found GIFs of this vid on tumblr. thought i'd share the vid with ya, cause it means more than airlines doesnt it? (;

heidiho to you all my lans. I HAVE FINISHED READING THE JANUS STONE! yet another amazing book from elly griffiths (altho i've only read her first two books, inc this one) , whose genre i still have not confirmed...

anyway, i came here to share with you more interesting stuffs. (at least to me they are) i was reading my jan 2011 diary. and here i quote from an entry: and the he refers to none other than irshad noorhalim :

he positioned himself until i was seated between his legs, and hugged my waist from behind.

just like old times.

i actually cried in the dream. i cried like shit. to which he said, "don't cry lah... say Alhamdullilah." and then he hugged me, so i hugged him back.

oh, and before this part there were many more details, but im lazy so i just put the main points. the most significant part. i guess?

just like what happened on tht night at prp :3 well tht's what i thought. i happen to take my dreams seriously ok? i've had many other incidences where smth happens in real life tht is so damn familiar to a dream i once had. most of the time many months or years aft i dreamt it.

do you know why i take my dreams seriously? because, they teach me lessons. very important ones . though they dont really happen , certain incidences do happen tht teach me the similar lesson, if you get what i mean.

for example, i once dreamt where i ignored things tht were from my past. the island tht i was on was things of the past, and i was trying to run away from everything. and then when i found some, i only interacted with the things of the present/future.

dammit la, i dont rmb the details, but i told it to MKI before. needa check my msn history then, but im lazy. so nvm. but you get what i mean i hope.

so, another topic tht i wanna talk abt.



click on the piccie to see da words.

in case you were wondering, i just got bored ok, tht was why i was on random ppl's twittas. clicking random links. i ended up on hers, so i just read uh. and THIS. heheheeh. she's referring to us! she's pissed by me! heheheheh.

i think it's pretty silly for her to be making a big deal out of mine and shad's first month tgt when we're not.

but the thing tht bothered me the most was the tweet tht i zoomed on, which is the one on the right. "dont u feel hot wearing that" . it bothered me. T.T it is not my fault tht i have this condition tht makes me hafta wear hoodie all the time T.T

o well, im bored. and, i took tht pic with cammie cause screenshots are just too troublesome and laggy.

what are my plans for tmrw? idk. i hope i can replace suriani for midshift tmrw. cause i wanna help, and ive not been working for days alr and she's having a high fever, and mommy doesnt seem to have any plans for tmrw but im not so sure... i wanna help suriani !

=__________________________________=
i am z bored.

you know the feeling of time going so quickly? do u know how i felt when i was reading my jan 2011 and i am in dec ? the feeling is like WOAH. not just woah, but WOAH. it's like, time flies.

but sometimes, i think to myself, "if time is really very fast, why am i still 16?" cause it just seems like such a small number. altho ive been thru so much shit all my life, it still feels like an extremely short time. yayaya i know i am young. but its not really like tht feeling.

december 2011 : what do we have here?

first things first, sabrina's 16th birthday. and then , bbq with the EK kids. followed by bloody n level results. i almost forgot abt the last. on tht last paper of the exams, when everyone literally ran out the hall , i thought the nightmare was all over.

yeah, i considered it a nightmare. and i really thought it was all over. tht i wouldnt have anything to do with it anymore. but nope, the nightmare just started. i hafta make the right choice now between sec 5 ... and ite.

i still dk. i really dk.



now i just wanna go drown myself in paragraphs of words. dont disturb me, shush.
and im still waiting for the boy to wake up /:

a super long continuous dream .

this song, the singing one is Maika Maile from TFT (; and the background is also from his song. he does dubstep.

it was my birthday last night.

i was in a classroom tht was like joined with another classroom, and 4/2 was in my half while 4/1 in the other. and then halfway thru, some express dude came in and the teacha announced tht he was gonna make some announcement abt ocip.

aft all tht was done, he took a seat somewhere in the middle of the two classes, and then all the ppl started gathering around him and asking him all sorts of questions. i heard tht he just came back from making announcements at greenview and coral sec.

us 4/2 were all doing our own work, when suddenly the girls from 4/1 started screaming. apparently irfan said had picked up a roachie by its feelers and was like swinging it around the classroom. and it was still alive ....

