flying coins, notebooks out of cat-hair and a can of roaches.

oohhhhh it is soooo zee painful...... it is sooooo zee very painful......

heidiho. ohidieh. have got a bit of a wham in my tummy. sure, i should have gotten used to it by now, but tonight, the agony is twicefold!!!

well anyway, guess what? today, i had gotten up as early as 7. back to normal again! been waking up at three in the afternoon way too much.

made my way to Mayang's place where Charlie was waiting, quietly outside; well til i called out to her anyway. she started meowing away, and even when i ignored her she started scratching at my legs, insistently calling out to me.

we had taken the bus to Bedok after getting tea (lychee for cousie and you guessed it, milk for me) and potato chips to munch on through out the journey (maya).

we had breakkie at Mac, where the first thing we noticed upon opening the doors was a group of Malay dudes who were gesturing to one another to look at us. could they have been more obvious?

i don't really give a hoot but maya kept pointing out her being pissed off at them til i eventually got yeah, pissed off with 'em too. i just wanted to eat in peace man.

we were walking towards bedok point's stationery shop when out of the blue the both of us had an urge to go to the toilette. so that was what we did; well after walking to and fro and into staircase lobbies while looking for the toilette that is.

we both took ages! i guess there must be something in our genes that make us ache in our tummies if we eat in the morning.

made our way to the library where we spent eons doing our own work; me on a little bit of science and cousie on her laptop. she's a poly student, you know! *proud-of-cousin face*

of course we had camwhored when we got restless.

there's still plenty more in cousie's lappy because we webcamwhored too. i hope she uploads those, i wanna see them. *grins*

there had been many funny stuff as well, but even if i bother sharing, you wouldn't get it because yeah, you know what they say; "man you had to be there."

took a short break by going down to the Mr Teh Tarik where we ate nasi ayam *yumyum* the guy who served us was friendly, and he was grinning away behind the counter the whole time!

went and got milk tea for cousie and i, where the cashier tossed my change into the air before catching the coins and passing them to me. i was like "WOAH! thank you!"

guess what? right after that hearty meal, both of us had another strong urge to go to the toilette so once that was what we did. it got delayed though, because cousie wanted to buy FRIES to eat in the library.

we kept trying to avoid the security of the library, for no good reason! it's like playing a game with him that he's not aware of.

i had done some chemistry before grabbing random pieces of reading material, from an Avengers comic book to a how-to on making crafts out of cat-hair. including notebooks!!! out of cat-hair!!! man the library sure is resourceful!

watched this video about a house fully infested with cockroaches and black widow spiders because the woman was too darn lazy or something to clean up the house.

and there had been a can filled to the brim with roaches!!!

that was amazing, really. i must say i was more fascinated than disgusted, though my goosebumps were literally standing.

made our way back sometime in the night. by then the neighbourhood was swarming with people! splitz real quickly though.

walked to the mrt station on my own, and that was when my tummy started hurting real bad. i'd lost count of the times i'd gone to the toilette today. kept getting nauseous.

well that's all really. i've nothing smart to say today. hohum. it's Father's Day! wanna see a picture of mine?

although yes, i am still not deserving of the name E'indah E'esa.

a fair test.

heidiho! ohidieh!

hmm i had just gotten back from a family gathering (paternal).

suddenly, i have no mood to blog.

i am going through it all over again!!! back in the days of 2010, that we are. i saw this once on Fb: life is like pokemon; we go through everything again and again, just different people and different places.

well it's true. but this is too similar. way, way too similar. and i am going through shit with the younger twin, all over again, but just with another person. the end results would still be the same, wouldn't it?

it's like having the same nightmare, over and over again. or like deja vu of a nightmare, over and over again.

this song describes me.

but not fully.

you know how in primary school they ask us questions in science on whether or not the experiment is fair? stuff like the number of plants must be equal, or the size of the beaker must be the same, like that? whereby the only thing that can be different is what makes this experiment better than that. you get what i mean???

well i guess life is also like that. all them guys would get tossed to me, but what i want to know is which one really likes me or loves me or whatever crap.

so yeah, the only thing that is different in all these experiments is the amount of lurve they have for me. get it??? *look of frustration*

i told you already, i don't have mood to blog. that's why my language is all over the place right now. maybe i should just hit the sacks right now. ugh.

i really hope nothing goes wrong with tomorrow.

quick! update!

