When Happiness and Pain sit on a see-saw

This other day, I was at Clementi Mall with 'Aamir, when he asked me if I would buy him cookies. He's liked these certain cookies since forever, but they're a little on the pricey side. I told him I couldn't buy those for him because they were expensive, and he immediately said it's okay, with this sad look on his face.

I felt bad after that, and I said okay I'll buy them for you, with sincerity yet with pain in the heart thinking of the money I'd have to spend. Ever get that feeling before? When you really don't mind, yet it hurts you to do it, because of a certain personal problem?

This may seem unrelated, and totally off from the above; but this whole thing with 'Aamir and his cookies reminded me of my mother. The way she'd happily buy me things even though she didn't have enough for herself, the way my happiness came before her financial difficulties.

I still remember how I'd always throw a tantrum when she wouldn't buy me a book [Mary-Kate and Ashley books that were probably only S$6.95 back then], until she had to give in. I'd feel happy, yet I'd feel bad, deep inside. Maybe she was also happy to buy what I want, yet reluctant because of the fact that she'd spent her money on something unnecessary.

Even when I'm happy here to be with my grandma and the cats, sometimes this part of me wants to go back to the house in Pasir Ris, and be okay with my parents and brothers again.

If you can't relate, then to make it easier I guess it's like when you have lots of money and you buy so many clothes on impulse, and then when you think about it, you're like, I'm happy with my stuff but all that money... And also like how you'd feel when you break up with someone; It's better this way, but now I don't have a special someone anymore. No?

I can't explain this tug-of-war feeling between your happiness in achieving something, and the reluctance of the sacrifice you had made to get it.

In a way it is.

Some people have no idea how fortunate we Singaporeans are in terms of transportation. We have buses, MRTs, cabs. Sure, sometimes these services get cocked up, but at the end of the day they'll always be there to bring you place to place wherever and whenever.

In my years of living here, I've experienced all kinds of things on these transports. I became fascinated with MRT lines, I got amazed with the views and journeys on long bus rides. And the one from childhood: taxi drivers' stories.

My mom took me out on taxis a lot. To and fro all kinds of places. I've met so many kinds of taxi drivers, and the best one from my childhood was this Chinese one who talked about how much he respected Malays. He was the one who taught me to pronounce Elias the Malay way.

All my life I've listened to their stories, about history in the country and recent news, but I'd never met any taxi driver who listened to mine. Last week I overslept, and because of that, I had to take a cab to school. It was an Indian man, who winded/wound [not sure of the past tense of 'wind down'] his windows to ask where I wanted to go, and only taking me in when I told him to Ngee Ann Poly.

The first question he asked me when I was seated was what course I'm in. Of course, the most dreaded question in my poly life. I straightout told him I was in Engineering, thinking that he was gonna be wow and such amaze and shit. And yep. He was. He said, "Wow, a girl in Engineering!"

But after that, he asked me if it was really my interest at all. I said no. He told me he knew it, and that he knew how it must feel like. He didn't have any interest in Engineering either, but he coped with that shit just for his diploma; because that's when you can really go for whatever you want.

"I wanted to be in Media, but my O Level results were not good enough for that.", I told him, and he said, "No, darling, it doesn't yet matter what you want. Now, since you are in Engineering, you cherish your spot in this course and study hard to get your diploma."

"With a diploma, a huge part of the battle has been won. After that you can go for your Media, no problem", he said. "And it's better if you have a diploma, so you don't have to depend on men when you're married! If the man wants to divorce you, so be it!, you can depend on yourself for money because you can find work on your own!"

He told me as long as there's passion, you'll be able to do anything.

But for now, since this is what I'm in, I've just got to study harder than I've ever loved my passion.

You may think it's nothing much. But to me, it means more than you imagine. It's something I should have known from the very start. Something I should have drilled into my head along the way of the past half a year or so. And the way he said it, made it seem like this is my battle in life.

This god-damned loneliness

I fucking swear everything and everyone is pissing the fuck out of me right now. I'd woken up late today, and was forced to take a cab to school. There goes 20 bucks, though I'm glad I met this taxi driver. Shall talk about him and our conversations some other time.

