The ocean and the moon.

Blue is one of the kindest boys i've ever met. when i first knew him, i hated him like hell for my very own selfish reasons. eventually i became more attracted to him more each day for those very same reasons.

he's always believed in me, though i don't know why. perhaps he also has some selfish reasons of his own. in any case, he had always been trying to put me back onto the correct path and he never seemed to be on the verge of ever giving up.

once or twice he would get tired of my bullshit and end off the conversation abruptly. but the very next day he'd be back and asking how i am again and shit. and then he'll go back to telling me the reasons why i should go back onto the correct path and stuff.

and then there is Black. he's supposedly a kind hearted and warm person as well, but only if you lit him up. otherwise he's just going to remain cold and aloof.

our relationship is a dark one, in so many ways, be it the past or the present. i'm not so sure about the future, whether or not we would still remain this way or something more. but either way, it wouldn't be hundred percent a "good" relationship.

he knows all the things i've done, too. he contributes to some of these as well in fact, and he never seemed to discourage it. having been friends with him since a few donkey years ago, i care for him a lot and i don't want to lose him.

this is not a choice between two guys, but a decision for my future.

if i choose to listen to Blue, then i will have to prepare myself to go through a dramatic change; something i should have been when i was born, but haven't been, for the whole 17 years of my life.

if i decide to stay with Black, then i'm sure to corrupt myself all the more. and being broken this way doesnt mean he would stay with me in the future too. he could leave anytime.

it feels like Blue is the angel, and Black the devil. even their colours represent their "roles" in this game; blue for the calmness, the patience, the purity. black for the darkness, the evil, the sins. seems like an exaggeration, but really.

i love Black, i'm sure you already know. but choosing to go with Blue would mean a love for myself rather than for the guy. for myself, and for God.

right now, i'm still bathing in the flames of the memories with Red. i'm going to be burnt into a crisp if i don't move away soon.