pretty please?

there he goes...... there he goes, away...~

my older brother Naqib has gone to zee wonderful Bali. along with my cammie, bloody hell! he had to ask for it last minute, so i hadn't had anything to take pictures with, apart from my phone.

this is zee viewing plaza. my favourite place after the library, carpark rooftops, and arms. *grins*

that aeroplane had been testing its wings and all that. 

here are some other pictures from the time spent at the viewing plaza. 

hohum.

have i told you that i bought a new notebook?! mom had a bill that said 10 Changi Dollars on it. used it to buy this f a t and beautiful notebook! gonna use that as my diary after the one after the one after my current one. (no, really)

had gone to Guilley after that to send my granny home, where i managed to take many shots of them kitties there! they seemed so obedient today, hadn't moved around as much. and to think i'd used merely my phone camera too!

this white kitty got upset because i wouldn't bring him out for a walk.

i couldn't stand it man, the three musketeers (Halia Tilda Tanda) were being irritating today! they would gather somewhere near me, staring at me, but when i get up and move towards them they'd all scatter in a sort of panic mode.

holy firetruck... it's the last day of the june holidays tomorrow. my holidays hadn't been the least bit enjoyable at all, so i really hope i could spend tomorrow in a way that's, uhm, far from wise.

 PLEEEEAAASE, o gosh...

pretty pretty please, with an axe to your throat?

solitude = sanity/insanity ?

solitude. happiness. put them together and you have a beautiful couple.

i mean, isn't it rare to have someone truly happy to be alone these days? sure, people are always saying how they'd like to be alone when they're upset, but it doesn't make them happy, doesn't it? they just want to be left on their own just so they could cry. right?

who would be truly happy being left in solitude these days? maybe for a while you'd think it's the best for you, but eventually you'd still seek interaction with other humans.

i hear that too much solitude can make one go insane, literally. solitude in terms of shutting one out from the rest of the world, and vice versa. it's like how one would go insane in a prison; a small, dark room.

perhaps it is the hallucinations that keep an insane person sane. imagining other humans in there with them keep their sanity under control when in fact they are already going mentally unstable. isn't that ironic?

maybe happiness is just a cover-up for the loneliness that's eating up your heart.

why the hell was i discussing that, you ask? *laughs*

then again being in a crowd could also prove fatal to your sanity, as evidenced by the way my head was throbbing when i was walking through the rivers of people at Ws earlier.

are some people afraid of crowds because they are afraid of the attention? are we paranoid that the whole world is watching us, mocking us silently?

or are we afraid that the crowds wouldn't notice a thing if we were to vanish on the spot? hmm. a million questions running through my head regarding the issue of solitude.

anyway, i had gone to the library, where i read my current book, which is this;

it's about the so-called "after-effects" of a party that had gotten out of hand. it's great thus far, drowned me real deeply. each time i guess who the rapist might be, i turn the page and there would be something that makes me doubt my guess. it's amazing!

well anyway, guess what? once this weekend is over, the new semester would be starting for us in secondary and primary schools. for once you don't feel so TGIF now, don't you?

feels strange to think of school, you know. right now the faces of some people from my school are flashing in my mind, and somehow, it feels strange. like, who on earth are those people? i mean, i know who they are but they seem like strangers. get it?

one thing for sure, though; i am definitely not looking forward to school. first thing that's gonna happen to me is i'd be called out in the morning for missing out on structured programme. wanna bet?

and i get the feeling that i won't be in the mood to clip up my fringe, so i'm probably gonna be called out for that too. *sigh* o well. oh, well, thou art so deep.

i'm living, but i am not alive.

the Morton's Fork.

it sucks to be waking up only to have the sun setting back down again. haven't been basking in the sun when it's at its highest for awhile now.

two things from my dream that stands out the most;

1. Asleah had came up to me and said, "join kita balik ah. semua orang nak kau datang balik sey."

2. i was with a boy, happily chatting with him til he suddenly changed to the douchebag. i repeated to myself, "no you're not him, you're not him," but he still didnt change back to whoever he originally had been.

a million meanings running through my head regarding these two segments, but... nah. won't be bogged down by those thoughts.

that aside i'd just gotten out of the showers and the sun is in my face. setting, but in my face. i don't have anything smart to say, well not yet anyway.

spent the wee hours of the morning texting Nicholas Jude, and he was really stumped by my latest act of utter stupidity. *sigh*

have you heard of the Morton's Fork? it's a pretty interesting thing, whereby its concept is just simply being in a situation with your only choices being equally suck-ish.

it's like being in a room, with only two doors. the one on the left leads you to flames that would hungrily devour you whole without a second thought, while the one on the right leads you to ice cold water that will just drown you if not freeze you to death.

it's like deciding between moving on or continuing to hold on. fall all the way down to the depths below the waterfall, or stay and continue holding on to that branch, til your arms feel like they're gonna fall off?

image courtesy of factfixx.com

i shall blog again later, hohum.*yawns* maybe i should just sleep the whole weekend away. renew some books that are due tomorrow, and then imma spend the next two days in the parallel world of 109.

maybe.