holy smithereens! good morning my Axes! am making a mad rush right now because Mayang cousie and her parents are gonna come anytime soon to fetch my brother and i to our relative's house.

there is a birthday celebration today for one of my cousins . *grins*

ok, just a very very quick update. shall post a real post later tonight. goudenbaye!

just off the showers (;

what have i been up to?

i am an expert in acids and bases!

not yet for salts, though, unfortunately. wanna take a look at my study area?

it's a little coffee table at the foot of my bed!

hmm... so today i had went for a little stroll around elias mall in my bermudas. was having lunch with my bro but he took off real quickly afterwards to play basketball with his friends.

well, it was a really nice feeling to be walking around the neighbourhood in something which ain't my skinnies and nikes.

hadn't gone too far today, i just stayed at zee house apart from that walk. did a bit of reading and studying.

o! have i told you about how i am not an arts person, or music person, or sports person, or whatever 'genre' thingy? remember me saying that i am more of a literature person?

well yeah, the fact that i used to draw comics, and used to make videos; have you noticed that they too are forms of story-telling?

in other words, writing had been my forte all along. i was just, exploring other so-called "mediums". my passion is really story-telling!

*cheers* i have found out my happiness! *grins*

ok, yeah. now i know where i'm gonna go after my Os. hoo...  hopefully it goes well for me, though.

that's a nerd behind me.

back in the school days, (as in before i started skipping school a lot) i always heard Jia Yao singing this song that goes like, "heeeey girl. what's your name?"

every time i hear him sing that, i'd wonder what's the song title. because, well, i thought it sounded like the chorus of this song.

isn't it similar, kinda?

i have nothing smart to say today. but i hope you will continue to read my bloggie and give me your support *grins* 

i'm watching you. 

haiiii.... there's one more week of holidays left before school reopens. 

i'll blog again if i have some more stuff to say. *grins sheepishly* in the meantime, you could probably read 109blackaxes' popular posts for this month, there at the sidebar.

damn, you Axes should really start opening your mouths and suggesting things to talk about with you guys. o well. still love you all. hmph.

the typical Solitary Author outfit.

darkness really brings out the light in me... in more ways than one.

7th June, 2012 at The Zon.

just saying, but i think my webcamwhores from the windowsill made me look better than in my very own sanctuary. and the hood thing really works for me, doesn't it? Syamirul says being in hoods suits me.

Syazana says i shouldn't use eyeliner because it'd make me look all the more like an emo freak. well, all the more i'm tempted to try! i'd like to see how i would look. *grins*

the typical Solitary Author outfit would be the skinnies and tee combo, which comes with a magnetic bracelet and a pair of Nikes.

of course, every few weeks there would be a special promotion whereby the Solitary Author outfit would be available in skirt-and-stockings as well as the tee-and-bermudas combo! o, and we might even throw in the limited edition smile, too!

look at what i just drew, man.

i forgot her scowl.

and this, i love this one so much!!! yahahah! she's so cute!

if you're wondering why on earth i dropped art, well it's because i lost interest in drawing. but, i still do, occasionally, when i do feel like it, and only in pens; no painting or whatever.

this kind of preference is not suitable for an art student. so yeah. that's my reason for wanting to drop art, because i lost interest.

O YEAH! i just received a DPA letter from SP. i've made my mind up. i know where i'm gonna go!

shall blog again if i'd still be awake later.

a sea above the sky.

this drama on suria is about, from what i understand anyway, two girls who didn't really get along in school, til they are forced into the same family when their parents decided to remarry each other. well the song is nice.

so anyway, yeah. hadn't been able to wake up early to meet with zee syamirul. i hadn't gone out at all in fact, just to maccy d with my younger bro earlier. truth be told i think the filet o fish is pretty much slackened. it doesn't taste as good as before.

hey isn't that amazing? i'd talked about three different things in one paragraph. but no kids, that's not good. when you're writing letters be it formal or informal, each paragraph must have one main point, elaboration and an example. not like that douche above.

yeah let me be an English guru for awhile here. speaking of which, have you read my all-out English lesson post before?

so i'd continued with Mystifying in bed this morning, and i've two more stories which i really liked; "The Master" by Diana Wynne Jones and "The Whisperer" by Vivien Alcock.

i've no idea how to summarize the former without leaving any spoilers (if you want to read it, that is) but the latter is about how a girl seldom brings friends over for tea because of a ghost haunting her house.