we 4/2s were all staring when the bell rang, so all of us got up immediately cos i think tht was the last period for the day. i was standing around talking to the girls from my class, when irshad came along and told me smth which i forgot.

i said "sure!" and followed him out aft saying bye to the girls i was conversing with. but outside, i bumped into sabrina, shushan and siying, so i stopped to chat awhile. irshad said he'd go on ahead, so i said ok and said bye to him.

when he was gone, the three girls and i were like staring at one another, and i rmb sabrina saying "now what?" i had a lot of nuggets in my pocket you know, i rmb i kept taking one and popping it into my mouth. there was like unlimited supply in there.

blah3, i walked to canteen with siying. saw irshad sitting by the bookshop, and then he said his twin wanna eat first. so i was like, ok and then i said bye to siying and sat next to irshad.

apparently, the twins wanted to celebrate my bday with me :3 and i recall tht it was my 16th. i rmb thinking to myself, "time is so fast, i could have sworn tht my 15th bday was just ytd." , smth like tht.

it started raining. irshad told me to go home first and change, smth like tht, so i said ok and went on ahead. k this part i dont rmb alr, but i rmb another part tht i was walking back to sch.

ppl from our sch were like playing their ccas by the roadside. i was walking the t junction where the sbs buses would go into the interchange, when i walked in the middle of softball ppl. the ball hit me, and they told me to toss it back to them, but somehow i couldnt get a grip on the ball at all.

and then irshad texted me, saying tht there were ppl from our sch who were not happy with what ive been writing in my diary. was it diary or blog, idr. he said three girls, and he gave me names, but i only rmb aleena soenarto and syaza nazeirah.

when i got to sch, i was so cold tht i put on irshad's hoodie (yes i was wearing it) the same way i cuddled under sha's jacket the other time when i was freezing at work. i was wearing skinnies in the dream , i rmb. but i still walked into sch.

i was walking the lane from the mirrors at the canteen to the toilet , when i saw syafie scolding some kids. tried to sneak past, but in the end i heard him call out, "eindah! clip up your hair ! your hair is tied up so wrongly!"

i didnt look back and just dashed to the girls toilet, still wrapped up in shad's hoodie. when i got to the toilet, i looked at the mirror. my hair wasnt even tied up.

sneaked out of the toilet some time later (o and the toilet cubicle doors were so low - they always are in my dreams...) checking for syafie. didnt see him, so dashed to where irshad and his twin were sitting at earlier.

some npcc dudes were seated at the canteen. i saw khairul irfan staring at me. like, his glance obviously followed me as i was running past. i stopped by tht particular pillar by the lane, and glared back at him. and then there was a staring competition.

secs later i just shook my head and ran to where i was running to earlier. i dont rmb this part alr...

but guess what, when i got home, which was at night, my father said he's heard of the stories abt the girls who were not happy with what ive been writing. he lectured me in my bedroom, and then he said i dont deserve to have a lappy.

i didnt have a whit of emotion when he took my lappy. not until he took my diary. i started screaming. i still can hear those screams, they were LOUD. i couldnt stop screaming, but my father just walked out with both my lappy and my diary.

i screamed "gimme back my diary! gimme back!" and i was crying my eyeballs out, and bawling like a baby. my father slammed the door and i heard a lock of some sort. i started banging on the door screaming and yelling for my precious diary.

and then i woke up.

a very very good morning to all of ya! how was your sleep? mine must have been good, cause if i had a super long continuous dream, most probz i didnt terbangon at all. i know my dreams, i know what i am saying.

i didnt know there are alr ppl living in the condo opposite my house. tht sucks. i dont like the way they look . (altho i only saw them from the ninth floor...) i dislike ppl who live in condo you know. you know tht ?

it is a beautiful morning and my older bro ordered mac's breakkie for his little siblings :3
but there seemed to be smth on irshad's mind.. i know he still busy man , but i still appreciate the fact tht we did manage to text a little this morn.

currently uploading the shit for 30th nov. not much footage but still wanna upload for them memories. cos timothy is a subber, he might wanna watch the vid for his chalet, heheheheh. i've few subbers, so i appreciate them all with all my heart.

