Thank you for the smiles of 2013

2013 was like the light at the end of the tunnel; the tunnel being the dreadful year of 2012. I've met so many people, although to have made space for these friendships I had to let go of some. I let go of the past, of a family, of previous classmates; nevertheless I'm really thankful for everyone who has made my 2013 wonderful at respective points of time.

These people are the ones who had made my first few months in Ngee Ann Polytechnic wonderful; they had eased the transition of my loneliness in sec 5 to a new school in year 1, and for that I am really thankful.

Thank you Shafiq for making me laugh all the time in class just by being yourself, even when I was in a horrible mood. For sharing a few interests as me and for drawing little cartoon versions of me. For being there to encourage me because we were in the same boat, detesting engineering. We may not be in the same class anymore but I'm gonna work hard this time so your words won't be in vain.

Thank you Qi Hong and Edwin for being a hilarious pair, Qi Hong for your contagious laughter and Edwin for your lame jokes [which nevertheless never failed to make me laugh] and disturbing Qi Hong. For helping me when I have questions in class and being patient with me til I got it.

Thank you Hadi for the occasional encouragement texts, and asking me how I am, although I never got the chance to get to know you better.

Thank you to the guys of my IJ group, Hidir, Fadli and Zul, for making me laugh til I had stitches on that one day of our groupwork. For disturbing me, not treating me like a stranger or being awkward, for making me feel better about myself. To Hidir, for sharing a common interest in traveling around the country.

Thank you Aiman for noticing me on the third day of school, for saying I was pretty and having interest in me. For inviting me to the dance party though I backed out because of my social anxiety.

Thank you to the few friends I'd made in Photography, Stacy, Derrick, Hanyi, the few sessions we had together from the very first day where we had icebreaking. Though I stopped going, and I don't contact any of you anymore and it's highly unlikely any of you would be reading this, I had lots of fun with you guys.

Thank you Malini for being the first and only constant friend from S&W. You were the kind of friend I had who I could look at, know what you were thinking, and we would laugh together. For listening to my lame jokes and laughing at the way I made a fool out of myself all the time.

Thank you Shafie first for letting me be close to you at the start, although you hadn't wanted me to. For letting me think that I'd been a good friend to you, for letting me bully you like I'd do to my little brother. For taking such a huge burden on your shoulders just by being friends with me [yet staying], and for being concerned for me all the time.

Thank you Susan for being the first person to ask for my name on the first day of school, for reaching out to me before anyone else did. For being the first person I'd revealed my scars to. For choosing to confide in me and sitting next to me in class even when I was a terrible student. For already being so heavily concerned for me within the first week, willing to hold a burden like me as your friend.

Thank you 1A1, for those times we all went for breakfast and lunch together, and played pool, and went for our lessons together.

The second semester got better, and I had to let go of the people from the first to make space for these few new, yet amazing, friends. Although some I did not see everyday; I cherished the few moments I had with them.

Thank you to my Comiss classmates for giving me that first spark of hope that school wouldn't be too bad after all. For making me giggle, for listening to my little speeches.
To Wani, for being the only other girl in class for me to make friends with, for helping me with the projects, for laughing together with me at the boys and having lunch with me every week.
To Shan, for sharing the common passion for writing and reading, for making me laugh by being annoying. For listening intently and being the biggest fan of my every speech.

Thank you to the few boys of my other classes, though I hadn't gotten their names. For joking around across the classroom, including me in to the laughters, especially EMPTS and Daeln Tutorial.

Thank you Loy for helping me in DAELN lab, and for giving me last minute tutorials for the theory. Although we aren't as close and we can't talk without a mutual friend connecting us; so I really hope when the term starts again I can get to know you better.

Thank you Faiz for being my partner in Programming class, for being my competition as a way of motivating me to do my work. For asking me questions and making me feel good about myself when praising me for my knowledge. For laughing together with me, reminiscing secondary school memories and bullying each other as way of acknowledging each other's presence.

Thank you especially Shi Hui for being by my side in every class since we shared the same fate, and for making sure I don't screw up this time. For letting me be myself, for accepting my silliness and just being my best friend for this semester, even though we weren't close despite being in the same class in Sem 1.

These are the people - old and new friends - whom I've only met a few times this year, once, or never at all, but I'm still thankful for our meeting, what little bond we've had so far. Maybe they've cheered me up over a tweet, or a few comments on Instagram. Whatever it was, may we get to know each other more this year. 

Thank you Danny for taking the initiative to talk to me on ask.fm, for having such courage to directly message me admitting it was you. For telling me the problems you had, for giving me the hope that I could have been a light at the end of the tunnel for you. And I'm sorry, because I hadn't managed to fulfill that.

Thank you Nazirah for direct messaging me on Twitter regarding my blog post about my elder brother, for telling me your own pain. For being an inspiration by the way that you kept your talent to yourself and remained humble about it.

Thank you Nura for the very first tweet you had sent to me, telling me randomly that you enjoyed my blog. For choosing my Tumblr to tell your problems too, though I hadn't helped much. For sharing a common love for Pokemon, for making me your inspiration for blogging.

Thank you Eidhan for your occasional random tweets, and also retweets, which always make me laugh. For messaging me on the day of my drunk tweets, asking if I'm okay.

Thank you Dianna for calling me beautiful, and for that one time you tweeted to me a goodnight before you went to sleep. For calling me and my boyfriend cute when you saw us kicking each other's butts. I'm sorry I hadn't been able to get to know you better.

