Hungover from 2014

It's been nearly 3 weeks, but I'm still hungover. I still feel as drugged as Lewis Carroll when he wrote Alice in Wonderland. I'm still overwhelmed with all of 2014, and even though I haven't properly settled in this new setting, I'm still sad to let the year go.

I never really went through the stuff I did, only wrote notes to the people I met/interacted with. [read it here and find your name if you haven't already, or you can read the whole post because it kinda makes a story.]

So today I thought I would write the adventures I had...

January.

'Aamir left;
I met Danny;
Shan and I drank at Holland Village and had good long talks;
I got my septum piercing [which hurt very much];
I studied with Azim at SP frequently;
I had my last interactions ever with Mel and Naqib;
I went home to Pasir Ris;
I saw my paternal relatives after 2 years, greeted non-stop about how they haven't seen me forever;
I started wandering, and wondering, to find and realise where home was.

February.

I started interacting with people from school, namely the people from my Daeln Lab;
I found friendship in Yazid, and we talked by the beach about misadventures;
I joined the Whatsapp group society, my first one being Estfut;
Heroine soon after, when Naz tweeted if anyone wanted in;
Heroine had its first group meeting at a rooftop beside Kallang station;
I started seeing how pretty Singapore is, and fell in love with her backbone [the MRT lines] and her curves [the expressways].

March.

I discovered the Booktube community and started collecting books again;
I got infatuated with another writer even though it didn't last long;
I went on a foodhunt with 4 other Heroines and took so many pictures together;
I wanted to make videos about my love for roads;
Yazid brought me around his hometown Sengkang;
some of the Heroines and I got crazy drunk and we broke the entire group;
my dreams started to get worse, and I waited every night til the sun rose before I dared sleep.

April.

Hazim and I explored Woodlands, taking random shots of each other and the scenery;

I was introduced to Ariff, and it was us and Hazim against everyone else;

I started year 2, even though I was still stuck with year 1 modules;
I caught Asleah's performance at NYP's Club Crawl with Farizah and our other secondary school friends;
I saw Luqman after months and found myself noticing and thinking of him more;
I made friends with Elin, and she taught me the power of forgiveness.

May.

I became good friends with someone who was the opposite of me but was the best support;
I was lucky to experience the feeling of having a crush and even had the chances to watch a movie with him and even sent him home;
NYP became my second home, even more so than my own school;
I hung out with Farizah a lot, and we talked about so many things those few days;
I had an admirer who felt for me what I felt for another, whom I constantly treated like how I was treated;
I realised I couldn't be with the person I liked because he was too fragile for me;

I cried over a book that reminded me of how I would never experience a first love again.

June.

I had our 6th Annual Reunion with Sabrina, Siying and Shushan;
Ramadan's first day was on June's last, which I'd spent with my granny at Paya Lebar.
[funny that I can't seem to remember much from this month, and it doesn't help that there're no photos or blog posts from the 9th to 25th]

July.

I experienced an unusually cold day, and deducted I was Fire-Type;
we discovered and cried over the existence of an unplanned family member, though never in front of each other;
I hid in the toilet when my big brother threw an extension socket at dad, causing a screamfest in the house, minutes before buka;
I watched him leave the house and wanted just to die as tears fell down my parents' and little brother's faces, the Azan playing in the background;
I finally had courage to be frank with the river about our incompatibility;
'Aamir came back telling me he missed me and asked if we could start over;
I said yes and we hugged when we met, but the next day he left again because he wasn't ready;
I celebrated Hari Raya with my parents and brothers again after 2 years.

August.

