been searching the whole house for the freaking post its that nazriq had bought some months ago but hadnt use. i failed, but i found so many other kind of things. stationary that he hadnt used, and old photos/letters off my years in primary sch.
anyway, i am so damn bored now.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
second attempt.
i'm so tired now! damn, had a lot of fun.
so today, the dream i was having about The Boy had been interrupted by nazriq who had to come along and wake me up cause he wanted to go out eat. so went to ws to eat Kfc before going to the library to do a little bit of homework.
when we got home, i suddenly had this urge to go out cycling, so that was what we ended up doing. brought along his bike, and then made our way to PRP to rent one for me.
a lot funny shit as always, too tired to go into details!
that was my second independent cycling, and second try going to prp without being affected by the memories. i'm still a failure at the latter.
gonna be doing my homework now, and then a bit of self-studying. E'indah kata, "kalau awak tak buat kerja rumah, awak jangan nak pergi menjelajah!" chey, Melayu sey.
hope.
had a nap. and i dreamt of The Boy himself.
you all know how much i take my dreams seriously. this one just adds to my amount of hope i've put on his coming back. and yes, he's going to come back. he's definitely coming back.
you all know how much i take my dreams seriously. this one just adds to my amount of hope i've put on his coming back. and yes, he's going to come back. he's definitely coming back.
a dream of the least expected.
so i dreamt this morning, and it made me wake up at 1.24 am.
someone had brought me to the zoo, can you guess who it was? we were walking toward this wall that had the word Zoo on it, and then he told me to jump over it cause that's the only way in, so i did, right after him.
an orang utan was also jumping in at the same time, and we must have shocked the shit out it cause it placed a hand over its heart and stared at us wide-eyed. and then it smiled and bowed, gesturing into the zoo with the welcome look.
i had said thank you to it, and then he took my hand and brought me to the glass, where there were two women playing with this cheetah. i remember very clearly it was a cheetah.
at first it had looked bored, watching the two women cooing over it. then one of them attempted to pat it, and that was when i had said to the boy i was with, "hey, it doesn't look too happy."
the cheetah, who had been lying down, started to sit up. the women continued to coo over it, and i saw it frown. i started saying to the boy i was with, "eh, eh. it looks angry. it looks angry!"
the big cat started pacing menacingly towards the women, and the woman who had tried to pat him earlier started to look scared as well, and she and the other were walking backwards.
i saw the cheetah pounce on her, and that was when i whipped my head around so i wouldn't see anything.
i started screaming, "i don't want to see anything! she's going to die!" and then i wouldn't stop screaming, not even when the boy i was with held me in his arms. i was wriggling away trying to squirm my way out of his grip, screaming non-stop about not wanting to see anything.
eventually my screams started to get covered by that of the women.
i remember being very scared. i covered my eyes and kept screaming til i saw an exit at the corner of my eye, and i immediately dashed out, and guess what i yelled at that moment?
can't remember my exact words, but i had yelled out something about not wanting 'Irfan noorhalim there, but The Boy.
get it? so, this dream hadn't consisted of The Boy. only his freaking twin bro. but it still made me cry.
someone had brought me to the zoo, can you guess who it was? we were walking toward this wall that had the word Zoo on it, and then he told me to jump over it cause that's the only way in, so i did, right after him.
an orang utan was also jumping in at the same time, and we must have shocked the shit out it cause it placed a hand over its heart and stared at us wide-eyed. and then it smiled and bowed, gesturing into the zoo with the welcome look.
i had said thank you to it, and then he took my hand and brought me to the glass, where there were two women playing with this cheetah. i remember very clearly it was a cheetah.
at first it had looked bored, watching the two women cooing over it. then one of them attempted to pat it, and that was when i had said to the boy i was with, "hey, it doesn't look too happy."
the cheetah, who had been lying down, started to sit up. the women continued to coo over it, and i saw it frown. i started saying to the boy i was with, "eh, eh. it looks angry. it looks angry!"
the big cat started pacing menacingly towards the women, and the woman who had tried to pat him earlier started to look scared as well, and she and the other were walking backwards.
i saw the cheetah pounce on her, and that was when i whipped my head around so i wouldn't see anything.
i started screaming, "i don't want to see anything! she's going to die!" and then i wouldn't stop screaming, not even when the boy i was with held me in his arms. i was wriggling away trying to squirm my way out of his grip, screaming non-stop about not wanting to see anything.
eventually my screams started to get covered by that of the women.
i remember being very scared. i covered my eyes and kept screaming til i saw an exit at the corner of my eye, and i immediately dashed out, and guess what i yelled at that moment?
can't remember my exact words, but i had yelled out something about not wanting 'Irfan noorhalim there, but The Boy.
get it? so, this dream hadn't consisted of The Boy. only his freaking twin bro. but it still made me cry.
Friday, March 30, 2012
hide and seek.
oily marks appear on walls, where pleasure moments hung before this takeover, this sweeping insensitivity.
i have not seen The Boy's face for nearly two months now. part of me wants it to remain that way and more, another part of me wants to see him more than anything else.
i'm scared of how i'd react. currently he ain't even in singapore (information from 'Irfan noorhalim) so i'm safe for now, i guess.
safe from what, you ask?
Aran. /the Man at the Taxi Stand
so today i had decided to stay in class during class, and coincidentally jia yao, yao wei, wei liat, manfred and daniel were doing maths in class as well. was kinda sleeping when wei liat started singing, and at one point he sang out my name with the Nur as well.
turned and looked at him, and then he was like, "Nur E'indah.... come join our clique~" believe it or not that had made me smile so widely and genuinely.
along came ms adimah to kick us all out cause aft all we hadnt been supposed to be there during recess. was walking along the lane towards the stairs by audio lib, when i heard yao wei calling my name.
stopped and turned, then he and jia yao were like, "eh want come sit and eat with us or not?" i was like wide-eyed, and he just gave me this nod that meant, like, Go on. so i gave a slight nod, and then he was like, "come ah."
walked over to them and was like, "-.- are you serious?" and then jia yao was like, "i'm serious, i am dead serious." and i was like WOAH.
so yeah, jia yao led me to their table where cedric, chengyong and shangyi were already at. i stood there awkwardly and then cedric looked up at me and was like, "eh, sit down ah."
chengyong was like, "what happened? something happened in your clique? they give you problems ah?" so i was like, "nah, none of that. i was the one who decided to leave."
and he and cedric really listened to me sey, like, wow. aww. been eons since i last had a proper conversation with them, esp cedric whom i've been classmates with in sec 1, 2 and 3. those were the days.
rayner sat opposite me as he ate, and then i asked him, "so why did jia yao and yao wei suddenly invited me to sit with you guys?"
so the explanation: nicholas had told them that he didnt want me to be lonely, so he had asked the guys to invite me sit and eat with them during recess.
and then rayner added: "so the keyword is. eat. sit with us, and eat. why havent you ate anything -.-?"
when walking back to class, syazana came along and started telling about what she'd heard at the general office, and then yao wei was like, "eh syazana go away ah, you not our clique!" that made me O.O does that mean i am?
and then during english, when ms adimah had asked me where's my paper, jia yao was like, "eh e'indah now my friend. whoever disturb her i will whack", something like that.
when he was saying that, he was like walking past pearl and asleah and i was like O shit why did he have to say that right there dammit.
but still, kind of sweet. texted nicholas telling him how lovely i thought the people in his clique really are. saw him after school across the road, had wanted to go over but didnt know whether to jaywalk or not, so ended up just waving.
and then it was my solitary escapade.
went to bedok again, which made it three days in a row now. here's what i have noticed.
at the taxi stand of bedok town centre, you will see an old man. this man, if you were to give him a little something, he would give you back twicefold.
go and see for yourself, he's been there the past 3 days that i visited the neighbourhood. i think i'm going to make a video about him one day. when i get a really good camcorder/DSLR that can record.
anyway. i have planned a lot more stuff for the music video to Re:The World Calling. i must say, i am pretty excited about this one, although i'm still scared at the fact that most of the filming is at PRP, the place i fear the most right now.
this one has no deadline, but i still ain't gonna take my time. as mr syafie said this afternoon, who knows if Angel of Death decides to pay an abrupt visit.
o and, wai kit said my current Fb pic is nice and, believe it or not he had used the word chiobu. kay three things surprise me.
1. i thought chiobu means something bad?
2. you calling me pretty bruh?
3. who uses that word nowadays?
still flattering though, but then again. kalaulah.
turned and looked at him, and then he was like, "Nur E'indah.... come join our clique~" believe it or not that had made me smile so widely and genuinely.
along came ms adimah to kick us all out cause aft all we hadnt been supposed to be there during recess. was walking along the lane towards the stairs by audio lib, when i heard yao wei calling my name.
stopped and turned, then he and jia yao were like, "eh want come sit and eat with us or not?" i was like wide-eyed, and he just gave me this nod that meant, like, Go on. so i gave a slight nod, and then he was like, "come ah."
walked over to them and was like, "-.- are you serious?" and then jia yao was like, "i'm serious, i am dead serious." and i was like WOAH.
so yeah, jia yao led me to their table where cedric, chengyong and shangyi were already at. i stood there awkwardly and then cedric looked up at me and was like, "eh, sit down ah."
chengyong was like, "what happened? something happened in your clique? they give you problems ah?" so i was like, "nah, none of that. i was the one who decided to leave."
and he and cedric really listened to me sey, like, wow. aww. been eons since i last had a proper conversation with them, esp cedric whom i've been classmates with in sec 1, 2 and 3. those were the days.
rayner sat opposite me as he ate, and then i asked him, "so why did jia yao and yao wei suddenly invited me to sit with you guys?"
so the explanation: nicholas had told them that he didnt want me to be lonely, so he had asked the guys to invite me sit and eat with them during recess.
and then rayner added: "so the keyword is. eat. sit with us, and eat. why havent you ate anything -.-?"
when walking back to class, syazana came along and started telling about what she'd heard at the general office, and then yao wei was like, "eh syazana go away ah, you not our clique!" that made me O.O does that mean i am?
and then during english, when ms adimah had asked me where's my paper, jia yao was like, "eh e'indah now my friend. whoever disturb her i will whack", something like that.
when he was saying that, he was like walking past pearl and asleah and i was like O shit why did he have to say that right there dammit.
but still, kind of sweet. texted nicholas telling him how lovely i thought the people in his clique really are. saw him after school across the road, had wanted to go over but didnt know whether to jaywalk or not, so ended up just waving.
and then it was my solitary escapade.
went to bedok again, which made it three days in a row now. here's what i have noticed.
at the taxi stand of bedok town centre, you will see an old man. this man, if you were to give him a little something, he would give you back twicefold.
go and see for yourself, he's been there the past 3 days that i visited the neighbourhood. i think i'm going to make a video about him one day. when i get a really good camcorder/DSLR that can record.
anyway. i have planned a lot more stuff for the music video to Re:The World Calling. i must say, i am pretty excited about this one, although i'm still scared at the fact that most of the filming is at PRP, the place i fear the most right now.
this one has no deadline, but i still ain't gonna take my time. as mr syafie said this afternoon, who knows if Angel of Death decides to pay an abrupt visit.
o and, wai kit said my current Fb pic is nice and, believe it or not he had used the word chiobu. kay three things surprise me.