Angry

haven't we all been in this predicament?

heidiho mo Axis, miese bak. [109 language for hello my Axes, i am back. (spontaneous)] well anyway,  here are some pictures of the sky i took earlier.

i've not told you; i'd completed Annexed this afternoon. it made me cry, especially the part at the Death Camps. and hell yeah, i must admit to you, books set in the 1940's are really the best.

after renewing some books, i'd gone to the basketball court near my house just to tell me bro to call mom cos he hadn't been answering his calls. his friends looked scared when they saw me approaching.

know why i can't move on? because he saved my bloody life.

dude, why saved my life when you're gonna kill me again? it's happened so many times with you, you stupid douchebag. is it funny? is it a game that you enjoy? well you sure are good at this game. maybe because you're the only one who plays it.

i'm so pissed off right now! it's like it's like... it's like, bumping into some hooligans who were about to set fire to a kitty, and then you realise it was the kitty you abandoned some time ago because you couldnt take care of it or something, and so you bring home the kitty, love and care for it til it grows so attached and dependent on you and so one day when you decide to run away for some reason you set fire to the house with the kitty in it.

then you might as well let those hooligans kill the kitty! she wouldn't have died feeling betrayed. she would have just died ... hating those hooligans....

*silence* i am so... angry right now.

romance of two cameras...

once upon a time, in a corner of a camera shop of a small town in a little country... there lived a camera named Carmine.

Carmine was beautiful. she's just a simple compact camera, and not as big or valuable as the DSLRs she had seen in the shops, but the colour on her body; it glows brighter than any of the dull colours of those other cameras.

too bad for her though, because she never knew how beautiful she really was. she'd always been taking shots of the bigger and better cameras; she'd never seen herself look beautiful before.

the big cameras sometimes take photos of her too, but when they show the shots to her, the pictures are either too blurry or too dark. she hated all those other cameras for making her look ugly when she's always making them look beautiful and handsome.

"and they are the DSLRs," she mumbled to herself. "they're the ones who should be able to capture better photos!"

Carmine got devastated and sank further into the belief of her ugliness. there she sat, in the corner of the camera shop, believing with all her heart that she was an ugly camera.

one day, the owner of the shop plopped a camera next to her; one she had never seen before. he was a very ugly bright red, she had thought. one glance at him and she never bothered with him anymore.

he always took photos of her, though. this she ignored all the time because she believed that a boring camera like him wouldn't be able to make her look beautiful if the DSLRs weren't able to.

his name was Crimson, she soon learnt; and even if she did wanted to see the photos he took, he never allowed her to even glance at the shots. until one day when Carmine decided to snap a picture of him.

reluctantly, Crimson allowed a single shot to be taken by her. he didn't laugh; he showed a sad, meek smile as Carmine flashed her lens.

Carmine got a shock of her life. in the picture, the camera she had captured was the most beautiful she had ever seen. "he didn't even have to try! he just looked, and i'd gotten his beauty," she exclaimed. "not like those other big cameras. they all tried too hard to look good!"

one day, Crimson finally got the courage to show Carmine the photos he took of her. once again Carmine got a surprise to see the pictures; everything else was blurred apart from the little camera; her body glowed its carmine, making her stand out in all the pictures.

"these are beautiful!" she announces.

"you are beautiful," Crimson replied softly. he looked around the shop and added, "and nobody else knows so because they are busy thinking of their own beauty. i focused on you greatly; that is why i am able to easily portray your beauty in my lens."

"you're good-looking yourself," Carmine giggled. "all you had to do was look into my lens and i already saw how handsome you are."

and so they lived happily ever after, because along came a boy and a girl who bought them both because of their common liking for the colour red. *ahem*
______________________________________________
man that sure was impromptu.

moral of the story? there will come someone who will think you are so, so, so beautiful just by looking into your eyes, and can easily tell and show you the beauty you don't believe you have.

t'is my beautiful Carmine (;

come back soon! i'll blog again. hohum.

response to sofea AM3.

hello sofea (; ok i saw your mention to me, and the snapshot of my tweet in your profile, and boy do i have many things to say in response to that. (sorry but i don't know your real name, thus the simple address of your character's name)

 the snapshot of me tweet.