For now, I really mean it when EVERYTHING IS PISSING ME OFF. I keep getting typos when I'm texting and typing, and it just drives me crazy to have to push backspace every damn time. And now there's something fucking wrong with my backspace button on the keyboard. It doesn't fucking delete quickly when I hold the damn button what the fuck.

And there's also the damn Internet. I swear, all my life in NP I've never had any damn problems with the Wifi. Never. And I mean it when I say never. It's always been super quick and shit. Now even my damn 3G is faster than the Wifi, and this has never been the fucking case.

Maybe it's because I'm hungry. Yep. BUT WE ALL KNOW I HAVE NO FUCKING FRIENDS IN FUCKING POLY. To eat alone is easier said than done, especially if you are me. It hurts. I'd asked Shi Hui to eat with me but apparently she just wants to rush home as quick as possible... It's 12 noon. Not midnight.

Would love to make friends with one of 'Aamir's guy classmates from secondary school because we seemed to share many interests. But of course the boyfriend doesn't allow it. It's not okay when this classmate of his has the same liking of traveling around the country, when he himself never has time to go further than the West with me.

Started off this post with everything pissing me off. Now I'm just feeling sad.

Am I not fated to make friends, or to keep friends? I want to make friends with girls too but it's so hard, because they always seem a league higher than I am. I know I'm weird, I know I'm not as girlish as you guys but hais.

Maybe if I hadn't screwed things up in Semester 1 I'd still be with Susan and Shafie right now. If I'd studied hard I'd be with Susan, and even if I hadn't, I'd still be close with Shafie right now because most of our current classes are together too. I miss them. I won't admit it, but I miss being with them.

The only people here in poly I'd consider friends are probably just the handful of my Comiss classmates. Still, there are problems because they all probably have their own cliques in school, and we most likely don't have lunch at the same time anyway.

This god-damned loneliness. I have 'Aamir, I have Siying and the rest of the girls, I have Luke whom I'd just forgiven yesterday, but I'm still feeling so fucking lonely. I wish I have a friend who would travel the country with me. I'm sorry to say this but I need someone to take 'Aamir's place in this, because he just never brings me around. I'm travel-deprived, I need to move around please.

Would take this chance to write a little something to a little someone, who reached out to me a few months ago only to just push me away. I get that you just don't want to get too attached to someone because you'll end up hurt. But why didn't you think of me? You actually have the heart to hurt me in order to save yourself? Are you not grateful there's someone here who actually wants to know you better?

Sigh this god-damned loneliness.

In memory of my own prom nights

Last night was prom night for my pies Nura and Nazirah, judging from their Instagram photos, and tonight, by the looks of some tweets on my timeline, is the prom night for none other than my secondary school's 2013 graduates.

Here I am right now, not helping it, in the reminiscence of my own prom night memory. As someone who had taken O Levels in Sec 5, I'd gotten opportunity for two prom nights in secondary school. Heheh. *grins* I'm gonna tell you all about it now...

2011.

Of course, since N Levels had ended first, we NA and NT students of the 2011 cohort had had more time to prepare for this legendary night. Me and my 7 girls were pumped up for it; we had a rare outing of all 8 of us with the intention of getting ourselves prom dresses.

I wasn't very confident to begin with, but I'd gotten myself a dress that was way out of my league. God, I feel so embarrassed recalling this, remembering my excitement for something I shouldn't have been so pumped out about. UGH.

On the very day, I'd gotten help from Sabrina, who wasn't even going herself. Out of the 8 of us, only 5 of us made it to prom night; Farizah who didn't have anything to wear [for all I remember] and Shushan who had bought her dress but couldn't make it due to family emergency.

How I remember so clearly, how beautiful the other 4 of my best friends were. How beautiful they were, and how hideous I were. I swear, I fucking swear... I was utterly hideous. I'm not lying when I say I'm dead embarrassed by this memory. I feel like crying now.

Not only that. You see, at that time I was like the class videographer, recording memories and shit around 4/2 2011. I'd used all my footage from the year to make a video for that night, because all the classes had to make one to be shown on the big screen. How pumped up I was, how hard I worked on that god damned video.