1. i thought chiobu means something bad?
2. you calling me pretty bruh?
3. who uses that word nowadays?
still flattering though, but then again. kalaulah.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
septembers.
changed my blog song. i kind of think this is a sorta-like 'angry' song. anyway, i feel like it, so let's talk about all the Septembers in my life that i can remember.
2011.
first ever sleepover involving friends from sch, breathing difficulties with the then boyfriend, all-out bonding with the classmates.
2010.
still the very happy person i was. loved everyone in the clique so much. had the douchebaggest douchebagic douchebag as my brother. found a new hobby in walking. tried to tell The Boy my feelings for him on my 15th birthday. failed. miserably.
2009.
14th birthday with the then ultimate best friend. admitted crush on The Boy. wrote many songs about it but didnt say a word.
AH, GODDAMMIT, YOU SEE. everything involves the douchebag. dammit. this sucks. life sucks indeed. sadness won't dissolve. eyes won't dry out of tears. brain won't forget. memories won't erase. ghosts won't go away. The Boy doesn't die.
had a sudden flashback earlier. i saw, in my head, 'Irfan noorhalim, the D-cube and i standing in this little circle, and 'Irfan was screaming, "i'm so ashamed to be your twin brother!"
it was a flashback. maybe it was a dream, i dont know. just a sudden recollection, but i have no idea where it had originally came from.
a book! about The Boy. so the world can know my story without knowing my name.
ah, dammit. i think i shall change my blog song each day, depending on my mood.
i think i am going to sleep now. eyelids are heavy, but only God knows if i end up staying up wide awake til 1 am despite literally going to bed 3 hours before. so damn unpredictable.
anyway, about the september in 2010 thing. yeah, i had tried telling him i like him. we were lying down at the top of 500A as always, on the 20th, one day after my birthday.
when he had to go, i had decided to stay, so we parted ways after giving one last hug. when he was gone, i looked at my phone. had one of the notes on my main screen, saying: "i shall tell him on my 15th birthday."
at that moment, i suddenly had had all the courage in the world.
i looked down, and there he was, going down the carpark stairs. i had called out to him, i had called out his name. unfortunately he had his headphones on, and for all i remember he had been blasting his metal the whole time.
yeah. unfortunately. for me.
imagine how things would have turned out instead, if i had told him then.
until now, i really regret having not ran down after him that day. one of my biggest mistakes in life.
i just received a letter from the NLB, and guess what? i have got fines for overdue books. which shocked me, since i'd always returned my books way on time.
all this while i had been denied the borrowing of one more book which i'm actually supposed to be allowed, and now i know why. but the thing that frustrates me right now is, the book which had caused me all this problems with the library is the book that asleah had borrowed under my name some eons ago.
i'm damn frustrated right now, pissed even. had reminded her so many times, and on the due day itself she told me she had returned it already. and yesterday, i asked her again, she said yeah she returned. so why the hell is the book in the list of overdue items under my name?
okay yeah i'm damn pissed now. better go pay the fines soon so i can borrow more books.
i had told you guys that i was going to sleep, 20 minutes ago.
2011.
first ever sleepover involving friends from sch, breathing difficulties with the then boyfriend, all-out bonding with the classmates.
2010.
still the very happy person i was. loved everyone in the clique so much. had the douchebaggest douchebagic douchebag as my brother. found a new hobby in walking. tried to tell The Boy my feelings for him on my 15th birthday. failed. miserably.
2009.
14th birthday with the then ultimate best friend. admitted crush on The Boy. wrote many songs about it but didnt say a word.
AH, GODDAMMIT, YOU SEE. everything involves the douchebag. dammit. this sucks. life sucks indeed. sadness won't dissolve. eyes won't dry out of tears. brain won't forget. memories won't erase. ghosts won't go away. The Boy doesn't die.
had a sudden flashback earlier. i saw, in my head, 'Irfan noorhalim, the D-cube and i standing in this little circle, and 'Irfan was screaming, "i'm so ashamed to be your twin brother!"
it was a flashback. maybe it was a dream, i dont know. just a sudden recollection, but i have no idea where it had originally came from.
a book! about The Boy. so the world can know my story without knowing my name.
ah, dammit. i think i shall change my blog song each day, depending on my mood.
i think i am going to sleep now. eyelids are heavy, but only God knows if i end up staying up wide awake til 1 am despite literally going to bed 3 hours before. so damn unpredictable.
anyway, about the september in 2010 thing. yeah, i had tried telling him i like him. we were lying down at the top of 500A as always, on the 20th, one day after my birthday.
when he had to go, i had decided to stay, so we parted ways after giving one last hug. when he was gone, i looked at my phone. had one of the notes on my main screen, saying: "i shall tell him on my 15th birthday."
at that moment, i suddenly had had all the courage in the world.
i looked down, and there he was, going down the carpark stairs. i had called out to him, i had called out his name. unfortunately he had his headphones on, and for all i remember he had been blasting his metal the whole time.
yeah. unfortunately. for me.
imagine how things would have turned out instead, if i had told him then.
until now, i really regret having not ran down after him that day. one of my biggest mistakes in life.
i just received a letter from the NLB, and guess what? i have got fines for overdue books. which shocked me, since i'd always returned my books way on time.
all this while i had been denied the borrowing of one more book which i'm actually supposed to be allowed, and now i know why. but the thing that frustrates me right now is, the book which had caused me all this problems with the library is the book that asleah had borrowed under my name some eons ago.
i'm damn frustrated right now, pissed even. had reminded her so many times, and on the due day itself she told me she had returned it already. and yesterday, i asked her again, she said yeah she returned. so why the hell is the book in the list of overdue items under my name?
okay yeah i'm damn pissed now. better go pay the fines soon so i can borrow more books.
i had told you guys that i was going to sleep, 20 minutes ago.
Bedok lib with Cousie
so today. had went on my solitary escapade to Bedok as mentioned. and guess what? met up with Mayang cousie!
the freaking Programme Room, its door is like, unnoticeable, and i thought they were automatic. apparently they were not so i had stood there like some dumb moron waiting for christmas.
its door seemed to camouflage with the rest, it's like a piece of glass with no handles or 'push' label. how would i have known? only when i saw a live demonstration was i like OH!
had warned Cousie beforehand, cause i know how blurblock she can be as well sometimes.
the freaking table we had sat at was freaking squeaky, and the room was really quiet so we had been damn careful with every little movement. had laughed a lot, just like old times.
damn i missed her so much. heh.
borrowed books, before making our way to kfc to have our dinner tgt. met up with my mom, and then eons later parted and here we are.
had been given detention today, but i hadnt gone cause mr syafie always seems to forget. and then during humans, had debated with mrs sherri. yeah, i hadnt gotten what she meant. but she hadnt gotten what i meant either. o well.
i'm kinda impressed with my own reading speed these days. i'd started Me, the Missing, and the Dead this morning and completed it within a few hours. and tomorrow morning, or maybe even tonight, i would start on Split.
want to hear something?
once i, chuang tsu, dreamt i was a butterfly, fluttering here and there; in all ways a butterfly. i enjoyed my freedom as a butterfly, not knowing i was chuang tsu. suddenly i awoke and was surprised to be myself again. now, how can i tell whether i am a man who dreamt that he was a butterfly, or whether i am a butterfly who dreams that he is a man?
means a lot, doesnt it. a quote by Chuang Tsu, had been written at the beginning of Split.
aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. o yeah, i'm still calling you Douche.
the freaking Programme Room, its door is like, unnoticeable, and i thought they were automatic. apparently they were not so i had stood there like some dumb moron waiting for christmas.
its door seemed to camouflage with the rest, it's like a piece of glass with no handles or 'push' label. how would i have known? only when i saw a live demonstration was i like OH!
had warned Cousie beforehand, cause i know how blurblock she can be as well sometimes.
the freaking table we had sat at was freaking squeaky, and the room was really quiet so we had been damn careful with every little movement. had laughed a lot, just like old times.
borrowed books, before making our way to kfc to have our dinner tgt. met up with my mom, and then eons later parted and here we are.
had been given detention today, but i hadnt gone cause mr syafie always seems to forget. and then during humans, had debated with mrs sherri. yeah, i hadnt gotten what she meant. but she hadnt gotten what i meant either. o well.
i'm kinda impressed with my own reading speed these days. i'd started Me, the Missing, and the Dead this morning and completed it within a few hours. and tomorrow morning, or maybe even tonight, i would start on Split.
want to hear something?
once i, chuang tsu, dreamt i was a butterfly, fluttering here and there; in all ways a butterfly. i enjoyed my freedom as a butterfly, not knowing i was chuang tsu. suddenly i awoke and was surprised to be myself again. now, how can i tell whether i am a man who dreamt that he was a butterfly, or whether i am a butterfly who dreams that he is a man?
means a lot, doesnt it. a quote by Chuang Tsu, had been written at the beginning of Split.
aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. o yeah, i'm still calling you Douche.
gonna ciao.
sometimes i really detest myself for not being able to get straight to the point. i tend to go around the bush especially when sharing something like my sadness, or pain.
anyways, this is just a quick update, going to Bedok library now. being drowned in paragraphs written by other authors are eons better than being engulfed by my own feelings.
and, being lost on a solitary escapade is eons better than being on your own in a place where you expect to have all your familiarities with you.
i really am on the verge of giving up. really.
but not yet.
for now.
anyways, this is just a quick update, going to Bedok library now. being drowned in paragraphs written by other authors are eons better than being engulfed by my own feelings.
and, being lost on a solitary escapade is eons better than being on your own in a place where you expect to have all your familiarities with you.
i really am on the verge of giving up. really.
but not yet.
for now.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
the things that make me happy.
heidiho.
i met up with my maternal grandfather today, and we ate at The Chicken Rice Shop @Bedok Point. i've always loved the way he laughs, and once again, i felt so happy that i'm sad.
had went to the library at Bedok, and damn. i wanna go there again tmrw. hadnt been able to borrow any books, so i sped read King of the Screwups and returned it, enabling my card to borrow one more book, heh.
had spent eons around the fiction section, carefully choosing the book that i really really wanna borrow. finally decided on Creature of the Night, and was just about to check out that book, when i caught a glimpse of another.
i was like HOLY SHIT! guess what the book is? it's Brave Story!