ok, ive blogged abt my dream alr this morn. this is alr a long post. imma go read a book now ok? while waiting for the vid to upload. cant open twitta too much, or it'll affect the uploading. (yes it does, i observed)

ok, i shall blog again later in the night.
and yeah ,.... the dream is on my mind all morning.

a bored girl with a busy man boyfriend

heidiho!

went to ws with naz today. hehehehe. but we ate at home, so we didnt go anywhere to eat. slacked at the library reading, i was randomly browsing thru books and i ended up borrowing a teen romance again =_=

then we took the bus back to elias mall and i got myself some paos while bro went to stationery shop forawhile, and when we got back home, the incredibles was playing ^_^ i've always liked tht movie, heheheheh.

bro said i look like violet -____- i suddenly rmb in the past, a lot of ppl said so too . and on my second day at work, some of the EK kids also said so. and then just now when checking my fb, even my DM says so ! -___________-

and my DM even posted this pic on my wall .



the hair, the hair. they keep saying it's the hair =___=

well yeah, i admit the fact tht my hair covers half my face all the time. but i did cut it shorter ok! the last time i cut my fringe was on grad nite day , which was quite recent ok =___= and i cut bangs before. and i clip up during assemblies sometimes!

ah. i have been having contact with long-haired brunettes these days. first there was sunako nakahara, the girl in my dreams, and violet parr. mmhmm.

ok, what topics do we have today? oh yeah, DM jasleena says tht jennifer OM says tht anyone caught not smiling on the job will have to wear santa claus uniform. and im like, O: (you all know how jennifer always picks on me abt my lack of smile!!!)

o well. i can do it man. i can smile. see?



irshad has been busy man today. cos he got brownies to bake. now he's alr done, yay! but he needs his rest, so imma not be texting him much tonight uh. tho i miss him, i know i have to get used to not seeing him everyday.

i've lived without him for the first 13 years of my life. aft falling in love with him, even saying goodbye hurts a lot. cause each time i watch him walk away from me, all i can think of is when is the next time imma see you..?

each time he left my life, i survived the time without him. but each time he returned, i miss him aft each time he is gone for only a few mins. get what i mean? tho idk why we are discussing this :3

read siying's response post. actually wanted to cry, heheheheh! thank you Si Ying xD

i dont seem to have anything relevant to talk abt today. hmmm . oh yes, jasleena organized bbq for us EK kids on the 17th. potluck she says. everyone hafta bring a food, and i didnt know what to bring when irshad gave me the idea: his awesome brownies!

idk why i didnt think of it when he asked me if i wanted to buy anything. i only thought of it late evening.

these days irshad busy man sey. sigh. and ive no work til idk, cos i needa go over and see what available slots there are. i would wanna work on 8th to 10th uh.

hmmmhhnhhhmmmhnhmhnhmmnmhmhnmhmhnmhnh maybe we should go read a book now. goodnight to all of ya. i miss irshad, hopefully we'd be able to text tmrw morn, in bed. i miss tht, heheheheheh. no, sigh.



really awkward smile O_O

idk why, but here are 2010 pics.

O______________________________O
WHAT . THE . FIRETRUCK ?

so i woke up, to see a text from shady. replied it. and then i was waiting for him to reply back, but he didnt. and i'm like there staring at the ceiling with my palm on my phone like an idiot, just waiting. and waiting. but no text.

thought he'd be waiting online or what, so tht's where i went. but he aint. like whaaat ? i wanted to stay in bed, but i turned on my lappy cause i thought he'd be like waiting.

ok, nvm. shall not be pissed abt tht.

good morning to all of you!

couldnt sleep last night. got myself mac's at 2am, and tht was when all the wonders of the world came into my thoughts. and then at one point i was like, "why do girls make a big deal if they eat mac's in the middle of the night?" and im like is there smth wrong with it? seems fine to me.

so well anyway. i woke up at like 12 plus? fell asleep at 7 i think, when my room was getting brighter and brighter with the natural light. wanted to go down again to get food, but i was lazy.

i've always said tht waking up to have the beautiful sun in your face is like a sign tht you are gonna have a great day ahead. what if, with the sun in my face, i go to sleep instead ? would it mean a great dream ahead? cause tht'd be great.

woah, firetrucked, tht rhymed...

k, i am bored. it's a beautiful afternoon, tho i am very very hungry right now. i dont rmb my dreams , or not i would have shared them alr. still waiting for shady's reply, and siying's response post. sigh, o well. i am z used to z waiting.