And what happened? Two of my classmates from the other classroom clique had made their own, and our form teacher had used that to be shown on the screen. To think that I believed my form teacher when she said she liked mine and that she would use it. She was the one who asked me to make it anyway, after I'd told her my hobby of making videos. Their video was just a simple slide show anyway. Mine had footage which corresponded with a song that described us as a class, and even a speech from our class Chairman who had been the one to hold our class together the entire year.

You know how heartbroken I was? Well I'll tell you how shattered I was: 5 seconds into their video, I realised it wasn't what I'd made, and I broke down into wails that were loud enough to make everyone look at me. Exactly like a baby's wailing, except it was from this ugly girl in a hideous dress on her fucking prom night.

Don't let me go on to the dancing part please.

2012.

Aha. The lonely year. You can pretty much know what to expect from a socially anxious girl with no friends on her prom night.

First things first, I'd gotten into suspension nearly half the year, and because of this, the discipline master wouldn't allow me to go for this prom night. I didn't give a shit actually, until the time when the other girls from my 5/1 2012 had asked me to join them for recess.

Since then, I'd come to school more regularly and that was when my form teacher said that the DM was giving me a chance to go for my prom night.

Although I was starting to get along with the rest of my classmates, I still felt unsure about being at prom night with them. I'd heard that the girls from my clique [wasn't with them at the time] weren't going, I'd thought that without at least Shushan or Asleah there [despised Siying and Pearl then and didn't give a shit that they weren't going], I'd feel like crap with the rest of 5/1 which was pretty much their own clique.

Social issues weren't the only problem. There were also the scars. How hideous they made me feel, even if I could hide them. To think it was the last prom I could've gone to, not just prom but graduation night.

So there we go. Pretty much screwed the only prom night I'd made it to, and didn't even turn up for my real graduation night. Here I am now with more confidence than I'd ever had over the last few years, and only just regretting having not made it to the only times when I could have shone.

Even 'Aamir looked so handsome during his own prom night last year. Here he is being so self-conscious and shit but still having the chance to have looked so charming. There's Nura who I know has low self-esteem and still manages to smile and look gorgeous in all her prom photos last night.

I swear to myself, the next time there's a prom or a dance or whatever, I'm fucking going. Whether or not I've any friends or date to go with. And I'll make sure I'll stand tall with my chin up, because that's the only way to look stunning even with this ugly face and heart of mine.

P.s. you can find the Grad Night Vid Surprise For 4/2 video on Youtube.

Woeful Wednesday - Lost between the purple and red lines???

I'm sorry, I know nobody gives a shit but I'm sorry I haven't been writing in for a week T.T I've been busy with school, of course, ending at 5 every day and going home only to be too exhausted to turn on my laptop again.

O Levels are over aren't they! But I'm sorry my dear Natalee, I can't make a date with you anytime soon because of all these rubbish called homework and revision. Sigh.

Okay so yes, I end school at 5 every single day, except for Wednesday, which ends at 12. I've decided that Wednesdays shall be my travel days, because who the hell wants to go home at 12 in the afternoon? Okay tired people would. But not me!

Last, last Wednesday I'd gone to Bishan and took bus 54 [I think] to Far East Plaza. I'd wanted to go Woodleigh but there weren't any buses that specified 'Woodleigh Stn'.

And then last Wednesday I'd gone to Serangoon because someone had purchased my item on Carousell. Took a 52 to Bishan where I took a 53 to Serangoon, and don't laugh at me, but... I just found out that Ang Mo Kio is right next to Serangoon. WOW.

Right after trading the item for money, I still had free time so I decided to go Woodleigh. It's just one station after Serangoon on the North East Line, but we all know me. I was deadset on taking a full bus journey, so that was just what I tried to do.

I took bus 70 from Serangoon, because the board says it passes a "Gracehaven S Army". I automatically assumed it to be a Salvation Army thrift store, because the one at Upper Bukit Timah is called Praisehaven after all. I thought everything would go fine!