1. t'was just an innocent opinion, girl. i mean, you should know how twitter is full of remarks regarding the characters in AM3, right? yeah, that had just been one of mine. 

2. 'the characters that i dislike most'. i don't hate you, and i don't hate you. it's just the character. i hadn't mentioned your real name, aite? i don't know you. why should i hate you?

3. this just my opinion. you haven't read other comments that i'd seen about your character man. don't hit on me.

4. fact about me: i don't easily give my hate out to others that easily. love is the opposite of hate and i like to say "contradictions always have something in common". what do hate and love have in common? they're both strong feelings. i wouldn't give them out just like that. the only way to really make me hate you is if we know each other for years and i used to love you. which neither of them i've been through.

5. the most important response: i don't really care about attention. the only interest i have in being in the media is by being a journalist. i don't even like to act, so tell your fans please that i am not 'jealous' cause i don't get to act in shows. you can have all your attention, i don't really need or want any of that. i am fine the way i am.

now that all that is done, yeah. thank you for reading. i don't hate you man. i just dislike your character. honest opinion; innocent comment.

a story about pudding! ...TOO much pudding.

remember Teen Titans? t'is i borrowed from the library today, last minute. *grins* wonderful, innit?

my current book is this, though.

you know Anne Frank? well neither do i. but mom used to mention her all the time, that's why the name rung a bell when i read that on the cover. for all i understood, through mom, was that this girl kept a diary when she was hiding during the 'cleansing' of Jews or back in the 1940s or something.

i got to admit to you guys. books, in british english, are always best when they're set in the 1930's or 40's. i kind of enjoy books set in those times, namely The Double Shadow and this Annexed.

some books had also been set in the future before, but those in my opinion are not so good. they can be too far-fetched sometimes, what with the strange 'rules' made by the author, if you get what i mean? yes, in my opinion reading about the past is better than about an imagined future.

of course, in real life, personally i think it's better to imagine the future than reminisce the past.

that aside, i have a story which i suddenly remembered while reading in the library just now. about this rich Japanese dude who loves women.

he's rich, so his parents are quite traditional, that's why they tried to matchmake him with this really sweet girl. sweet... and also not his type because he likes "playful" girls, if you know what i mean.

thus, his dad tries to make him lose interest in all other girls, to make him be with this sweet young lady. know what he did? he smothered the dude with women, all kinds of women! a lot, like seriously a lot til even the dude got real sick and suffocated.

you see, when the dude was young, his father always brought him to eat pudding. he loved pudding so much that one day he announced to his father; "one day i want to eat a pudding THIS huge!" with his arms spread out wide apart.

his father being rich actually had a pudding specially made, bigger than what his son had wanted. not even halfway through the pudding, the dude started crying. "i can't eat anymore... i don't want to..." he bawled. and since then, dude had never eaten pudding anymore, not one bit.

no matter how much you love something, if you get too much of it you will get sick and tired.

don't you think your holidays had been like that? too much time on your hands right? if you had had real boring holidays it probably means you haven't done enough studying. because you love doing your own things, right?

yeah, continue la. in the future when you really have a lot of time on your hands; only then would you be totally sick of all the things you like to do. get it?

been taking pictures in black and white since last night, as you can see. the emotionless look. heh!

i've been thinking of piercing a third on my left ear. know what's my stupid reason? so that i can place 109 on my ear. i think that'd be beautiful !

the best thing that's happened to me.

remember this post?

sorry my Axes, but apparently i am still not over him. 

he really was the best thing that's ever happened to me. meeting with him, knowing his name, getting to be his one and only God sister, liking him for three years and being with him. really. best ride of my life.

if i continue talking about him i'd probably go into a far-away daze and start smiling, lost in the past.

it's difficult. it's really difficult; to move on, to forget. they say "forgive and forget", but why is the latter so hard to get done in contrast to the simplicity of the former? they don't go together now, don't they? especially if you love the person in question so much.

i can forgive him. i can, but i cant forget. only if he were to be here again, only then could i forgive him and forget; forget the way he had hurt me.

wow, guess what? i actually have 4,441 tweets as i am typing this. i still remember him being so obsessed with achieving 4,444 tweets back then. it was the day which we met after i ended my mid shift at EK, and we went to get pizza...

ugh, my Axes... it hurts! T.T

remember these?

oh aye, i forgot to tell you guys. that ring. back in april, i had ripped the chain off from around my neck and kicked the ring, well, somewhere. i've no idea where it is exactly, but it's around the area where he and i had shared our first kiss, nearly two years ago.

well now that my still-existent feelings for him have been publicised, i don't really have to be sneaky about it anymore, right? precious diary holds much uglier secrets though, but that's another story.

it really does hurt.