2011 is coming to a close. but, i will not judge the year yet, because december just arrived. we've just been thru 11 out of 12 months, we cant say tht this year was the best, or worst. in my opinion of course...

i am bored.
so, i shall show you pictures from 2010. why 2010 you ask? because, 2011 has not ended yet! k, idk la. just enjoy la eh? siying can reminisce.

mmmm. oreo is kinda nice when it's frozen.
















oh, the memories of langkawi ! heheheheh.



okay. i am done for now.
cant wait to get started on 2011 tribute vid, and to upload pics of 2011 on this here bloggie. heheheheh. yah, siying can reminisce.

Stories - There for Tomorrow

i am bored.
so, i shall do a song analysis, if tht's what you call it...

i'm just going to depict what i think this song means. cause, i am bored.



k, we shall do Stories by TFT.
*i skip some parts cos i somehow find them insignificant*

A cold night wasn't trouble enough for him
Another swallow never seemed like enough for him
maybe cos this 'him' has been doing drugs, cause of the 'swallow'. a 'cold night' probably means a night in prison or smth, a prison cell. probz mean to say, to him it's nth cos he's probably been thru worse.

He couldn't ask for a better understanding of how
What goes around comes back around twice as fast
He's got no hope for a cure so he'll put himself to sleep
the 'he' in here is probably someone with a disease. maybe he doesnt want to trouble his family with this disease of his, so he decides to just kill himself.

Now we just sit back, we sit back
While we watch all of them react
while we watch these ppl with problems tell us stories, we just watch their emotions unfold. react could also mean re-act.

She always hoped for him to take her word for word
Never knew what it felt like feeling this unsure
She's got her eyes on the time but there's no use waiting there for him
She's not in the world alone but she wanted to put herself to sleep
maybe this 'she' confessed her love for someone. but the guy didnt take her seriously. and she's like waiting for his answer. but it never came. and so, just cos he didnt accept her, she thinks she's got nobody else, and she just wanna kill herself.

k, this is just what i think la. i love to do this. like depict what songs are tryna mean. i may not be 100% accurate, but it doesnt matter. as long as i find a meaning tht teaches me smth, thts all tht matters .

altogether, i think Stories is a reminder tht out there, there is always someone who is willing to listen to your stories, to what you have to say, to listen to you. so instead of committing suicide (Christopher did say the song is abt teenage suicide), you should just tell ppl what's troubling you.

i've said this before, stories are very important. im not gg to repeat myself cos ive talked abt the topic stories before. so, do tell others your stories. and do listen to others' stories.

a boring day .

you simply must hear this! although, you wouldnt like it much unless you know the real song uh. which... i assume siying and irshad has not heard before. damn. o well. i like it though!

anyway, a very very good evening to you. i had a short nap earlier, heheheh. uhm, i do rmb the dream i had last night. i see it. but idk how to put it in words. damn, the best time to share a dream is always immediately upon waking up.

ok well anyway. spent the whole day reading. reading, and writing. reading, writing, reading, writing. my two first loves.

o yeah, when i woke up from my nap, texted irshad and then went back to sleep. and then i got a text from anonymous number, wishing me happy 1st monthsary. the number was shad's ex, cos i rmb him saying her number ends and starts with 9.

i was like ugh. she's been hell bent on getting a response from me or smth. how the hell did she get my number sey?

k nvm, ate sweet and sour fish today, twice! heheheheh. i didnt go out today, stayed home and slept. my bro was on the PS3 when i woke up, so couldnt really play tht.

you know aye, i have been texting with this anonymous number for quite some time alr. like, since prelim time. 17th aug. he/she texted me in the morn when i was sleeping, gg all "where are you? everyone is waiting for you!" accompanied by many missed calls.

tht made me panic. i thought there was sch, cos on tht day i had no exam, tht's why i stayed home. then the person told me to go to the AVA room cos all the prefects were waiting.

i was like, k, definitely wrong number. so i went back to sleep. then s/he called me again! spammed calls and texts. i fed up, i replied saying "ok! i'm on the way there alr." and tht seemed to do the trick.