Well, and then I missed the stop. I had Woodleigh on my mind, but I realised that I was already in Yio Chu Kang territory. Do you know how freaked out I was!? Sure, I may be an expert in the North South Line, but damn! What the hell!? I was in Serangoon just a minute ago...!?

I alighted in the middle of nowhere and crossed the road to take the same bus back. I found the Gracehaven, but it turned out not to be a store. Sure, it was a Salvation Army building, but it wasn't a store. I just continued walking on ahead, until I ended up on a random avenue in Hougang ._.

It took me a while to surrender. I was so insistent on traveling by bus, and I was so damn determined to find Woodleigh station via buses. In the end I gave up, took 109 back to Serangoon and just took the MRT. Do you know how many pieces my heart had broken into when I tapped my Ez-link card on the reader!? Do you!?

When I got to Woodleigh, I made sure to see what buses stopped at that bus stop. And guess what? There was a bus 13. Which is a bus that freaking comes from god damned Bishan station. [not the Interchange, but the station outside Junction 8] Like damn!

I guess I have a lot to learn. But at least now I know that MRT Lines are not equal to roads! It's about time I travel the roads, and thanks to bus concession and my free Wednesday afternoons, I guess that's no problem at all!

As for the coming week, I've already made a few plans for different days. Pumped up for each and every one of them! Shall blog about my Carousell loots very soon. Have done a trade, have posted out a parcel for the very first time of my life thanks to the best friend Siying, and currently awaiting for my own parcel to arrive. Whoopwhoop!

I've had bad experiences with postage, even with registered mailing. I can never forget my Pikachu thumbdrives the most, because I'd gotten one for 'Aamir as well, only to be told they had been 'lost in the mail'. I never really trusted mailing after that. Now is my first time in a long time accepting it back into my life. Hope it doesn't screw up this time.

Sad parts of being tall

If you're a girl and I ask you what quality of mine would you like, you'd most probably say my height. Right? All my life I've always been getting remarks about my height, about girls wanting to be tall.

I've been tall all my life, even as a young primary schoolkid. I grow older and people tell me to be a model or a stewardess. But just so you know, being tall as a girl isn't as fantastic as you think.

Right from the beginning of primary school, I remember very clearly how the teacher told us to arrange ourselves from shortest to tallest. At that time I was the third tallest girl in class, and I was always put at the back of the line, or the classroom.

The first time we took a class photo in primary 1, I was always to be put at the back row. The photographer will be like, "Please arrange yourselves to your height.", and all the girls would immediately know to put themselves before me.

The problem remained even when I grew older. When I was in lower sec, there weren't many guys to crush on because all of them were shorter than me. When I got together with the guy whom I had a crush on since sec 2, everyone laughed because we didn't suit each other; he was a little shorter than me, that's why.

Even now in 2013, I still see many setbacks about being tall. My latest addiction to Carousell; the clothes there are usually secondhand, and selling because of reasons like "too short for me" or "too tight for me". Most of those girls are of average height or petite; if they can't fit, neither can I. I'd always have to ask for measurements and most of the time, it's still too short for me.

Even the preorders are tailored for shorter girls. I've tried to pre-order some tops before, and sadly they were of short lengths, and do not look good on me at all. You know the word singkat? As ugly as the word, that's how ugly singkat stuff looks on me.

Not many boys will like you if you're tall either. I guess guys just want girls shorter than them so they won't feel overpowered, and so they won't look weird together.

Yes I have 'Aamir, but even so, yes there are still sad parts of being tall. Girls like taller guys, so they can bury their face in their chests when you hug. I can't deny that I'd actually like that either. I do accept that 'Aamir is the same height as me, but I wish I can totally drown myself in his arms instead of having to hang my head over his shoulder.

And then there's the issue with heels. The only reason why I'm not used to them is because I don't wear them; but that's because of my height! I actually would love to wear heels! But with a clique of girl best friends of average and petite heights who don't always wear heels? No. With a boyfriend of the same height? No.

