I have recalled the dread of school.

I forgot that something called "school" existed. Along with this recollection, I've also remembered that there is such a thing as social life and studies. Well, fuck.

Today's the release of my end-of-semester exams. Alright, let's just rewind time back to those days.

I fooled around during the first few months of lessons, yes, I admitted, and I tried to change. I tried, by going through my notes and doing the tutorials which were due ages before. I went to the school library for my own solitary study sessions during study break.

I thought I tried. I thought I really did. And you know, I felt satisfied with what I had done for Engineering Maths [EG1]. I knew it wasn't the best, but it was my best. To think that I had failed, straightout.

And what am I going to tell my aunt? At times like these I wish it was my parents I am dreading to reveal my results to. Because my parents wouldn't care, so they wouldn't be disappointed. Yes... If you want someone to care for you, you have to be prepared to go through the feeling of disappointing someone.

I just hope Mendaki doesn't take back their financial support... My aunt took the effort to persuade them to support me in my studies because of our money issues. Sigh. I am sorry. I really am.

Next... there is the social life.

Whether or not I was being myself, my classmates don't seem to accept me anymore. Maybe they all prefer my classmate, the first girl I had made friends with back on the first day of school. Yes, I get that she's a friendly and wonderful person, and I'm not... I wish I can be like her too. Yet, I don't. Because I want to be accepted for who I am.

I dread to see the faces which I had thought I loved; my Poly classmates. I went through my first semester believing with all my heart that Ngee Ann people are nothing but stuck-up. I wish I can change this view. But I can't, after what I've been through. How I wish I can live in the fantasy that my classmates are actually the prince and his classmates. I'm so grateful to have known them all, and they regard my presence way better than my own classmates.

Future problems aside, hmmm. It's yet another lazy day. I woke up to my phone vibrating like mad; it was the prince calling to say good morning. How honoured can I get? Part of me wishes this would go on forever; that he wouldn't rely on Whatsapp for communication between us even after he gets his Internet back.

He hasn't called again since that call though. He said he'd probably get his Internet back after Friday prayers. Even if not, I'm sure he would have called me by now. I wish I have a Pidgey to send a message to him.

P.s. I love writing this way. I feel so free, without meeting the expectations of society which probably never existed in the first place. And I've decided whether or not I want to put anymore pictures: the answer is no. Because I am still dead-set on being focused on for my words and not my looks. [if I even had any hahahaha ok]