over the next few days, i always just layan the texts. up til now, the person is still texting me, telling me abt meetings and attire and all tht. i just reply uh, sometimes asking stupid questions. cos apparently the identity tht the person thought i was, is a sec 2 prefect/councillior. which is what i aint, so sometimes when the person told me attire for sec 2, i would ask "then sec 4 leh???" things like tht. it always pisses her/him off sey!

i know it's very busted, but it's damn fun. it entertains me, although sometimes in the morn i get damn pissed when i wake up to see a text, hoping it is from boyfriend but it's from the person, whom i saved the number as Victim.

ok let's jump to the next lily pad.

i started blogging when i was in pri 5. during all those times, i blogged like mostly short stories tht i've read up abt. sometimes i made up stories too. my audience was my classmates and my teacher from my 2006 class. oh the memories.

but ughyouulan was only from late 2007, if you were to look at the archives. tht's cos i deleted my previous one and made a new one. truth is, ive had many different URLs before ughyouulan came abt. numerous. a lotta nonsensical ones too uh.

i hardly have any audience now. i only have, siying and irshad whom i know reads my bloggie frequently. i appreciate them a lot , it doesnt matter tht my bloggie is like so unknown now. altho, i'd like to have more readers... cos, i would like to have ppl read what i hafta say . hehehe.

uhm! k la, shall we jump to another topic or just stop talking alr ?



stop here uh.

but, time goes on even when you're sleeping. just cos someone aint there to give you motivation 24/7, doesnt mean you arent able to go on right?

outing with (ex) colleague !

today, this song was with me the most.

heidiho. well. let's go thru the day now shall we? i've got pics but my cammie aint with me right now. shall get to tht soon.

so well anyways, went to tamp lib to meet up with azreenie. when she saw me she was like OMG eindah! and then she hugged me, aw! then we made our way to mrt station back to pasir ris cos she said she had to go to EK to take uniform deposit.

well i had to go too, cos i wanted to take my pay. so we decided to slack around dte/ehub before gg to EK, cos i could only take my pay at aft 530.

went to mccafe and slack awhile while talking and drinking. haryani stopped by, and her tongue piercing shocked azreenie like hell. when haryaniwas gone, azz kept repeating omg what happened to yani sia.

and tht was when we started talking abt all the ppl at EK. she told me some stories which i should not publish in here cos they are still personal shit. thank you for your understanding (:

when it was like 530, went up to EK to do our respective shit. izan talked to us while waiting for jasleena, i like it when i asked her is jasleena inside and she was like, yes darliiinggg. hehehe.

went to see who was doing entrance, jing hui ! haha, so went to disturb him, and ask all the usuals. said bye, then made our way to romantic place cos wanted to slack there. but halfway thru azreenie got tired so we just slacked somewhere halfway thru, heheh.

talked some more. confided all the shit, told each other all the stuff tht we never knew abt each other. talked abt what we thought of other EK ppl, and then talked abt our boyfriends, the current and the exes.

her story is so similar to mine. and she's been thru a lot of what ive been thru. at the end of it all, azreenie looked at me and said, "i'm thankful to have met you in life."

THAT made me so happy! they really mean a lot to me, those words. omg. i was so damn happy when i heard tht. she said cos she's never met anyone who's ever understood her like tht, or been thru what she has, or is able to be trusted by her.

well. bonded with her a lot today. and then we camwhored , cos no matter what we've been thru, we are still girls.







i like the way she laughs aft every shot. hahaah, damn cute sia. like so damn happy, hehehe. she said she's never tried posing/showing faces whenever camwhoring before. she said im cool, heheheheh.

o yes, and i love the fact tht our music tastes are similar. heheheh!

and then walked to ws cos needed to take train. k ah, we fast forward k?

met up with bros and mommy. BROS. im damn grateful with the plurality. but guess what, halfway thru, the whole outing got firetrucked.

