NS4/BP1

The train got no driver, was what my mother always used to get me excited about riding the LRT. Of course being a Pasir Ris girl my whole life, we were only closer to the Sengkang line.

She would rush me to the front seat where my younger brother and I could pretend to be the driver. That was my mother, always making sure we had the best experiences. Honestly at the time I wasn't very interested, so my brother had the honour of driving the invisible steering wheel.

Ten years later, I am the one who is staring out the window at the front, watching the tracks go beneath. On the other side of the country this time, on my way to a school where I would stick out like a sore thumb. His friends were so welcoming (I guess it's funny because they were from a hospitality course after all) but it wasn't enough to ease me into a sense of belonging.

The next time I visited this station, his white buttoned and long-sleeved uniform became a short one, and the hair he had to gel up everyday was gone. He got so tanned that I barely recognised him when I fetched him on his first bookout. I could see moles I never knew he had at the top of his head. We laughed, and it became a routine for me to pick him up whenever I had Fridays off.

On the other side of the spectrum, I was nearing a state of depression at the time. The point of vulnerability, battling my own emotions at home while he was here with his own fights beneath the blazing sun. We had our own demons coming to visit at night, the long-haired ghost by his bed and the crying baby by mine.

2016 was the light at the end of the tunnel, when he finally had his POP and I slowly picked myself up. I was with his friends, all of whom weren't making the move to look for him. I started walking in a random direction and that was when he appeared. I'm not kidding, but the people all around us split like the fucking sea did for Moses.

Choa Chu Kang, of white shirts and tanned skin. Of pale faces and dark minds. He practically grew up here, from a tertiary graduation to passing out parade. I was there next to him, seated at the front of our relationship and pretending to drive.