This god-damned loneliness

I fucking swear everything and everyone is pissing the fuck out of me right now. I'd woken up late today, and was forced to take a cab to school. There goes 20 bucks, though I'm glad I met this taxi driver. Shall talk about him and our conversations some other time.

For now, I really mean it when EVERYTHING IS PISSING ME OFF. I keep getting typos when I'm texting and typing, and it just drives me crazy to have to push backspace every damn time. And now there's something fucking wrong with my backspace button on the keyboard. It doesn't fucking delete quickly when I hold the damn button what the fuck.

And there's also the damn Internet. I swear, all my life in NP I've never had any damn problems with the Wifi. Never. And I mean it when I say never. It's always been super quick and shit. Now even my damn 3G is faster than the Wifi, and this has never been the fucking case.

Maybe it's because I'm hungry. Yep. BUT WE ALL KNOW I HAVE NO FUCKING FRIENDS IN FUCKING POLY. To eat alone is easier said than done, especially if you are me. It hurts. I'd asked Shi Hui to eat with me but apparently she just wants to rush home as quick as possible... It's 12 noon. Not midnight.

Would love to make friends with one of 'Aamir's guy classmates from secondary school because we seemed to share many interests. But of course the boyfriend doesn't allow it. It's not okay when this classmate of his has the same liking of traveling around the country, when he himself never has time to go further than the West with me.

Started off this post with everything pissing me off. Now I'm just feeling sad.

Am I not fated to make friends, or to keep friends? I want to make friends with girls too but it's so hard, because they always seem a league higher than I am. I know I'm weird, I know I'm not as girlish as you guys but hais.

Maybe if I hadn't screwed things up in Semester 1 I'd still be with Susan and Shafie right now. If I'd studied hard I'd be with Susan, and even if I hadn't, I'd still be close with Shafie right now because most of our current classes are together too. I miss them. I won't admit it, but I miss being with them.

The only people here in poly I'd consider friends are probably just the handful of my Comiss classmates. Still, there are problems because they all probably have their own cliques in school, and we most likely don't have lunch at the same time anyway.

This god-damned loneliness. I have 'Aamir, I have Siying and the rest of the girls, I have Luke whom I'd just forgiven yesterday, but I'm still feeling so fucking lonely. I wish I have a friend who would travel the country with me. I'm sorry to say this but I need someone to take 'Aamir's place in this, because he just never brings me around. I'm travel-deprived, I need to move around please.

Would take this chance to write a little something to a little someone, who reached out to me a few months ago only to just push me away. I get that you just don't want to get too attached to someone because you'll end up hurt. But why didn't you think of me? You actually have the heart to hurt me in order to save yourself? Are you not grateful there's someone here who actually wants to know you better?

Sigh this god-damned loneliness.