*far-away gaze* back in the days, when i was barely thirteen... when i still had that beautiful PSP the colour of the goldest gold i had ever seen. Brave Story had been the game. damn, i had loved that very game so much!
but the beautiful PSP just had to disappear.
and the last that i had heard from my character had been, like, 4 years ago.
so yeah, had ended up borrowing that book instead, after returning the previous one to where i had found it. walked outta the library a happy little girl.
yeah, surface-wise.
gonna go back there tmrw, maybe to do my homework as well. that makes me happy (surface-wise), to be alone at a table that i have all to myself. i so dislike sharing tables, and i have no idea why, kinda. guess i just like the personal space.
what else makes me happy? cats. especially those 6 felines at guilley, good ole guilley. and yes, guilley makes me happy as well, the people there, cause they all regard my presence.
writing. writing makes me happy, even though what i am writing about are the saddest things ever. the irony of writing.
walking. i leave home feeling downright horrible, and on those walks i'd start thinking of sad things and start going depressed, but at the end of it, i unlock the gates of my house feeling happier than i was before.
and i just like to explore places where i've never been. that seems to be smth i've been doing a lot lately. gonna explore bedok tmrw, hopefully i wont get lost cause i dont know any friend who lives in the district.
i'm not going to mention people, because the title of this post is things that make me happy. not people. and anyway, you axes should know really well who would really make me truly happy right now.
been sighing a lot lately. i mean, who doesnt right?
God.
i met up with my maternal grandfather today, and we ate at The Chicken Rice Shop @Bedok Point. i've always loved the way he laughs, and once again, i felt so happy that i'm sad.
had went to the library at Bedok, and damn. i wanna go there again tmrw. hadnt been able to borrow any books, so i sped read King of the Screwups and returned it, enabling my card to borrow one more book, heh.
had spent eons around the fiction section, carefully choosing the book that i really really wanna borrow. finally decided on Creature of the Night, and was just about to check out that book, when i caught a glimpse of another.
i was like HOLY SHIT! guess what the book is? it's Brave Story!
*far-away gaze* back in the days, when i was barely thirteen... when i still had that beautiful PSP the colour of the goldest gold i had ever seen. Brave Story had been the game. damn, i had loved that very game so much!
but the beautiful PSP just had to disappear.
and the last that i had heard from my character had been, like, 4 years ago.
so yeah, had ended up borrowing that book instead, after returning the previous one to where i had found it. walked outta the library a happy little girl.
yeah, surface-wise.
gonna go back there tmrw, maybe to do my homework as well. that makes me happy (surface-wise), to be alone at a table that i have all to myself. i so dislike sharing tables, and i have no idea why, kinda. guess i just like the personal space.
what else makes me happy? cats. especially those 6 felines at guilley, good ole guilley. and yes, guilley makes me happy as well, the people there, cause they all regard my presence.
writing. writing makes me happy, even though what i am writing about are the saddest things ever. the irony of writing.
walking. i leave home feeling downright horrible, and on those walks i'd start thinking of sad things and start going depressed, but at the end of it, i unlock the gates of my house feeling happier than i was before.
and i just like to explore places where i've never been. that seems to be smth i've been doing a lot lately. gonna explore bedok tmrw, hopefully i wont get lost cause i dont know any friend who lives in the district.
i'm not going to mention people, because the title of this post is things that make me happy. not people. and anyway, you axes should know really well who would really make me truly happy right now.
been sighing a lot lately. i mean, who doesnt right?
God.
what. where. who. WHY.
i have got homework to do.
why tell you, you ask? just sharing. what's stopping me from doing my homework? myself.
when you guys read my bloggie, dont you guys feel like, malas nak layan? all i ramble on and on abt is The Boy here. i dont even talk abt MBWOE in my personal diaries as much as this.
the other time, kak siti was like, "you have a boyfriend, right?"
i was like, "we broke up."
and then she was like, "aw man, come on, you deserve better than that."
do i? but i'm an immature brat. no other guys had put up with my childishness the way he had all these years. ugh, dammit dammit dammit. no no no. what the fuck, E'indah.
E'indah, or isit Nadhie? now you fear looking into mirrors, not because of what you'll see behind you, but because of what you'll see inside you.
uuuuggghhhh E'indah Nadhie Wrister!
no, Nur E'indah Nadhirah Bte Md E'esa. what is it tht you really want? where do you want to be? who do you want to be, and WHY? why? why why why, isit because of a boy? or because you want to?
Goddammit, girl. i dont even know which name to address you as. imma call you Douche from now on, until you find out who is it that you really want to be for the rest of your life. stupid Douche.
go do your homework now, Douche.
why tell you, you ask? just sharing. what's stopping me from doing my homework? myself.
when you guys read my bloggie, dont you guys feel like, malas nak layan? all i ramble on and on abt is The Boy here. i dont even talk abt MBWOE in my personal diaries as much as this.
the other time, kak siti was like, "you have a boyfriend, right?"
i was like, "we broke up."
and then she was like, "aw man, come on, you deserve better than that."
do i? but i'm an immature brat. no other guys had put up with my childishness the way he had all these years. ugh, dammit dammit dammit. no no no. what the fuck, E'indah.
E'indah, or isit Nadhie? now you fear looking into mirrors, not because of what you'll see behind you, but because of what you'll see inside you.
uuuuggghhhh E'indah Nadhie Wrister!
no, Nur E'indah Nadhirah Bte Md E'esa. what is it tht you really want? where do you want to be? who do you want to be, and WHY? why? why why why, isit because of a boy? or because you want to?
Goddammit, girl. i dont even know which name to address you as. imma call you Douche from now on, until you find out who is it that you really want to be for the rest of your life. stupid Douche.
go do your homework now, Douche.
the saddest day of my life so far.
so today i am very sad.
who cares right? naw, just sharing. i was very sad the whole of today, maybe cause i had woken up on the wrong side of the bed, maybe it was a dream i had had last night, maybe maybe maybe. but i dont know.
anyways... today had meant a lot to me. but i'm too embarrassed to elaborate. and idk if you understand what crap i am crapping right now. as long as i understand myself, tht'd be good enough.
ok, i stop crapping.
so today, had been the saddest day in my life so far. sad because some things made me so happy til i cried non-stop, sad because some things made me reminisce some sweet memories tht are long gone, and sad because of some stuff tht just makes me, well, sad.
"hello E'indah!"
"bee, you're actually really pretty you know, bee."
"i miss talking to you."
it's the simple things which make you happy, that can make you your saddest as well. like they say, the person who can make you the strongest has the ability to make you at your weakest as well.
ugh. Goddammit. why am i being like this...?
who cares right? naw, just sharing. i was very sad the whole of today, maybe cause i had woken up on the wrong side of the bed, maybe it was a dream i had had last night, maybe maybe maybe. but i dont know.
anyways... today had meant a lot to me. but i'm too embarrassed to elaborate. and idk if you understand what crap i am crapping right now. as long as i understand myself, tht'd be good enough.
ok, i stop crapping.
so today, had been the saddest day in my life so far. sad because some things made me so happy til i cried non-stop, sad because some things made me reminisce some sweet memories tht are long gone, and sad because of some stuff tht just makes me, well, sad.
"hello E'indah!"
"bee, you're actually really pretty you know, bee."
"i miss talking to you."
it's the simple things which make you happy, that can make you your saddest as well. like they say, the person who can make you the strongest has the ability to make you at your weakest as well.
ugh. Goddammit. why am i being like this...?
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
this life is a dream.
so here i am, with a blogger template.
and here i am, still unawake.
so ppl have been telling me to wake up and all tht shit cause of the fact tht im still hung up on a D-cube. i've got smth to say... i alr am awake.
he and i were saying, how being tgt was very much like a dream. to me because i finally got him as my boy, and to him because he finally admitted his feelings for me.
i had found it damn difficult to believe the fact tht he came back for the second time. i still dont believe it, actually.
we were talking abt comas. and then i said tht being tgt with him is a dream i am having during mine, and i dont want to wake up ever.
he was saying, when ppl are in coma, they will wake up in 2 weeks (or was it months, idr), or not, it means tht person is a gone case alr.
we both smiled, and then i said i didnt want to wake up ever. and he said he wont let me wake up. (then we both laughed cause it had sounded damn busted.)
but i did.
and here i am. so why are there still ppl telling me to "wake up"? arent i alr awake? wasnt my happiness all a dream?
and here i am, still unawake.
so ppl have been telling me to wake up and all tht shit cause of the fact tht im still hung up on a D-cube. i've got smth to say... i alr am awake.
he and i were saying, how being tgt was very much like a dream. to me because i finally got him as my boy, and to him because he finally admitted his feelings for me.
i had found it damn difficult to believe the fact tht he came back for the second time. i still dont believe it, actually.
we were talking abt comas. and then i said tht being tgt with him is a dream i am having during mine, and i dont want to wake up ever.
he was saying, when ppl are in coma, they will wake up in 2 weeks (or was it months, idr), or not, it means tht person is a gone case alr.
we both smiled, and then i said i didnt want to wake up ever. and he said he wont let me wake up. (then we both laughed cause it had sounded damn busted.)
but i did.
and here i am. so why are there still ppl telling me to "wake up"? arent i alr awake? wasnt my happiness all a dream?
so i just upgraded my Blogger and everything looks mighty bizzaro now. have gotten too used to the old one, cause aft all i've been blogging with tht look for years now.
anyways, didnt go to sch today. had a gastric attack when i woke up, was so damn painful tht i was like, i dont wanna go sch. so i didnt.
what have i done the whole day you ask?
i slept.
just woke up like, at 5? and then i did maths tuiton hw, and fondled with the dozen notebooks i have on my desk. there was a thunderstorm and one of the rumbles had shocked the shit out of me.
currently listening to Space x Time, Dana Harmon ft Maika Maile.
i guess i truly am stubborn, and yeah, i just denied all the help tht ppl had been trying to offer, breaking off from all pillars of support just cause they aint the boy.
this pic was from dec 2010. it's the inside of my cupboard, o God. i am feeling deja vu. okay, shall blog later. am getting a mighty headache now.
btw, bloody hell. the new Blogger format sucks!
anyways, didnt go to sch today. had a gastric attack when i woke up, was so damn painful tht i was like, i dont wanna go sch. so i didnt.
what have i done the whole day you ask?
i slept.
just woke up like, at 5? and then i did maths tuiton hw, and fondled with the dozen notebooks i have on my desk. there was a thunderstorm and one of the rumbles had shocked the shit out of me.
currently listening to Space x Time, Dana Harmon ft Maika Maile.
i guess i truly am stubborn, and yeah, i just denied all the help tht ppl had been trying to offer, breaking off from all pillars of support just cause they aint the boy.
this pic was from dec 2010. it's the inside of my cupboard, o God. i am feeling deja vu. okay, shall blog later. am getting a mighty headache now.
btw, bloody hell. the new Blogger format sucks!