this girl always goes to her friend's place for tea, so one day this friend of hers asks to go to her house for a change. reluctantly, the girl gives in and brings the friend home. 

it was a sad one, really. you should read it.

and, did you know that some folks believe there to be a sea above the sky?

once upon a time, a sunday; because people were coming out of church when this happened. they saw an anchor on one of the tombstones in the cemetery.

the cable from the anchor went all the way up to the sky, and where it came from nobody could see. just as they were looking at the strange sight, wondering what to do, the cable started to tug.

tug it did, as if someone from above was pulling it. they were all so sure that there was a ship full of sailors where the anchor and its cable came from.

the anchor wouldn't come loose because it was firmly clung onto the tombstone. eventually a sailor came down on the cable, and tried to loosen the anchor.

by the time he managed to loosen it a little, the church people had managed to grab hold of him, not allowing him to go back up.

then they saw the cable falling from the sky, as if the sailors on the ship had given up and just cut off their anchor. the sailor who was held back had died; as if he had drowned.

another story that contributes to the belief of the sea in the sky is this man who had gone on a voyage or something once, where he had dropped a knife overboard.
some time later, when he was home, that exact knife had fallen through his window. it had happened in the same kind of weather and around the same time of the day that he dropped the knife when he was on the ship before.

so there you have it. well, it's amazing indeed, but it's up to you to react in any way you like. i think it's got something to do with christianity, because it happened in church, and it was an anchor; you know how there's a hidden cross in an anchor?

i can't sleep, period.

i am far from slumber.

was going high on 1:09 AM earlier when someone suddenly went all "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

it gave me such a fright! turned out to be Syamirul, and had exchanged a few texts. he asked if i'd like to meet tomorrow, but the problem is; these days i've been waking up as late as 3 PM. he wants to meet at 1.

so i'm like, should i at least try to awake early tomorrow? (or more like later)

but here i am, it's 3:22 in the morning and i haven't even changed out of my skinnies or removed my contacts. and i feel like singing right now.and still chatting with Natalee, she's so noisy even in the wee hours of the morning!

i think i'll change and hit the sacks right now.

did you know that i can't sleep with pillows under my head? i always wake up with my head on the bed itself, or anywhere away from the pillow.

brings me back to the time when i was with the douchebag and i fell asleep, and he complained about how my head kept sliding off his lap, even after he kept pulling it back up.

this is bad.

how the Solitary Author is really like at school.

how are your studies, my Axes? if you are consistent (my maths teacher's word) then that's good. if not, then when are you gonna start?

is it procrastination? or laziness? either way, you should remember what our teachers always ask us; "enjoy now and suffer later or suffer now and enjoy later?"

admittedly, i haven't been focused, not the least bit.

i had skipped two of my exams during Mid year; science practical and art. i havent officially dropped the latter actually, because my principal doesn't allow me to.

but i still refuse to do my art, mainly because i am attitudinal. (that's the actual word; not the attitudous that i had came up with, if you remember)

and really, i hate practical, i've told you. the chemistry one frustrates me to no end.

i'm sharing with you these so that you know how badly i'm really doing in my studies. cause it's stupid. it's really stupid of me. as the foster brother had said: "you're not stupid; you're being stupid."

i've been skipping school a lot, and out of the 4 days of june structured programme, i only went for one, and that was just to collect my bloody popular voucher. hadn't even bothered about the prelim oral after sch hours.

every time i sit outside the hod office because of suspension from class, my subject teachers would always stop and talk to me. i know how concerned they are about me, especially mrs sherri, mr syafie, ms fatimah and mr bernard.

they worry about why i've ostracized myself from the rest of the class, too. and the other day, ms adimah had came into class and immediately asked me; "is there a reason why you're sitting so far away from the rest of your classmates?"

when i shook my head she was like, "am i missing something? are you not telling me something?"

ms adimah once saw me writing in my diary and said; "the thing about writing in diaries is that, even after you've written all your sad things, at the end of the day you still got to write something positive about it.", something like that.

and she had been the only teacher i had shared with about the thing with naked mole rat and his lil shish. ms adimah was a really good listener.

in spite of all that, i don't feel the least bit guilty about it at all. i don't feel bad for having disappointed them over and over again, although they've always shown me concern.

studies down, teachers down, classmates now.

yeah, i don't sit with the rest. i like to pull my table nearer to the window and away from the rest of them, just sitting on my own doing my work. if Syazana is around, she would come and chat, but that's not always.