#20FactsAboutMe

since i am still far from slumber, i shall bring forth a trend from Twitter; #20FactsAboutMe. simple ones.

let's go aztecs let's go let's go!

01. i hate it when people call me photographer. because i am not. 

02. i like the colour pink, but because i'm almost always seen in black, people think that's my favourite colour.

03. my all-time favourite band is still Story of the Year.

04. i can't stand neatness to an extreme. i can be organised but put me into a room full of neatly arranged books, i'd probably start messing them up deliberately, especially if they all look similar. 

05. i'm always being told to smile more.

06. i used to watch a lot of anime, my favourite being Jigoku Shoujo.

07. i can be sexually vulgar whenever i want to. i entertain guys when they're being sick because i am sick in the mind too. 

08. i hadn't been working at EK for a while now (been about 4 months) because the last time i worked, i screwed up really bad and daren't show my face there since.

09. i collect notebooks as a hobby; writing in them is my passion.

10. i have a habit of not washing lent hoodies unless i was told by the lender to do so. 

11. i love to irritate the hell out of people but i get irritated easily. 

12. my w o r s t game addiction -- worse than my obsession with Alice:Madness Returns, Brave Story:New Traveler and Pokemon Ruby -- has got to be Final Fantasy Tactics on GBA. 

13. i really love the sun. 

14. i've been with the moniker 109 for more than three years already; way longer than any other nickies i'd had eg Aisara (2008-early 2009).

15. i like to think that i am inspiration for people who try to imitate me ie copycats. (and i get that a lot)

16. i used to write songs a lot, along with the choruses and bridge. only a few of them had had a proper tune and all. 

17. i've never done much to my hair other than a simple cut. i don't style it, i've never permed or rebonded, and i don't plan on dyeing or doing that chalking shit. 

18. i like my teeth despite their lack of straightness.

19. my birthday is in september. but dont wish me this year because i'm planning to spend my 17th alone.

20. i still think he's the best boy ever, in terms of best friend, brother, and boyfriend.

there we go. what are twenty facts about you?

lost in my own beliefs.

if i have a cat, i wouldn't name it after the douchebag lest i get a strong urge to abuse it.

his name is Hometown! my pak long says he's "Kucing Yang Paling Baik Dalam Dunia"; the most well-behaved cat in the world.

wanna see the most hardworking kitty in the world?

this the youngest of the bunch at Guilley. Dot, aka tanda. he pushes people away but in actual fact he just wants attention. likea Solitary Author.

my aunt shared me this video about a human frog baby, whereby it doesn't have the top of its skull, so its eyes protrude at the top of its head. therefore the name human frog. 

for some reason my nose kept itching earlier. i think it must be the environment; after all, six cats in a house...

so two days ago, on the Saturday. was chatting with them cousins Mayang and Ruzaidil when Maya told us about how a loud noise would be heard somewhere in August; this would cause about two third of the world's population to be wiped out.

she said that our Prophet was the one to have said that. thus... yeah, we were all scared.

to tell you the truth i am not a very religious person. yes, i do thank my God when i am grateful for something and i seek help from Him when i feel troubled. but no, i don't think i am considered religious. just being honest.

it's like i have my own religion. my own literary religious beliefs, stuff like the ones i've been sharing with you, like how dreams always have lessons etched in them, how life is like thisthisthis and thatthatthat. get it?

which reminds me; you know the feeling of recognising something that you're actually seeing for the first time? i kind of believe that it is something to do with your dreams. *grins*

i read this line in a book that i just completed reading today; "when there's a death, boundaries walk". up til now i've no idea what it means. what does it?

it was from "A Beautiful Place For A Murder", Berlie Doherty. it never explained the meaning. the narrator's mother had said it, and when he asked what it was supposed to mean, she told him to "think about it". what do you think?

well i think i'm gonna end my post here. hope i can crash at Syazana's place tomorrow.

yesterday.

kept laughing while taking that last shot!!! that's why i had to close my eyes, i couldn't stand it.