I spent an evening with Sabrina, Siying and Shushan, eating free food samples at Expo;

I met Acap, Izni, Arie, Yat for the first time, hung out with them as well as Naz and Effa at ITE West, with Syaf coming later holding a cake for Yat's birthday;

I sat on the stairs of Woodlands bus interchange and cried so many tears because I missed 'Aamir so much;

I witnessed my big brother's solemnization ceremony and put the gold bracelet on my new sister-in-law's wrist;

After a few days of texting as friends, 'Aamir told me not to wait for him anymore because he was letting me go; 

I went Jalan Raya with Heroine, where I had loads of laughs and bonded with them, and we ended off the night with birthday songs for Zye;

I walked from Esplanade to Bayfront in the dead of the night with Arie, Aqilah and Aliff;
'Aamir asked me again at Woodlands interchange, if I would be his girlfriend;

I had to reject two hearts because I chose to be with the wind, who 4 days later left me for the third time in the year;

I found comfort in one of the two broken hearts, immersed myself in sins I called solace, in lust I called love.

September.

I wasn't able to sit for my Daeln exam, and I had a little drink at the airport, managing to drop 

the glass bottle and shatter its pieces everywhere; 

I went on a date with a Ghost, believing it was love, and even more so because it was a forbidden one;

my mom had a fall at the hospital and I spent the entire day at CGH;
my brothers and I went bowling, and I met my sister-in-law's little siblings for the first time;

I went on a solitary trip to Kinokuniya the day I turned 19, and was surprised to have received birthday wishes from the Heroines;

I went to school during the holidays to appeal against my dismissal and realised the many things about Ngee Ann that I wasn't ready to leave;

I bumped into the love of my life, and realised how much I still yearned to be with him even though someone else's arm was around me at that moment.

October.

I celebrated Hari Raya Haji with my parents and brothers, as well as a sister-in-law;
Acap and Arie were the best friends I had, always making me laugh til my belly ached;
we went to Asyiq's house to celebrate his birthday, with icing all over our faces;
I went to Halloween Horror Nights with Acap, Arie, Athirah, and Zye, stayed out late til 3 in the morning;
Elin called Acap, Arie, Zye and I to give Hanafi a birthday bash, which we all did with water and flour;
I realised how much I loved these people whom I called my best friends, my family;         

I learnt that sad love songs are meant not for lovers but friends most of the time.

November.

I realised Ghost's feelings weren't love at all;
I went to USS for Acap's birthday with Arie, Elin and Hanafi, only to realise later that it would be the last time I'd hung out with any of them;
I started working at Ben and Jerry's at Dempsey, thanks to Elin, and met new and funny people;
I went to Ion Sky with 'Aamir, walked around town and realised how easy it was to fall back with him;
Shihui told me she was withdrawing from school, and my heart broke at the thought of no longer seeing her in school;
my niece was born, and I thought she was the most wonderful thing in the world;
my grandfather had a fall and was rushed to hospital, and I spent the entire week visiting him everyday;
I realised how precious life is, and fell in love with being alive.  

December.

I met various types of cats and many interesting people while visiting my cat at the vet;
I played around with Movie Maker and found myself making a 2014 montage to Taylor Swift's Wonderland;
Shushan, Siying, Pearl, Sabrina and I met up and we bought cakes for Sabrina because it was her birthday the next day;
'Aamir and I watched Mockingjay Part 1, afterwards sitting down at Scape to have a long talk mixed with laughter and seriousness;
he declared at the end of it: "You know what, let's just fuck everyone else and be together." and so we did;
I spent New Year's Eve recalling everything about 2014, writing about everyone I'd met in the year, fingers flying across the keyboard and tears streaming down my face...

January, 2015. 

...just like now.

Thank you again to everyone who's made my year. I don't think most of them are reading this, but it's okay. I'm still so ever grateful for every single one of them, even if they're angry at me now or if they hate me or if they don't care about me loving them. I love them and I am thankful I've met them, even if our friendship only lasted a while.

If it wasn't for 'Aamir leaving me at the beginning of the year, I wouldn't have met all these wonderful yet strange bunch of people. They'll forever be in my memory, even though I'm back home with the love of my life now.

I'm so emotional I need to stop hahaha but really though, thank you everyone.