Thank you Azim [only known as Metal Petals before I knew his name] for that one tweet to me, laughing at me for my typos when I was so upset and not giving a shit about what I was tweeting. I actually looked back to my previous tweets when you mentioned to me, and I couldn't help smiling at my little silliness, even in the midst of crying. [this was in Jan 2013 and I doubt you'd recall, but I do]

Thank you Ashikin [a fellow There for Tomorrow fan] for never talking to me before but recognising me that one time you saw me at Jurong East, for taking initiative to tweet to me telling me. For being a fellow fan of There for Tomorrow, may we link our hearts by listening to the same band in the future hehe.

Thank you Qianying and Phyllis, for taking initiative to plan an outing for us, for bringing us to Eat, Play, Love for dinner and photos. For treasuring our friendship although we had shunned you back in secondary school.

Thank you Wai Kit for being the senpai that you were from five years ago, teaching me the few things of life especially poly issues. For encouraging me to go ahead with my new interest of engineering, helping me find a route through it.

With my new relationship of 2013, came lots of amazing friendships; his secondary school classmates and current friends from the Choa Chu Kang college. Although I feel ashamed for stealing his friends because of the fact that I didn't have my own, I cherish the friendships I'd made throughout the time with him.

Thank you to the girls of his 2012 class, although I haven't gotten close to any of you, because I'd been told that you all wanted to make friends with me [I was too shy to make any first moves]. For inviting me on class outings, and I'm also sorry I never made it because of my social anxiety.
To Juyani for messaging me asking if I was alright on the day he and I broke up, for complimenting me on my Instagram pictures and making me so flattered.

Thank you to the boys of his 2013 class, for welcoming me at your school and letting me play soccer with you. To Farhan for making me giggle whenever he bullied the other guys, to Yazid for messaging me asking if I was okay when he saw my tweets, for treating me to Chicken Rice Shop.

Thank you Dina for giving me a nickname the day we first met, which no other people has ever called me before. I'm also sorry for not making it on time to watch your dance performance that night.
Thank you Diyanah for having such a nice and contagious smile, for giving me tweets of encouragement when I was on the slow road of repentance.

Thank you Zul for being an inspiration in my liking for roads, for sharing your music with me and letting me use your address for my parcel. For listening to the stories of my past and bringing me out skating.

Thank you Luqman for making me smile at my phone all the time with your random annoying texts, for making me giggle when you were with your best friend. For making fun of me for my pronunciation, for sharing your interests with me and letting me listen to your theories and stories.

Thank you Naqib for your lame jokes which still never failed to make me laugh. For sending me home after I'd gotten freaked out with a horror movie, for telling me that "If it's really your passion, you wouldn't care who reads your blog or not."

Thank you Merlissa for giving me so much advice over the course of our meeting, though I've always been too stubborn to heed. For taking me under your wing the very first day we met, for trusting me enough to confide in me about your own life. For coming down to Woodlands Waterfront and listening to my drunk talk and watching me cry, for being the first person I'd talk to when I have a problem with him.

Funny how the people I'd ended 2012 without, were there at the end of 2013. At the end of the year, I had written a post like this, with gratitude to those who shaped my 2012. I had ended the post with these people, with the caption "last but not least, there are those who were there for me, for as long as i can remember. but are no longer in my life anymore, now."

Now, the end of 2013; these are people whom I have longed for the longest. People who accepted me for who I am; they had left last year, but they came back. And for that alone, I am grateful beyond belief. 

Thank you Shushan for introducing all the jobs to me, for making sure I've got funds for myself. For having those free parties with me on Sunday mornings at the bakery, for being my support when we were getting told off by our lady boss. For being the source of our laughter on our clique outings.

Thank you Asleah for giving me a hug and saying "Welcome back." when we went out again after a long year of separation. For being the most annoying [unintentionally] and making me laugh alone all the time because of your tone.

Thank you Farizah for also giving me a hug when we met again, for being honest with me and telling me whenever you missed me. For being on the same boat as me and understanding my pain, wanting to change our fashion sense yet wanting to save money.

Thank you Pearl for listening to my heartbreak stories, for being a good host whenever we came over to your place. For always making time for us no matter how tough your schedule is, for being an amazing artist and blogger.

Thank you Sabrina for hosting our 5th Reunion Party, for looking at me with a weird look whenever I'm laughing to myself [which just makes me laugh harder]. For always giving time to layan me no matter how silly I'm being, for taking time out your busy schedule to make time for us.

Thank you Siying for being there all the time, for helping me with my fashion stuff, for the little shopping trips. For the constant advice though yes I am too stubborn to listen. For being the first to reach out to me again, for bringing me back into the clique because you had put away your pride for my sake.

Thank you 'Aamir for giving me hope that all is not lost. For returning me the love I had yearned for for so long before I met you, for helping me quit my bad habits. For never giving up on me no matter how many times I'd disappointed you, for wiping my tears no matter how many times I'd cried. For being an annoying faggot and an adoring darling at the same time.

Thank you my cousin Kak Siti for finding time to go on Johore trips with us, for making the choice of bonding with me every once in a while. For going shopping with me from H&M to bookfests, to Johore Bahru. For making me laugh by being annoying and bullying me despite the difference of a decade between us. For being the older sister I never had.

Thank you to my grandmother, aunt, and uncles, for giving me a roof over my head and being my family. For making me laugh every single day, for forgiving me no matter how late I reach home every day. For treating me like a best friend, for telling me all kinds of things you've seen on the news or on the net, making sure I'm able to laugh at what just made you happy.

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I know all those other bloggers are writing about what they had done or achieved in the year, or what they had learnt, but to me, these factors can be found in the friendships and acquaintances I had lost and made. I think that alone can describe what I have achieved in the year.

May my years of living continue shining through, continuing lighting up the very spark that had came in early 2013. People will have to come and go, friendships will have to be sacrificed, but nevertheless I am grateful for the meeting of every person in 2013 and the years to come; past, present and future.