Monday, March 26, 2012
another crappy compo .
i have done my english compo. another crappy storyline, but at least it's unique. and language-wise it's good too.
it's abt this dude who meets this other dude and they went off partying and doing all sorts of things which 14-year-olds shouldnt be doing, and then the main character, whose name i didnt mention once in the compo, ends up crying and regretting.
i realized tht the remaining ppl tht i trust now are all scattered. syazana, nicholas, natalee, maya to name a few. scattered in a way tht we aint in one group in any ways at all.
bila mau buat video.
i bought an l-shaped file today, with a lovely cat on it, eating a chocolate. it's so damn cute, o and guess what! the cat is white, so it's like translucent, and i see my beautiful handwriting all over its big head now.
i love cats so much you know. i dont even rmb being taught tht dogs are haram to us. this morn, i overheard the little malay girl from loyang pri (i see her every morn) saying, "i hate dogs! i like cat. i like cat."
eh sia la. i dont wanna run tmrw.
i'm a frog now, jumping from one lily pad to another.
been listening to cell block tango again, the last time i had the marathon was like december 2010.
okay dah, aku nak tido. goodnights!
it's abt this dude who meets this other dude and they went off partying and doing all sorts of things which 14-year-olds shouldnt be doing, and then the main character, whose name i didnt mention once in the compo, ends up crying and regretting.
i realized tht the remaining ppl tht i trust now are all scattered. syazana, nicholas, natalee, maya to name a few. scattered in a way tht we aint in one group in any ways at all.
bila mau buat video.
i bought an l-shaped file today, with a lovely cat on it, eating a chocolate. it's so damn cute, o and guess what! the cat is white, so it's like translucent, and i see my beautiful handwriting all over its big head now.
i love cats so much you know. i dont even rmb being taught tht dogs are haram to us. this morn, i overheard the little malay girl from loyang pri (i see her every morn) saying, "i hate dogs! i like cat. i like cat."
eh sia la. i dont wanna run tmrw.
i'm a frog now, jumping from one lily pad to another.
been listening to cell block tango again, the last time i had the marathon was like december 2010.
okay dah, aku nak tido. goodnights!
the first day of the week .
i have just finished with Shift. gonna start with King of the Screwups tmrw morn. or maybe tonight aft ive finished with my hw.
so how was my today you ask? you know what? in the morn when i was packing my bag, i suddenly had this intuition to bring extra book. then i was like, k nvm then i took it out again.
and guess what, during reading, siying came along and asked if i had extra book cause she hadnt brought hers. i was like holy shit! why didnt i trust my freaking intuition again.
this always happen, i get a feeling to do smth, but then i dont do it. and then smth happens later which makes me regret not doing it. frustrating, yes indeedy.
so anyways, i had went to the canteen for the first time in weeks to buy milo, to drink with the tiger mini which i had brought along to sch today.
was supposed to meet qinhan, but i completely forgot. he has smth to pass to me, a memento from january 2008, or maybe even earlier than tht. cant wait to embarrass myself thru all the reminiscence.
so anyway, aft sch, met wai kit. he had came to take his o level cert and all the stuff, but before tht we had sat at the canteen talking abt o levels, his and mine.
hadnt seen him for really long alr, so yeah we had a lot to catch up. he said my voice like break like tht, wow .
around like 430, made our way to ws where we splitz cause i was meeting naz to eat mad jack. bumped into syazana pulak, with her mommy so we all chatted awhile.
as always, laughed a lot while eating, and then we made our way to lib where i was in another dilemma between a book from the 10-12 section and another from the adult section. in the end, borrowed the former, under my bro's name cause loan quota had been reached, dammit.
spent eons at popular aft tht, laughing at the slightest shit. liang ling tang, liang ling tang, liang ling liang ling taaaang. (to the tune of jingle bells.) and then liang ying tang appeared just as we were singing another round.
liang ying's sis, the fencer yupp, is my bro's classmate btw.
and then blah3 i am home.
so wai kit had given me a lot of encouragement earlier. he said he had slacked his way thru the first half of 2011 , and only woke up in like june. he had maintained his n level grades sia, his o level grades were like the same.
had told him my targets for my Os. he said he better not see any Cs on my o level cert, and i was like ok, naw problemo.
kalaulah.
kay. i've got stuff to do . go listen to this .
so how was my today you ask? you know what? in the morn when i was packing my bag, i suddenly had this intuition to bring extra book. then i was like, k nvm then i took it out again.
and guess what, during reading, siying came along and asked if i had extra book cause she hadnt brought hers. i was like holy shit! why didnt i trust my freaking intuition again.
this always happen, i get a feeling to do smth, but then i dont do it. and then smth happens later which makes me regret not doing it. frustrating, yes indeedy.
so anyways, i had went to the canteen for the first time in weeks to buy milo, to drink with the tiger mini which i had brought along to sch today.
was supposed to meet qinhan, but i completely forgot. he has smth to pass to me, a memento from january 2008, or maybe even earlier than tht. cant wait to embarrass myself thru all the reminiscence.
so anyway, aft sch, met wai kit. he had came to take his o level cert and all the stuff, but before tht we had sat at the canteen talking abt o levels, his and mine.
hadnt seen him for really long alr, so yeah we had a lot to catch up. he said my voice like break like tht, wow .
around like 430, made our way to ws where we splitz cause i was meeting naz to eat mad jack. bumped into syazana pulak, with her mommy so we all chatted awhile.
as always, laughed a lot while eating, and then we made our way to lib where i was in another dilemma between a book from the 10-12 section and another from the adult section. in the end, borrowed the former, under my bro's name cause loan quota had been reached, dammit.
spent eons at popular aft tht, laughing at the slightest shit. liang ling tang, liang ling tang, liang ling liang ling taaaang. (to the tune of jingle bells.) and then liang ying tang appeared just as we were singing another round.
liang ying's sis, the fencer yupp, is my bro's classmate btw.
and then blah3 i am home.
so wai kit had given me a lot of encouragement earlier. he said he had slacked his way thru the first half of 2011 , and only woke up in like june. he had maintained his n level grades sia, his o level grades were like the same.
had told him my targets for my Os. he said he better not see any Cs on my o level cert, and i was like ok, naw problemo.
kalaulah.
kay. i've got stuff to do . go listen to this .
Sunday, March 25, 2012
heartless .
went to the library today . borrowed 4 books, very happy now .
then again, tht's just surface wise.
had sent a slipper flying earlier, and it shocked the shit out of the woman who was passing by. tht was probably the only thing which had made me smile from within today.
so anyhoos, bila mau buat video? might have some ideas for re:the world calling, without requiring anyone's help apart from a few parts here and there.
but. i'm still fearful of some places in pasir ris. esp the venue where i'd planned to film at. o well. i'm the strongest girl in the world.
i'm heartless, because my heart was taken by someone who refuses to give it back to me.
he had taken it from me, because he said it was a beautiful heart. he had taken care of it at first, but i dont know what happened.
he broke it, right in front of me. i thought he'd return the pieces back to me so i could try to put my heart back tgt again, but no. he threw them away instead.
bila mau buat video.
okay, you know what. i'm gonna pop by prp this week and start filming all the shit, all at one shot. fully focus on what's in the camera, and not anything around me. and i'd cycle down so i dont have to suck in the views with the effing memories if i walk.
stupid ghosts.
yeah sure, you guys are beautiful. but really unnecessary. forgive me, but i'm just gonna crash into you guys if you happen to be in the way, which is all the time, actually. assholes . idiot best friends. idiot brother and sister. idiot couple .
beautiful, but unnecessary . aaahhhhh i know they're just my imagination. but i still cant control myself from not seeing them . aaahhhhhhhhhh i am so sick and tired of life.
no. rmb what azreenie said. "hidup susah, tapi mati pun tanak." it's true. soooo. not yet. not yet. see what happens .
i had a long afternoon nap. i had dreams.
when i awoke and realized tht i'm back to reality, i had begged God to bring me back to the dreamworld.
wouldnt it be nice if sleep is permanent.
shut up, i know what i'm saying. yes, i mean wouldnt it be nice to break off from the world for the rest of my life. to die.
when i awoke and realized tht i'm back to reality, i had begged God to bring me back to the dreamworld.
wouldnt it be nice if sleep is permanent.
shut up, i know what i'm saying. yes, i mean wouldnt it be nice to break off from the world for the rest of my life. to die.
my karangan draft .
a very good morning to you all my axes.
i am currently doing karangan, because cikgu fatimah kata, "kalau awak tak buat kerja saya, awak duduk di luar kelas hingga ibu bapa awak jumpa dengan saya" . and anyway, i do have a nice story plot to share with the world, beginning with my blog readers.
the topic is, write abt an incident which made you realize the importance of money.
i had started off by saying did you know tht money is actually not made of paper like how many ppl think? actually, money is made from cotton.
and then the flow of the story would be starting from my family's finances, how i got a job which pays cash weekly, and then i had a lot of money, keep spending more than usual.
and then one day, i found out i am broke. eventually i got stressed, and started tearing my stuffed animals, and when the cotton was all over the place, i started realizing how important money is and tada it's done.
macam merepek gitu kan? o well, at least it's unique. cikgu fatimah will be so pleased tht i did her work.
i call you my axes, imagine if i had addressed you guys as my blacks instead. okay just a very random thought. i am bored aaahhhhhhh sunday mornings are so boring .
i am currently doing karangan, because cikgu fatimah kata, "kalau awak tak buat kerja saya, awak duduk di luar kelas hingga ibu bapa awak jumpa dengan saya" . and anyway, i do have a nice story plot to share with the world, beginning with my blog readers.