1. nazriq merajok with me just cos i kept pestering him to buy either assassin's creed or uncharted 3.
2. my mommy met up with her airasia friend and they were like gg shopping tgt.
3. when she came back from trip with her friend, naqib's girlfriend pulak came along.

bloody hell, point #3 was the most firetrucked up. my mommy effing gave her money sia, idk for what sia. and i was there but i was invisible or what, the 3 of them chatting like i aint even there. the more i looked at her, the more pissed i got, so i just walked off.

i hate her. i hate her. i hate her.

headed home, and my mommy didnt text me. which meant she obviously didnt notice me missing at all, bloody hell. damn disappointed. i thought i could bond with them three, my brothers and mommy. but no, extra ppl just had to show up right?

texted my father. but he was still at work. sat at the mrt platform trying to suck in the tears. damn fucked up.



kk. dont cry now man. eindah's a strong girl. eindah's a strong girl. there there. it's all over, everyone's home alr. dont cry now. shhh.

dejection.

heidiho.

damn sad right now actually. shall get to tht soon. we go thru the whole day first, cos the sad part only came when i was otw home.

was all ready and went to my mom's bedroom telling her tht imma be leaving now, then she told me to run her some errands. thts one thing abt her, she's always very last minute. imma be like "mummy im gg off now." and shebe like "alamak can buy me smth first anot? urgent la."

so was late in meeting shad, like dammit. i actually was abt to leave early cos i wanted to be there before him, but my mom made me be late again, like damn. o well.

was walking to prp cos tht was where we wanted to go but in the midst it started drizzling so we went to take one round of 358 to go ws. then blah3, shad was wondering whether to get double chicken mggrill or double mcspicy.

i was like, get ur usual. then he said he'd get the double chicken mggrill. i was like ok, and we went in. he ordered first, and when i heard him say double mcspicy i was like -________- he turned and was like i get my usual ! and he was like so happy.

talked many random topics while eating, we were ninjas jumping from one subject to another, as always. o and at one point, shad laughed suddenly, i forgot what happened uh. but i loved tht laugh!

saw sherlyn, jaslyn and huiyu. when i saw jaslyn i was like shit, i have a lot to tell her. cos she always wanna know everything abt my love life. and i saw her looking at me with tht "young lady, you have some explaining to do" look. heheheh.

eons later went to take da train to tamp cos he was gg gym. he told me tht i dont hafta ask permission to go anywhere, heheheh. unless it is some life endangering thing.

and then he gave me a notebook O: i love it so much. better write in it with my best handwriting, gosh. it is so damn precious.

so well anyway. woah! where's the little thingy tht looks like an I whenever i hover my mouse over the text box? it's missing! it's missing! woah, this looks weird. it looks incomplete sia! hahahaah!

o where was i.

o yesssss, stopped by 7-11 cos shad wanted to buy water, and guess what? there were 11 big chicken paos like omg! but didnt have much money so i just stood there staring while waiting for the boy to buy his wata.

sent him to gym and waited with him for the sec 5 faris. talked more, and i laughed also, but cant rmb why. damn irshad is bloody cute yet handsome at the same time sia. i'm so proud of myself to have him as my boyfriend. heheheh!

aft the sec 5 faris came, said bye and then made my way to tamp mrt. at pasir ris interchange, waited eons for the bloody 403 to come. finally it did and then alighted right at the end to meet siying.

met up with her at this empty road, she ran towards me like those types of reunion in movies, except i didnt have a whit of emotion on my face while she had this huge smile on hers.

so followed her back to the chalet, and k la, not much ppl were there. saw nicholas yeo, the express dude who was in fencing with me back in 2008. he was nice, and i cant believe he still is despite me being a betrayer, heh.

went to breakwaters with asleah and siying, and caught up on each other's lives. been awhile since the three of us gathered tgt, we've been so busy working. i loved tht little chat we had by the waves, me, siying, and asleah. :3

eons later, timothy wanted to scare us but he failed ! then went to the playground near the chalet, playing nerfs with asleah, timothy, nicholas yeo, syafiq, with jingming and edmund joining later. we all kept headshot each other, omg damn fun/funny sia .

then went back to chalet to slack, went to the bedroom and slack while listening to random songs blasting on frederick's speaker. blasted some of the new trivium songs tht i got from irshad :3

ok uh, slacked a lot. k, im too lazy to blog alr. let the pics do the talking, hehehehe.








then many many eons later, i made my way out on my own cos siying was too lazy to send me out. wanted to listen to some music to drown the silence out, but then i was like, nah, what if some dude creeped up on me or smth. and then i was like safety over fear.

