I used to be someone who would look out the window to the outside world but not actually stepping out.
Too afraid to take chances, too afraid to admit I like something.
Keeping it to myself or going around it quietly without wanting anyone to see, even if I'm good at it.
Covering up my feelings by saying stupid stuff half the time.
Disappearing and appearing, like how the moon is sometimes full and sometimes new.
I am now a Leila, a flame with all the hope in the world.
I am someone with a destination but relishing the moments of the journey.
Entering and exiting the lives of many different people, making negative and positive impacts.
Giving all my time and effort for someone who isn't going to be a permanent comrade.
Inspiring others and ruining others' lives just as much, receiving happiness and anger.
Getting lost in order to find what I'm looking for.
When I die, I wish to be a Lauren, a name that lingers.
I wish to be someone who is loved by those who matters.
A tune that plays in people's heads, filling them with regret for the unexpected loss.
Words that spill out in sadness and grief, inflicting the magic of letting go.
A person that not everyone knows even exists but is remembered by those who do.
A song that would mean a lot only to those who truly understand it.
____
Leila is a character in a road trip book, driving endlessly and still looking for her purpose.
Lauren is a song about a girl who died in a car crash.
Even though they have nothing in common, 3 completely different people far apart from each other, I can't help but link them this way. Like they're the perfect examples of the stages of life. And yes, everyone is a Leila right now, at least until they die.
I really need to find something to do other than coming up with these far-fetched philosophies, oh my god.
[Leila is from Let's Get Lost by Adi Alsaid; the song title is Lauren's Song by Breathe Carolina.]
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