the topic is, write abt an incident which made you realize the importance of money.
i had started off by saying did you know tht money is actually not made of paper like how many ppl think? actually, money is made from cotton.
and then the flow of the story would be starting from my family's finances, how i got a job which pays cash weekly, and then i had a lot of money, keep spending more than usual.
and then one day, i found out i am broke. eventually i got stressed, and started tearing my stuffed animals, and when the cotton was all over the place, i started realizing how important money is and tada it's done.
macam merepek gitu kan? o well, at least it's unique. cikgu fatimah will be so pleased tht i did her work.
i call you my axes, imagine if i had addressed you guys as my blacks instead. okay just a very random thought. i am bored aaahhhhhhh sunday mornings are so boring .
i miss being tht girl in the red specs.
but, i cant bring her back.
and i cant bring them back as well. or him . or you, the person whom i know will read this.
most of all i cant bring myself back.
not even halfway to my destination and i'm alr homesick. but i cant do anything abt it, because i'm alr too far off. might as well march on.
altho from time to time i am indeed looking back. walking backwards towards the destination, reaching out to home but still walking away.
ya Allah. i miss everything. everyone. i miss everyone so much.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
my day today . [pictures !]
this picture was taken from the suite at MBS. cool right!
heidiho!
i am at home now. i'm damn exhausted. shall just summarize my day. went on the singapore flyer today, here are some pics. i just love the structure of the flyer, was taking pics of tht away instead of the view itself.
aft sg flyer, we slacked at the little coffeeshop for awhile. i like the theme, it's like the olden days, you know, stalls by the roadside.
and the peanuts stall! damn classic. been eons since i last ate peanuts. in the little paper cone thingy. and then we splitz into vehicles again and made our way to vivocity.
in pak long's van, kak siti and i were playing Draw Something when at one point he suddenly braked and kak siti was sent flying! her shades disappeared sia! damn tht was funny sia.
so yeah, at vivo, i bought a pocket mirror and small post its at daiso. always $2. then while waiting for my aunt to be done searching for her stuff, i went downstairs to mini toons and got myself candy first.
then we all made our way to the chicken rice shop to eat, and damn. i love rice.
and then blah3, we are all z homie.
i'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired.
in more ways than one .
another quick update .
ohhhhh eating apple cinnamon muffin right now!
so what have i done for this morning you ask? walked around the level on my own while waiting for the rest to siap, and then we all went to the shopping centre which is like joined to the hotel, to eat. ate rice, o wonderful rice.
the shopping centre is really useless to ppl like me, btw. and there was this one lane which had nothing but jewelers. damn. if only there's a lane which has notebookers. tht'll be my paradise.
o, o! imagine this. a 24 hours library, conjoined with a cafe and a little notebook shoppe. with new unique designs every week. in pasir ris. holy firetruck! i'd be the happiest girl in the world.
i wanna ask you smth. bila mau buat video!!!!!!!!!!
had a chat with kak siti earlier in the morn, and she told me on the wedding day, i'd have to put my hair back. dammit! yes i'd expected it, but i still feel kinda woaaahhh.
and then my granny was like, "nanti kebetulan ada lelaki minat e'indah!" and i'm more like WOOOAAAHHH . hati e'indah dah dengan orang lain, nek.
heheheh, tht woman. the second most beautiful woman in the world. she really knows how to make me feel good abt myself. i'm the third most beautiful woman in the world then!
was texting nic this morning. and we were saying abt how humans can really do anything they want. just tht, they need the will, the effort, time, support, skills.
i've got all of tht, except the effort, dont you think so? and even if i do have the abundance of it, i'm totally spending it all on the wrong things.
i'm buried too far down to feel the warmth from the sun again, so for now, i will lay face first in the sand, with the wreckage from ships tht had lost their way. Dive Right In, Story of the Year.
gaaaaaahhhhhhhhh why am i always the one waiting kbye.
so what have i done for this morning you ask? walked around the level on my own while waiting for the rest to siap, and then we all went to the shopping centre which is like joined to the hotel, to eat. ate rice, o wonderful rice.
the shopping centre is really useless to ppl like me, btw. and there was this one lane which had nothing but jewelers. damn. if only there's a lane which has notebookers. tht'll be my paradise.
o, o! imagine this. a 24 hours library, conjoined with a cafe and a little notebook shoppe. with new unique designs every week. in pasir ris. holy firetruck! i'd be the happiest girl in the world.
i wanna ask you smth. bila mau buat video!!!!!!!!!!
had a chat with kak siti earlier in the morn, and she told me on the wedding day, i'd have to put my hair back. dammit! yes i'd expected it, but i still feel kinda woaaahhh.
and then my granny was like, "nanti kebetulan ada lelaki minat e'indah!" and i'm more like WOOOAAAHHH . hati e'indah dah dengan orang lain, nek.
heheheh, tht woman. the second most beautiful woman in the world. she really knows how to make me feel good abt myself. i'm the third most beautiful woman in the world then!
was texting nic this morning. and we were saying abt how humans can really do anything they want. just tht, they need the will, the effort, time, support, skills.
i've got all of tht, except the effort, dont you think so? and even if i do have the abundance of it, i'm totally spending it all on the wrong things.
i'm buried too far down to feel the warmth from the sun again, so for now, i will lay face first in the sand, with the wreckage from ships tht had lost their way. Dive Right In, Story of the Year.
gaaaaaahhhhhhhhh why am i always the one waiting kbye.
the perks of an early riser !
a very good morning to you all my axes!
aku belum mandi. tapi dah gosok gigi !
as you can see i've been camwhoring with myself a lot. why?
1. i am a jakonist.
2. i was bored.
3. bloggie is the only place in the whole world where i can put pics of myself without being judged. (tht is so the wrong word)
4. because i am the boss of Me, Myself and I PTE LTD.
i am early dont you think? tht's cause i slept early last night. tht's me, first to sleep first to awake. and at other times, last to sleep first to awake.
yeahh, now tht you mentioned it i guess i'm pretty much of an early riser. my usual wake up time is like 7, altho i usually dread waking up at 5.30 on the mornings of sch days.
here are some pics i took this morning. lovely isnt it? the joys of waking up in the morning.
trapt has this 9-mins song called New Beginning and i like the little interlude thingy tht they ended it off with. the gates creaking and all tht. it plays a part in the meaning of the song. to me ah.
so anyhoos, i wonder what's the plan for today. i'd like to go on a solitary escapade. o wait, tht aint the problem. the problem is, what do i wear today???? dress or skirt? both choices doesnt seem appealing to me right now. and it had seemed like such a good idea two nights ago. dammit.
look at those two nerds. the wimpiest nerds in the whole world.
awww i've always thought this song was cute. My Friends Over You, New Found Glory. but it doesnt represent my life right now. more like Douchebag Over Clique.
anyways, you know how some ppl, or maybe all of us, i dunno. the more we sleep, the more tired we are when we awake. the least we sleep, the least tired. i notice tht about myself, and it kinda means a lot more than you think.
okay, actually this was just supposed to be a quick update. but guess what, the time now is 8.21 and everyone else is still awake apart from my granny.
i wonder where i got this early riser gene from. both my parents love to sleep in whenever they have no work in the morning. my granny? hehe, most prob. tht'll be awesome.
Oo i hear kakak siti ! and nazriq just poked his head into the wardrobe gg all "hey queeeeen of nerds." okkkiiiieee i shall turn off z comp right now. shall blog whenever i have the slightest sign of a chance. heh.
Friday, March 23, 2012
MBS !
heidiho! guess where i am right now. i'm at z excellente hotel suite!
holy shit, do you know tht i'm like on the 52nd floor right now? the view is fantastic, we've got the city view suite. and by we, here are the people with me right now:
my granny, my aunt, pak ngah, pak long, kak siti, naqib, nazriq and me!
holy firetruck, uploading of photos seems to be really really quick up here. okay, guess what. imma now upload all the photos tht i've taken thus far. but only from my red cammie cause i havent transferred pics from my yashica.
so anyhoos, kak siti gave me a little envelope earlier with "i may have found my man, but i still need my girls", and guess what?
i'm gonna be a bridesmaid.
holy firetruck right!? i'm kinda scared actually. must i wear a dress? okie, dumb question. i'm gonna be a bridesmaid for my cousin's wedding!!!!!
idk if those exclamation marks represent excitement ororororor idek whats the word for it. but it's still making me jumpy, either way.
so yeah .
i bought a notebook at the little souvenir shop on the sky garden placey at the top of this whole MBS. its cover is a beautiful picture of the MBS towers with the boat thingy at the top, i'm so damn happy.
so yeah, thus far we've walked around, with me gallivanting off on my own as always along the little swimming pool lane.
and wow, the swimming pool is amazing. not tht im gonna be swimming actually, dont really feel like it. it's like, there's just this glass tht's separating your body from falling off the whole roof. okay nvm idk how to explain it.
sooooo. i brought my black polka dot dress. along with my chequered skirt and stockings. and a pair of shoes other than my nikes. God. idek if i might have to wear any of tht. i only brought one pair of skinnies which is the one im wearing now.
i admit, sometimes i really do things without thinking ahead.
o and i forgot to mention, i forgot to bring my toothbrush. notebooks i rmb, but the more important stuff, i no think of. i truly am the M-cube.
and now i'm thirsty like hell because i just ate chocolate.
i've been like kinda fasting the past sch week, only eating at, like, eons aft sch. been sleeping during recess ah, which is dumb actually, cause it only made me all the more hungrier when i awake.
so what am i doing now, you ask? currently sitting at the dressing table in the walk-in cupboard, hiding from the world. haha chey.
naz is on pak ngah's ipad in the living/bedroom , kak siti and granny are outside looking for smth, and the rest had taken a walk downstairs and around .
dont worry , i shall go on my own later. tht'll be more fun. hehe. and maybe get myself a toothbrush from some convenience store before my mom finds out i forgot despite her insistent reminders.
okaaayyy i shall turn off my comp now and unpack or smth.
my mom noticed, tht whenever we are at hotel or whatever, i would find some cosy corner and dump all my stuff there to indicate tht the spot would be mine for the rest of our stay.
she was like, "dia gitu ah, cari satu tempat, letak barang... itulah tempat dia, takda orang boleh sentuh."
oh how i love rice.
quick update.
douchebag's trail of gasoline leads back to him, so i'm sure the fire will get to him someday. and since he's the source, he's sure to be abundant of the gasoline.
