that i used to draw comics, and used to make videos; have you noticed that they too are forms of story-telling?

in other words, writing had been my forte all along. i was just, exploring other so-called "mediums". my passion is really story-telling!

*cheers* i have found out my happiness! *grins*

ok, yeah. now i know where i'm gonna go after my Os. hoo...  hopefully it goes well for me, though.

that's a nerd behind me.

back in the school days, (as in before i started skipping school a lot) i always heard Jia Yao singing this song that goes like, "heeeey girl. what's your name?"

every time i hear him sing that, i'd wonder what's the song title. because, well, i thought it sounded like the chorus of this song.

isn't it similar, kinda?

i have nothing smart to say today. but i hope you will continue to read my bloggie and give me your support *grins* 

i'm watching you. 

haiiii.... there's one more week of holidays left before school reopens. 

i'll blog again if i have some more stuff to say. *grins sheepishly* in the meantime, you could probably read 109blackaxes' popular posts for this month, there at the sidebar.

damn, you Axes should really start opening your mouths and suggesting things to talk about with you guys. o well. still love you all. hmph.

the typical Solitary Author outfit.

darkness really brings out the light in me... in more ways than one.

7th June, 2012 at The Zon.

just saying, but i think my webcamwhores from the windowsill made me look better than in my very own sanctuary. and the hood thing really works for me, doesn't it? Syamirul says being in hoods suits me.

Syazana says i shouldn't use eyeliner because it'd make me look all the more like an emo freak. well, all the more i'm tempted to try! i'd like to see how i would look. *grins*

the typical Solitary Author outfit would be the skinnies and tee combo, which comes with a magnetic bracelet and a pair of Nikes.

of course, every few weeks there would be a special promotion whereby the Solitary Author outfit would be available in skirt-and-stockings as well as the tee-and-bermudas combo! o, and we might even throw in the limited edition smile, too!

look at what i just drew, man.

i forgot her scowl.

and this, i love this one so much!!! yahahah! she's so cute!

if you're wondering why on earth i dropped art, well it's because i lost interest in drawing. but, i still do, occasionally, when i do feel like it, and only in pens; no painting or whatever.

this kind of preference is not suitable for an art student. so yeah. that's my reason for wanting to drop art, because i lost interest.

O YEAH! i just received a DPA letter from SP. i've made my mind up. i know where i'm gonna go!

shall blog again if i'd still be awake later.

a sea above the sky.

this drama on suria is about, from what i understand anyway, two girls who didn't really get along in school, til they are forced into the same family when their parents decided to remarry each other. well the song is nice.

so anyway, yeah. hadn't been able to wake up early to meet with zee syamirul. i hadn't gone out at all in fact, just to maccy d with my younger bro earlier. truth be told i think the filet o fish is pretty much slackened. it doesn't taste as good as before.

hey isn't that amazing? i'd talked about three different things in one paragraph. but no kids, that's not good. when you're writing letters be it formal or informal, each paragraph must have one main point, elaboration and an example. not like that douche above.

yeah let me be an English guru for awhile here. speaking of which, have you read my all-out English lesson post before?

so i'd continued with Mystifying in bed this morning, and i've two more stories which i really liked; "The Master" by Diana Wynne Jones and "The Whisperer" by Vivien Alcock.

i've no idea how to summarize the former without leaving any spoilers (if you want to read it, that is) but the latter is about how a girl seldom brings friends over for tea because of a ghost haunting her house.

this girl always goes to her friend's place for tea, so one day this friend of hers asks to go to her house for a change. reluctantly, the girl gives in and brings the friend home. 

it was a sad one, really. you should read it.

and, did you know that some folks believe there to be a sea above the sky?

once upon a time, a sunday; because people were coming out of church when this happened. they saw an anchor on one of the tombstones in the cemetery.

the cable from the anchor went all the way up to the sky, and where it came from nobody could see. just as they were looking at the strange sight, wondering what to do, the cable started to tug.

tug it did, as if someone from above was pulling it. they were all so sure that there was a ship full of sailors where the anchor and its cable came from.

