We are always lost in our own worlds, head in the clouds, caught in daydreams. Maybe we do it subconsciously, for a moment, like how we'd suddenly feel like there's something wrong with the way we walk, or if there's a tuft of hair sticking up at the side of our heads.
Sometimes I get reverse claustrophobic, if that's the right way to describe it. I think about how huge this world is, and how tiny I am in comparison. And I want to say I'm insignificant, but I can't. I have a whole entire universe in my own head. We all do.
Your thoughts, the dreams you have at night, your memories, the song lyrics that randomly pop into your head, the scenarios you create that you know would never happen. Gosh they make you, you. They make me, me. And I have
When somebody dies, a whole universe dies with them. Outside your body life goes on as it always does but everything in your head is gone. When you think about jumping off a ledge, a whole world is crushed together with your head. When you think about shooting your brains out, there goes a universe, splattered on the wall behind you.
And you could have written diary entries and blog posts every day of your life, taking down the things that happened and the theories you came up with, but it would never even begin to cover the universe that is in your head.
Truth be told right now, I can't really tell if the world in my head is great, or toxic. What happened to just hating my physical being, just wishing I had a different body and face? I became a girl who wishes she has a whole entirely different brain instead.
There is nothing beautiful about being sick, and this world has become dimmer over the years and I can't bring myself to care about the other humans suffering out there because I have my own head to take care of. And it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, and I can't tell if I'd been too stupid or too intelligent for school my whole life. There is a universe in my head, just the same as a life growing in a womb.
No comments:
Post a Comment