you get what im tryna say.
so anyhoos, i'm still so damn sick and tired of sch. of everything .
azreenie's right. "hidup susah, tapi mati pun tanak." sigh.
imma be gg somewhere this weekend, maybe a solitary escapade to the city area. staying over at MBS , thanks to kak siti. heh.
shall get back to ya later.
you get what im tryna say.
so anyhoos, i'm still so damn sick and tired of sch. of everything .
azreenie's right. "hidup susah, tapi mati pun tanak." sigh.
imma be gg somewhere this weekend, maybe a solitary escapade to the city area. staying over at MBS , thanks to kak siti. heh.
shall get back to ya later.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
happiness .
i slept during recess today, with my freaking contacts sekali. i kinda jerked awake, like seriously jerked til i was sitting up, and then across the block, some sec 3 or 4 dude was like smirking at my direction, bloody hell.
i wonder what i was dreaming of.
somehow feel so distant from my classmates now. farhan popped by earlier during maths, but like, i have no reaction at all. aaahhhhh why am i distancing myself from others?
forgive the urgency, but hurry up and wave, cause my heart is starting to separate.
nowadays my mom's moodswing been getting really weirder and weirder. i dont know what to say alr. just tht, i must have gotten this weird moodswing gene from her. kill me alr.
hmm, i am sleepy .
i miss P.E. on friday afternoons. i miss P.E. on friday afternoons with 4/2. i miss 4/2 2011. i miss 2011.
ahhhhh kill me alr sch sucks aaaahhhhhhh i am so bored. o yeah! was walking at dte earlier, and syazie and i spotted deekosh. holy shit sia. i was like gg all jakonist mode. he's tall sia!
anyhoos. i am bored.
careful child, light the fuse but get away, cause happiness throws a shower of sparks. happiness, damn near, destroys you and breaks your faith to pieces on the floor. it has a violent roar.
it's like the old man told me: "look for it, but you'll never find it all. let it go; live your life then leave it, and one day, you'll wake up to see the happiness... is home." Happiness, The Fray .
i've got cuts on my calf, or whatever the back of your legs are called. mysterious cuts, and i hate the fact tht sweat keeps gg in, it hurts.
GAH I AM SO BORED I HATE SCH , SCH SUCKS.
mr syafie had bumped into one of my post its which i had written: "i give up. i hate sch." he gave me a look, took out his pen and wrote, "QUIT THEN." with this little angry face.
blasting some imogen heap now. reminds me of muzzy, somehow. wonder what happened to him.
okokokokok . i am damn tired. have yet to pack my bag for tmrw. but o well, let's go to sleep now. soooooooo tired, had a little escapade with the most awesome childhood friend in the world.
*yawns*
i wonder what i was dreaming of.
somehow feel so distant from my classmates now. farhan popped by earlier during maths, but like, i have no reaction at all. aaahhhhh why am i distancing myself from others?
forgive the urgency, but hurry up and wave, cause my heart is starting to separate.
nowadays my mom's moodswing been getting really weirder and weirder. i dont know what to say alr. just tht, i must have gotten this weird moodswing gene from her. kill me alr.
hmm, i am sleepy .
i miss P.E. on friday afternoons. i miss P.E. on friday afternoons with 4/2. i miss 4/2 2011. i miss 2011.
ahhhhh kill me alr sch sucks aaaahhhhhhh i am so bored. o yeah! was walking at dte earlier, and syazie and i spotted deekosh. holy shit sia. i was like gg all jakonist mode. he's tall sia!
anyhoos. i am bored.
careful child, light the fuse but get away, cause happiness throws a shower of sparks. happiness, damn near, destroys you and breaks your faith to pieces on the floor. it has a violent roar.
it's like the old man told me: "look for it, but you'll never find it all. let it go; live your life then leave it, and one day, you'll wake up to see the happiness... is home." Happiness, The Fray .
i've got cuts on my calf, or whatever the back of your legs are called. mysterious cuts, and i hate the fact tht sweat keeps gg in, it hurts.
GAH I AM SO BORED I HATE SCH , SCH SUCKS.
mr syafie had bumped into one of my post its which i had written: "i give up. i hate sch." he gave me a look, took out his pen and wrote, "QUIT THEN." with this little angry face.
blasting some imogen heap now. reminds me of muzzy, somehow. wonder what happened to him.
okokokokok . i am damn tired. have yet to pack my bag for tmrw. but o well, let's go to sleep now. soooooooo tired, had a little escapade with the most awesome childhood friend in the world.
*yawns*
another trouble adventure.
so ive got smth to clarify first.
first things first, i'd told nicholas the truth, tht i was the one who wanted to leave clique, not tht i was abandoned by them.
even if i had told him the opposite, why would he go and tell jia yao they all? he's got no business doing tht, and i wouldnt have asked him to tell them anything also per.
i had another adventure today, with the discipline commitee. had texted syazana during recess, and apparently it had came an hour later, when mr syafie happened to be looking at her phone.
and then was passing notes in class when mrs sherri happened to see. so in the end, i just went on another trouble adventure, this time with my childhood friend .
went to maths late, and then aft sch went to search for mr syafie, who brought in syazie eons later and then we were like in a face-off.
i find tht part kinda cool. he was like sitting at the end of the table in the conference room, while syazie and i stood at the other, leaning against the wall with tht dont care attitude. and then we were just staring at the opposition.
never would have thought there'd be a day where i'd stand next to my distant childhood friend in the office for smth bad.
is there a freaking ant nest under my keyboard or smth? why the hell are ants running non stop across my screen .
so now i'm like neglecting my whole trivium playlist, just cause it's the D-cube's fave band. all the awesome metal locked up aft it took me so long to copy them from another person's box. kinda miss listening to A Grey So Dark .
eh otakao la, im not even done sharing with ya my little adventure today.
so anyways, there in the little stand-off, my phone right there on the desk. and then mrs sherri came along and asked for my hols hw, and i'm like dang, im not done with them.
got lectured some more, by both of them, before they made me stay back to complete my assignments in exchange for my phone.
syazie was alr supposed to stay back, so i stayed back with her. and once again, we were back like at make up bridging.
many stuff happened again, as always. the funny, the serious, the whuuuuut? and etc etc. was singing a random sum 41 at one point, and it surprised me tht syazie could guess the title!
and guess what? now we have a secret with 4 other random ppl. syazie so excited! o and the syakir zainol so cute sia.
at 6, syazie's mommy came along and we all went to eat at dte. many of the things which her mommy had said made sense.
gah. i told you school sucks. feel like taking private Os or not taking at all.
Oo listening to some dubstep from august 2009. this morning on the bus i sat next to this douche who was blasting dubstep on his headphones. it does not sound as enjoyable from the outside.
i have nothing else to say now. which is a lie, because we all have something to tell at every second of our life. we just got no one, and no reason to share it even when there's someone. there's tht little fear .
hmm, i have yet to find tht special moment for my last baby tooth to finally come out. been digging at it so much tht the tip of my tongue is almost numb alr.
holy shit, been charging my cammie batteries when this little cackle started sounding, and now there's this really odd burning smell.
speaking of burning, ive started reading Right Behind You, a book abt this boy who set fire to another kid. tht incident caused him to have to start a brand new identity in a brand new country with a brand new name. and a brand new stepmom .
and guess what, now playing is Red Hot Christmas. i wanna burn, burn, burn, so light me up. hahahah. so ironic .
........so ........ unoccupied........... seriously, bila mau buat video?
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
gastric pain has been getting more and more irritating .
i didnt know there's such thing as stomach cancer. i thought it stopped at stomach ulcer. or are they the same? damn i dunno.
anyhoos, my regular flu is gone! hmm what else do i hafta update you on?
met up with natalee today. she was bored in class and randomly texted me and then i was like, sch sucks. then we decided to meet up and share everything.
and share we did.
reaching for smth tht's alr gone.
how coincidence, the song im listening to used to remind me of 'Irfan. apparently it still does.
ive finished Kill You Last. i guessed it right this time! i guessed the murderer. the previous books had all been damn tricky .
gah. i am bored.
ghosts. of him. and her. of you. and i . ok, i shall shut up now and go to sleep.
i didnt know there's such thing as stomach cancer. i thought it stopped at stomach ulcer. or are they the same? damn i dunno.
anyhoos, my regular flu is gone! hmm what else do i hafta update you on?
met up with natalee today. she was bored in class and randomly texted me and then i was like, sch sucks. then we decided to meet up and share everything.
and share we did.
reaching for smth tht's alr gone.
how coincidence, the song im listening to used to remind me of 'Irfan. apparently it still does.
ive finished Kill You Last. i guessed it right this time! i guessed the murderer. the previous books had all been damn tricky .
gah. i am bored.
ghosts. of him. and her. of you. and i . ok, i shall shut up now and go to sleep.
so here i am . and there you are. and where is he?
nazriq made a facebook account! and his profile pic is like the same as mine -_-
so i just told 'Irfan noorhalim tht we needa talk. surprisingly he agreed right away. i have a lot to tell him, glad he's, like, willing to listen.
was walking around in sch when manfred called out to ask why i aint with the usual. he asked whether i got kicked out, and i was like no, it's not them it's me i'm the one with the prob. and he's like okay, take care.
gonna hang out with them soon, to explain some shit.
aaahhhhh bila mau buat video !?!?!?!?
sch sucks. like really. it's damn boring alr. losing interest. dammit.
i'm the Cat in the Pine Tree. i'm the strongest girl in the world.
nazriq made a facebook account! and his profile pic is like the same as mine -_-
so i just told 'Irfan noorhalim tht we needa talk. surprisingly he agreed right away. i have a lot to tell him, glad he's, like, willing to listen.
was walking around in sch when manfred called out to ask why i aint with the usual. he asked whether i got kicked out, and i was like no, it's not them it's me i'm the one with the prob. and he's like okay, take care.
gonna hang out with them soon, to explain some shit.
aaahhhhh bila mau buat video !?!?!?!?
sch sucks. like really. it's damn boring alr. losing interest. dammit.
i'm the Cat in the Pine Tree. i'm the strongest girl in the world.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
i'm gg to push the blame on someone now.
this is all irshad's fault.
he made me like him. made me fall in love with him again and again, came back each time. promised me many things.
made me believe he really loved me.
he pressed the button.
and he left.
he jaywalked.
when i needed him more than anything or anyone else in the world.
just as the red man turned green.
and i crumble, pulling everything and everyone else around me.
and a dozen cars
but we all blamed the whole world.
