drastic effects of sitting by the windowsill.

i'd discovered this song some time ago, like early last year? or late 2010. somewhere along the line. it's from Sims 3. *grin* and i think it's beautiful. listen to the lyrics.

anyway, i'd gone on a milk tea solitary escapade. the last time i'd done that was friday the 11th; the last day of mid years. it was uber crowded today! but i still enjoyed myself writing, shutting out the chaos.

writing's full of contradictions for me. i write when i'm upset, yet writing always makes me happy. it is where i feel joy and sorrow at the same time. where i feel suffocated and free at the same time.

had taken a bus instead of the train back to pasir ris today. was reading on the bus, but i got nauseous halfway, and gastric area was painful again. nearly wanted to puke when i finally got off.

somehow i'd felt sleepy today as well, while reading at the library. i think the problem is the book. it's not pulling me beneath the surface too deeply.

saw farhan telor. was surprised he recognized me, the last time i'd seen him was after cheering comp. he had squinted his eyes and mumbled "who is that?" when i called out to him from afar.

and i saw syazana as well, with afiq. wish i could text her to ask stuff but i can't.

reached the house on time to have the last moments of having sunlight burst into my bedroom. that's what i love about evenings in my sanctuary. my room doesn't face the sunrise; but the sunset.

i've not savoured a sunrise properly before. the younger twin had promised to bring me to see one, back in our sibling days. i remember the exact date he had claimed to bring me; 30th september, 2010.

come! look at these. some random shots i'd taken today. been playing with my cammie.

ain't that wonderful? it's the first star of the night. doesn't look like one though, doesn't it.

i heard, a long long time ago, that if you wish upon the first star of the night, your wish would come true. i don't know how affirmative that is, but based on my own experience, i'd say it's not.

Magda say, maybe the world just been a speck of dust in a giant man's pocket and outside been a whole other world of giants we know nothing about. -After the Snow, S.D.Crockett 

what do you think? the proportion of the universe can get pretty scary sometimes, doesn't it? just imagine, the sun is such a far distance away from the earth but the heat can get pretty unbearable sometimes, even to me. (i love the heat)

i feel like talking about distance now.

so here i am, here. out there, outside this house, this town, this country; my future love of my life awaits.

i wonder who he is. sometimes i question his existence. sometimes i get the intuition i've already met him. sometimes i think we've locked eyes and exchanged glances one time. sometimes i doubt he's still alive.

he's probably thinking of me, isn't he? he's thinking the same things as i am. i wonder if he's a solitary author as well? i wonder if he's given his everything to another girl who walked out on his life the way the younger twin did me. i wonder if he's afraid to fall in love anymore.

somebody tell him i'm here, waiting for him. somebody assure him of my existence.

i'm here. i'm right here. i'll find you. if you're really in pain, don't cry anymore. we'll meet, and i'll return you your love for me twicefold. til then, be strong. if i'm the strongest girl in the world, i'm sure you are the strongest man in the entire universe.

i'm waiting for you too. all the hurt i'd been given by the younger twin is just a test to strengthen me before i get to you.

when we finally meet, our combined strength will be so great. our strength and courage will magnetize each other's, and we'll stick together for the rest of our lives; strong.

my goodness, believe it or not i'm actually crying as i type out this post. silly.

but really.

til then, i shall just explore my youth for awhile first. he'll accept me for who i am, and i will him too. if he's a solitary author, he'll understand my past, and have a cheem reason for it. he wouldn't look down on me for my idiotic actions i'd done.

damn, i've not even met him but i seem to have a crush on him already.

hmmmmm, yeahh...... can't wait to meet him. this shall be the first and last time i talk of him until i meet him. i am embarrassed right now.

once in a while i'm blogging about matters of love, eh?