hourglasses are objects of the devil !

i'm studying, i'm studying! look!

apart from that, i am slacking in front of the computer screen and dancing (a summary of making random hand gestures and swinging around the computer chair) to enrique iglesias. one of the very few pop (or whatever genre it is) songs i like.

so, how had my day gone, you ask? i was like dadadoo when i suddenly received a text from Syamirul, saying he's already reaching the park. i was like HOLY FIRETRUCK! before making a mad dash to the showers and then speed drying my hair and taking big steps to the park.

miraculously i actually reached before him, you know.

wrote in my diary for awhile, listening to Of All These Yesterdays, before Syamirul arrived. talked for a bit, me getting angry at him for messing up the meeting time and making me rush like hell.

he sang Lucky for me, so sweet. had heard that song back in 2008. continued talking, about the usual stuff; life and its contents, before walking all the way back to DTE bus stop.

had walked back to ws after parting ways, and for some reason i found myself taking the train when i was actually feeling damn tired to go anywhere. ended up going to Urban Write to look at notebooks before leaving the place with a brand new dark blue pen.

went to the bus stop near the library (proof that i was mighty exhausted: i hadn't stepped in the library.) to wait for the bus, and guess what? i started daydreaming, and i ended up missing it when it finally came. sat there writing (and sulking, don't forget sulking) til the next one came.

made my way to elias mall where i bought milk tea. good old milk tea!

and as usual, i webcamwhored when i got back to the house.

my head and nose are currently itchy as hell.

what do you think of hourglasses? i was just telling Syamirul how i think hourglasses are objects of the devil. he took it literally to belief, but i was like, nah it's just another one of my weird opinions.

just imagine, hourglasses. what do you do with them? you watch the sand fall; you turn it around; you watch the sand fall; you turn it back around; you watch the sand fall once more.

in other words, it's making you deliberately waste your time. i mean come on la, don't you have better things to do? but no, the devil wants you to throw your precious seconds away doing something which ain't got a use. (unless you're reflecting on your mistakes while you stare at the sand, but that's another story)

so go back to your studying already!!! your distractions are your hourglasses. don't let your distractions mesmerize you. the outside world is a lot more beautiful than sand confined within glass.

o, do you guys realize something? humans are mesmerized by both nature and concrete. they get jakon when they see places with nature at its best, and they also get jakon with buildings that are constructed uniquely. it's what i observed anyway.

contradictions always have something in common, don't they? how ironic.

for example, water and fire can both kill, by drowning and burning, respectively. the flow of blood in your body means life. the flow of blood out of your body (if massive) leads to death. you get attention when you're pretty, you get attention when you're weird.

okay, you get my point. just sharing my views.

i love this.

well. the time now is 10:04 PM. we really need to get to sleep because there is school tomorrow, and for some of us; Mother Tongue O Levels. *deep breath* all the best, my dear Axes.

and don't waste your time staring at the sand fall anymore. look away from the hourglass and look at the outside world instead. for the rest of your fucking O Level exams.

for those taking MT O Levels tomorrow.

[Pengkhianatan yang berakhir dengan penyesalan]
_________________________________
Dialah satu-satunya anak kepada pasangan yang hampir sempurna itu. Mereka telah bercinta sejak kecil lagi dah telah menukarkan cincin yang diperbuat daripada kertas dengan satu sama lain pada masa mereka berumur tujuh tahun lagi. Semenjak itu, tidah pernah mata mereka meninggalkan keindahan yang terdapat dalam satu sama lain.

Anak perempuan mereka sudah berumur sembilan tahun dah sangat menyayangi ibu bapanya, serta sebaliknya. Walaupun masih kecil lagi, dia bersa bersyukur untuk menerima kasih sayang ibu bapanya seperti labah-labah cinta kepada telurnya. Walaupun tiada adik atau abang, dia berasa sungguh gembira berada dengan keluarganya.

Inilah latar belakang Yuki, murid perempuan yang sangat pendiam.

Ibu bapa Yuki mempunyai kerja yang stabil; mereka selalu membelikan mainan untuk anak mereka. Namun, Yuki tidak pernah berasa diabaikan oleh ibu bapanya kerana mereka tiga sering keluar bersama-sama pada setiap hujung minggu. Hidup Yuki sungguh mewah dan begitu sahaja, tetapi ibu bapa Yuki juga pandai mendisiplin anak mereka itu. Oleh itu, Yuki tidak pernah berfikir untuk ke arah jalan yang salah.

Namun, kebahagian Yuki tiba-tiba musnah pada satu hari yang sangat mengejutkan. Ibu Yuki telah membawanya keluar pada hujung minggu; tetapi, apa yang beza tentang hari itu ialah ketiadaan bapanya. Sebaliknya ibu Yuki membawanya berjump dengan lelaki dewasa lain.