wait
except for him.
for an invisible man
to walk
across.
this is all his fault. tht boy caused all this. the most handsome boy i've ever met. the most heartless man in the world.
it's all his fault. all the drivers should get out of the cars and chase aft tht man.
and kill him .
kill... irshad. kill Irshad. kill Muhammad Irshad B Noorhalim .
it's all .... his ... fault.
i know it's not, but it makes me feel better.
this is all irshad's fault.
he made me like him. made me fall in love with him again and again, came back each time. promised me many things.
made me believe he really loved me.
he pressed the button.
and he left.
he jaywalked.
when i needed him more than anything or anyone else in the world.
just as the red man turned green.
and i crumble, pulling everything and everyone else around me.
and a dozen cars
but we all blamed the whole world.
wait
except for him.
for an invisible man
to walk
across.
this is all his fault. tht boy caused all this. the most handsome boy i've ever met. the most heartless man in the world.
it's all his fault. all the drivers should get out of the cars and chase aft tht man.
and kill him .
kill... irshad. kill Irshad. kill Muhammad Irshad B Noorhalim .
it's all .... his ... fault.
i know it's not, but it makes me feel better.
heidiho.
i am at war.
i am fighting for my solace. my happiness. and i'm fighting with myself, to be someone worthy of the comfort and the love tht i seek from tht certain source.
my foolheartedness won't get me very far, but my determination will.
i am a moron, but i have faith and hope.
i am on a journey .
chey, macam trailer gitu eh.
when are we gonna make the next MV.... ohh.... AVSSSes are holding me back .
i am at war.
i am fighting for my solace. my happiness. and i'm fighting with myself, to be someone worthy of the comfort and the love tht i seek from tht certain source.
my foolheartedness won't get me very far, but my determination will.
i am a moron, but i have faith and hope.
i am on a journey .
chey, macam trailer gitu eh.
when are we gonna make the next MV.... ohh.... AVSSSes are holding me back .
a very long and wordy post bcos blah blah blah nadhie doesnt know when to shut up.
so today, suddenly had a lot of ppl texting me during class. it was just aft lunch and my sentbox for the day had alr reached, like, 80.
well then.
i dont rmb any dreams right now. i notice tht i seem to always forget my dreams on sch days. i'd be like o i rmb last night's dream, and then i'd get up of bed and be like dadadoo and a few mins later, my whole memory would be wiped out.
and then sometime later in the day i would be getting very strong but brief signals. yes, strong but brief signals.
started on Kill You Last today! guess what, the notebook which i had been listing the books i've been reading has been filled up by one whole page alr, heh.
first period was p.e., i almost died running. the side of my body suddenly ached at one point, i have no idea why cause i never had tht pain while i was running before. it ached like hell sia!
next was chemy, i failed the freaking test and i aint surprised, truth be told.
.....burazi heru. i dont wanna blog abt my sch days anymore. one, because the last time i did this, i was a happy E'indah who was with the love of her life. two, because sch just sucks.
yeah , sch sucks. the only reason i go is because i dont wanna fight with anyone. (and by anyone i am specifically referring to these someones, this woman and this man.)
i've been losing focus, indeed i am. i'm damn tired. have lost my source of solace.
tadi recess sempat tidor sekejap . gerek sey, sedaaaap .
i hate how i wanna type rice on my phone and out comes shad instead, what's more in capital letters. bloody hell. here i am wanting to tell natalee "i love rice!" and out comes "i love SHAD!"
God. kill me alr. i dont need to be reminded of the source of my pain.
chey.
anyways, i just told natalee abt my dropping art. she's uber shocked, and now i'm like i'm sorry i didnt tell you earlier, i didnt want you to follow in the wrong footsteps.
i have got lots of explaining to do.
and yeah, i love rice.
am damn restless. if only i'd lived in the 1980s or maybe somewhere before tht instead, and be living in a kampong and running around with neighbours. wow, gerek la itu macam. no screwed up societies.
what century are we in right now? 20th or 21st? in any case the time we are living in now is fucked. damn fucked. owning iphone at age 9, watching porn at age 10, giving virginity at age 12, getting married at 15, killing someone at age 16.... bloody hell .
ah, holy shit. this topic is bringing me back to the conversation i was having with the D-cube back aft grad night.
aaaaaannnd lo and behold, i am now suddenly an angry girl . bloody hell .
what's so bloody abt hell ? fire doesnt make humans bleed, right?? just burns or some other shit, right?
i wanna borrow the second emily the strange book. saw it at tamp lib.
and i want a pair of fingerless leather gloves. wrister girl had wanted to get those for her god-brother's 16th birthday, and E'indah had wanted to get those for the love of her life's 17th.
nadhie wanna get those for herself cause she wants to grip handlebars without having to hurt her hands.
nadhie wanna get those for the body she's borrowing.
imagine if the twins' house was on fire and i happened to be on my stress walks nearby. everyone who lives there is out alr, except for the youngest son.
imagine, me running into the heat cause i wanna save the douchebag. and then when i managed to get him and am running out with him over my shoulders, the fire melts my contacts .
chey. eh but i can really carry him ok .
o, and then my contacts melt. then when he's outside with his family and still alive, there i am with my palms over my eyes.
"call the ambulance! call the ambulance! she's gg blind! e'indah!!!!! beeeeeee!!!"
1. she got what she wanted, to go blind. so she doesnt have to see ghosts anymore.
2. she saved the love of her life's life.
okaaaay i really should be a writer when i grow up.
you know how some ppl make use of their heartbreaks to write hit songs? maybe i should do the same, but in the form of a book. hell yeah , let's write a book abt the D-cube.
no names mentioned of course. should make it super anonymous. maybe even say it's fiction. and then at the beginning the preface would be some shit like, "only the truth and lies were used in making this book".
the Wrister girl doesnt know shut up.
cause she keeps quiet on her own accord without anyone telling her to.
E'indah doesnt know how to shut up.
cause she's very annoying and loves to irritate others and make others laugh.
Nadhie doesnt know when to shut up.
cause she's noisy one sec, quiet the next.
i think .
so nicholas and i have been really close lately. now tht you mentioned it, how did we get so close suddenly? the other time i saw him in january, we were like dadadoo and hey wazzap man. now we're like bro sis i'll take care of ya. aww.
you know aye, ytd, i noticed tht two ppl i see everyday were not at their usual spots.
before my mia week aft the cheering comp, i always see this mcrider sleeping on the couch at the cc, and this man who would read newspaper at the corner table on the outside of mac.
i see them everyday. i had wanted to blog abt them, but then some D-cube left me behind and made me so damn unbothered to even turn on my comp.
so anyway, i see these two ppl everyday when i'm walking to the bus stop in the morning. at the usual spot. i had wanted to blog abt whether they notice me like how i notice them.
right now, i can only blog abt how i noticed them not there. both of them . two mornings in a row alr. it seems strange, for some reason, altho they are just strangers.
o well. they'll be back in their usual spots by tmrw morn, i hope.
i no longer see the kid who reminds me of jeremy, i saw him everyday at the bus stop last time. i thought he was younger than me til my first day of sec 3, when i saw him again and he was wearing long pants alr. so i was like, o okay he's like, the same age as me.
and i guess he was from the express stream since i no longer see him .
so here i am uploading another AVSSS and i'm like WOAH! the rate is faaaast. it's been only, like, 10 mins? and 41% has alr been uploaded.
holy firetruck, it's fast. this is amazing.
so. when am i gonna film shit for re:the world calling, you ask? maybe aft i have gotten over my fear. or maybe aft i revert back to normal and those ghosts of mine dont exist anymore. or maybe if he comes back .
and now i am listening to a song called Blu by the one and only There For Tomorrow, the only song in the world which can make you think of your previous boyfriend and the love of your life at the same time when you're finally with the latter.
you should listen to it, maika's voice is amazing, o bloody hell .
i felt a hand warming deeper under. it always makes me wonder was it you?
i met somebody else. oh, the pressure i fell under.
it felt an awful lot like it was you.
was it you who caught my attention? was it you who showed your face anywhere but here?
it means a lot. i kinda deciphered its meaning some time ago, when D-cube and i havent been tgt for even a month yet.
oh, the pressure i am under.
i think i know why the uploading speed is alluring today! maybe cause im not in the usual place tht i sit at whenever i'm on the comp. i think so .
i'm scaling half the ocean, burying your name, but i find the seas are frozen, aft coming all this way.
ya lor, douchebag.
just like how you pressed the button and then jaywalked and made all the cars stop even when there aint anyone crossing alr.
fourteen years of sorrow.
he gave one to two of bliss.
left her in the narrow,
aft giving one last kiss.
and more than a year ago it had been sixteen months of sorrow.
she got three to four of bliss.
he left her in the narrow
aft sharing their first kiss.
yeah, bloody hell. yeah, D-cube.
holy firetruck, this is one long post. isnt it? started blogging two hours ago, and have been just, writing and writing and writing. and, uhm, typing. yeah , typing.
what ya gonna do when the whiskey aint workin no more, huh? huh huh huh?
Hinder asked.
o gosh i am so bored....
where had i been a year ago?
20th march 2011.... hmm... o i rmb, went to shushan's house. was supposed to meet muzzy malek aft tht but i got lazy. 19th march, went to art science musuem with the art peeps. 18th march, idr.
17th, went to sch to do art. 16th, too. with pearl . 15th, went to bedok with mom and naz to meet grandpa for his 80th birthday.
so this thing with dates. it's kinda cool really, but the thing is, now every little number you see will remind you tht, all you had are all gone now.
i also dont rmb how i had gotten to like the number 109. smth to do with ryan i think. ryan teow. had thought of this number eons before i met the D-cube.
holy shit, cepatnyer. the viddie has been uploaded yaw.
there we go, enjoy. i'm too lazy to explain what it means, but you should get the idea of it roughly.the first segment's the memories of E'indah. and the god-bro.
and then we move on to the wrister girl's , all tht she went thru and put up with when she was with the mki.
i love the pic at 2:46 . hahahahhaha , so sexy.
damn. i am bored.
october 2010. E'indah transforming into the wrister girl alr.
tht douchebag was selling his little sister to buy a girlfriend with the money .
well then.
i dont rmb any dreams right now. i notice tht i seem to always forget my dreams on sch days. i'd be like o i rmb last night's dream, and then i'd get up of bed and be like dadadoo and a few mins later, my whole memory would be wiped out.
and then sometime later in the day i would be getting very strong but brief signals. yes, strong but brief signals.
started on Kill You Last today! guess what, the notebook which i had been listing the books i've been reading has been filled up by one whole page alr, heh.
first period was p.e., i almost died running. the side of my body suddenly ached at one point, i have no idea why cause i never had tht pain while i was running before. it ached like hell sia!
next was chemy, i failed the freaking test and i aint surprised, truth be told.