Even the fashion Youtubers whose videos I like to watch are petite girls. They're always giving tips about how to make yourself look tall, or other fashion ideas for petite girls. I need a fashion Youtuber who is 170 cm tall please!!!

And also. You can never be cute if you're tall. Or, you have to be cool/hot/sexy. Damn, Idk whether you agree but this is what my self-conscious tells me. I'm neither of that. It's hard. Here I am, standing tall but damn shy when I'm supposed to be standing proud with my head to the sky. But nope.

Yes, I'm 170 cm tall as of the last time I checked. I'd probably only get the chance to wear heels when 'Aamir has reached his full growth. Probably 3 years from now. I'm slowly learning to cherish my height, and be proud of being tall, as many setbacks as there are.

Miserable Monday - Rescued by the prince

Everyone hates Mondays. Well who doesn't????

Shut up. The answer is me. I like Mondays. 

____

3rd week of Comiss, my favourite module ever! Oh how I look forward to seeing Wani and Shan and everyone else again! I wake up half an hour earlier, do a little notifications check on my phone and get up to decide what to wear. 

I go for my shower first, before settling for my floral chiffon top with the usual black skinnies. Granny makes me hot Milo as usual, along with two pieces of prata. Damn I love prata!! I gobble everything up, despite knowing a stomachache will come, because I'm too excited for school! 

I let pass the fact that it's my first day of the time of the month. Little do I know, that this decision to wolf down breakfast like this would be the worst decision I would have ever made... 

The first few pangs come when I've boarded bus 197. I think I'm doomed, because it's a long journey ahead and there's like one and a half hour more to go before reaching the end. I try to comfort myself by popping in mints, by massaging my tummy, or simply diverting my thoughts. It helps. For a while. 

Trying to act normal and shit, I finally alight at Jurong East and try to walk to JCube. A few steps, and I find that my stomach is feeling better! What fuckery is this? I divert my way and head towards the CPF Building instead, where I can find POSB deposit machines. 

Everything is fine... Until I'm at the front of the line. Once again I try to handle the pain until I've deposited some tens of dollars I've saved, before hurrying back to JCube B1. What's with the two Jurong East malls having no toilets on the first floor?

Oh such pain! My stomach is in so much pain! I feel so miserable and angry at the same time, as I sit on the toilet tweeting. I lean back. I bend forward til my hair touches the floor. Finding positions to get that shit out is so intense.

Nothing comes out, but guess what? Instead of pooping, I get up, turn around and immediately vomit into the bowl. I get the urge again, but this time nothing except spit. And then again, this time a lot more vomit than before. It smells like prata in here! I knew eating breakfast is always a terrible idea!

I spit again, and this is when I find it difficult to move. My stomach pains restrict me from making a single move, because I will get the urge to puke again. I try to limit my movements, and it leaves only one thing to do, and that is, believe it or not: to call my boyfriend. 

So I do, I call the fag, and tell him or more like whine to him about what's going on. I don't usually make phone calls when I'm in a toilet cubicle, but here I am, slurring my words like I'm drunk, crying in pain, and raising my voice in frustration when he doesn't get what I'm saying. 

His last words are "I don't know what to do!" , right before I immediately hang up. 

I gather courage to get out, with the intention to lie down somewhere. At this point of time my vision is kind of corrupted, maybe from constantly turning my head upside down earlier. You know when you stand up too quick and the blood rushes to your head and you see stars? I saw those stars for about 2 minutes before they disappear and I can stand straight again. I settle in for the staircase lobby, where it was dimly lit. I find a corner, dumped by bag as a pillow and just crash. God. Why do you do this to me??? 

'Aamir calls. He asks me where I am, and he says he's ditched class and is on his way. God thank you God!!! Thank you for giving me such a kind boyfriend. What have I ever done to deserve this? I lie on the staircase landing, trying not to cry as other shoppers occasionally walk past. 

By the time he reaches I've already made my way out and to a seat on the first floor of JCube. He passes me a box of menstrual Panadols and brings me to NTUC where he buys me a bottle of mineral water. He makes me eat a pill in the middle of the way, insisting that I eat it before we make any other moves. 

