In memory of my own prom nights

Last night was prom night for my pies Nura and Nazirah, judging from their Instagram photos, and tonight, by the looks of some tweets on my timeline, is the prom night for none other than my secondary school's 2013 graduates.

Here I am right now, not helping it, in the reminiscence of my own prom night memory. As someone who had taken O Levels in Sec 5, I'd gotten opportunity for two prom nights in secondary school. Heheh. *grins* I'm gonna tell you all about it now...

2011.

Of course, since N Levels had ended first, we NA and NT students of the 2011 cohort had had more time to prepare for this legendary night. Me and my 7 girls were pumped up for it; we had a rare outing of all 8 of us with the intention of getting ourselves prom dresses.

I wasn't very confident to begin with, but I'd gotten myself a dress that was way out of my league. God, I feel so embarrassed recalling this, remembering my excitement for something I shouldn't have been so pumped out about. UGH.

On the very day, I'd gotten help from Sabrina, who wasn't even going herself. Out of the 8 of us, only 5 of us made it to prom night; Farizah who didn't have anything to wear [for all I remember] and Shushan who had bought her dress but couldn't make it due to family emergency.

How I remember so clearly, how beautiful the other 4 of my best friends were. How beautiful they were, and how hideous I were. I swear, I fucking swear... I was utterly hideous. I'm not lying when I say I'm dead embarrassed by this memory. I feel like crying now.

Not only that. You see, at that time I was like the class videographer, recording memories and shit around 4/2 2011. I'd used all my footage from the year to make a video for that night, because all the classes had to make one to be shown on the big screen. How pumped up I was, how hard I worked on that god damned video.

And what happened? Two of my classmates from the other classroom clique had made their own, and our form teacher had used that to be shown on the screen. To think that I believed my form teacher when she said she liked mine and that she would use it. She was the one who asked me to make it anyway, after I'd told her my hobby of making videos. Their video was just a simple slide show anyway. Mine had footage which corresponded with a song that described us as a class, and even a speech from our class Chairman who had been the one to hold our class together the entire year.

You know how heartbroken I was? Well I'll tell you how shattered I was: 5 seconds into their video, I realised it wasn't what I'd made, and I broke down into wails that were loud enough to make everyone look at me. Exactly like a baby's wailing, except it was from this ugly girl in a hideous dress on her fucking prom night.

Don't let me go on to the dancing part please.

2012.

Aha. The lonely year. You can pretty much know what to expect from a socially anxious girl with no friends on her prom night.

First things first, I'd gotten into suspension nearly half the year, and because of this, the discipline master wouldn't allow me to go for this prom night. I didn't give a shit actually, until the time when the other girls from my 5/1 2012 had asked me to join them for recess.

Since then, I'd come to school more regularly and that was when my form teacher said that the DM was giving me a chance to go for my prom night.

Although I was starting to get along with the rest of my classmates, I still felt unsure about being at prom night with them. I'd heard that the girls from my clique [wasn't with them at the time] weren't going, I'd thought that without at least Shushan or Asleah there [despised Siying and Pearl then and didn't give a shit that they weren't going], I'd feel like crap with the rest of 5/1 which was pretty much their own clique.

Social issues weren't the only problem. There were also the scars. How hideous they made me feel, even if I could hide them. To think it was the last prom I could've gone to, not just prom but graduation night.

So there we go. Pretty much screwed the only prom night I'd made it to, and didn't even turn up for my real graduation night. Here I am now with more confidence than I'd ever had over the last few years, and only just regretting having not made it to the only times when I could have shone.

Even 'Aamir looked so handsome during his own prom night last year. Here he is being so self-conscious and shit but still having the chance to have looked so charming. There's Nura who I know has low self-esteem and still manages to smile and look gorgeous in all her prom photos last night.

I swear to myself, the next time there's a prom or a dance or whatever, I'm fucking going. Whether or not I've any friends or date to go with. And I'll make sure I'll stand tall with my chin up, because that's the only way to look stunning even with this ugly face and heart of mine.

P.s. you can find the Grad Night Vid Surprise For 4/2 video on Youtube.