Yuki tidak memahami kehadiran lelaki dewasa itu. Ibu Yuki sudah memberitahunya untuk menghormati lelaki itu, serta merahsiakan perjumpaan itu. Janji Yuki membuat ibunya sangat gembira, dibuktikan oleh senyum lebar yang diberi kepada anak perempuan kesayangannya.

Ibu bapa Yuki sering bergaduh selepas perjumpaan Yuki dengan lelaki dewasa itu. Frasa yang sering dijerit oleh ayahnya susah difahami Yuki; "hubungan sulit dengan jantan lain". Walaupun maknanya tidak diketahui, Yuki tahu bahawa itulah yang telah menyebabkan ibu bapanya bertengkar. Yuki sering mendengar ibunya menafikan segala-galanya.

Pada suatu malam, ibu Yuki tidak berada di rumah. Sebaliknya ayahnya yang hadir; Yuki pun berasa pelik lalu menelefon ibunya.

"Yuki," bisik suara ibunya yang sangat lembut, bercanggah dengan jeritan yang telah dilempar kepada ayahnya pada tempoh hari. "Yuki masih ingat dengan teman ibu yang Yuki telah berjumpa pada hari itu? Ibu berada di rumahnya sekarang. Yuki usah risau, ya?"

Sebelum ibunya meletak telefon, dia menambah, "Yuki jangan beritahu Ayah, ok sayang?"

Setelah Yuki mematikan panggilan itu, dia terus ke bilik ayahnya lalu memberitahu segala-galanya; tentang perjumpaannya dengan lelaki dewasa itu dan di mana ibunya sedang berada. Tidak pernah Yuki mengeluarkan bebannya seperti begitu. Ayahnya terkejut dengan kejujuran anaknya serta pembohongan isterinya.

Pada malam itu, Yuki telah tersadar daripada tidurnya. Ibu bapanya sedang bertengkar sekali lagi. Dia membuka pintu biliknya dan melihat kepada ibu bapanya; pasangan yang padanya sangat sempurna. Dia memberitahu dirinya bahawa ibu dan ayahnya ialah orang yang paling indah di dunia.

Tiba-tiba, ayahnya menunjuk jari ke arah Yuki. Dia menjerit, "Anak kita yang telah mendedahkan segala-galanya!"

Pada saat itu, Yuki berasa seperti revolusi bumi telah dihentikan. Ibunya pusing ke arahnya dengan rambut yang selekeh serta mata yang dibuka besar. Itulah kali pertama wajah ibunya telah menakutkannya.

Kini, Yuki sudah berumur tujuh belas tahun. Dia ingat lagi dengan memori tersebut. Ayahnya telah meninggalkan keluarga itu pada malam tersebut, dan semenjak itu, ibunya sering mendera Yuki apabila berasa tertekan, marah atau tanpa sebab. Yuki telah mencuba mendapat kembali kasih sayang ibunya, tetapi tidak pernah berjaya.

Yuki masih ingat akan jari ayahnya yang telah menunjuk kepadanya pada malam itu, lapan tahun yang lalu. Dia masih mempercayai bahawa pengkhianatannya itu telah memecah-belahkan keluarga yang sempurna itu. Dia pun sambung sahaja hidupnya dengan rasa serba salah dan penyesalannya.
_________________________
i'd gotten 27 out of 40 for this one. my latest karangan. and here are Cikgu Fatimah's comments.

(+) Jalan cerita yang menarik dan asli. Syabas!

(-) Elakkan imbuhan bagi semua perkataan. Imbuhan tidak boleh dipaksa kepada mana-mana perkataan. Perlu perbaiki hal ini. 

and one more tip for you guys, don't let your paper look like this:

it's already considered super messy. if you want to cancel, don't give so many strokes! just one will do. right through the middle. *slice slice*

i've got this set of notes that Cikgu Fatimah had given us back on wednesday. it's really useful, it elaborates with detail and example on the uses of the many kinds of imbuhan. i don't know if you've got it, but, uh, i hope you do. especially if your imbuhan is weak like mine.

and peribahasa, have you guys revised through yours? most of the phrases, if you use logic you should be able to understand the meanings.

for the imbuhan and cloze passage sections, remember to read through the passage before attempting any questions.

what about kefahaman? do you know the tricks to answer the questions? kefahaman is like the e-mails in paper 1; isi, huraian, contoh/bukti, for the 5m questions. read what exactly they want, and check your bahasa, remember it's one mark for that.

don't be careless, make sure you keep checking once you're done with your paper. don't sleep! and your paper 1, make sure you plan before you write. be quick with your planning but be patient with your actual writing. and don't switch topics halfway, it's a waste of time.

if you have no ideas what to write for your compo, just use some personal problems of yours or other people, but give false names if you do that. and don't take so long to think up names! just use the freaking names they gave in the e-mail section, done.