i don't take part in class interaction, and i hate groupwork. the last class activity i had actively participated in was cheering comp; the day i broke down at the bus stop because of the fucking ghost of the douchebag.

last year i was always recording stuff and making videos for my classmates, and trust me; i really loved doing that. but this year... i don't know. things got screwed up real bad.

and yeah, Syazana's pretty much the only one i talk and laugh with, if she comes that is. and not just in school but in general too.

i don't take notice of schoolmates, and i hope they don't take notice of me too. sometimes i wish i was invisible because recently, even sleeping by the gym is difficult as some people has never seen a girl sleeping on the floor before. well i will be that, so get used to seeing it.

yeah, just sharing with you guys what i've been like in school.

i hate school, you know. no, hate doesn't even begin to cover the dread i feel when i have to go to school. it's far worse than that. you know how some kids feel like they're in prison when they're in school?

well yeah. it's like that. no, it's like juvenile detention or whatever. i'm only in school for my aunt. and to my parents, skipping school is always equivalent to not studying at all.

i do study on my own, you know. maybe i just dislike being taught by others. i don't know. it's my being attitudinal, i guess.

yeah, this sure is the solitary author.

now you know.

"my clocks only tell ACCURATE times!"

whoohoo! heidiho my Axes!

no, there's no good reason for me to be whoohoo-ing like that. but i am watching We Are Singaporeans right now and i can't help giggling a little. Hossan Leong is cool.

so i hadn't gone to any libraries before my Maths today. guess what? i had been able to do most of the questions in the practice paper. *grins*

the foster brother is right, i have got to keep practicing.

i'd also done a bit of reading today; my current book is a collection of short stories. i like the one called "The Scythe" by Ray Bradbury.

although it does not has any moral embossed into it (as far as i can tell, anyway) its thrill and suspense really got me so engrossed.

it's about this farmer named Drew and his family who bumped into a house whereby an old man, the previous owner, had died and left a will, that whoever found him would inherit his whole farm.

they wouldn't believe their good luck because before that, they had had difficulties with food and stuff like that, so of course they took to the house and started living there (after burying the old man)

so this old man; at his deathbed there had been a scythe that he had used on the wheat in the field. engraved on its blade was: "WHO WIELDS ME - WIELDS THE WORLD!"

read the story to know what this scythe does. it's pretty scary. but, interesting. *grins* read it! "The Scythe", by Ray Bradbury.

had wanted to throw some rubbish into the common level dustbin, when i saw my neighbour's gate wide open. the neighbour with the... dog.

my younger brother told me, there had been this one time when the dog had somehow been able to run free, and it came into our house and well, just ran around on a crazed escapade.

yeah, so i kind of freaked. but i am fine now. *grins*

so i'd like to tell you guys a dream i once had, nearly as long as a year ago; somewhere in july.

i had been walking past a shop that sold clocks. many of them were on display, and i stopped to take a look. the man was shouting, pretty cheerfully, "come, come! look at my clocks! they tell only accurate times!", something like that.

i looked in closer on a few that were huddled together, to see that the hands were moving pretty quickly. so i asked the man, "are you sure they tell the correct time?"

"yes yes! of course! my clocks only tell accurate times!", he replied.

and then i noticed that all his clocks were speeding up, hands going crazy, making rounds and rounds across the numbers. i remember some creepy music had been playing, and there were strange lights everywhere, while the man just insisted cheerily; "my clocks only tell accurate times!"

that was one of the scariest dreams i ever had.

moral of the story? well i actually made use of it to remind me that N levels were nearing, and that i didn't have as much time as i thought i did.

so now, i'm gonna use it to remind me of my Os as well. it is a threat, in a way.

and you guys should do so too, especially if you're, like, taking some major exam this year. it's the june holidays, and yeah pretty much summer, but you shouldn't have been wasting your time away.

speaking of clocks, have you ever noticed how they (and watches too) are always set to 10:08, in shops/advertisements? i heard it's because when clocks are set to 10:08, their hands resemble a smiley face, so they want to, uh, encourage positivity.

no, wait, i know they do so to resemble a smiley face, that's right. but why exactly, i'd forgotten. but yeah, amazing isn't it?

look! cool right? my magnet bracelet.

what? i was bored. i still am, actually. hohum.

o. i've got some important stuff to talk about tonight. i shall take a break first.

one.

good morning.

hadn't slept much, really. well it's 6.10 in the morning now. still up and awake. or more like i am up and awake. get it?