Afterwards he tells me to eat and I protest, believing with all my heart that it was the breakfast which made me so miserable. He still insists, and although I've no appetite at all, I give in. 

He buys me McNuggets with hot tea, which I add 4 packs of sugar to. He goes back to being an annoying other half, and that's when I start to feel a little better. The stomach pains fade away.

I've already made an appointment at Lakeside, so he brings me. He and I are just being ourselves again, and I'm feeling so much better! Not only in my tummy but in my heart too awwww. And I manage to trip him like how he's always doing to me! I can't stop giggling. 

____

I like Mondays, yes. 

Though today was a little miserable at first [I swear the cramps were damn painful okay???], today's no exception. I like Mondays. 

Thank you for rescuing me today fag. You're such a kind person I don't even know where to begin. You skipped class and threw your money and face away to buy me menstrual pills, and you can even say "Nah it's my responsibility babe." Why did God send you to me when I'm such an asshole??? Ugh you're so awesome it hurts.

P.s. Still calling you Fag. 

P.p.s Love you (;

Alternate days' updates, and... PICTURES?

Hey there.

I'm in such a comfortable position right now, I don't think I'll complete this post very soon. I'm just slacking here on my pillow, against my pile of clothes hahahahahah. Ha.

So where have I been? What have I been up to? Do you even care? Well, if you don't, then all the more reason for me to tell you! Wowowowowowoooopp!

Shall I tell you my entire week? Well, I suppose I shall. So bear with me. Or maybe I'm just gonna write about the alternate days. Yep. I don't remember what happened on Thursday.

The time now is 12:41PM. We shall see what time I end this post. I'm such a slacker.

Monday, 28th of October, 2013.

Jurong East. 

2nd week of Comiss. I must admit I was already looking forward to this lesson from the very first one. My comiss classmates are such wonderful people! If you remember the guy who held out his hand for the stapler and not for a handshake, yep his name is Shan. And yep he's one of my Comiss classmates.

Best part of that Monday was when Shan began singing suddenly, "Cause I don't wanna lose you now~" It immediately thundered loud right after that, and I was like, "Sial ah, you sing only then got thunder sia!" And I just couldn't stop giggling whenever I thought about the way he sang so horribly!

I met 'Aamir afterwards, we got burgers from Maccy D, sat down at the stairs by the station while I told him many more of the things which happened. And that made me so happy, to be able to tell him my day at school again. Don't even remember the last time I did that.

Oh and by the way, I'd worn a polyester maxi skirt on this day. On my own accord. Anyone proud of me yet?

Wednesday, 30th of October, 2013.

Pasir Ris / Jurong East. 

I'm just gonna skip out on Tuesday because I just had 2 hours of lecture and I went straight home afterwards, so nothing much really happened.

So! Wednesday! The day before, I'd gotten a call from my previous employer [employer really? I'm not sure what to label him] to come collect my cheque when I'm free. I decided to go on Wednesday since I ended school quite early.

Made my way all the way to Pasir Ris, where I took a bus straight to my old workplace, Tampines' retail park. Upon reaching the receptionist said he was out for lunch, so I thought I'd grab my own as well. But alas and alack, I bumped into him on the way out.

Blahblahbloo, he told me to wait at the couch on the 4th floor, and he came out some time later with a cheque. Here's where it gets confusing.

Shushan, who got me this job in the first place, had mentioned CPF. On my last few days of work, I kept counting and recounting the amount my salary would be, and I even subtracted off the CPF amount. It totaled up between the range of 650-700.

When he gave me the cheque, it had $707. I got confused, and I stared at it with this questioning look. The only thing that ran in my mind at the time was, "Why is it so much?"

So he asked me, "Wei, are you okay?", to which I'd answered, "I'm just not sure how to count the CPF."

It was his turn to get lost. He answered, "Oh no, you don't get CPF because you're not through agency. Shushan is, and that's why she has."

So I said, "Well if that's the case, then my pay should definitely be higher than this." [Yes people, I said that]

Blahblahblah again, and I told him that I've been counting my pay, and the salary I should be getting should definitely be more than $800. He brought me back to his office and that was when he saw the mistake: they had counted the hourly rate as 7 instead of the 8 that he had told me on the first day of work.