everything was fine til i dropped off at my stop.

i saw ivan chin. he was a very very good friend of mine in pri sch, damn a lot memories, all the fun stuff and all the shit. and his mommy was there too, i loved his mommy and she's always laughing whenever she sees me. when was the last time i saw them?

so i was abt to wave, when the mommy looked at me, and gave me tht look of disgrace.

she didnt recognise me. usually she would be like Hey! and ask me how's stuffs. i thought maybe it's ok, so i turned to look at ivan instead. he gave me a glance, and looked away.

i felt so fucking dejected.

well it's alright. walked away feeling so damn fucking disappointed, pet some of the market cats but i didnt stay long. when i reached home, just dumped my keys by the table and stomped off in fronta the mirror and was like, "do i look so damn different right now...?"

what a way to end the day tht started off so well. o well... pri sch is all past memories. right.?



this notebook is damn precious to me right now. it's smaller than the rest, and it's still empty, but it's still very very important and has memories alr. heheheh. thank you irshad !

o, and im gg out with azreenie tmrw! gonna follow her search for a job :3

we were running away last night.

idk from what, or who, or where we were going . but we were running. and we were hiding.


k this song suits the atmosphere of running.

ok so well anyway. i am talking abt last night's dream. i rmb most of it alr, but idk how to put it in words... it was one of the places where i went to on resident evil 5. i was with irshad, and if i aint wrong his twin was there too.

k ah, we were like running and hiding. and then at one point, we were lingering at the place whee i was slacking at ytd during my break. cool sia, ytd i was staring at the place, thinking how to get up there via parkour, then last night i dreamt of it.

ok, nvm. this shall be a randomly short post. cos i really dk how to put it in words. but there was one part where irshad was begging me to pleasure him. k dah, tht is all for now, no pic of me cos this post too short, i guess?

look what i did on da mirror! heheheheh.



irshad: ok, i shall be making my way to your place now. see ya! ^^
me: okay, take
*muhammad irshad noorhalim appears to be offline*
me: okay, take fuck you!

FIRETRUCKING SMALL, SMALL, WORLD.

so here is the deal.

let's start off with my own boyfriend. his uncle is muzzy, who happens to know hakim, who is my pri sch friend. i once asked hakim how he knew muzzy, he said muzzy is his friend's friend. turned out, tht mutual friend of theirs is nazrul.

i happen to work at EK with farhan and benna, who happen to be friends with hakim and nazrul. and nazrul happens to be muzzy's friend, and muzzy happens to be the uncle of a pair of twins who were in my sec sch, which brings the circle back to me.

wanna add more? my cousie aidil lives nearby muzzy, and they do know each other. AND, my cousins maya and aidil had same tuition as muzzy when we were all primary fives. mmhmm. tht last part, i just knew early this year, it shocked me like hell.

firetrucked right !

just so you know, i aint obsessed with work. i just love my job. thts an entirely different thing. no matter where i go uh, be it sec 5 or ite, im still gonna study very very hard. tho idk for what, for my future, ah whatever. imma just gg to study hard. o yes, FOR MY PARENTS.

uhm. my parents really love me a lot, and i love my parents a lot, no matter what shit happens. they want me to study hard, so, so be it. k nvm, shall talk more on this topic some other time!



let's end every post with a picture of me from now on! we'll see who truly deserves to be a lan of this bloggie, heheheheheh. let's see how long you can cope seeing my bloody face. siying confirm surrender three blog posts later.

love you all !

currently tengan merajuk. dont ask why. i shall just blog abt today in the normal tone.

woke up in the morn, went to do all the usual morning stuff, wanted to eat smth, heeding shad's advice, but i couldnt find anything light, so i just went off to the bus stop with just clorets. i was just on time today, not early like i always am.

was playing with my (shad's) hoodie zip when nazrul saw me, i was like woah, hi. then i thought he went off alr, but in the midst of my humming i realized tht he was still there, staring at me, so i was again like woah, hi.

today's am shift is with suriani, haryani, changyuan, and nazrul. i got ball pool, aft arranging the stuff in a more presentable way, went over to the other stations to disturb the rest. then i went to AH to disturb suriani.

