Diary of the coldest heart

The few months with her have been the best for me.
Nothing lasts forever.
And so doesn't our complicated yet unique relationship.

I love everything about her. From her smile to the way she sleeps... Simply everything.

I love her hair. How it flows in the wind as if she's a female movie star or something. I love her lips. God, I feel as if I could kiss them 24/7 even if it meant my lips would be swollen and bleeding. I really don't care; I just want her lips on mine all the time.

I love the bracelets on her left hand. Full of memories and gratitude. It's nice to know I belong somewhere. I love the way she giggles; everytime she does, all my problems would go away just like that. I love her lame jokes because they make me forget everything.

If we'd known each other longer I would have fallen for her. Maybe I already did, but unfortunately it's too late.

I want to say I'm sorry for all the mistakes I've done to her. I won't be surprised if she doesn't text me anymore because I feel like I've been a burden to her. She says she appreciates it but I don't know if she meant it.

I've not been the best person to her but I'll always be there for her. That's all I can do.

Deep down I don't want her to go but I'm sure she has her reasons. I just hope she remembers to be happy. I love her.

____

I never thought I'd have power to break people's hearts; apparently I do. I'm well aware when I hurt someone even if I look like I don't care about their feelings.

Whenever I break someone's heart, I give up a part of mine as well, never to be gained back. I've symbolised a few people I've hurt through my piercings, even if they were the ones who left me, just to show that their feelings meant something to me.

And in the last week, I learnt that people who left are sometimes more affected by it than we are.

I have a lot more to say to this block of ice but I feel like there's no use because I can't get through his barrier anymore. He claims he loves the cold, so obviously he doesn't need my presence. Even if he wants warmth, I'm not his for him to rely on forever; I'm not the only flame in the world.

We can't click because he can't accept the truth, my honest opinion about his relationship with the outside world. He doesn't accept that there are people who think differently from him, and that's why he's better off alone, even if he hides the fact that he doesn't like the solitude.

Maybe he doesn't even need a flame. Maybe all he needs is another block of ice, one that's willing to stay cold with him forever. As much as I hate him, I'm not gonna remain cold just to pass on the negativity. I'd rather go away and give my warmth to someone else.