Diary of the coldest girl

Monday, 30th June. 

The cold has been getting to me. I'm wearing a cardigan atop my black jeans, but I'm still freezing. Even my fingertips aren't spared; they poke out of my sleeves a little, and that is enough to send an army of shivers up my arms.

It started this morning when I was on my way to the bus stop. There I was, waiting for the traffic light to turn green, when I felt a sudden gash of cold. I shivered, wrapped my arms around me and prepared for the next cold hit, but nothing came.

The classrooms had seemed colder than usual, and even my usual spot at the library was unusually cold.

Here I sit on the MRT, on my way home to Pasir Ris. I still feel cold, and for some reason nobody else seems to be feeling it. I watch a girl opposite me take off her jacket, like she's just started to feel too warm. Meanwhile, I shiver from another sudden jolt of cold.

Tuesday, 1st July. 

I've dug out and washed the hoodies I'd worn from years before, and I decide to wear one of them. It's been a while since I wore one; this one's a little small but it'll do. I want to be prepared for any sudden cold today. It should be better than my thin cardigan.

The bus ride to school is cold enough with the strong air-conditioning and the fact that it's 6 in the morning, and there's no sun. I repeatedly pull my sleeves to cover my hands up to the fingertips but to no avail. Another harsh day in the cold lies ahead for me, it seems.

And I'm right. The first thing that greets me in the classroom is a strong hit of the air-conditioning. I manage to survive the first class, but the torment just continues in the one after. Even on other days, this particular classroom has always been cold. Now it just feels ten times worse. I can hardly concentrate, so I decide to sleep through.

I have a 3-hours break after this class, and I head on to my usual spot in the library since I'm not having lunch. [it's the fasting month.] It's the last desk in a row of three, among the many rows of desks. It's always been cozy enough for me, but these past two days... Not so much.

I try to ignore the cold, and it works for some time, but about half an hour before my next class starts, I start to shiver like mad. It goes up my arms and down my whole body, and I can't stop myself from jerking in reaction to the cold. Even the heat from my laptop's charger is not enough to help me regain composure.

It doesn't get better during the last lecture. Just a few seconds in the classroom, and I start to shiver again. My seat is near the source of the air-conditioning for this class, but it's never been this cold! And even with my thick hoodie...! I get up, out the door, and stare at myself in the toilet mirror.

I get back to see that every other kid in class had gotten themselves something to eat. A can of Pringles there, a wrap of the sandwich I like there, and I need not see what the rest are eating, because the mix of scents in the air already tells me. I'm starting to crumble and it's only the third day of the fasting month.

I fall asleep for the rest of the lecture, trying my damndest to ignore the cold that continued hitting me even with my arms wrapped around me and my backpack.

I take the MRT home again because I don't want to suffer in the cold during my usual long bus journey. It's the first time I'm dreading being on a bus. God. I just want to go home and curl up in a ball under my blankets.

Wednesday, 2nd July.

I've ditched my hoodies and decided to wear a warm knit sweater today instead.

It still feels weird that nobody else seems to be feeling this sudden harsh cold the way I do. I can't help but to take it personally, like the element of ice has taken a dislike for me, or the sun doesn't want to be my friend anymore.

The cold still attacks me on my way to school. The sun is out today, and I bare my arms to catch a glimmer of its warmth through the window; still, the cold wins.

I leave school at half past 3 and arrived at Paya Lebar station an hour later. I sit on a bench, sighing, and rest my chin on my hand. The lady beside me stands from her seat, though no bus is in sight. She's decided to stand toward the back of the bus stop instead.

Seconds pass and more people do the same. I start to wonder what's amiss, and I realise it's because the sun was at its peak, blazing hot, directing right at the benches on the bus stop. Directing right at me.

I stare at the sun for a while, before I look away and blink my eyes. By this time, I'm the only waiting passenger who is seating on a bench; everyone else has taken shade at the back of the bus stop. I grin and face back towards the sun, soaking in all of its heat. When was the last time the sun touched me like this? It feels so good.

I visit Paya Lebar for a while before heading off back to Pasir Ris, where I'm currently staying at.

And I discover the weapon against the cold; the warmth of a home. The ice that I felt on my body the past three days fades with each minute I sit beside my granny, with one of the cats on my lap.

____

The past 3 days, I've felt nothing but cold, the moment I stepped out of my Pasir Ris housing estate on Monday morning. Gosh, you have no idea how horrible it was... I swear, even my fingertips felt like icicles, even when I was outside an air-conditioned room/bus/MRT.

I didn't feel sick, I just felt cold, so unusually cold, all over and under my skin. It was probably the weather, but I love the fact that the sun decided to shine upon me only when I was in Paya Lebar. Doesn't that mean something.