Line between reality and possibility

Don't know if you've noticed, but I haven't been writing in as regularly.
Don't know if you know, but that's because I've been so damn busy.
Reading books.

I've borrowed tons of books from the library in September, and since they had due dates with them I rushed to read them all. I still have 10 more to go, heh.

I'm just blogging now because I've had these thoughts over the past few days or maybe weeks.

So I read this book called Pivot Point by Kasie West, a paranormal YA. This paranormal world where people have 'abilities'; our main character Addie has the ability to Search; when faced with decisions to make, she is able to see into the futures for each choice.

When her parents got a divorce, she had to choose between staying in the paranormal world with her mom, or move to the real world with her dad. So of course, she decides to see into both futures. The chapters alternate between each futures.

During her Search in the future with her dad, she meets this boy named Trevor. A normal boy, with no abilities, considering he's from the real world. At one point of the Search, Addie decides to tell him all about her ability, all about the paranormal world.

They're having that loving moment, him cupping her face in his hands and she looking at him adoringly when Trevor asks; "Addie, what if this is a Search? What if now, this very moment, isn't set in stone. What if you're just seeing a vision of what could be?"

That caused some bomb of realisation to explode somewhere in my head. The thought of a moment being something less than a reality. A moment being just a dream, or a daydream. That it was never real, or that it will never be real.

Addie chose the future with her mom, so she never met Trevor in the same way as in her Search. In the sequel, Split Second, she goes to live with her dad in the real world during her holidays, and there she does meet Trevor, but in a completely different way.

Can you imagine having someone you shared moments and love with, staring at you like you're just a stranger? Another thought that ripped my heart out. To have Addie being the only one who 'remembers' all that time spent together.

Sure, it was just a Search, nothing more than a daydream, but it was also a potential future. It was going to happen for sure if she had chosen that path, and yet just as easily those moments could be violently taken away.

I don't know what you think of it, but it kinda scared me to think about it. To live in a moment only to imagine that it isn't set in stone, that it could be just a daydream.

Think of it this way, it's like having grown 20 years and then waking up as a baby, having all those years as a mere dream you were having. All those times you had fallen down, fallen in love, laughed and cried and all those friends you made were just a vision of the future. And now that you're back in reality, it's not confirmed that you'll have all that at all.

It's exactly like how sometimes the line is blurred between reality and Dreamworld. [if you know the problems I have with my nightly dreams] One second I'm very sure that's reality, and then I wake up to realise no, I was just dreaming.

Makes me question every moment that I breathe when I'm awake. I've read 4 books since then, and I'm still lost in the thought that right now, this moment, may or may not be real at all.

Don't know if I may seem like I'm babbling, but these are just the thoughts that came when I read those books. I'm getting goosebumps now.