IN SHORT!, it was a wasted trip to the East.

I traveled back to the West afterwards, back to Jurong East where I met 'Aamir once again. We had an early dinner at Maccy D again, where as always he was irritating the hell out of me.

Afterwards I had to pester him to accompany me window shopping at Topshop because I've never shopped there before. I practically begged him and in the end he only gave me 5 minutes. Meh.

I just had to touch all the long-sleeved chiffon and knit and denim, I just couldn't resist. And I also had to put on every single hat in the store, my goodness! I want a bowler hat!

And yup. That was the end of our date.

Friday, 01st November, 2013.

Tampines / Choa Chu Kang. 

Oh yaaaay first day of the month yaaaaaaayyayyayayyyy.
Yay.

Okay so I had a long day at school. First class was at 8, last ends at 5, with a freaking 3-hours break in between. IT'S EXHAUSTING OKAY? I hate the long break. It's so damn redundant. But that's what I get for being a repeat student, so whatever.

I ended school half an hour earlier so I headed off to Dover to meet Shushan. Destination for the day was Tampines, because a Carouseller had purchased my H&M Stockings. Yup, yay!

But guess what? I was already nearing Simei when the buyer told me neither she nor her brother could make it to meet me. Being the nice person I am, I told her Oh it's okay, I was just passing by my home anyway, I'll just drop by here then. No problem. Because I didn't want her to feel bad.

IN SHORT!, another wasted trip to the East.

So 'Aamir had invited me to his school for the night, because his classmate Dina had a dance performance. The wasted trip to the East had eaten up my time, definitely, and as hard as I'd tried to rush, I didn't make it in time for her performance. I'm so sorry Dina.

I got lost in the school prior to that, and this group of two Malay girls and a Malay guy approached me and asked me for directions. We decided to go together and when we were waiting for the lift, the guy looked at me and said in a low voice to the girls, "Melayu eh?" the girls just shrugged and I heard one of them saying No lah. Well hey, if you are reading this, YES. MELAYU.

I had a merry time though. Idk about you guys but I think Malays are really talented in dancing.

'Aamir and I left early, along with his classmates Farhan and Marcus. While waiting for my bus, the fag kept pestering me to finish the cake that Yazid's mom had made. I pretended to scowl and told him I'd only eat it if he feeds me [just me being annoying, demanding things to irritate him], so he scooped up a whole bunch and told me to open my mouth.

I did, and Idk what happened, but he freaking slammed the cake at the side of my mouth instead. Cream was all over my mouth, and pieces of the cake had fallen to the ground and my freaking maroon jeans.

I really didn't know how to react, I mean, well. He's clumsy, so it could have been an accident. But he's also an asshole, which means it might be on purpose, knowing he'd probably had a mindset of "You want me to feed you, this is what you get muahahahah".

Either way, my reaction would still be an emotionless face because I'm used to it, along with a very pissed "'Aamir Kamsari." BECAUSE HE'S JUST NEVER SHORT OF HIS ANTICS.

But that's just what I like about being with him.

____

I guess that's it for now.

I've been browsing on Carousell a lot, and I've already confirmed wanting to purchase three items. Just today, I'd gotten three enquiries on three different items of mine. But they all decided to pass instead. Sigh. Still can't help getting excited whenever I receive Carousell notifications, yay.

And guess what! From now on, I'm gonna post pictures.
But still to keep in touch with myself, it's just gonna be a once-in-a-month thing. Perhaps a little bit of earlier in the month? Because I'm really excited to show you what I got on Carousell, that's why!

There're flea markets today, which sadly I can't make it to! [because I'm just lazy, so sorry] If you're wandering on the streets right now wondering where to go, try Suntec Convention Centre or Lucky Plaza Level 6.

I'm gonna head back to my endless scrolling through Carousell. How I hope people would buy my items T.T I'm on a journey to change my fashion sense, that's why.

Oh guess what! The time now is 2:41 PM. Two hours to write this post eh. That's slow.