my face is really near the comp screen right now cause i don't have my glasses or contacts on.

a little webcamwhoring in the dark. *grins sheepishly*

sigh. really, thinking of him alone can keep me up all night. a million words, a million pictures, a million dreams, a million memories; one boy.

more than a million... for a one in a billion.

focus both eyes in a forward direction.

i kind of understand the cations and anions thing in chemistry now. in fact, i must admit; chemistry seems to be my weakest subject as of late.

i found these. yeah, i'm a jakonist with shades too. *grins*

well so anyway, i'd gone to the library after a quick lunch at burger king with my younger bro today. i love the non-fiction section now, had spent the time reading on snakes, sharks, insects and spiders. absolutely fascinating, that they are!

did you know that there are such things as legless lizards? they look almost exactly like snakes! the only way to identify is through the presence of eyelids; snakes don't blink because they don't have eyelids.

also, unlike fish which have scales that are attached to them, snakes have scales that are part of their body. meaning to say snakes' scales can't drop off.

the species that i particularly feel attracted to is the Long-nosed Whip Snake, Ahaetulla Nasuta. the shape of its nose allows both its eyes to look forward more, to be able to look in front better, to be able to focus forward. shouldn't we all be like that? 

look! isn't he just beautiful?

i apologize to my Axes who dislike snakes.

that aside, hmm. i'd gotten an e-mail from Temasek poly, saying that my registration for TPRAWKZ has been confirmed. and, they had also sent me some stickers *laughs* i love the stickers so much!

ain't that sweet?

okay, no. i still don't know how the cations/anions thing go. have i told you i hate practical? i skipped out on my mid year's. i know it was a dumb thing to have done, but really.

Ahatuella Nasuta ! i will be saying that a lot for now.

2NE1 - Ugly [Live Session]

heidiho my early Axes, come, take a listen at this.

not my type, as you all know, but the fact that it's Live actually softened me a bit. never would have thought that their voices are that good. and i like how not all their MVs are dance videos like other groups.

yes, i guess 2NE1 ain't that bad after all. not like any of their other die-hard fans, just a listener, that's all. done.

am currently writing down my analysis of the dream i had had last night. *sigh* it truly was the saddest dream i had ever had.

really like some crazed one-eyed witch, huh.

*sigh* think i'll crash at Syazana's place tomorrow.

who on earth spilled the fish?

i had the saddest dream ever last night. or more like this morning since i only fell asleep somewhere at 4. i'd written about it in my diary, but it hadn't made me feel any better.

this is Gingy, aka Halia.

Hometown had gone to the door when i was about to leave, and as i was petting him goodbye he started meowing and stood up to place his paws on my stomach.

either he wanted me to bring him out for a walk as well, or he hadn't wanted me to leave. either way it was just too adorable.

although Hometown is white, if i were to have a familiar, i would choose a black cat with green eyes. maybe red or pink if that's possible, although scary.

o! remember the cat from outside the house? the one whose name i couldn't remember. well first of all her name is Belolok, not the boplok crap my memory had came up with.

secondly, i'm gonna call her Loke for short.

thirdly, she had been eating outside earlier when i sent my aunt off to work. was walking back into the house when i tripped over the house stair step or something, and i was sent flying. Loke had gotten so startled that she just ran off to stare at me from the distance.

the funny thing was, when i looked down, all her food had been splattered across the ground, and i'm like, Holy firetruck! who did that?

til now i still have no idea whether it was my foot that had tripped over her bowl, or it was her who clumsily knocked into it when scattering away from me out of shock.what do you think? who on earth spilled the fish? *grins*

so that aside, i was just telling Syamirul last night, about how life is a piece of glass with sharp edges. that we've got to touch it all over even if we know we'll end up bleeding.

well it's what i think, anyway.

will there ever be anyone who would be privileged enough to read all my diaries? no, wait... will i be blessed enough to meet someone like that?

actually yeah. there was the younger twin.

*cough*

i've got nothing smart to say tonight. but i'm still wide awake, as you can see.

so what now?

am currently rocking out to this song. listen to its lyrics, kind of means a lot to me.

one day, i will find my white tadpole all tell him everything about the other tadpoles.
i'd be damned if the white tadpole is apparently splashed with red.

you should listen to this . you know how some songs could bring you to a certain time period of your life? well this brings me to late December, and i must say; it actually reminds me of the black tadpole more than the red.