damn i'm like so concerned for my Axes. or maybe this just a reminder to myself.

well, it's tomorrow. our Mother Tongue O Level. not much can be done now, except mere glances at notes and previous compos you'd written. i hope i've given you guys a bit of confidence or something.

i hope i hadn't made you all more panicky.

that aside, a little something for my Axes who are taking their Mother Tongue O Levels tomorrow;

thank you for once again taking the time to read my bloggie. love you guys.
(although you guys are real quiet most of the time; if you get what i mean)

i told you my dreams always mean something.

good morning my Axes. i woke up with this song playing in my head.

guess what i'd dreamt of?

i was roaming around the country, and was spamming the foster brother with some texts, telling him about my whereabouts and all that, cause i was lost or something.

he replied after some time. he was asking, why wasn't i celebrating Hari Raya, because if i aint wrong it was around the time. i forgot what i'd said to that.

so i woke up, turned on my comp, and tried once again to send a message to him. wasn't expecting any reply, but he did. he had been busy with his exams .

cool right. i told you my dreams always link to reality in some way or another.

oh, i know, i know! i know what this dream means.

Hari Raya symbolizes exams. while he's there working hard for his, here i am doing some other stuff instead of studying.

i am doomed. i guess i am not ready for my O levels tomorrow.

childhood fears and webcamwhoring.

this is apparently my 1582nd post.

subtract my drafts which is a total of 6, and that will be the number of posts there are on this here bloggie. *congratulations*

i am currently pissed off. E'indah seems to really hate being in a car for many hours. she can stand being in her tiny little cupboard overnight, but not in a car. hmm. kay then.

so here we are, back in my sanctuary of my abode in Pasir Ris. 

somehow it feels like i'd been detached from earth for such a long time already. (then again, the dense person that i am, that could probably be true to a certain extent) since when had my dear old bloggie received so many views, and my very random "i like cats" tweet received so many retweets?

o but hey! guess what? both my maternal grandparents are gonna be sleeping over tonight!!!!!!

what are the things i'd bought from malaysia, you ask?

1. an hourglass. finally! had always wanted one. its sand is pink. truly beautiful. i couldnt stop playing with the one on display, and the nice salesgirl gave me a little discount, seeing that i liked it so much. sweet!

2. a bracelet. it's made of magnets, which i find to be absolutely cool .

3. a tee. it has a camera on the front and a little photographer splattered on the back. it's beautiful, although my first impression was "NO WAY, I AM NOT A PHOTOGRAPHER."

4. a voodoo doll. i dont know why actually. when i saw it i thought it looked really irritating, but i still found myself drawn to it. so i bought it. and this proved the powers that these creepy dolls have.

did you know that i am actually afraid of dolls? my childhood had still been full of them though, because mom never knew of my little fear.

you know the Baby Alive thingy? i fucking hate those, i tell you. i swear. i always avoid the girls section at Toys R Us because of those.

remember Chuckie? *deep breath* i have nothing to say about that. if you ask my maternal relatives, they all have stories about me, Chuckie, and high-pitched shrieks from a little girl in her mommy's arms.

i'd put a photo of him here, but... nah. i don't want to scare my Axes who are also afraid of him.

if you notice, most of my posts when i was on this trip had titles which sounds kind of off a horror movie, right? a little ghost story, devil in the house stalking me, running along an empty corridor in dead silence. what was i thinking.

that all aside, am meeting up with Syamirul tomorrow. i think i'll wear a little summery, flowy dress. i dont know, i feel like it. i want to look like a little girl again.

okay, i am so tired right now. shall end off the post with more of my random webcamwhore moments from back in the hotel.

enjoy .

aww. love you too my Axes.

don't you just love my bloody face? don't be jealous because i live with it everyday.

won't post that many cause i'm selfish and i don't want to share my bloody face with you all .

yes, yes darlings... love you too. 

i'm so damn irritating, right?

breakfast at the hotel lobby.

am currently at Myra Bistro, the little place by the corner of the lobby where guests eat their breakkie.

aku telah mengambil kesempatan untuk menggunakan kamera komputer riba aku. 

wow that sentence was horrible.

i like bread butter pudding.

running along the empty corridor in dead silence.

yet another after-midnight post.

heidiho there my Axes. i've just returned from the wedding reception. see my transformation from this;

to this!

hey it's a big leap. and there's my aunt there.

i met many of my third cousins at this wedding reception. the bride is my relative, and i find her little brother really cute. he's around my age, maybe a little older? each time i looked at him he would be dancing, and it was just beyond adorable.

the two guys who were singing (damn i hadn't caught their group name), their vocals were truly admirable. each time the guy in white hit a high note, my goosebumps would literally stand up!