.....burazi heru. i dont wanna blog abt my sch days anymore. one, because the last time i did this, i was a happy E'indah who was with the love of her life. two, because sch just sucks.
yeah , sch sucks. the only reason i go is because i dont wanna fight with anyone. (and by anyone i am specifically referring to these someones, this woman and this man.)
i've been losing focus, indeed i am. i'm damn tired. have lost my source of solace.
tadi recess sempat tidor sekejap . gerek sey, sedaaaap .
i hate how i wanna type rice on my phone and out comes shad instead, what's more in capital letters. bloody hell. here i am wanting to tell natalee "i love rice!" and out comes "i love SHAD!"
God. kill me alr. i dont need to be reminded of the source of my pain.
chey.
anyways, i just told natalee abt my dropping art. she's uber shocked, and now i'm like i'm sorry i didnt tell you earlier, i didnt want you to follow in the wrong footsteps.
i have got lots of explaining to do.
and yeah, i love rice.
am damn restless. if only i'd lived in the 1980s or maybe somewhere before tht instead, and be living in a kampong and running around with neighbours. wow, gerek la itu macam. no screwed up societies.
what century are we in right now? 20th or 21st? in any case the time we are living in now is fucked. damn fucked. owning iphone at age 9, watching porn at age 10, giving virginity at age 12, getting married at 15, killing someone at age 16.... bloody hell .
ah, holy shit. this topic is bringing me back to the conversation i was having with the D-cube back aft grad night.
aaaaaannnd lo and behold, i am now suddenly an angry girl . bloody hell .
what's so bloody abt hell ? fire doesnt make humans bleed, right?? just burns or some other shit, right?
i wanna borrow the second emily the strange book. saw it at tamp lib.
and i want a pair of fingerless leather gloves. wrister girl had wanted to get those for her god-brother's 16th birthday, and E'indah had wanted to get those for the love of her life's 17th.
nadhie wanna get those for herself cause she wants to grip handlebars without having to hurt her hands.
nadhie wanna get those for the body she's borrowing.
imagine if the twins' house was on fire and i happened to be on my stress walks nearby. everyone who lives there is out alr, except for the youngest son.
imagine, me running into the heat cause i wanna save the douchebag. and then when i managed to get him and am running out with him over my shoulders, the fire melts my contacts .
chey. eh but i can really carry him ok .
o, and then my contacts melt. then when he's outside with his family and still alive, there i am with my palms over my eyes.
"call the ambulance! call the ambulance! she's gg blind! e'indah!!!!! beeeeeee!!!"
1. she got what she wanted, to go blind. so she doesnt have to see ghosts anymore.
2. she saved the love of her life's life.
okaaaay i really should be a writer when i grow up.
you know how some ppl make use of their heartbreaks to write hit songs? maybe i should do the same, but in the form of a book. hell yeah , let's write a book abt the D-cube.
no names mentioned of course. should make it super anonymous. maybe even say it's fiction. and then at the beginning the preface would be some shit like, "only the truth and lies were used in making this book".
the Wrister girl doesnt know shut up.
cause she keeps quiet on her own accord without anyone telling her to.
E'indah doesnt know how to shut up.
cause she's very annoying and loves to irritate others and make others laugh.
Nadhie doesnt know when to shut up.
cause she's noisy one sec, quiet the next.
i think .
so nicholas and i have been really close lately. now tht you mentioned it, how did we get so close suddenly? the other time i saw him in january, we were like dadadoo and hey wazzap man. now we're like bro sis i'll take care of ya. aww.
you know aye, ytd, i noticed tht two ppl i see everyday were not at their usual spots.
before my mia week aft the cheering comp, i always see this mcrider sleeping on the couch at the cc, and this man who would read newspaper at the corner table on the outside of mac.
i see them everyday. i had wanted to blog abt them, but then some D-cube left me behind and made me so damn unbothered to even turn on my comp.
so anyway, i see these two ppl everyday when i'm walking to the bus stop in the morning. at the usual spot. i had wanted to blog abt whether they notice me like how i notice them.
right now, i can only blog abt how i noticed them not there. both of them . two mornings in a row alr. it seems strange, for some reason, altho they are just strangers.
o well. they'll be back in their usual spots by tmrw morn, i hope.
i no longer see the kid who reminds me of jeremy, i saw him everyday at the bus stop last time. i thought he was younger than me til my first day of sec 3, when i saw him again and he was wearing long pants alr. so i was like, o okay he's like, the same age as me.
and i guess he was from the express stream since i no longer see him .
so here i am uploading another AVSSS and i'm like WOAH! the rate is faaaast. it's been only, like, 10 mins? and 41% has alr been uploaded.
holy firetruck, it's fast. this is amazing.
so. when am i gonna film shit for re:the world calling, you ask? maybe aft i have gotten over my fear. or maybe aft i revert back to normal and those ghosts of mine dont exist anymore. or maybe if he comes back .
and now i am listening to a song called Blu by the one and only There For Tomorrow, the only song in the world which can make you think of your previous boyfriend and the love of your life at the same time when you're finally with the latter.
you should listen to it, maika's voice is amazing, o bloody hell .
i felt a hand warming deeper under. it always makes me wonder was it you?
i met somebody else. oh, the pressure i fell under.
it felt an awful lot like it was you.
was it you who caught my attention? was it you who showed your face anywhere but here?
it means a lot. i kinda deciphered its meaning some time ago, when D-cube and i havent been tgt for even a month yet.
oh, the pressure i am under.
i think i know why the uploading speed is alluring today! maybe cause im not in the usual place tht i sit at whenever i'm on the comp. i think so .
i'm scaling half the ocean, burying your name, but i find the seas are frozen, aft coming all this way.
ya lor, douchebag.
just like how you pressed the button and then jaywalked and made all the cars stop even when there aint anyone crossing alr.
fourteen years of sorrow.
he gave one to two of bliss.
left her in the narrow,
aft giving one last kiss.
and more than a year ago it had been sixteen months of sorrow.
she got three to four of bliss.
he left her in the narrow
aft sharing their first kiss.
yeah, bloody hell. yeah, D-cube.
holy firetruck, this is one long post. isnt it? started blogging two hours ago, and have been just, writing and writing and writing. and, uhm, typing. yeah , typing.
what ya gonna do when the whiskey aint workin no more, huh? huh huh huh?
Hinder asked.
o gosh i am so bored....
where had i been a year ago?
20th march 2011.... hmm... o i rmb, went to shushan's house. was supposed to meet muzzy malek aft tht but i got lazy. 19th march, went to art science musuem with the art peeps. 18th march, idr.
17th, went to sch to do art. 16th, too. with pearl . 15th, went to bedok with mom and naz to meet grandpa for his 80th birthday.
so this thing with dates. it's kinda cool really, but the thing is, now every little number you see will remind you tht, all you had are all gone now.
i also dont rmb how i had gotten to like the number 109. smth to do with ryan i think. ryan teow. had thought of this number eons before i met the D-cube.
holy shit, cepatnyer. the viddie has been uploaded yaw.
there we go, enjoy. i'm too lazy to explain what it means, but you should get the idea of it roughly.the first segment's the memories of E'indah. and the god-bro.
and then we move on to the wrister girl's , all tht she went thru and put up with when she was with the mki.
i love the pic at 2:46 . hahahahhaha , so sexy.
damn. i am bored.
october 2010. E'indah transforming into the wrister girl alr.
tht douchebag was selling his little sister to buy a girlfriend with the money .
a quick update !
guess where i am gg now?
got a text from cousie at 2 am this morning. i think she uses the comp aft everyone in her house goes into slumber or smth, for all i've noticed. always texting me at odd hours abt stuff she read from bloggie.
anyhoos, she hasnt given up on me aft all.
shall share with ya my today once i get home.
p.s i think i've found a word to represent Goodbye like how Heidiho is my hello. idk, i might wanna rethink it and consider other options first.
got a text from cousie at 2 am this morning. i think she uses the comp aft everyone in her house goes into slumber or smth, for all i've noticed. always texting me at odd hours abt stuff she read from bloggie.
anyhoos, she hasnt given up on me aft all.
shall share with ya my today once i get home.
p.s i think i've found a word to represent Goodbye like how Heidiho is my hello. idk, i might wanna rethink it and consider other options first.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
gastric discomfort/distension .
i think i know what the dream was tryna say, the part where i was falling off the pole.
"wrong time to be nadhie", because it was the time where i needed help, but nadhie had chosen not to have any friends.
and the fact tht i was helping to paint the ite. if i dont pick myself up now, i'm really gg to screw up my o levels. altho it's been eons since education had been the last thing on my mind.
and if i dont start gg out to film more shit, i'm just gg to remain an AVSSSer for the rest of my life.
o how i love walking, i think i wanna go to the zoo again someday, on my own. a solitary escapade. how i wish i have enough stamina to walk the country someday.
i lack backbone. in more ways than one.
hmmm, as you can see i dont have much to say right now.
i forgot to mention, during the dream i had last night/this morning, the first dream i had abt D-cube. when i was running away from him, i was really running.
like, ive never ran like tht before. i didnt stop, and i was fast. i rmb him shouting behind me, "wow, you're running really fast! wait, i just wanna talk to you!"
and the classroom scene, there was another part where we were asked to take out our holiday homework. and then the teacha said, "if those who were supposed to pass the absentees didnt pass, please pass them now."
and then everyone was chucking pieces of worksheets in my face. damn, i loved tht part. damn cute.
yes, bits and pieces will always come one by one when trying to rmb dreams.
i have got medicine for "gastric discomfort/distension" . think i shall bring it to sch tmrw.
sabrina tagged us in a clique photo from 2010. it hurts to know tht she still has hope for me, when i've alr made up my mind to leave them. part of me wants to stay with them, but then again, who is this 'me' ?
can i ask you smth ?
why are people so heartless?
isit cause they lost it? their heart, i mean. tht's why they're heartless, i guess. maybe.
i hate the fact tht here i am ruining my own life when there he is, gg on with his, so damn unaware of the pain he caused me. God. kill him alr .
then again, he's still the most handsome boy i've ever met.
tho he fucked me up real bad.
but i still love him.
i hate him .
i love him.