i regret, cos she told me to go up one round. i was watching changyuan swing from one stop to another, i told suriani i wanted to try tht. along came haryani and nazrul. then the former went to disturb suriani and changyuan who were on AH.

nazrul asked me whether i am muzzy's cousin. i said no. hahahahaha.

then haryani and suriani came over to me and told me to go up one round. i made the former go first, and the latter aft me, heh. suriani was able to wear the child harnest sey! woah!

ok uh, aft haryani went, i made my step. was almost reaching the next stop when my foot slipped and i was screaming for my life! (at this point of time, EK hasnt opened, so there aint anyone, thts why we were all fooling around)

i didnt want to move sia, my legs were caught in a very awkward position. haryani tried to grab me but i didnt want to let go of the safety wire. suriani said i was like a cat mewing -___-

by the time i was safely put in the next stop, haryani and suriani was laughing so i couldnt help laughing as well. though it was scary , it was funny too! nazrul was laughing as well, and during the time i was hanging on, changyuan was there too and i know he couldnt tahan his laughter.

ok uh, in the end i did complete AH like finally! although it was damn scary, but it was a new experience la. thanks to haryani and suriani ! o and one part, haryani tossed me from one stop to another, tht was damn bloody fun sia!

next time imma swing like changyuan (;

and then ppl started coming in, so went to our respective stations. i bruised the area above my shin. there's no visible bruise yet la, but the pain is there.

today i got damn pissed at this one kid who seriously wanted to irritate the shit out of me. good thing i controlled tht anger, mindset mindset. and someone puked in the ballpool. had to call the cleaner and then had to prevent kids from gg in.

during my break, went to buy OCK, sat at staircase texting, before making my way to mac's to get myself a coke to drink on while staring at the big fish. heh, the first time i saw tht fish was on... 17th july, and i was like in love with it :3

not only was it big, but it was damn fast ! hehehe.

ok well anyways, made my way back to work, hoping irshad would make it. took over my station again, cos syafiq was covering me. and then in the midst, received a text from irshad saying he wont be able to make it.

idk why uh. but i cried. i fucking cried at my effing workplace sia, bloody hell.

thankfully it was just a few mins, i picked myself up again and went to scold some annoying kid who was tossing them balls outta the pool. but still couldnt help feeling real sad.

at 3.30 plus, was talking to suriani and syafiq who were at AH, when i saw some kid tossing balls out again. went to scold, and then went to pick up the balls cos i kasi muka (if not i would have asked him to pick up) .

then when i turn around, i saw some dude sitting at where i was sitting at earlier, staring back at me. i was stunned, cos i didnt see him come at all, so i stared back at him. then i tilted my head and frowned and was like, "who are you?"

he was like, "bennicker." and i was like o! so quickly picked up all the balls and went over to him. then taught him some of the basic ballpool stuff. didnt realize it was 4 til suriani told me! so said bye to her cos she was extended til 6, and syafiq who was doing midshift.

went to entrance where haryani, nazrul and jinghui were at, helped them with more of the envelope stuff, before gg to clock out with nazrul. haha he funny la, so clueless. scolded him cos he didnt turn off the walkie when someone was communicating, which meant a sudden outburst in the silent ops office -____-

went gr office, slacked awhile, asked why he added me on fb (he did, right aft the penin trip with shad and muzzy) and then he said it was a random add. so typical uh.

walked out, said bye, and at this point of time, i actually looked around for irshad. idk, i thought he would be giving me a surprise visit and tht the text saying he couldnt make it was just a joke. but nope. nada.

idk ah, i damn sad abt it sia! wanted to see him so damn badly, it's been a week since i last saw him. i cried some more at the bus stop, so silly i know. idk la eh. -__________________-

wanna shee my bloody face?

here i bring forth some pictures i took of myself, in year 2010, the time when i didnt have cammie . it's up to you to look at them or not, cause aft all it's me, i am not like other girls who look pretty in their pics. i still love myself tho.

and i AM bored.






wheeeee im having lots of fun~











this became a memory lane of some sort.
--------------------------------
woah, i just realized smth.
was there really a point in my life tht i had my fringe cover my LEFT eye? i dont rmb any shit like tht. woah. woah, wtf. omg.

mind-firetrucked...