i loved the fact that they were able to sing any song suggestion that we tossed at them. when everyone else was clearing out, i had moved myself to a little table and looked at them play through-out, ignoring and shutting out the chaos around me.

i just came back from another little trip down to the lobby. this time what made me different was the fact that i was in bermudas and no hoodie. so E'indah-ish. aren't you proud of me?

so the room that we're staying on is right at the end of the third level, and that little corridor that we have to pass by every time is always deadly silent. i told myself i would run along the lane, all the way to our room, so that was what i did immediately upon stepping out the lift.

guess what, halfway through running there, i realised i was on the wrong floor. the carpet for the second and third storeys were apparently contrastingly different, and i had to run back all the way before waiting for the lift again, all in the freaking dead silence.

it was damn nerve-wrecking i tell ya.

back on the third storey, ran all the way to our room, laughing out breaths, and then banging on the front door, forgetting that i had the bloody keycard with me.

yes, absolutely nerve-wrecking.

i'd caught the sunset! and a little birdie that was hanging around the window earlier.

and Little Devil still stalking me. the Little Devil perfectly captured my suffering from innui, awaiting that little text from that precious foster brother.

that all aside, i've been missing my milk tea.and been really webcamwhoring a lot during this trip. maybe because i have to wait for the wi-fi signal to come again all the time.

i listened to some Daniel Powter today. and i tried listening to Payphone. honestly, i don't really like it. o well. the world is the world. and me is me.

see some other random photos of the day:

this last photo seems to be standing out among the rest, for some weird reason. but i find it worth sharing. look at my left eye!

so anyway. shall update once more during breakkie tomorrow. most likely my aunt and uncle would linger in the bistro chatting away, so i'll use the time to blog.

thank you very much, my Axes, for finding the time to read this precious little bloggie of mine. a very goudennate to all of you, til our next heidiho. 

devil in the house stalking me.

okay. am at the lobby now, with secure and stable wi-fi signal. shall now blog away.

so! what am i actually doing in malaysia, you ask? we'd been invited to a dinner tonight. an engagement dinner. it's at 8 tonight, which is why we're all still pretty much still slacking.

aunt and uncle had gone to her company to take some supplies, and so here i am in the lobby making use of the free wi-fi.

had ordered hawaiian pizza before i left, and i must say, i really made a fool out of myself through the room service telephone.

so, yesterday. the Zon. had explored the attached shopping mall, and then met up with my aunt who bought herself a pair of shoes. i'd wanted to get a few chocolates for the foster brother but most of them were pretty costly.

the last time i'd been at the Zon was two years ago, and i still remember the place considerably well. mom had bought me a purple dress then. and we had stayed at the hotel. want to see some pictures of 2010 now?

i really liked this weird stain on the carpet of the room my aunt was staying in !

and then the now;

 as for today, i'd had breakkie at the hotel, before slacking at the room for a bit. aunt and uncle left to go to the company thingy, and then i started singing at the top of my lungs. i even recorded myself!

had sat at the sink in the toilet, camwhoring with myself for a bit, and still singing some sad songs with a happy tune. eventually i got bored, and that was when i called for room service.

when my pizza came, i totally forgot the phrase "charge to the room", and i actually told the guy, "can i not pay now? i'll pay together with the hotel." he looked stumped for a bit, before getting what i'd wanted to say, and then he was like, "yes ma'am it is up to you, you can either pay by cash or charge the bill to your room.", emphasis on the phrase that he was aware i'd forgotten.

there were eight slices, but it still hadn't seemed enough.

and look, i've got a little devil in the hotel room stalking me.

still stalking me.

and so here i am in the lobby, looking damn serious but actually webcamwhoring away.

i am still bored, man.

and still worried about the sudden disappearance of foster brother.

have i told you there's mocha flavoured milo here? it's awesome!

still bored.

still worried.

and you know. i sort of miss being somebody's baby. in terms of parents and boyfriend. admittedly. i'd been on my own for so long already. o well. as i'd said so many times before; in this life, we will always be alone.

"you will never be alone" my ass.
"believe it or not i'm not gonna leave you anymore" his ass.

so i await my white tadpole to come and melt the steel that's wrapped so damn tightly around my heart. melt or break or whatever. depends on his strength.

it's like this; between the willow and the oak tree, the one that will eventually snap and break in the storm would be the oak tree, while the willow continues to gently breeze in the wind. 

so maybe my white tadpole is gonna be someone who's like me. emotional like hell on the inside.

i love him. i love my white tadpole.

quick! update!

damn the wi-fi here is so unreliable, it's damn insecure. shall make a really quick move now that the signal's here. or maybe i'll go down to the lobby later to play.

have no idea what are my plans for today. shall i go exploring or just sit at the lobby on the comp? i dont know.

hmmmmm. what shall i do?