Conversation with a reflection

After years of being in each other's heads, we finally meet.

...Why aren't you looking at me? I'm right here. You've been so curious as to how I look like but now you refuse to even stand up.

As cliche as it sounds, you're stronger than this. Can you stand up, girl? 

You're not even 20 yet and you're already so tired. You've fallen in love with the idea of being alive, and yet here you are refusing to even live up that love.

Such a shame, isn't it? There you were, giving all the love and trust that you had, to everyone you met, whether or not they deserved it. You forgot to save any for yourself, of course you're so tired out right now.

You're a strong person but that doesn't mean you won't break. Stop being so selfless, letting everyone have what you have and refusing to take anything of theirs. Didn't you say, "If I give you a piece of me, and you give me a piece of you, then nobody is really broken"? You're leading yourself to your own falling apart.

...Still refusing to stand up?

...You were right. Sometimes the best way to move on is to go back to where you came from. Just like how you returned to your parents to move on from your precious wind.

Right now, you need to talk to your old friends. You've realised how cruel the people who you thought to be your friends were; they didn't return your love, they made you out to be the bad guy... Go back to your old friends.

They may be busy, but it's worth a shot. Send a text asking how they are, call them up asking for a lunch or something. Anyone. Anyone other than the 'friends' you have loved the past 4 months. 

Stand up, girl.

She grabs my wrist.

Stand up and look at me.

She holds my chin and makes me face her. I close my eyes.

You're a fucking tyrant and you're gonna get through this.

I let out a cruel laugh. That's what I've been telling myself.

That's what I've been telling you.

Go back to where you came from. I'd return as far back as my mother's womb if I could, start all over from my very first breath. But you can't do that. You move forward from difficult times by going back, and you go back to your precious moments by moving forward.

You're not alone in this. Not ever. See how you've laughed so much with your mom and aunt the past week even with all the problems within your family. See how you've enjoyed your 5-star view at Ion Sky with the love of your life even with half of another shithead in your heart.

And most of all see how you've continued loving everything around you, the sky and the trees and the roads, even after all the shit everyone's put you through. 

You're gonna get over this. You're gonna be an amazing daughter, aunt, wife, mother. Heck you're already an amazing person if you'd just stop giving so much of your flame away to others. Now stand the fuck up.

She gives my wrist a hard grip and pulls me, forcing me onto my feet.

I jerk awake. It's 6 in the morning. The mysterious bruise I've had on my wrist the past 2 weeks has faded from an ugly purple to a murky yellow.