shh, i'm here to blog now, thank you for your patience.
so we all had our O Level results some eons ago, and despite not having reached anywhere near my initial targets, i'm proud of whatever i'd gotten.
and according to Mrs Chew, i was her only student who had gotten a distinction for English {:
first person i called was Black, who surprisingly answered, and when i told him about my English, he went, "see... i knew you could do it..."
i was about to recite the scores for the rest of my subjects but he cut me off; "i'm kind of busy now." and just as suddenly as he had came, he was gone. as always.
went to Sabrina's house to change because i had came from work so i had clothes other than the school uniform [which i dread wearing].
Granny called to say that Mother was at Guilley, so i decided to stay out til she'd gone home. i went on a solitary escapade to the airport and got myself donuts while writing in my diary.
i gave Syamirul a call and told him my L1R4. he agreed with me about it being terrible, but when i told him my distinction for English, he exclaimed, "wow congrats man, i'm so proud of you man!"
so i reached Guilley around 9, and i thought of running away when i saw Mother through the window. she was definitely there to know about my results, which i'd already decided some time ago never to reveal.
i showed my slip to my uncle first, and along came my granny who told me to just show Mother how good i had done.
i hung around in the kitchen with my uncle first, and along came Mother who announced that she was going, before turning to me and demanding, "where's your results? i want to see your results."
she was disregarded of course, until she got really pissed and started yelling for me to show her my slip. like she always does.
she continued screaming at me until i finally had the courage to answer, "you don't have the rights to know, because you treated me like shit during my O levels period right?"
she lost it, and shrieked, "i am your mother, E'indah. i am your mother!"
"yeah, so what the hell were you doing to me during that critical period?"
idk, she was totally losing it, and my aunt was screaming at her too. i don't want to go into the details too much but Mother ended it off by announcing that she was cutting off all ties with me.
all i could say was, "i thought you already did that a long time ago."
she started hitting me, and that was when my uncle stood up and said, "you don't have to hit her." they were all arguing, these siblings, about me, while there i was curled up in the chair with my uncle's arm around my shoulders.
i was so scared, i really didn't like the loud voices and i didn't want to remember everything they were saying. all i could do was run from the kitchen and hid in the room, and started crying.
when she was gone,... my aunt came and hugged me, reminding me "i'm with you."
came Saturday, my second off day, which i spent at the airport writing in my diary. Aamir came along and we sat at a ledge by the viewing plaza, talking about the least important things in our lives.
he sent me home; the very first time someone had bothered to send me all the way to Paya Lebar. it was a long bus ride on which he made me listen to his One Direction songs, that, according to him, reminded him of me.
it was raining and there were puddles everywhere, and as much as he was initially reluctant, we jumped in them, laughing, forgetting all our restrictions.
had applied for JAE at work, with Shushan coming to help me, a few hours before its deadline. a Malay lady came and saw what i was doing and she gave some last minute advice which actually did help.
just so you know, Shushan and i work in the same place {: she knew how i'd been stealing the food from the shop, but she still thinks i need to eat proper meals. she's always buying me mee soto, and she even knows how i don't want taugeh.
i've been pissing the lady boss off a lot as of late, and there was that one day when she was really angry at me over a misunderstanding. i gave a gloomy face the rest of the day and Shushan was sweet enough to try and cheer me up the whole time.
i love my job; i like being alone in the mornings. and when the lady boss or colleagues are around, there's always something happening which makes me laugh and giggle to myself even when the moment was long over.
okay, i just really dislike the miscommunication issues. every customer is always talking Chinese to me, though i really enjoy surprising the Malay ones by speaking the language to them suddenly.
i met one who knew at first glance that i was Malay, who cleared whatever doubt he'd had by asking, "Adek Melayu eh?" you can't imagine how blissful i had felt when he walked out of the shop, to the extent of repeating the sentence in my head over and over again.
as i'd mentioned, i've always been stealing the bread, particularly the hotdog buns; i really love those. many customers do so as well, apparently, because they're always selling like hotcakes despite the boss making dozens of them every evening.
there was this one morning with only one hotdog bun left, and i was about to take it for myself when i decided not to, for no apparent reason; as much as i did want to.
along came a little girl, who had this really sad look on her face... but when she saw that there was one hotdog bun left, she smiled to herself, took it and hopped to the counter where i was.
i was so proud of myself for having not taken that last bun. [though i still steal a lot of bread everyday]
and then there are the days with Aamir. we'd gone to Woodlands Waterfront last Thursday, after parting with his friend Nabil Smurf, who has this talent in making music. not bad at all.
once again, on the bus trip to WW, Aamir forced me to listen to his songs again. we bumped into a friend of his and i listened to their conversation which was so amusing.
Aamir stroked me on the head and said to his friend; "i care for her so much." that softened me; i'm not sure if that's the right word but i felt that way, you know?
it was freezing at the jetty [or whatever it's called] but i really liked being there. whenever you think there is nothing much to look at, expand your horizons and you'll discover abundant of things to see.
last Saturday was another off day for me which i spent at the airport with the main intention of blogging. but Aamir was so disruptive that i really didn't get much done. we managed to watch some Pewdiepie though!
so i decided to bring him to Orchard without telling him why. it was only when we reached Ion Orchard did i tell him i was bringing him to somewhere with ink, with the intention of letting him presume it to be a tattoo parlour. every step of the way, he was protesting against it and i was so amused!
well, it was a bookstore; none other than my good old friend {prologue}. i spent some eons there looking for books because there was a sale, and i ended up buying two {: despite the amount of unread books piling up at home.
we watched Mama yesterday, and it had a good story despite the unnecessary sound effects at some points of the movie. i liked that scene on the cliff with Mama on one side and Annabelle on the other, with the girls in between reaching their hands out to each other.
not only because it was picturesque in the sense of cinematography, but because it resembled my state as well; i've not talked to my brothers for such a long time just because of the tension between my parents and i. what right does the latter have to interfere in my relationship with my brothers?
i'm done here. for now.
and yes, my Axes. i'm together with Aamir. when we first started out, i had my doubts about him but we'd been spending so much time together that i feel i can let go of my past already. thank you Aamir, and thank you Axes for all the support, whether or not you dare show it.
and this is me.
i really can't smile.
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