the anchor wouldn't come loose because it was firmly clung onto the tombstone. eventually a sailor came down on the cable, and tried to loosen the anchor.

by the time he managed to loosen it a little, the church people had managed to grab hold of him, not allowing him to go back up.

then they saw the cable falling from the sky, as if the sailors on the ship had given up and just cut off their anchor. the sailor who was held back had died; as if he had drowned.

another story that contributes to the belief of the sea in the sky is this man who had gone on a voyage or something once, where he had dropped a knife overboard.
some time later, when he was home, that exact knife had fallen through his window. it had happened in the same kind of weather and around the same time of the day that he dropped the knife when he was on the ship before.

so there you have it. well, it's amazing indeed, but it's up to you to react in any way you like. i think it's got something to do with christianity, because it happened in church, and it was an anchor; you know how there's a hidden cross in an anchor?

i can't sleep, period.

i am far from slumber.

was going high on 1:09 AM earlier when someone suddenly went all "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

it gave me such a fright! turned out to be Syamirul, and had exchanged a few texts. he asked if i'd like to meet tomorrow, but the problem is; these days i've been waking up as late as 3 PM. he wants to meet at 1.

so i'm like, should i at least try to awake early tomorrow? (or more like later)

but here i am, it's 3:22 in the morning and i haven't even changed out of my skinnies or removed my contacts. and i feel like singing right now.and still chatting with Natalee, she's so noisy even in the wee hours of the morning!

i think i'll change and hit the sacks right now.

did you know that i can't sleep with pillows under my head? i always wake up with my head on the bed itself, or anywhere away from the pillow.

brings me back to the time when i was with the douchebag and i fell asleep, and he complained about how my head kept sliding off his lap, even after he kept pulling it back up.

this is bad.

how the Solitary Author is really like at school.

how are your studies, my Axes? if you are consistent (my maths teacher's word) then that's good. if not, then when are you gonna start?

is it procrastination? or laziness? either way, you should remember what our teachers always ask us; "enjoy now and suffer later or suffer now and enjoy later?"

admittedly, i haven't been focused, not the least bit.

i had skipped two of my exams during Mid year; science practical and art. i havent officially dropped the latter actually, because my principal doesn't allow me to.

but i still refuse to do my art, mainly because i am attitudinal. (that's the actual word; not the attitudous that i had came up with, if you remember)

and really, i hate practical, i've told you. the chemistry one frustrates me to no end.

i'm sharing with you these so that you know how badly i'm really doing in my studies. cause it's stupid. it's really stupid of me. as the foster brother had said: "you're not stupid; you're being stupid."

i've been skipping school a lot, and out of the 4 days of june structured programme, i only went for one, and that was just to collect my bloody popular voucher. hadn't even bothered about the prelim oral after sch hours.

every time i sit outside the hod office because of suspension from class, my subject teachers would always stop and talk to me. i know how concerned they are about me, especially mrs sherri, mr syafie, ms fatimah and mr bernard.

they worry about why i've ostracized myself from the rest of the class, too. and the other day, ms adimah had came into class and immediately asked me; "is there a reason why you're sitting so far away from the rest of your classmates?"

when i shook my head she was like, "am i missing something? are you not telling me something?"

ms adimah once saw me writing in my diary and said; "the thing about writing in diaries is that, even after you've written all your sad things, at the end of the day you still got to write something positive about it.", something like that.

and she had been the only teacher i had shared with about the thing with naked mole rat and his lil shish. ms adimah was a really good listener.

in spite of all that, i don't feel the least bit guilty about it at all. i don't feel bad for having disappointed them over and over again, although they've always shown me concern.

studies down, teachers down, classmates now.

yeah, i don't sit with the rest. i like to pull my table nearer to the window and away from the rest of them, just sitting on my own doing my work. if Syazana is around, she would come and chat, but that's not always.

i don't take part in class interaction, and i hate groupwork. the last class activity i had actively participated in was cheering comp; the day i broke down at the bus stop because of the fucking ghost of the douchebag.

last year i was always recording stuff and making videos for my classmates, and trust me; i really loved doing that. but this year... i don't know. things got screwed up real bad.

