A source of hope

I found a piece of hope.

When he left, he told me he lost interest in me. I wasn't moving him the way I had before. He'd seen all my tricks, whatever I'd had up my sleeve would be nothing special because he'd seen everything.

Two days after, I had gone back to my old house in Pasir Ris. It was a long year and then some, but I realised I still got along with my parents. The last time I cried to the faggot, he told me I should try to go back to them. I didn't want to, but he told me to just try. Look what I did. I guess it was mainly for him too, thanks to his words.

At first it felt like I was just a guest. A distant relative staying over for a few days. But time went on and I slowly felt like we were friends, just like how it was back in 2011 and beyond.

And then I realised, that you never knew me when I had my family. You never knew me when I was a Pasir Ris girl. You never knew the side of me that had my parents.

I told him this, I told him to give this one more chance because this was a huge piece of hope. With my parents around, I wouldn't be lonely, I wouldn't want to go back late feeling I was neglected at home, I wouldn't be hung up on him over Whatsapp because I would have them to talk to. I would be a different person. And he never knew this person. This side of me.

I'd have outings with my mom to share with you. I'd be gaming with my little brother because he forces me to, and I'd not be bothered when you were too hooked on yours. I'd have a kitchen and oven to cook and bake for you, which I'd never been able to do for you. I would have a bed and a desk, lesser things to complain to you about. I'd have a longer journey back from school, so I would want to hurry back and not ask you to stay longer whenever we go out.

I felt like it was my only hope that I was hanging on, it was a thread, yet it was a thick rope that could pull us up easily. I thought we could try. Just one more time; this time, I have my parents.

I'm sorry, but I just really like being with you. I really like getting irritated by you, and irritating you back in return, and forcing you to go shopping with me til your face is all sulky. I'm sorry that I hadn't managed to make you keep your feelings for me, but I'm so, so, so willing to keep trying for you, to keep working on that.

If you would just say "Ugh, fine", just a simple one like that, I'll be the happiest girl in the world because then I'd have a grandma, my secondary girlfriends, my parents, and you, which is the best family ever!