and yeah, Syazana's pretty much the only one i talk and laugh with, if she comes that is. and not just in school but in general too.

i don't take notice of schoolmates, and i hope they don't take notice of me too. sometimes i wish i was invisible because recently, even sleeping by the gym is difficult as some people has never seen a girl sleeping on the floor before. well i will be that, so get used to seeing it.

yeah, just sharing with you guys what i've been like in school.

i hate school, you know. no, hate doesn't even begin to cover the dread i feel when i have to go to school. it's far worse than that. you know how some kids feel like they're in prison when they're in school?

well yeah. it's like that. no, it's like juvenile detention or whatever. i'm only in school for my aunt. and to my parents, skipping school is always equivalent to not studying at all.

i do study on my own, you know. maybe i just dislike being taught by others. i don't know. it's my being attitudinal, i guess.

yeah, this sure is the solitary author.

now you know.

"my clocks only tell ACCURATE times!"

whoohoo! heidiho my Axes!

no, there's no good reason for me to be whoohoo-ing like that. but i am watching We Are Singaporeans right now and i can't help giggling a little. Hossan Leong is cool.

so i hadn't gone to any libraries before my Maths today. guess what? i had been able to do most of the questions in the practice paper. *grins*

the foster brother is right, i have got to keep practicing.

i'd also done a bit of reading today; my current book is a collection of short stories. i like the one called "The Scythe" by Ray Bradbury.

although it does not has any moral embossed into it (as far as i can tell, anyway) its thrill and suspense really got me so engrossed.

it's about this farmer named Drew and his family who bumped into a house whereby an old man, the previous owner, had died and left a will, that whoever found him would inherit his whole farm.

they wouldn't believe their good luck because before that, they had had difficulties with food and stuff like that, so of course they took to the house and started living there (after burying the old man)

so this old man; at his deathbed there had been a scythe that he had used on the wheat in the field. engraved on its blade was: "WHO WIELDS ME - WIELDS THE WORLD!"

read the story to know what this scythe does. it's pretty scary. but, interesting. *grins* read it! "The Scythe", by Ray Bradbury.

had wanted to throw some rubbish into the common level dustbin, when i saw my neighbour's gate wide open. the neighbour with the... dog.

my younger brother told me, there had been this one time when the dog had somehow been able to run free, and it came into our house and well, just ran around on a crazed escapade.

yeah, so i kind of freaked. but i am fine now. *grins*

so i'd like to tell you guys a dream i once had, nearly as long as a year ago; somewhere in july.

i had been walking past a shop that sold clocks. many of them were on display, and i stopped to take a look. the man was shouting, pretty cheerfully, "come, come! look at my clocks! they tell only accurate times!", something like that.

i looked in closer on a few that were huddled together, to see that the hands were moving pretty quickly. so i asked the man, "are you sure they tell the correct time?"

"yes yes! of course! my clocks only tell accurate times!", he replied.

and then i noticed that all his clocks were speeding up, hands going crazy, making rounds and rounds across the numbers. i remember some creepy music had been playing, and there were strange lights everywhere, while the man just insisted cheerily; "my clocks only tell accurate times!"

that was one of the scariest dreams i ever had.

moral of the story? well i actually made use of it to remind me that N levels were nearing, and that i didn't have as much time as i thought i did.

so now, i'm gonna use it to remind me of my Os as well. it is a threat, in a way.

and you guys should do so too, especially if you're, like, taking some major exam this year. it's the june holidays, and yeah pretty much summer, but you shouldn't have been wasting your time away.

speaking of clocks, have you ever noticed how they (and watches too) are always set to 10:08, in shops/advertisements? i heard it's because when clocks are set to 10:08, their hands resemble a smiley face, so they want to, uh, encourage positivity.

no, wait, i know they do so to resemble a smiley face, that's right. but why exactly, i'd forgotten. but yeah, amazing isn't it?

look! cool right? my magnet bracelet.

what? i was bored. i still am, actually. hohum.

o. i've got some important stuff to talk about tonight. i shall take a break first.